Do Not Pass Go

“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” Isaiah 46:4

A temporary summer shower has widened its breadth and I'm drinking my 3rd cup of lukewarm coffee under an eternal gray sky.

My insecurities run deep and my angst of the future is near impossible to squelch.

If I wrote the thoughts that run through my head, would you question my sobriety?

How about my suspect sanity?

Or have I become that uptight reformed stoner who crosses her cold arms and closes her eyes while others spin beautiful figure eights around my still hips.

Time leaps off the ledge and I defiantly back peddle into the lost years of a lost self and the woman I crave to know.

They cry awaken the child within, She's close enough to touch and she's screaming.

But the muddy sludge is deep and slows my progress. She grows more difficult to reach. Principle reigns supreme. I wish she would laugh.

Temptation is tolerable until the whip lashes across my back too many times from resisting and the solemness grows like a cancer, weeping missed opportunities and time...well lost.

What if I wasn't the Queen of Maybe and affirmatives rolled off my lips like sweet agreeable honey? Would the gravel in my muscles melt into liquid gold? My mouth waters with the taste.

The musician's emotions bleed from the strings. There's a spirit that sings Amen.

Her tan legs lay listless which once wrapped around his ears.

Splayed open before her a path she's forgotten and a desire that says go ahead.

What if Yield was a four-letter word?

The Jam Rock

"I am the way, the truth, and the life." John 14:16

The sunshine streams through the sheer curtains and I catch my reflection in the mirror aglow with natural light. Switching my mental gears to a relaxed state of mind gets harder as the years show on my face. I crave simple silence. But the world is louder than ever.

Me on Vacation.

And mine and Damian Marley's answer to the Religious Leaders Gathering to give their message about Islamphobia...

"But behold the marriage supper of the lamb and the bridegroom onto his bride
Then shall the earth's children know the true expression of ONE LOVE
Then mother earth shall honeymoon in peace.
Forever eliminating the aspirations, lust and anguish of wars and rumors of wars."

Do you believe ALL roads will lead to Peace?

Does not miss New York >>

Labor of Love

"Be strong and let us fight bravely for our people and the cities of our God. The LORD will do what is good in his sight." 1 Chronicles 9:13

My baby brother just joined The United States Army.

Voluntarily.

He's hanging up his electric bass, putting away his pining poems, and cutting his long blond locks for Uncle Sam.

He boards the bus bound for Fort Benning, Georgia for two long months of Basic Training in three short weeks.

I won't make it home to see him.

I believe the next time I do, he will be a changed nineteen year old boy to a different talkin man.

Jesus.

Time is ticking. Moments are fleeting. Frown lines are forming. Wars are brewing.

And I remember the day he was born.

I'm proud of him.

I think of the two awarded purple hearts hanging in my Texan grandparents home and I'm thankful.

Please protect him.

I look at my life and the worries I have decided to highlight. They are mere vapors next to the men and women who sacrifice their lives everyday for ours.

I can only pray that we soon have a President who doesn't tell us combat is over... while our soldiers fight and die up against Iraqi militants as I write these words.

And as nation, we rise to the great occasion, in which my brother can be proud to serve.

Got your orders...shoot on sight.

But does it seem right?

Considering my down time well wasted in a world where something is wrong with me if I sit idle or stand quiet.

Medicinal Companion

"And he sent them out to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick." Luke 9:2

Excuse me please, for my definition...but deeper still my conviction.

You read the line every time, ask me about crime in my mind, you ask me why another roadsong? Funny, but I bet you never left home.

So have mercy baby, cause I'm descending again.
Open your eyes, cause this time its sink or swim.
So I'm under a mountain, stuck to this mattress.

In need of flattery, I change my batteries so that my light will still shine.
Here with me and this price you pay. Just a wishful dream to be thrown away.

I lose myself, I forget myself, I free myself. Okay so I stone myself...But then again what happens if I do. Kept 29 blackbirds but only flew, spent most of my time making holes and licking my wounds.

There's a passion in being alone.
A grace in a loveless time.
No new cross. No new sign. Only the sun and the changing tides..

Yeah, I've been down, but never on my knees. I've seen the forest for the trees..
So say another prayer, save another life.
Kiss me on my head and tell me every thing's alright.
Cause I can say it once, I can shout it twice.
ALL there really is...is virtue and vice.

The BC Medley.
My Atlanta boys playing Southern Rock 5 nights in Manhattan.

They're my new version of therapy, so get your tickets before prescriptions run out...

Can I have a remedy?

Full Up

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

"An idea for a short story about, um, people in Manhattan who are constantly creating these real, unnecessary, neurotic problems for themselves cos it keeps them from dealing with more unsolvable, terrifying problems about... the universe." Woody Allen

And it goes a little something like this...

An overdue visit with a long time acquaintance put words to my emotions."You have a lot more freedom when people don't read your words."

Ah yes... expression versus censorship and i question why my joy has drained from my blog.

Can't liberation come with being heard?

I never have been skilled in restraint.

I'm tired. Yes I know you are too. But anyone who wants to discuss the true definition of exhaustion has to have spent a summer in New York. Its near enough to breathe in the idling cab fumes, the black bus exhaust, the steam seeping from the subway grates, or the radiating denseness coming from the concrete, but to rub up next to the sticky sweaty grub whose positive, negative, indifferent, and dead wrong ideas get sucked into your nostrils while you're holding your breath and drops of sweat drip between your breasts as you wipe your furling brow and anticipate the end of your 12 hour day so you can sleep the sound somber of the dead for four entire hours cause the buck don't stop till late and the drive don't cease at all.

That is to truly experience the painstaking energy released in the 3 months leading to Fall...when the streets of New york embody a brand new sense of urgency and we all hit the ground running...in long pants.

Eh, you want real problems? 

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