Friday, March 1, 2013

Non Focused Awareness

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" Psalm 27:14

The day circled in red and mediated on for the last nine months has come to pass. An hourglass whose sand falls at a steady cadence on an even surface is as elusive as the Dodo Bird in his nest. Time ticks away these subsequent calendar days and my moments of absentmindedness kick into high gear. Gears that have stalled or decided that neutral was the optimal position. I've reached an anterior position, as the bug's head presses further into my pelvis making my bathroom breaks more noticeable. Speaking of notice, wasn't February 27th explicitly spelled out as the cut and dry eviction date? Who didn't get the memo? Are God and Baby taking a certain amount of delight in their closed door conversation that keeps me on the fringe? The brink of insanity? I'm ready to kick in the lock and seize my property. You can have my breasts, I want my freedom of movement. I want my uterus back. A uterus that freezes up every time my cell phone pings another question from inquiring minds. No, I haven't had my baby yet. No, I haven't as you so delicately asked, popped out my kid. How's about I pop a mother's little helper and sleep until labor? Oh sleep....A bygone era. A time of restful repose. A quiet world where pineapple was a fruit, not a cervix softening means to an end that I blend with ice and chug with chilling anticipation. Is anticipation making me late? It's certainly keeping me waiting.
He said come unto me and find rest for my soul for His yoke is easy and His burden is light. But my climbing weight is a burden. And despite my better self, I ask will he/she be worth the wait?

Every day you get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part....
T. Petty

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