Phenomenal Woman

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight." Ephesians 1:4

"While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God's creation." Maya Angelou

Saturday Morning. This city has so many brilliant moments going on that only a few eyes amongst 8 million are catching. Having an impromptu brunch on the 21st floor of my building with fellow neighbors, we watched red balloons floating amongst the cranes, black smoke billowing from chimney's, couples making out against the warped water towers. The thunderclouds gathered around the Chrysler's spire all over eggs benedict and transplanting jade and orchid plants to the Frank Sinatra hour . Or was that a  dream? Hard to tell here.
In my waking hour, there is a renewed spirit. And if I can just weed through the naysayers. Or nay say through their weed.

I have a friend buzzing in my ear about EVERY choice I have made up until now (30+years) and advice on  all the decisions I will make here forth. It doesn't necessarily matter what I am discussing or debating, His argument nine times out of ten is, "I mean look at Maya Angelou, she was a hooker. Now , look at her." 

I'm not sure what to make of that statement other than against my former judgement I am heading to Barney's tonight to prostiti.. I mean present myself to a of form of money making I didn't think was in me.  Entering into the wild and wacky world of cosmetics in Manhattan. Where Image is everything and Money is no object.  

Hey I know what I said, but every situation is content and a writer's got to make her living somewhere.

And again giving kudos to David Sedaris, this is just my five-star Santaland...

FYI, Pulitzer prize nominated proffesor, Writer, dancer, African-American activist. Born Marguerite Johnson spent her difficult formative years moving back and forth between her mother's and grandmother's. At age eight, she was raped by her mother's boyfriend, who was subsequently killed by her uncles. The horrific event caused her go mute for nearly six years, and her teens and early twenties were spent as a dancer, filled with serious isolation and sexual experimentation...

“Nothing will work unless you do.” M. A.

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” M. A.

What's building your character. Conflict or Complacency?

Crystal Clear

"I saw that wisdom is better than folly, just as light is better than darkness" Ecclesiastes 2:13

Took the elevator to the rooftop of 230 Fifth Avenue and breathed in the 360 degree view of this electric town. As the the last bit of sunlight casted a dim glow on the Empire State Building and I watched the light pollution strengthen...I shook the NY blues and casted the load I've been carrying. It's about time.

Can your mind tell the difference between shit and Shinola?

Your heart and nose sure can.

Know your Niche

"We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."Romans 5: 3-4

"I can see clearly now, the rain has gone. I can see all obstacles in my way." J. Nash

Sitting on the Hudson this morning. It is the clearest, freshest, most vibrant day to date (for me) in NYC. A slow breeze lending the sun glistened waves to lap against the boardwalk. I can't help smiling at the ducks and sea gulls call.  This is without a doubt, a calming respite. 

Too bad my head space is a mess. Feeling guilty as the city moves and grooves behind me. Here is the broken vinyl record playing in my ear...

As long as you are doing what you love..the money will come. If you are living your passion accordingly, you will make a profit. If your focusing on what compels your worth in your work, then the paychecks will come flooding in.  Don't be driven by cash, be driven by character.  Oh, and my personal favorite, work is overrated, have fun. Sound wisdom coming from someone independently wealthy and not trying to create a prosperous life in the most expensive city.

 Amongst all the stellar advice, I do have to pose the question. What is it that makes me the happiest?

Can career ambition and life's passion co-exist?

There is a type of people. They are the straight and narrow traditionalists. They go to college, find a mate, begin their career, add to the beloved 401K, climb the industrious ladder, start a family, retire in 30 years and so the fairytale goes. More often then not, they despise their job but embrace the health benefits and the dreams they had as children are unfairly transferred to their offspring...and the cycle continues.

That is not my legacy. Security is to be revered. And structure commended.

 I often crave them both.  But at what cost will you seek them? 

I believe some suffering is a necessity of life. I believe unnecessary suffering is self imposed and steals our life.  

We do have a choice in our happiness.  And knowing where your passion lies is the number one step towards it....

My choice to freelance remains to be seen. 

But something about this weather makes me want to get drunk...

"A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams." John Barrymore

Are you blissfully living, or biding your time?

Daily Grind

"Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning." Job 11:17

"We all live with the objective of being happy. Our lives are all different and yet the same." Anne Frank

Oh my God. Forgive me. For I do not know fear, worry, tears, imprisonment or desperation. I've only had mere glimpses.  

Today is dismal. I haven't had many back to back days of not working here. Tomorrow makes three. A cold rainy day in Manhattan. 

Some serious time for self-introspection.  Hard to believe I waited until sundown to uncork a bottle. Questions. Reflection. Doubt? Maybe. 
Looking though blurry eyes at the screen, I am most certainly running the gamete of emotions. I can't believe it is April. There is no argument that time is fleeting.  My broad focus upon arrival turned narrow( with first paycheck) has quickly spread wide on the horizon again and I am back sending resumes to non descript vocations. 

Two more writing opportunities have presented themselves to me. This is actually a great compliment as the publications found me via freedom. The catch: They both want me to write for free.   Now, I am not too proud for that. I also know that having my byline is a stepping stone into the real world of publishing....This is a good thing.  The problem, who in the hell can be creative when my mind is fixated on earning $400 to make rent by the weekend? No, I will not be massaging in Chinatown...
BUT....Writer David Sedaris is granting me some serious comic relief in my challenging locale. He moved to NYC when he was exactly my age. With grand dreams to walk into a lavish and lucrative writing career, he spent painful and laughable days as an elf in Santaland at Macy's on 34th Street making ends meet... using the experience to facilitate his rise to one of the greatest short story writers to date.  

So it's back to the want ads... 

"In the middle of Difficulty lies opportunity." Albert Einstein

Do you judge people by what they do or or they are?

Something about that Name

For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them. Matthew 18:20

When you hear the word church, you often associate it as a noun and being a structure or building for public Christian worship. My pastor in Atlanta, Michael Youseff refers to his two thousand plus congregation, Church. Not the fours walls and steeple but the people. I refer to church as being whenever and wherever I talk about the Lord to people. In fact just yesterday, me along with two unsuspecting actors braving the Brooklyn Bridge wind tunnel, came together with one name on our shivering lips. Jesus Christ. 

Now working as a background blur on popular television shows is nothing short of a fantastic trip. I say this with all sincerity. For one thing, variety. Its different every single day, you never know what location in which they're shooting, nor what church catacombs you will be held in (seriously, holding has been in four churches), or what personality you will be portraying. While you're making $100 a day, your in the same scenes with the stars making $450K an episode...

Secondly, a life of an extra is a bizarre underworld of the most dynamic, obnoxious, fascinating, talented, sub-par, disgraceful, and interesting characters you will ever find. From a 300 lb bald retired FDNY to an Hasidic Jew from Hoboken, the gang's all there.

 And you're stuck together for hours at a time, watching each other change wardrobes, set in scenes you are incessantly repeating.  Everyone is jumping their cues chasing the camera, on their feet for hours, praying for fame, and just trying to make a living. This is NOT under any circumstances for everyone. But for those of us who it is, WE thrive in it.

Standing between two gentleman in a City Hall courtyard portraying very important District Attorney's, I found two more believers in the Big Apple. The antithesis of one another. Preacher, a Jersey born raw in your face biker from Daytona to Sturges sporting a fu manchu preaching the word of the Lord to federal prisoners with a mouth like a sailor. He knows he' s saved by Grace. Michael, a charming clean cut tall drink of water southerner who has been in musical theater and performance as long as he can remember (including my favorite Opryland) also spoke of his strong faith in our Lord and Savior. There we were on camera revealing our hearts and discussing the power of Jesus in our lives,surrounded by the holy spirit. A non-secular Law and Order... I found this just astounding... and just another day at the office.

Somethin tells me
Its all happening at the zoo.

The monkeys stand for honesty,
Giraffes are insincere,
And the elephants are kindly but dumb.
Orangutans are skeptical
Of changes in their cages,
And the zookeeper is very fond of rum.. Simon and Garfunkel

Be it cage or cubicle, are you singing your song?

Pace Car?

"I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me." Psalm 3:5

"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow." Scarlett O'Hara

I make no apologies for the brevity of this post. My eyes are burning from exhaustion and I'm chilled to the core. The bone crushing wind coming off the East River in Lower Manhattan and 12 hours on the set of Law and Order today has landed me in bed, belly full from Thai Angel delivery, and a burnt brain craving the mindless boob tube versus oh I don't know...functioning.

As always, a day on a TV set provides endless colorful content to fill the screen. But alas, in my current state of mind, I could not begin to do it's character's justice. It's not brain surgery, nor is it laborious labor, but the time commitment taxes the joints and takes the juice...

After limping home and cursing the director's broken record of 'reset once more',  I was greeted with four checks in the mail...so I'm going back for another round...

After all, tomorrow is another day!

If my work affects my work, which work should I relinquish?

 

Come One, Come All

"Is it not written: My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations? But you have made it a den on robbers." Mark 11:17

Here is my problem with organized religion. Marginalization.

When Jesus went into the temple that was segregated into two areas, one for the believing Jews (sacred) and the other, an outer Court of the Gentiles (not sacred) and saw the money exchangers and vendors all dominating with their business affairs,  he angrily condemns them and speaks those words.

A house of prayer for all nations...

Not a house of judgement, Not a house of ritual, not a house of condemnation, not a house of regulation. But a house of prayer for ALL nations.

I have NO idea what makes a Baptist, a Methodist, a Presbyterian, an Episcopal, a Latter Day Saints any different or above the next. I just know I believe in Jesus. And he's above them all.

Out of all of the churches I have visited since arriving in Manhattan, communion has been offered twice to the congregation.

This misty grey morning I visited The River Church in the financial district on lower Manhattan. The lead pastor Charles Park began the church four years ago after he received his PhD at MIT in Economics...Holy Brain!  He preached about "crossing the moat" from your castle and reaching out to others...

After an amazing bongo drum driven song and praise, he called us all to prayer and communion.

Christians observe communion because the Lord told us to. It is a time to remember what Christ did for us. A time to examine our walk. And a time to proclaim the Lord's name until He comes again.  It it Christ's table alone and ANYONE is welcome to come to it who has the desire to put Jesus in the center of their life. Let me say that again. Anyone. All nations.

Have you ever been to a house of worship and been told you can not take communion because you are not of that faith?

I have. Hence the marginalization. It's bullshit. 

More reason why my peers close up like rejected clams at the mention of church. 

Here me now and here me well...In all free countries, Vatican City as well, no man can deprive anyone of us by spending time with the Lord.

Standing firm in that one y'all.

 

Who is on the outskirts of your kingdom?