A Locals Sentiments...As The Clueless Youngsters Roll In

Is it time to leave the East Village

Lord I Love You...But Despondency is Bringing me Down

"It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man." Psalm 118:8

I can't remember the last time the sun rose and set and I didn't have a consolatory drink.

I knew I was relying heavily on the hand to mouth sedative when my doctor pulled out her script pad, wrote me 4-5 and I told her wine was just fine. Or neat bourbon. Or a good freezing cold craft beer I can pour over an icy mug in the privacy of my own home, swallow it in silence,  and it won't go down on my permanent record.

Today's a less offensive dose. Just a splash of California Chardonnay. Two ladylike ice cubes clink the side of the glass and mask the phony taste of butter and oak. It's cheap. Well, by New York standards.

June is window's wide open month, and the roar of the crazed and their cigarette stench rises up to meet me.

A steady rain soaks the head of a sidewalk greeter, feigning adoration of the person standing across from her under a saturated umbrella.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe their joyful embrace and loud outcry is a true reflection of their innermost feelings and their relationship does have meaningful importance.

I am a cynic after all.

My relationships have done that to me. I guess I've let them. Too damn accommodating.

Maybe one day I'll write about the sheer dysfunction and lack of dependence that has been shaping my ideas of women since I was a wee one.

Maybe one day, my sides will ache with laughter all the way to self satisfaction and the all mighty dollar affirmation in the exposure of it all.

The title could be Cowards. Or another C word I am fond of.

But tonight, it's Christ and Chardonnay in which I'm leaning.


Who or What have you found you can truly rely on?

Come November...That's When It Matters

WHEN - he refused to disclose who donated money to his election
campaign, as other candidates had done, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he received endorsements from people like Louis Farrakhan,
Muramar Kaddafi and Hugo Chavez, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - it was pointed out that he was a total newcomer and had
absolutely no experience at anything except community organizing, people
said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he chose friends and acquaintances such as Bill Ayers and
Bernadine Dohrn who were revolutionary radicals, people said it didn't
matter.


WHEN - his voting record in the Illinois Senate and in the U.S. Senate
came into question, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he refused to wear a flag lapel pin and did so only after a
public outcry, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he stood with his hands over his groin area for the playing of
the National Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance, people said it didn't
matter.


WHEN - he surrounded himself in the White House with advisors who were
pro-gun control, pro-abortion, pro-homosexual marriage and wanting to
curtail freedom of speech to silence the opposition, people said it
didn't matter.


WHEN - his personal background was either scrubbed or hidden and nothing
could be found about him, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - the place of his birth was called into question, and he refused
to produce a birth certificate, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he had an association in Chicago with Tony Rezco - a man of
questionable character and who is now in prison and had helped Obama to
a sweet deal on the purchase of his home - people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - it became known that George Soros, a multi-billionaire Marxist,
spent a ton of money to get him elected, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he started appointing White House Czars that were radicals,
revolutionaries, and even avowed Marxist /Communists, people said it
didn't matter.

WHEN - he stood before the Nation and told us that his intentions were
to "fundamentally transform this Nation" into something else, people
said it didn't matter.

WHEN - it became known that he had trained ACORN workers in Chicago and
served as an attorney for ACORN, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed cabinet members and several advisers who were tax
cheats and socialists, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed a Science Czar, John Holdren, who believes in forced
abortions, mass sterilizations and seizing babies from teen mothers,
people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed Cass Sunstein as Regulatory Czar who believes in
"Explicit Consent," harvesting human organs without family consent and
allowing animals to be represented in court, while banning all hunting,
people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed Mark Lloyd as Diversity Czar who believes in
curtailing free speech, taking from one and giving to another to spread
the wealth, who supports Hugo Chavez, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - Valerie Jarrett, an avowed Socialist, was selected as Obama's
Senior White House Advisor, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - Anita Dunn, White House Communications Director, said Mao Tse
Tung was her favorite philosopher and the person she turned to most for
inspiration, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed Carol Browner, a well known socialist as Global
Warming Czar working on Cap and Trade as the nation's largest tax,
people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed Van Jones, an ex-con and avowed Communist as Green
Energy Czar, who since had to resign when this was made known, people
said it didn't matter.

WHEN - Tom Daschle, Obama's pick for Health and Human Services Secretary
could not be confirmed because he was a tax cheat, people said it didn't
matter.

WHEN - as President of the United States , he bowed to the King of Saudi
Arabia, people said it didn't matter..

WHEN - he traveled around the world criticizing America and never once
talking of her greatness, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - his actions concerning the Middle East seemed to support the
Palestinians over Israel, our long time ally, people said it didn't
matter.

WHEN - he took American tax dollars to resettle thousands of
Palestinians from Gaza to the United States, people said it didn't
matter.

WHEN - he upset the Europeans by removing plans for a missile defense
system against the Russians, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he played politics in Afghanistan by not sending troops early-on
when the Field Commanders said they were necessary to win, people said
it didn't matter.

WHEN - he started spending us into a debt that was so big we could not
pay it off, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he took a huge spending bill under the guise of stimulus and used
it to pay off organizations, unions, and individuals that got him
elected, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he took over insurance companies, car companies, banks, etc.,
people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he took away student loans from the banks and put it through the
government, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he designed plans to take over the health care system and put it
under government control, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he claimed he was a Christian during the election and tapes were
later made public that showed Obama speaking to a Muslim group and
'stating' that he was raised a Muslim, was educated as a Muslim, and is
still a Muslim, people said it didn't matter.

Chill Out...>>

Get A Grip, Now Loosen It

"Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified.” Acts 2:36

Changeableness.

Ambiguous in spelling and meaning.
But precisely the state of feeling in which I perpetually dwell.

As much as I persuade myself I want to flee New York and its inhabitants, I find a healthy dose of peace here that could be dangerously construed as contentment.

My search for certainty appears to be solved momentarily...

But the last time, I got the urge for going, I didn't.
And it cost me an inheritance, a five year litigation, my serotonin levels, and faith in my husband's eyes that I still possess an easy going attitude he fell in love with.

So I question and say things like this:

"But there aren't jobs out there."

Outside of these four elusive walls that contain me and set me free simultaneously; Where a phone call for medical marijuana and hot roasted garlic Ramen is ten digits away, if I find the energy to expend my index finger towards the superfluous. Or if I want to work the sunlight and sanity away because depositing paper into a financial institution gives me some sort of solace that interacting with the public and my problems doesn't.

I'm losing my edge. Not because it is becoming duller. But because my rational choice making is becoming dimmer. And I can't block out the loud darkness that permeates the streets and radiates in my mind for enough time to hear my feelings.

To know what is certain.
To be steadfast in what that is...
This is my next feat.

"New York has a trip-hammer vitality which drives you insane with restlessness if you have no inner stabilizer." Henry Miller

And it just so happens, it has a hold on my rock n rolling, nauseating emotions.

"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them."            Mark Twain

A Hard Lesson (For Family) To Learn

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom." Proverbs 11:2

Familiarity breeds contempt:

A life long experience of someone or something can make one so aware of the faults as to be scornful, spiteful, and downright mean.

Leaving them alone, angry, and hurt.

But ultimately, just alone.