A Classical Lesson

"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." Matthew 25:45

He stepped on at 14th Street and stood silently anticipating the doors to shut out the white noise behind him. I met his meek eyes from across the subway car. He shamefully looked down and clutched the worn wool hat to his chest. I noticed his pale yellow button down was torn in a few places and the arms looked as though they had been dragged through the dirty puddles that gathered at the bottom of the station steps. His dated KSwiss sneakers were soaking wet. He couldn't have been over 20 years old. His unsteady voice was faint...

"Excuse me ladies and gentleman, I am a young opera singer. I am struggling terribly to keep my head above water and am in and out of homeless shelters. Please if you have anything to share, I would be gracious...This is Tchaikovsky."

This time he opened his quivering mouth and out flowed the most magnificent controlled sound you have ever heard. Opera on the 6 Local. Tears immediately rolled down my cheeks as I witnessed a usually stiff lipped jaded crowd reach inside their wallets and a look of complete compassion spread across their faces.

Humbled.

My feeling sorry for myself notes I scribbled on a napkin at work became a moot point. I am blessed beyond measure. I step over the garbage bags riddled with rats, have a coat for all seasons and every night come home to an over heated dry, comfortable bed.

I work six hours in a fortuitous back rubbing industry that thrusts people into wild success not based necessarily on ability, but on sheer luck. This real talent was down on his.

I rode one more stop, dropped a meager dollar in his hat, and again sang my praises of gratitude.

Do you think you have it hard?

Calvary's Tide

"The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt." Exodus 12:13

Yeah, I get it. It's not often I quote Old Testament as I understand the initial reaction it incites. But this glorious story in Exodus is the precipice for my faith and underlying proof that from Genesis to Revelation, The Bible tells the story of Jesus Christ. And since I was the butt of many "Jesus Take the Wheel" jokes Thanksgiving night, I thought it was appropriate to tell just exactly how long He has indeed been driving.

Now, every Jesus Christ believing Christian remembers the time they surrendered their life and control to the Lord and the immediate peace that overcame them.

I don't remember hearing the Passover Story for the first time but I will forever remember its impact...as mine is as vivid of a memory as if it happened this morning....

I'm sitting up erect on my Great Muppet Caper sheets in southern Indiana, restlessly looking out at the wind blowing the six acres of deep dark woods behind our house on the hill. I'm seven years old, shaking uncontrollably with doubt and fear. My crippling concern was that the Angel of Death would pass over our stand alone home and the blood of the sacrificial lamb would not be displayed on our wooden door frame.

For a little girl, the terror of dying is incapacitating. I close my wet eyes and tell the Lord I love him and ask Him to please come into my heart and protect me and my family.

With that the wind ceased, my heartbeat slowed, and a beautiful hushed stillness took over...

"For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:17

Sitting in City Light Church service, the pastor only needed to mention the Blood of Jesus and my worries, woes, anger, and angst of today were perfectly pacified.

-There is Power, Power, Wonder Working Power

In the Blood of the Lamb.

There is Power, Power, Wonder Working Power.

In the Precious Blood of the Lamb.- Lewis Jones 1899

Could you live daily His praises to sing?

The Clan

"They are joined fast to one another; they cling together and cannot be parted." Job 41:17

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.” Alex Haley

Feeling the residual pangs of a long weekend and the discontentment of the restless spirit I remain to be...

This afternoon I listened to a lovely story about a 35 year ritual where all of the happy mom's and dad's, rosy cheeked aunts and uncles, anxious sons and daughters, and rambunctious cousins alike all take the pilgrimage to Nana and Poppy's house to gather in harmony for the festive season, embrace with heightened glee, and whistle Zip Pe Dee Doo Dah around the trimmed tree.

Drinking my coffee black due to sour milk, I am still trying to wrap my brain around the concept of Home for the Holidays. For the last twenty- two years I have jockeyed parents, driven miles, and sat at a blended table with steps, half's, exes, and a not so healthy combination of the three and now more than ever, I realize how much I crave one nuclear unit. Yep, a cozy plaid clad hallmark card next to the blazing fire and ice cold spiked turkey nog up to our plastered smiling lips. One where family comes to me, I call the shots, determine the play list, laugh hysterically and fly the freak flag continuously.

I want four walls filled with family that resemble a net of safety.

But a steady rock I do not tread.

In the interim, it's just another next to normal day.

Is family really a haven in a heartless world?

Soaring High

"The meat of his fellowship offering of thanksgiving must be eaten on the day it is offered; he must leave none of it till morning." Leviticus 7:15

A 15 pound turkey and copious amounts of fermented grape juice relished entirely.

The morning after..nursing a head that feels like a Macy's Day balloon...wishing there were leftovers.

Are your blessings over inflated or overlooked?

The Difference a Year Makes?

'Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song". Psalm 95:2

Helium, T-Day playlist, sunset view over Midtown, starches, and the best "We are The World" group karaoke jam Chinatown ever saw. Then of course what holiday wouldn't be complete without the inevitable discombobulated disconnect?

A year ago today I watched the Thanksgiving Macy's Day Parade alone in XL sweatpants and cried....

I packed up the bookshelves of years and memories past, moved onto the guest bedroom linens, and then a few never used Martini glasses in the ole so quaint, gotta hold onto Butler's Pantry cabinet. And told my husband matter fact, I was moving to New York City.

This morning at 5 AM, bundled with a healthy thermos of Irish Whiskey in the mornin, we perched underneath the balloons on Central Park West and viewed it together.....still wondering if our shared dreams of tomorrow have the same soundtrack.

Happy Thanksgiving. And Happy Anniversary to me.

Who says you shouldn't make hasty decisions when you're mad?

Gracious Giver

" Know that the Lord, he is God!

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving,

and his courts with praise!

Give thanks to him; bless his name!

For the Lord is good;

his steadfast love endures forever,

and his faithfulness to all generations."

Psalm 100:3-5

Lord, You have so good to me. In my faithless hour, You've been my strength. And You are a Tower from my enemy. You have so good to me. Thank You. Thank You for my endless blessings.

I am thankful for my long work day as a featured clerk on White Collar and the demographic ratio in my favor (10 men, 3 women). Episode, "The Front Man."

I am thankful my husband braved Union Square Farmer's Market the day before Thanksgiving in the pouring rain and bought everything on the punch list.

I am thankful (despite the squeaking) that we FINALLY captured the mouse in our apartment and I took him out with sweet potato peelings and pumpkin innards.

I am thankful I can sit at my desk and hear live jazz from my open window. Brrr..

I am thankful the Dream I dreamed is coming true and a I've called Manhattan home for 11 months and counting....

I am thankful the Lord Jesus Christ is my Savior. He lives. So I can lead the life I live. And for that, my gratefulness is boundless.

Are you still taking credit for your abundance?

Luna Ticks

"And when you look up to the sky and see the sun, the moon and the stars—all the heavenly array—do not be enticed into bowing down to them and worshiping things the LORD your God has apportioned to all the nations under heaven." Deuteronomy 4:19

I see the moon and the moon sees me, the moon sees somebody I don't see. God Bless the moon and God Bless me. And God bless somebody I don't see.

My sleep walking morning routine was different in two ways this morning. First, my cheap Chanel knock-offs that I wear the entire commute fell of of my face and onto the well tread concrete as I was rushing for the 1st Avenue bus. They were crushed underfoot and I was forced to be exposed to the world.

Secondly, the L Train was suspiciously waiting for me as I skipped the steps down towards the idling sound and just one car passed the first, bodies weren't stacked in the threshold. I got on with ease amongst the other straphangers. Then came the MTA announcement that we won't be moving anytime soon as a train refuses to leave the Union Square station in front of us.

Out, up, and onto another bus I go which takes me to another train and so on...

Once positioned on the express, I open up my AM paper with our hero Captain Sullenberger's face on Tommy Lee's body. The headline reads Rock Star Sex.

On the first page is a disturbing article about how drug dealers are benefiting from New Moon's success and preying on the young girl's adoring addiction. NYPD made a significant heroine bust in the city confiscating the illicit brown sugar in bags with Robert Pattinson's face on the front and the words "Twilight" written underneath.

Starting my reverse commute, I walk next to a mama and her young daughter rushing against the light. The little girl is falling behind as she's looking up at the moon on a clear night in NY. She says frantically, "But, it really is following me, it's there every time I look." Mom tugs her arm harder and gives her a dirty smack on the bottom.

Sigh, I smile at her innocence and pray for her time bomb future.

Why am I not making sense? I've been up before the moon set and the sun rose for 3 days now. I didn't see a midnight showing and I'm not even chasing the dragon.

As you're bowing down to the one YOU serve, are you getting what you deserve?

Steamy Sensation

"I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?" John 3:12

Metrosexual- a young(ish) urban male who is aesthetically sound when it comes to his fashion and physical appearance, spending a great deal of money and time to achieve it, but lacks in the sexy ruggedness or athletic wherewithal of a real man and is equally inept in the bedroom.

Manhattan has a heaping serving....

You know what my main man wants for Christmas...One thing: Big, Black, Steel-toe work boots.

Lord, give me strength.

Oh it's official. In my 33 years of life, I've joyfully discovered I crave a consistent type. The genre that draws me: Working Class rough Irish boys from Massachusetts.

There are three celebrities that don my knees weak list, and today one of them did not let me down. He may be an arousing Southie, but that's got nothing to do with the sweet southern states.

I have been undeniably boy crazy for as long as I can remember. But it has been an eternity since I felt the rapid heartbeat and faint pangs of a school girl crush like the one I felt all over my body today.

Now it wasn't at the moment I caught his broad shoulder lines packed tightly into his snug leather jacket or his chiseled jaw and dimples when he turned to grin broadly at Will Ferrel's ad libs, nor was it when he walked towards me in a slow seductive swagger with his well fit burnt orange tee spread across his hard chest, flashed a toothy smile asked me how I was doing?

No, it was when I received the brutal punch in the abs realizing he had left work for the day. I was stuck without my eye candy and my motivation for being there fizzled out like a once burning hot firecracker and set into a whiny painful mood with nothing to do but call my husband and tell him the Good Vibrations had ceased. And I found myself pining.

I'm not so sure what to do with these emotions but call the casting company and get back on the set as fast as I can shake it there.

Just in case you gals have forgotten....

Do you feel it baby?

Couch Surf and Turf

""Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food." And it was so."" Genesis 1:29-30

Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity. ~Voltaire

Delivery Day.

Decisions, Decisions.

And since I don't compare eating meat to violently forcing oneself sexually onto another person, like New York princess Natalie Portman does, then my Sunday gastro choices are endless.

Oh Menu Pages and bicycles, how I love thee.

I'm kind of worrying less about Manhattan's brown drinking water and more about the over medicated knife carrying Latino D train riders.

Knowing full well I had a Hershey Bar at the bottom of my purse...but alas, the friendly apartment mouse got to it first.

Just wondering...Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Granted Power

"Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit."Psalm 147:5

Not a moment goes by when I don't see my Lord and Creator in all things. But way too often life goes on without the acknowledgement. I lift my hands and say Thank You.

This magical time of year has greatly enhanced an already spectacular landscape of a city. Tourists by the drove line up to lace up their Violet Beauregard blue skates to circle Bryant Lake Pond and view the Lord and Taylor twinkling light windows, the 4:30 setting sun casts a magnificent glow on the Flat Iron Building as overzealous shoppers loaded down with bags,line up outside The Shake Shack for a burger with Al fresco ambiance.

The generator hum gives all the Christmas booths electric heat as the blue shivering lips carry on.

I am so utterly blessed to enter my first holiday season in the northeast. And while I am sorry that it will only be a Holiday Tree in the White House, I am comforted in the fact that no matter how much we try to push Jesus Christ from our lives and control...He remains constant and yes, THE REASON FOR THE SEASON. Glittering Gingerbread Houses aside.

No, I probably should not be writing this a 4:45 in the morning. But this city has a way of sweeping you off your feet and carrying you down a path of creamy cold IPA's, cheesy pizza, and raw NWA at high decibels at the pub below our abode along with friends from Atlanta that pop in for 12 hours because life should be lived.

Good night New York. There goes Spiderman in tights carrying the crew home in a rickshaw and here comes my rather cozy double in time for sunrise.

Who did you thank for your breath of life this morning?

For He is With Me

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." Luke 5:16

In a sea of concrete, it's hard to hide, but oh so easy to be alone.

-Sticking to a Budget

"Be good and you will be lonely." Mark Twain

-Losing Sleep
"People who lead a lonely existence always have something on their minds that they are eager to talk about." Anton Chekov

-Too Responsible

"To be adult is to be alone." Jean Rostand

-Abhor Rejection

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” Joseph F. Newton

-Eight Million People

“When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be

lonely alone.” Tennessee Williams

-Fulfilling a life's calling

“It is never easy to keep reaching for dreams. Strength and courage can sometimes be lonely friends. but those who reach, walk in stardust.” Anonymous

-Just another number

"You lose yourself, No not for pity's sake
There's no real reason to be lonely. Be yourself
Give your free will a chance. You've got to want to succeed..." YES

Do you have somewhere you belong?

Not Your IQ

"I thought, 'Age should speak; advanced years should teach wisdom.' But it is the spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding." Job 32:7-8

Something happened to me as I stared bleary eyed at the 11 hour O'Reilly repeat of Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong giving their honest life experience plug for the legalization of "The Marijuana" (gasp) by prescription use only....(it's a start.)

I flashed back nearly 16 years ago to my senior year of high school and the multitude of afternoons I justifiably spent surrounded by friends, hovered over a glass bong filled with ice cold water and gorgeous hydroponic green bud packed tightly into the bowl. We'd fill our lungs well beyond capacity, throw in some Pharcyde and relish in the comforting and hilarious medicinal effects that smoking too much pot will do.

Sure we did the reckless and harmless ridiculous......We contemplated parallel universes, analyzed Dark Side of the Moon, played trivia pursuit until our sides ached, danced to Cypress Hill , created dialogue games with accents, watched baseball games in the sun, drove my convertible, ate profuse amounts of Los Loros, made out, jumped off high surfaces, and smiled.

Often and fondly, we would contently spread out on a futon, cozy up next to one another and repeatedly watch UP IN SMOKE. And guess what, it never got old.

Today, we seemed to have ceased in regarding our short blessed time here. The simple fact that we are but a tiny speck in the galaxy and a smoking bowl's worth of density in a white dwarf weighs more than a hippopotamus is no longer of relevance. We have decided now to judge each other's character on religious and political beliefs and do our best to attack the other's position of opinion. Gone are the days of blindly watching"Sweet Dreams" which facilitated the origins of our laugh lines...now we scour and frown at the talking heads who don't agree with our already deep rooted biases, rapidly raising our blood pressure and creasing our foreheads at a faster pace then time is already progressing.

Now I'm not saying that just maybe by walking down the marble stairs of my walk up on St. Mark's, entering the plethora of head shops below, and dropping a few bucks on a glass pipe will melt our tensions or bring me the fountain of youth. But what could it hurt?

"Time to go all the way with it
Don't just sit there and stare or play with it
cause were committed to the seeds of the new breeds
the Motha Ship of dreams where fiends breast feeds
step thru reality into reality so surreal you feel you never knew reality
until it stood still now your far from a lie
when the truth tantalizes your eyes see we's
already in the skies or outer space
standing here on the face of this earth
to the state to the grid of my turf
where my mom gave birth
to all that she loves be it small to others but yo, its bigger than Love." The Pharcyde

How far have we really come by getting older?

Firing Squad

"If this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment, while continuing their punishment." 2 Peter 2:9

The average cost of security for the circus trial of five terrorist thugs will cost the city of New York, $75 to $100 million with a possible conviction.

The average price for a 50 box of 9 millimeter ammunition is $10.

Two bullets in each with product to spare and a definite outcome we can all go on living with....

Or we can glorify them , continue to ridiculously spend taxpayers money, and risk a vengeful bloodbath.

--SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM, (R-S.C): Can you give me a case in United States history where a enemy combatant caught on a battlefield was tried in civilian court?

ERIC HOLDER, ATTORNEY GENERAL: I don't know. I'd have to look at that. I think that, you know, the determination I've made--

GRAHAM: We're making history here, Mr. Attorney General. I'll answer it for you. The answer is no.--

A 14 hour work day filled with cantankerous contractors, four trains, "portraying a youthful" Beergarden Bar Maid next to good ole' Irish Catholic boy Dennis Leary, and experiencing my opinion continually criticized and misunderstood... so forgive me, blowing sunshine just isn't on the evening's docket.

Are we making a huge mistake?

The Reloaded Rogue With Rouge

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

Sorry I was at work earning my grocery money on Monday afternoon, so I missed the highly opinionated (surprise, surprise) interview with Sarah Palin. But I didn't need to be planted on the cushions of my rented couch with a nitrate filled Lunchable packet in my lap to know the ignorant would be screaming at the screen....

If indeed Fox deserter Alan Colmes is right, and the hell fire hatred of the mother of five and former governor of Alaska is strictly for amusement,that means the loud mouth fearful liberals are just bitterly opposed to a wild Ferris wheel ride. And that ain't the God's honest truth.

One, it is a sexist issue and the left feminists are uncharacteristically tight lipped. Two, a strong conservative pro-life, pro-gun, sexy woman scares the hell out the Democrats who see her policy potential. She destroys the very core ideas of Liberalism and she may just rise to the occasion. The impending year of 2012 is promoting fear in many souls... for some unbelieving sell outs (Cusack)* and for those looking for a second term of power.

Eleven Reporters from the AP checking her facts?...I'm sorry, that is the definition of VENDETTA and a genuine waste of time. The obsession with discrediting this woman is driven with a slight more forced agenda than sheer amusement. And it doesn't take an idiot to recognize that.

Ask any Joe Schmo in the street their view of Palin and they will give you an uneducated and uninformed answer based purely on appearance. The same as the OBAMA Swag dealing vendors in Union Square give in their support of him, but don't know why... "He's black, I mean change man." He represents "Change."

Hear me now, the lazy jackasses who don't relish freedom and who are glued to the "Real Life Housewives of (insert city) for your amusement, you wouldn't know a real woman if she pulled her pants down and sat on your face.

Palin presents the strength of America while our very own Commander in Chief projects weakness to every other nation.

She's genuine. She's consistent. And she's blowing the lid off of the New York Times best seller list.

This is the cold hard truth.

Do you know I am right...then can you prove I'm wrong?

*Love Cusack, just always thought he was the avant garde independent, clever dialogue, film noir type

Awaken the Muse Within

"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance." Psalm 32:7

Gathering from the beige 1980's minivan parked a foot from the curb today on 73rd Street and the sixty year old Asian woman with a maroon skull cap singing at the top of her tiny little lungs...(all 4"10 of her) to the blaring through the window seams Led Zeppelin's Houses of the Holy bright and early this morning..she was looking for some inspiration to take on the day.

Nine hours later, on the same stretch on the Upper West, a huge dark skinned black man with dripping jerry curls to make you blush got out of a beat up white Dodge work van with a tool belt sagging around the bottom of his already saggin ass, belting out country boys Rascal Flats loud and clear for the rushing home hood. Yet, another brother mustering enthusiastic energy from the tunage.

All proving stereotypes are hard to form here as we all sing our theme song blues.

Here is one (of many) of mine.

"Until you've seen this trash can dream come true,
You stand at the edge, while people run you through.
And I thank the Lord, there's people out there like you,
I thank the Lord there's people out there like you.

While Mona Lisas and mad hatters,
sons of bankers, sons of lawyers,
turn around and say, "good morning" to the night.
For unless they see the sky, but they can't and that is why,
they know not if it's dark out side or light.

This Broadway's got, its got a lot of songs to sing,
if I knew the tunes I might join in.
I go my way alone, grow my own,
my own seeds shall be sown, in New York city.
Subways no way , for a good man to go down,
Rich man can ride, and the hobo he can drown.

And I thank the Lord for the people I have found,
I thank the Lord for the people I have found.

While Mona Lisas and mad hatters,
sons of bankers, sons of lawyers,
turn around and say, "good morning" to the night.
For unless they see the sky, but they can't and that is why,
they know not if it's dark out side or light."

Sir Elton John

If ANYONE is reading...

What gets you off...and rolling?

Shine Jesus Shine

"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being." Revelation 4:11

Our sun is the most magnificent star in our God's Great Galaxy (that I know of). Amazingly not our largest by huge margins and certainly not our smallest, but the very energy source of all living thing we see, smell, feel, taste, and hear. As if I am not enthralled enough by its sheer size, distance from the Earth, and the broad rainbow of colors splayed across the the sky when it meets and greet the horizon. But the warmth we feel, stepping out from the shaded shadow of the high rises is power generated from nuclear fusion...isn't this sufficient to amaze?

A massive dense fiery ball of burning gases, plasma, dust, and particles from other dying stars and elements of burned out supernovas, it formed nearly five million years ago and the centerpiece of our world.

Thankfully, it magnificently shone through the golden locust outside our fire escape window this balmy November morning beckoning an early start to a wide open day of Manhattan Wonder. In our eyes walking East for a blazing hot and soft New York Bagel, against our backs meandering through the bright yellow ginkgo filled Ramble ablaze in Central Park, above us ascending the cozy limestone steps of the Natural History Museum revealing the patina in T.R's sword, and setting over the Jackie Onassis Reservoir as the red-tail hawks hunted hungrily on the edge. A constant solar companion to us and a breathtaking daily reminder that He controls it all.

Makes me feel small, humbled, and insignificant in the scheme of His wondrous plan, realizing it doesn't rise and shine just for me.

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." C.S. Lewis

Still think you're the center of the Universe?

--Journey to the Stars- a fascinating physics based simulated visual spectacular at the Planetarium will change the way you look at our night sky....so engrossing Whoopi's voice won't phase you.

The Future

"I saw among the simple, I noticed among the young men, a youth who lacked judgment." Proverbs 7:7

It is a sign of the times when our youth donned in acid washed jeans, fluorescent high top kicks, and knee length cardigans are walking around with a sense of entitlement on hillbilly made industrial drugs, texting on their iPhones, and discussing nothing short of void?? They believe their evolved notion of their generation being ahead of the curve while they are realistically twenty years behind and LIKE utterly clueless to LIKE current events you know....

They live in these historic pre-war buildings without a mere thought of the people and sacrifices before them. They actually think hip-hop is good in the 2000 decade. And not one of them could hang from their wherewithal in a harness blasting dynamite in a canyon to build the remarkable Hoover Dam.

Scarier still..they're Godless.

God I'm old. And weepy.

""If you're young and not a liberal,you have no heart; if you're old and not a conservative, you have no brain."" Winston Churchill

You know what. If you knew me. You would take everything I say with a grain of salt. I write all of this in front of an open window to St. Marks Place in my panties and a hoodie sweatshirt with Metallica's S & M blaring in my Nag Champa smoke filled 300 square foot apartment and a glass of cold Knob Creek beside me.

Life would be more fluid if I surrendered more to the guitar, prayed continuously to the King of Kings and let all the bullshit go.

I knew what I wanted to do in my youth when I lined up my brother's black Members Only with the flip collar next to my mom's homemade pink jacket for a quick exchange in my reenactment of Stephanie Zanoni's"Cool Rider" Grease 2.

To Perform!!

50 Head shots. 50 Cover Letters. 50 Envelopes. 50 Resumes. 50 Casting Agencies.

100% HOPE.

So maybe David Bowie was right, Youth...'They're quite aware of what they're going through."

What do we REALLY have to lose in following the call?

If You've Got Love..

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:4

John McEnroe was a winning player and perpetual whiner. His spoiled bratty tactics earned him a notorious reputation and a name in the tennis history books. Raked it in competitively and doled it out in fines. Today, those same precocious pouting tendencies shaved two hours off of my already fourteen hour day in tight black pants and an NYPD badge as he refused to sign his contract on the SVU set and they cancelled his scene just like that.

Won't work in this court. Plan B....

You know the scene in St. Elmo's Fire when Estevez' character Kirby Keager has been longingly chasing after the soft bouncy curls and china doll skin doctor? He humiliates himself soaking wet from an eve of stalking in the cold rain and she gingerly takes him in and vulnerably discloses to him that while she thought the softer side of her got into medicine to help others, the truth is she realizes it's more about the money.

That is spot on.

Standing on cobblestones in the long wind tunnel of The Police Plaza at City Hall in heels. I'm frozen to the bone. And there are over four wardrobe assistants carrying around puffy coats to throw over the principals actors shoulders between takes while the prop guys rush to set up a heater under Mariska's ass. I stuff the hand warmers into my bra giving my detective look a more voluptuous lift and suck it up.

When I question what I am accomplishing in background at minimum wage, I resonate with the solid advice of another sports great reminding me I will always miss 100% of the shots I don't take. They are making $250K an episode now but they started on the sidelines.

Yep, there is mad money to be made here so I keep my eye on the ball and stay in the game.

Or would you rather throw in your racket?

Wandering in the Wood

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?" Luke 15:4

As a writer, you're obligated to draw readers into your world, and if your writing isn't interesting to them, you won't succeed." Donald Perry

The blog now dictates my mood and not vice versa, whereas my mood once inspired the blog.I got nothing. When inserted into the equation, that equals nothing....

Asked by a dear friend today what I am doing? I responded, I don't know.

As the last golden leaves fall on the wet pavement out my window, the blandness sets in.

Maybe my plunging neckline with a badge as a squad room detective with Christopher Meloni will add some flavor.

Maybe succumbing to the humdrum of one day is possible...even in Manhattan.

I swear I have a point.

"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live." Henry David Thoreau

So instead I will sleep and dream about my purpose.

What do you look for when you can't remember what you set out to find?

Gratitude

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

2 Corinthians 3:17

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you to all of the armed forces veterans for a debt that can never be repaid. Thank you for our comforting safety. It is because of you, we walk in liberty.

And now reblogged from my always cheerful neighbor who must have known I needed a good tearful laugh.
A fave New Yorker to another....giving a gift from the heart.

Does it take much to bring you comfort?

Girl, Don't Go Away Mad..Just Go Away

"Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Proverbs 21:9

New York City spotlights the absolutes of human nature. It elevates our highs and enunciates our lows. Because of the magnitude of people crossing your path in a limited time, you can witness admirable and despicable behavior in the same eyelash flutter. We are a mind blowing glorious lot, we are a mind numbing gluttonous bunch.

And we're all in it together, inspiring, eluding, influencing, and aggravating. And the quest in all of it seems to be... to couple off with someone who has the potential to bring out your shining best and will eventually bring out your bottom dwelling worst. Indeed, once we have scanned our environment for that perfect soul who will restore us to our joyfully whole self...it is only a matter of time until that wet dream is shattered and disillusionment turns to something not so purty..

Being a pedestrian in the streets of New York, it is a daily occurrence to witness frustrated scuffles, lover's spats, and knock down drag out brutal combat.

If you were walking behind me and my significant other in Prospect Park one fine Autumn afternoon...i make no apologies, but you would witnessed a one two three winning combination. And done what everyone else in NY seems to do, shrug, walk on by and thanked the heavens it's not you.

It goes something like this. You're desperately defending your perfect position and fervently telling him of his drastic missteps. All the while denying any part and blaming every action all in the name of UNMET needs. The conflict reaches a pinnacle with the "never does the dishes" and "probably won't change as many diapers" jabs. Neither owning or resembling adult responsibility.

Clearheaded and with The Space Between bridged, I reflect and it's an honest picture looking back at me.

Below is re-post of another time and a definition of familiarity breeding contempt.

THE MIRROR

He's unappreciative, he's resentful, he's angry and cold. He's a bully with control dramas. He's vague. He overreacts and makes mountains out of molehills. He's incorrigible. He procrastinates. He doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. He's stuck in a repetitive rut. He has ridiculous family issues he can't release. He may or may not make enough money. He has NO idea how to communicate his needs. He's defensive and guarded. And he overeats. He has great plans he can't implement. He talks more and delivers less. He's critical and nit-picky. He's unfocused and scattered. He's afraid of risk. He's spoiled. He's reluctant to admit his shortcomings and refuses growth. He claims to be giving his all but closes his eyes to character flaws within. He clings to his stubbornness and won't back down until faces are in the mud. He's mean. He's scared. And worst of all...he won't change.

Now, should I relish looking at this reflection?

"I bet you wish this was a movie
Then you could rewrite my every line
I'll take all the blame, yo baby, I'm sorry
Oh, I didn't like the way you were, so I had to make you mine.

What's this strange relationship?" PRINCE

C'mon, you've been there right?

**Tell me Elmo, just what will the seeds she sowed reap??

***1st episode 40th season Sesame Street

ZERO TOLERANCE

While people are saying, "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. 1 Thessalonians 5:3

An intelligence official told Fox News that"Hasan was on our radar for months."

I would go ahead and bank my life on the truth that no one of voting age today has not heard the familiar phrase, "Go with your gut." Trust your instincts could probably rank as one the most frequently offered words of advice. Yet we continuously hear the tapes being played over and over....

"I thought something was wrong, but second guessed my best judgement."

"Looking back, I felt in danger in his presence but didn't want to hurt his feelings.

"There were definitely clear indications that Hasan's loyalties were not with America."

And yet our army did nothing....and why? Fear of polarizing the loyal American Muslim's and lumping them into one homogeneous violent extremist Islamic band...or just following our president's agenda of being liked for the sake of....

Call me old fashioned, but when a man stares another American military official in the eyes and tells him he will obey Islamic law over the American constitution, there is trouble in River City.

I'm not screaming this is a Jihad, but our army caressed an obvious extremist Hassan with furry kid mittens because he's MUSLIM!!!

Political Correctness is a curse. It is a social tyranny that has brainwashed the masses into feeling as though we need to gingerly step on eggshells in prevention of offending women, whites, blacks, Muslims, homosexuals, disabled, the fat and stupid.

The lexicon is laughable and has a thick layer of bullshit smeared across its shiny surface.

By using the excuse of not wanting to upset anyone through racial profiling or religious stereotyping, American men and women are dead on our own soil.

Last time I checked an asshole was an asshole.

Put a mark in Al Queda's win column.

Should we be suspicious of everyone or just those Anti-Americans who verbally threaten our freedom?

I Wanna Rock

"My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music." Psalm 57:7

"God gives us the ability, but rock 'n' roll was created by men." Little Richard (a Georgia boy)

Every once in a while I wish the fun loving hard edged Rock n Roller in me would come out to play. She is so much more fun.

Go see "Who Shot Rock-n -Roll" at the Brooklyn Museum....

From tender snapshots to powerful images it encapsulates all of the sexy energy, serious passion, and immeasurable creativity that music can deliver.

The extreme assemblage of musical icons will evoke every emotion in your foot stomping, eye's crying, ass shaking, head banging heart and soul.

You say you wanna go for a spin
The party's just begun, we'll let you in
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy
You keep on shoutin', you keep on shoutin'

Say...What do you want to do?

**Let's hope the senate has a different point of view. I'm not ready to give up any of my freedom to government control.

Performance Angst and Anger

"The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11

Takes the pressure off.

Times Square in the morning sun before the rush is a humbling spiritual experience. Standing practically alone in the legendary center of the greatest city in the world aglow with countless flashing lights making Con-Edison profit hand over fist really defines the word AWESOME.

I have a moment to breathe it in before I run up the steps of a very cold 45th Street Chekov Theater for first day rehearsals.

Michael Chekov was gently warned to leave Russia at the height of his dramatic career as the Soviets thought his methods of madness were indeed that...they called his productions "alien and reactionary." Fleeing his country, he eventually came to New York City and trained and coached some of the greatest actors in all film history.

His technique while experimental in a communist country thrived in America and remains to be a widely used technique. His unique contribution to the acting world combined bold imagination, character development, active body and intense intellect resulting in visual physical acting.

Confused? You have to witness it...

Taking the barren frigid stage this morning, coffee barely in my bloodstream, I locked my arms in the throws of passion around an unsuspecting young man and spewed all the lovesick affection and scorned pain I've taken from my past relationships and threw it into my monologue.

To put it simply, I let him have it....

At last word and still clutching a rather shocked boy's shivering arms, the director says few words....baring the likes of Rare. Part made for me. Could go up tonight, and Gets it...he walks over and pens in my name for three Saturday night shows in January.

Yee-Haw! Come one, call all. I just got affirmation and as Oliver would say, Excuse me sir, but can I have some more??

I promise there will be heat.

How sweet is recognition?

An Open Invitation

"What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness?" Psalm 30:9

After discussing the certainties of a faith filled life, I parted ways with my rare needle in a haystack girlfriend. As I walked away from her my audible perception went into overdrive as the raucous conversations on this 35 degree Friday night pounded my ear drums with the unwelcoming sound of live reveille three inches from my ears on a cheap hungover morning.

"Vicodin and Oxy and still I was looking to get higher....so I pounded his bottle of vodka.

She called me this morning, apparently she got so drunk last night she had another threesome...."

"I can't believe you just stole that, I lost the lip gloss you stole me last week."

"Does she know for sure he's cheating again?"

A mere spotlighted sampling, but enough to bring me back to the blogs inception and the reason I started it in the first place... To testify. More importantly to testify to New Yorkers. The land of endless decisions....

I feel quite alone in Manhattan, not in my sense of adventure, drive, or quest for life, but in my solid faith in the Lord and my unwavering allegiance to Him. This is foreign.

Maybe I'm just growing older...

I believe we are living in a world who is running from our spiritual foundation.

We are people of the people with spiritual amnesia. And we are so busy thinking our lifestyle is more important than His glory.

Am I guilty? You bet your ass. I'm caught up in the busyness of life, the competitiveness of success and fame, the envy of money, plenty of this earthly life's pleasure principles.

Yet I am so aware of God's Will for me that I feel grounded in that protection.

He knows the depths of my heart and He loves me just the same.

I'm hooked on the line and He keeps reeling me back in.

I don't want to be in partial obedience. I want my ways to reflect His wonder.

I want to praise the name of Jesus...

It's not judging recreational drugs ( I've done them)

It's not about promiscuity (sex is fun)

I don't knock material want (although paying is better)

But in my limited knowledge of this world, the blind leading the blind never fares well and whatever loss you imagine you will endure in exalting Him , I can insure your gain will be so much greater.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face and the things of life will grow strangely dim in the Light of His Glory and Grace.

In the words of Peter Frampton, "Do you feel like we do?"

Never Enough

"But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that?" 1 Timothy 6:8

What's worse?

Boring others..

Or boring yourself?

Television, Theater, Film.

Casted today in an NYU thriller shot in the snowy Catskills.

I always knew horror was my genre.

Blessings are abundant so why is my restlessness so prevalent?

Does every single person around you notice you're aging but you?

Are we always our own worse critic?

Did our parent's really do the best they could with what they had?

In this theater of life, will we all have our moment in the light?

Can we accept true love?

Is it laughable that I burn my ass on the radiant heat pipes because my bathroom is that small?

Is my honeymoon with Manhattan over?

"God has paid us the intolerable compliment of loving us, in the deepest, most tragic, most inexorable sense." CS LEWIS

I know the Lord is my portion so why do I find myself asking, what's next?

Quickly Quoted

"I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw" Proverbs 24:32

"We live in an enormous novel." JG Ballard

Or on a soundstage.

Happy 40th Birthday Sesame Street....now grow some balls and drop the political correctness ploy. You used to send a real message...

Here's a fun fact.

If I were to take a pencil and trace my steps on a map of Manhattan, it would look like a giant cursive lower case letter q.

Q

Qualm Quaint Quality

Quadriceps Quintessential Quagmire

Quip Quandary Quarrel

The letter Q

In Paul Auster's New York Trilogy, his private detective protagonist follows a potentially dangerous absent minded psychopath through the streets of New York for a series of weeks over the course of a bitter winter. The deranged wanders about picking dried pieces of poop, discarded strands of string, and lost feathers from an unfortunate pigeon. In his meanderings he walks up, down, diagonal, and zig zagged, throwing off the intense sleuth until the eye begins to trace the strange man's steps in the shape of alphabetical letters which in turn spells out his worst nightmare....

The compulsion to invent. This is the necessity of a great fiction writer...

So far in my observations of New York City in the last 10 months...my need to embellish has yet to surface. Using Manhattan has my central setting has lent itself to ceaseless and true material.

However, these words spray painted on a mural outside my window in the 7 AM sun remind me of the open manhole mere steps in front of me.

"The struggle to survive in the city can make you lose sight of your dream. Hang in there."

Dela Vega

This strikes an unpleasant chord the same day I read an article on why so many writers, dreamers, inquisitors, wanderers, lovers, creators move to East Village so they can laze about languidly, observe into the eccentricities of those lives around them, and find themselves whimsically inspired for their art.

I don't sit. I don't even pace. I race.. and with the risk of missing it all.

Thinking my seven day workweek could use a cutback.

As I desperately want to relate to the motto of Paul Auster himself..

"Writing is not longer an act of free will for me, it is a matter of survival." PA

Can you spell FOCUS?

Same Old Song and Dance

"They make many promises, take false oaths and make agreements; therefore lawsuits spring up like poisonous weeds in a plowed field." Hosea 10:4

It took 410 days to construct the magnificent Empire State Building that towers over New York. It's been 365 days since HOPE was voted in and yet we're still waiting for the miraculous architects plans.... **

On this election day... I worked White Collar while enjoying a multi million dollar Hudson view. Played Old Money. Wore a Cameo. Hung my head that I'm not exercising my immense patriotic privilege. I regret to admit the latter.

Strolled down Bleeker past the Marc Jacobs and in the normally dressed window hung a 10 x 10 foot poster of Barak OBama's head that looked like static and blasted across his eyes said.

" You promised, I voted, now deliver."

I've been wondering why I am constantly drawn to the New York Post. I thought for a while it was the mere 50 cents, then I dwelled on the notion of maybe I continue to pick this paper for its compact and handy handling squeezed in on the subway. I found myself often agreeing with the writers and not pulling my hair out as I skimmed the editorials. But today, my reoccurring attraction to the publication became crystal clear. It's owned by our favorite Aussie, Robert Murdoch and doesn't incessantly sing our President's praises. In fact, instead of blowing brown nose honey, it often calls a spade, a spade.

Now America has changed...clearly.

But I know, I would rather be revered with respect than liked by the masses.

And I would want the exact same from my president.

I told a gentleman I was never allowed to address Ronald Reagan as anything but Mr. President or President Reagan. This was my middle class Texas born father's rules. But he was right.

The highest office in the land should command reverence and esteem.

But...

29 speeches on healthcare while the American public scrapes together taxes?

Accepting a premature Nobel peace prize for promises (Oscar for a trailer) JP

Taking photos of dead soldiers while the live ones are waiting in harms way for reinforcements?

Gallivanting off to Chicago to once again stand side by side with Oprah to root the Olympics in Chicago? **

"You know, if I listened to Michael Dukakis long enough, I would be convinced we're in an economic downturn and people are homeless and going without food and medical attention and that we've got to do something about the unemployed." Ronald Reagan

MMMmmm. Do something Mr. President.

Virginia and New Jersey have spoken.

But you be the judge, is he growing into the job?

** Facts taken from New York Post Columnist Andrea Pseyer

Button Bustin Proud

"They honored us in many ways and when we were ready to sail, they furnished us with the supplies we needed." Acts 28:10

Forged in our minds and now in steel.

The USS New York is a floating memorial for the fallen at 9/11. As it sailed into the harbor of its namesake this cold gray morning, the $1 billion dollar vessel paused thoughtfully at Ground Zero for a 21 gun salute... Soldiers stood to attention on the mammoth bow constructed with over seven tons of steel from the World Trade Towers tragic wreckage as they dipped the flag in silence.

You would have to have ice running through your veins not to be stirred today.

So take us home Charlie....

"Well the eagle's been flying slow and the flag's been flying low
And a lot of people are saying that America's fixing to fall
But speaking just for me and some people from Tennessee
We got a thing or two to tell you all
This lady may have stumbled but she ain't never fell
And if the Russians don't believe that they can all go straight to hell
We're gonna put her feet back on the path of righteousness
And then God bless America again...." CD

Who's with me?

Run For Your Life

"To shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace." Luke 1:79

Forty-thousand determined able-bodies rose this morning to cover 26 miles and five Burroughs in the perfect fall running weather.I cheered for Italians, Brazilians, Scottish, Ethiopians, Thai, New Zealanders, and Masai warriors from Kenya, all inspiring me with every stride.

But for the first time in 25 years an American crossed the finish line first. Victory is ours.

Let's here it for a 4.9 minute mile....Can you feel the legs cramping?

If you've ever been to New York City as a tourist you have most certainly been to 42nd Street, Times Square, Bryant Park, Grand Central Station, United Nations, and various legendary Broadway theaters all call it home. In this excursion you would have dangerously brushed up against sweaty strangers, received multiple and painful "flat tires" from the hurried lot, and navigated around clueless groups of visitors who think stopping in the middle of the sidewalk is a viable option.

Beneath the constant chaos is a long transfer passageway which accesses all the trains from East to West. It's comprised up of a confusing network of tunnels that run for blocks.

I decided to go underground to escape the light of day madness...

A man on my heels quickly sidles up to my left side with the feasible option of pinning me against the subway tiled corridor. He bears a striking resemblance to Lamont Sanford except he's missing his two front teeth and has a soggy roach between his lips. He asks me if I know the quickest way off this crazy train. And if there is an easier way to something better.

I looked at his tight argyle v neck sweater and camel colored leather jacket and ask...

"You mean Eternity?"

He smiles that toothless grin and tokes down the last bit of burning ganja.

"Yeah."

I tell him our time in this chaos is brief and to hold on a little longer.

He nods assuredly.

Step for step he matches my stride but as the space between me and the dirty wall draws tighter my heart rate quickens. Just as I become acutely aware he is nudging me to the 7 tunnel. I stop the race and ask him WHERE EXACTLY does he want to go?

It is at this moment I witness true fear in his eyes. He was counting on me to indeed lead him off this crazy train.

He stutters...."Do do do you know how to get away from all these people and lights, I can't take it anymore, I'm losing my mind."

I point to the 1 train and tell him to take it to the last stop, sit by the water, and pray.

That's where I find momentary peace.

As I hightail it away...He says with a life saving conviction...THANK YOU.

They says Epsom Salt is a cure all for aches of the body, how about an unsound mind?