Moments

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6:10-17

This glorious night will forever be stamped on my heart.

It wasn't an unruly night of debaucheries and old girlfriend's gone wild.

But hours of honest fellowship with my 19 year old soldier in front of a warm fire, who gave me the verse from Ephesians to cease my watering eyes.

What if this time is the last time?

Chance

"For the sake of my family and friends, I will say, “Peace be within you.” Psalm 122:8

It took me having a very adult conversation with my nearly 35 year old self to come to this realization. I am not going to apologize to either of my parents about the mere mentioning of the others name. I will not worry if their paths cross or if I share a day's worth of fun with one and not the other. I am done listening to snide comments, 20 year old complaints and the pain of their failure.

I will not under any circumstances feel an ounce of guilt as to which side I'm spending on which Eve and what Day. Nor will I drive over the river and through the woods to make sure equal time is allotted the other 363.

Its high time for celebrating one rather large and extended family gathering (the gamble) or absolutely none at all (the safest bet one can make).

Guest List as follows:

The older entitled brother from my mother and an old lover; adopted by my unknowing future biological father.

Only later to have two much younger brothers from my father's second marriage and two stepsisters from the new wife's first.

Bring along an on again off again girlfriend of my father and her two less than willing equally touched by divorce teenagers.

Combine the drama with my mom's 12 year ex, his new wife, their surprise son, and the new Mr. Can't Do Wrong, Harley Davidson riding boyfriend and well this "Home for the Holidays" may be the beginning of the end.

So as I sit here amongst the aftermath...not a penny richer, not a penny poorer, I question myself. Is this a game I even want to play?

Do you know when to hold em and when to fold em?

The pain that comes with familial dysfunction is far too limiting.

I am constantly reminded of why I run...and grow while I'm far away.

I miss home...>>

Silent Night

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6

A peaceful snowfall in the Georgia pines is a break from the normal rattle and constant hum.

The race for raucous nights and faint fame has been silenced.

The fallen Magnolias block the winter trails from the weight of their heavy white dusting. The cold spring barely murmurs over the mossy ice covered rocks. It's just me.

I find solace in the whisper, catch the coldness on my tongue, and stop.

Stop the running and the worrying. The determination to exist in a wild, wild world with eight million others. And listen to the seeking questions I usually muffle or drowned with distraction.

I raise my hands and fall back without hesitation in the quiet powder and stare at the vast Christmas night sky. I sing to the Lord of all creation Mary's song, to pour over me His Holiness. Be the Light in my darkness. For He alone is worthy. I'll give Him all the Glory. For He is heaven's Perfect Lamb born today to save the nations. He's Our Gracious King. So, Rejoice. Celebrate. And adore Him.

Christ Our Savior is Born.

Did you experience the true Christmas?

"She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21

“Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” Luke 2:11-14

Hallelujah, he also brings good news...>>

This gives me hope for the "holy".

Now, I will drive even further south of the Mason Dixon line and find fodder for my book amongst my kin.

Why Bother if you Don't Believe?

Christmas can be a very difficult time to be in ministry. 

You may think, “How can that be? The season of celebration for Christ’s Advent should be the highlight of the year!” And you’re right. Every Christmas, God does amazing things in the lives of people that love Him, and for that we should all rejoice.

The difficult part, however, is that, in reality, there will be millions of people gathering in churches, hearing the truth of the Gospel, singing the carols of the faith, who will let the truth of Christmas go in one ear and out the other. That is difficult to watch because of what Christmas is. Christmas isn’t merely a nice story we tell every year. Christmas, in all its uniqueness and wonder, is God’s declaration of His only plan for the redemption and reconciliation of man to Himself. Christmas is God reinforcing the only way to salvation by sealing it with His miraculous signature.

There is no better example of that than the virgin birth. What purpose would cause God to bother with such intricate detail. The virgin birth is a central truth in the Christmas story because of its uniqueness. Only the virgin-born Savior is free from original sin, the hereditary condition of man passed from every father to every child since Father Adam.

Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit so that He was born perfect, as any sacrifice for our sin must be. His extraordinary life and ministry followed the pattern of his birth. He was born sinless through the virgin birth, and he lived a sinless life in the face of an Enemy who sought to destroy Him. He was born holy and pure, and He died as a falsely accused criminal who remained sinless and perfect. He was miraculously conceived, and He was miraculously resurrected. The virgin birth gave precedence to the power and glory of God that would be displayed throughout Jesus’ earthly ministry.

The unique truth of Christmas points to the unique truth of our redemption through Christ’s sacrifice. Why? Only a person, sinless from birth to death, can pay the penalty for sinners. Jesus was uniquely born for that purpose.Not only did God establish the power and trajectory for the work of His Son on earth with the miraculous work of Christmas, God also set apart Christianity from any other belief. You’ve heard people suggest, even demand, that Jesus is only one of many possible ways to God. The uniqueness of Jesus’ birth disallows such conclusions. In the Christ child, God was declaring to us that there is no other way.

There is no amount of good works, no degree of managing our evil desires, no hedging of bets that will provide the forgiveness of sins we so desperately need. Our hearts even cry out for the forgiveness for which we long. Our nature, however, wants to believe that we can provide our own forgiveness. Our nature wants to make its own path, its own rules, and its own belief system. Our nature doesn’t want to embrace truth. Our nature doesn’t want to believe Jesus is the only plan for humanity’s salvation. The purpose of the Advent of Christ tells us that our nature cannot be trusted. Our salvation is accomplished in like fashion as the Incarnation—by God’s design, for God’s glory, and for our good. If there were another way, there would be no Christmas. Jesus would not have had to leave His Father’s side in glory for the womb of a virgin. Because Jesus is the only way, Jesus came to us in obedience to His Father.

Because Jesus is the only way, He was born in miraculous power. Because Jesus is the only way, we have Christmas.When you read the Christmas story this year, bring a fresh perspective of the truth of Christ. God’s purpose is revealed in every detail, even down to the young girl that carried our Savior in her womb. God is telling us that salvation has come in authority and power. God is telling us that salvation has come, and it’s only through faith in Jesus, who is the Christ, our Savior.

Dr. Michael Youseff

Birthright

“And you, my child, will be called a prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare the way for him, to give his people the knowledge of salvation through the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven” Luke 1:76-78

And put a rush on it because these guys aren't heeding the warning...>>

Have you caught yourself saying...hurry Lord come?

Ways to wind down after my debut performance at Upright Citizens Brigade...

Why this sounds simply lovely on a cold December Eve...>>

Instead, I'll be shaking my hot purple groove thing with a Prince..>>

Twas A Work Day

"And Mary said: “My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name.” - Luke 1:46-47, 49

Flurries were falling as I sat at the bedroom window, swallowing the last lump of my tepid maple oatmeal. I stalled in putting on my fourth layer of down as the radiator was starting to spit... Fifteen degrees wind chill and a 7 AM, two train commute to the necessary evil J-O-B don't necessarily set my weary wheels in motion.

But Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and today she was my employer.

And with the simple phrase, "Let's Play Hookie", so began the magical day where a jaded woman like me is swooped into a fantasy land of pure childhood glee.

A full cream gingerbread latte warmed my inside and the heated seats of car service warmed my back hide.

Now dash away all to Rockefeller Center where sleigh bells jingle and Kathy Lee and Hoda's plastic smiles twinkle.

Where Jolly men in red fat suits surround the glorious bright tree.

And the freezing violinist plucks O Holy Night on his vibrating strings.

Stand in the glow of St. Patrick's Cathedral by Fendi's dripping icicle lights.

Pick a Present at Bergdorf's then dine on truffle butter Lobster, overlooking the park's winter blight.

Henri Bendel Jewelry under the shining chandeliers...

Escape from swarming FAO Schwartz hell and the whining tears. AHHH!

Admire SAKS window dressings and $1800 Chanel shoes...

Eat Chocolate Ganache, Candied Ginger, Peppermint Icing, and whatever dessert I choose!!

Carriage rides up Central's Westside.

A beaming smile on my face.

Yes, enjoying holiday indulgence can be done with style and grace.

Hip Hip Hooray, let me sing and cheer.

And raise a bubbling glass for enduring this entire last year.

THANKS YH.

Amongst the giving and getting, and eating and greeting...

Will you remember the real reason for the season?

Yes! And....

"These are the things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts." Zechariah 8:16

Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything. ~Kurt Vonnegut

"Yep, leave it to the prim and proper southern girl taking it to church or the gutter; works for her every time." Said an Improv classmate over discounted draughts with our student ID's.

Let me give three Amens for Improv Comedy bringing back honesty, political incorrectness, and me graduating from 101!

When you judge a book by its cover, how many times are you wrong?

**Now come see my show this Saturday, 5:30 at UCB

Rolling the Dice

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything." 1 Corinthians 6:12

I've been heavily considering this quandary for the last few weeks. In order to become a better writer, I have to write and do so incessantly. In the same vein, in order to deepen my knowledge of prose, character development, story-telling and context, I have to read what's been written and a lot of it. Both of these pleasure principles eat up a considerable amount of my downtime.

But in order to truly hone my craft, I have to gather information in hours of research..So please excuse my leave of absence as the neon lights here started to dim and I had to go live and live wild....

It is for my book after all.

I'm gonna keep on the run
I'm gonna have me some fun
If it costs me my very last dime
If I wind up broke up well
I'll always remember that I had a swingin' time

Viva Las Vegas, Viva Las Vegas,
Viva, Viva Las Vegas...The King

Did you think I'd been kidnapped by the one arm bandits??

You were right.

My Muse

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.” John 15:5,8

Some unsuspecting member of my Improv Team made the glorious mistake of mentioning "religion rules" in their monologue which gave me endless material in each one of my politically incorrect and highly offensive sketches, making last night a praise-worthy power performance.

Yep, he still shines through the raucous and blaspheming comedienne in me and forgives my self-righteousness.

If God is everything, can't he be the punchline?

They lit it for the 8th night of Hanukkah.

But forgot Pearl Harbor.

I'm sorry I did too.

God Bless the Memory.

And John Lennon.

Purpose Driven

"This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God." 2 Corinthians 9:12

Another morning of reheated coffee and fiber filled cereal.

Another morning questioning my role on this roller coaster.

Options for work today are as follows:

1.Nude Photo Double for Andrew McCarthy.

2. Russian Mobster willing to brave wind on Brighton Beach Boardwalk.

Can't you feel them both just teeming with grand purpose and contribution?

Here's how the spin top selling man on the R train showed his worth:

"Waz wrong with ya people? Don't you be havin no manners? Idiots, get up off your asses, and give dis woman wit a baby yer seat. Dumb Asses wit no brains. You should be ashamed ofyerselves. Where de hell were ya'll raised? Idiot asses, let de woman sit."

Here's how The Bowery Mission spreads its worth:

Preaching the words of Jesus in Matthew saying, "Come unto me you who are weary and I will give you rest." while spooning out hot chocolate, chili and sandwich's to the line wrapped around the corner on the coldest day of the year.

Can you tell me which one of us is right?

Say goodbye to some of old New York...>>

Sadly more disappearances...>>

And the one frame that didn't get lost on the cutting room floor.

Silent Night

"And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat." Mark 6:31

...Deflated Improv Class Debacle. Husband's High School Reunion. One Too Many Irish Jigs. Mother In Law Marathon Visit. Canal Street Hustle. Sharp Freezing Wind. Hot Shattered Glass. And A Trio Hosted 2nd Annual Progressive (Drinking) Dinner Accomplished.

I've earned this Sunday.

Yes, there are days when I long to be invisible. To go about my walking rhythm unseen. And unsmiling. To only listen to silence and witness a nary. To not bump a shoulder, be asked for a dime, or divert my eyes from each passerby. To not look out my window and see naked bodies drinking milk at their fridge, young skaters building ramps outside my door, or delivery bikes feverishly pedaling the wrong way. But the purring streets of Manhattan don't lend that grace.

So to celebrate the official arrival of a flurried winter and shopping season, I will close my blinds tightly and make love to my bottle of Ronnybrook Farm Egg Nog in pure solace.

That is if the hot rod outside will quit dancing on his Harley's accelerator.

When is the last time you saw Peace on Earth...Goodwill to man?

*I miss my POLITICAL blog. It seemed less narcissistic.

Two Words

Though I would like to speak from the top of my intelligence, alas I fall so short.

Bourbon and Midtown is all I can utter this fine NY dawn.

You live longer once you realize that any time spent being unhappy is wasted. ~Ruth E. Renkl

Heaven's Recruiting in Harlem

"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12

No Secrets Here

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." John 1:1

It was the dripping wet, blustering chill in the air that thrust me into -This Little Piggy's- storefront. It was the five miles I ran with damp feet that made me order the roast beef with extra cheez whiz roll. But it was my obsession/sin about money that instigated a mind altering conversation with the owner.

The small walls covered in personalized dollar bills easily added up to a thousand notes and I felt a pining sensation in my empty belly. Sensing my hunger, he offered some sound advice about the Law of Attraction.

"What you speak becomes who you are."

I asked him what philosophy or religion he placed this notion.

"New Age." he replied. "If you think you will never have enough money, you would peel my wallpaper, you will always be without."

Humbled by the truth he saw by the doubt in me.

Strengthened by the fact that nothing about this practice is new...just another biblical principle I forget to pursue.

I left with a fistful of pastrami on the house and a positive smile on my lips singing gray skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face.

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." Proverbs 23:7

Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, "Be taken up and cast into the sea," and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says is going to happen, it shall be granted him. Therefore I say unto you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they shall be granted to you." Mark 11:23-24.

"The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings out that which is good, and the evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings out that which is evil, for out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks." Proverbs 6:45

"When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." James 3:3-5

"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:7-9

Are you spreading sunshine?

Unbalanced Scales

Shame on Wiki...>>

And shame on Texas too...>>

Monday Morning Mantra

"But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips." Collosians 3:8

"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil." Psalm 37:8

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Repeat 3X...And remain calm.

Cooked Goose

"And the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it." Ecclesiastes 12:7

"I know how much your loss must grieve you, "but here's a thought i'd like to leave you: Although you're sad remember that... now god is petting your pussycat. " Steve Martin from The Lonely Guy

There is an overwhelming amount of blessings in my life to be thankful for.

And this holiday gave me one more reason to relay...

A day full of Bailey's coffee, bloated cartoon balloons, a showering of the last golden Ginkgo leaves in Central Park, handmade Polish pierogies and bourbon spiked Egg Nog, made the meeting of my highly medicated neighbor, distraught in the stairwell a sobering halt to the indulgent festivities.

Mascara stained she screamed out, echoing off the marble steps, "Is he breathing?"

Whereas a thundering voice came from above, "I'm not an expert."

I was caught in the crossfire.

In my attempted escape to get out the door to breathe in Empire State's seasonal colors, she raised her blood stained eyes to mine and whispered my name, "...will you check?"

Feeling no pain myself, I make the ascent into a smoke filled room to rub my hand over the stiff, glazed eyed, nineteen year old Siamese and confirm that her pussy had indeed passed.

Does seeing another day make your grateful list?

Every Promise in the Book is Mine

“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.” -Colossians 3:16

Do I believe him when he says, Religion Destroys? Sadly, I do.

Never before in my 27 years of self professing faith have I experienced such hatred rejection than I do in this city.

I am not what anyone would claim to call a mainstream Christian but I don't compromise the word of God.

If you thought otherwise, you've been listening to the self elevated man and his self serving interpretation for way too long.

I'm going to see him on Sunday and yes, I have my own opinions...

Jay Bakker>>

Have you thought about finding your own?

Because its just that good...



The Judd Girls from Kentucky put it best...

WHY NOT ME?

In Preparation

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.” - Psalm 100:4-5

Or do you have other plans?

Does That Make Me Crazy?

"And as he was saying these things in his defense, Festus said with a loud voice, “Paul, you are out of your mind; your great learning is driving you out of your mind.” Acts 26:24

I blatantly walked out of the comedy sketch show I paid $5 for tonight. For one, the olives I bought at the bodega were threatening to leak into my bag and draw too much attention to the contraband they were and two, it absolutely had zero humor worth lending even a nervous laugh towards, let alone the Lincoln bill I had to pay Chase Manhattan Bank two dollars to attain.

No, I will not be introspective and blame it on my age and not understanding kids these days...

I just don't see the punch line in a boyfriend and girlfriend drinking Four Loko, screaming obscenities at one another, and throwing their newborn baby headfirst onto the floor.

Call me uptight.

So I walked by the Chelsea Hotel cursing Upright Citizens Brigade and their no refund policy, where I ran into a transvestite in five inch heels smoking a Virginia Slim. She? obviously needing company was quick to meet my acquaintance.

I simply told her, I was rushing to buy wine, go home, drink a healthy amount and write my blog.

And then the loaded question...

"What's your blog about honey?"

My head spun around once and I told her it was about my saved by grace salvation that keeps me out of foam rooms and loose in the confines of the crazy streets of New York to soak up the ill and experienced.

Is that about right?

EV Grieves Namesake

New York Times Feature today has me second guessing the all too late arrival to

My Neighborhood...>>

Sometimes Salvation?

"Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else." Galatians 6:4

I'm ready to run.

I'm used to it. I normally have a threshold of approximately three years in a place. But ever since the sun started its descent at 4PM and the radiant heating clinks and tinks its late night lullaby, I'm ready to pack it in and say mission accomplished.

Mission being, New York... Success accomplished in New York, well that's relative.

Six weeks of bible study with (gasp) Rick Warren has done very little to fuel me forward in my contentment. In fact, his paraphrasing the bible and littering the book with personal inflections has done more to infuriate my already stress filled heart.

Disclaimer: For any one who is searching for the Truth, Reading Purpose Driven Life may point you in the right direction, but it is NOT The Bible.

But finally Hallelujah, chapter 32 got my attention. "Using what God gave you", wasn't news to me but a hard punch of a notion, I had forgotten.

Of course, I had let the latest fashion trip me on my scuffed heels and toss me towards the ring of fire in this dark city. I had done what Satan wanted me to do.

I've compared and conformed to those around me, forgetting my unique gifts, my personal testimony, my particular strengths.

I am an Evangeliser. I have been my entire life. I've built relationships based on His shining light inside me. I've navigated journey's with His enduring strength. I've experienced gain through His Glory. I've reaped all rewards by His hand.

And I've continuously shared this recipe with others.

Lately, I've ceased being a workman of God who is not ashamed of the truth and in that misstep, I've drastically missed the mark.

The Church exists for nothing else but to draw men into Christ, to make them little Christs. If they are not doing that, all the cathedrals, clergy, missions, sermons, even the Bible itself, are simply a waste of time. God became Man for no other purpose. --C. S. Lewis

What would happen if all your ways, became His?

Show Must Go On

"The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?" Proverbs 18:14

Pickled Vegetables from my favorite Vietnamese restaurant had me bowed over in the hair and makeup line in preparation for three overnight shoots with Jim Carey. Stricken with a severe bout of food poisoning, watery eyed, I request to be dismissed from set with breath so toxic, even the most stoic of production assistants would crumble. They oblige.

In bed today, on my second dose of charcoal, I call casting to whimper my ill-fated explanation.

They hang up on me.

I run to hit the toilet just in the nick of time.

This should explain my lack of writing in the past and my lack of working in the future.

Screw Show Business.

Could this be my last curtain call?

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” Henry David Thoreau

Banging my sweaty head against my Yoga Mat, I search for meaning to my madness and find it in the little things.

Feeling sheer joy at my Boardwalk Empire Debut.

Damn Straight Namaste

"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones." Proverbs 3:7-8

When asked what to do when one comes to a difficult fork in the road, Hall of Famer Yogi Berra responded...Take it!

Through much prayer and Chinese massage, I've decided on my path to a pain free life, I'm going to have to commit myself to a devout practice of Vinyasa yoga and a considerable amount of the medicinal marijuana.

So in the words of a favored Yankee....

Texas, I'll take it...>>

Or is the magic potion in a synthetic capsule full of man-made chemicals, with severe side effects a better option?

Content. No Couldn't Be

"If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you." Matthew 10:13

Here's one thing about East Village that gives it a small town feel...I can put a pair of gently loved shoes on my stoop or a bag of clothes by the corner garbage and in a New York minute, the shoes have walked proudly past me and the clothes are marked high at the local sidewalk sale.

This makes me smile fondly towards my city.

So does this...

Snapshots of the neighborhood amidst this glorious extended Fall.

Courtesy of EV Grieve...

Don't the all knowing say, home is where the heart is?

V is for Valor

"This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God." 2 Corinthians 9:12

“I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.” ~Thomas Jefferson

Navigating the New York City morning commute is not a peaceful process.

It is one thing to endure the cat calls from the Super next door, dodge the Guatemalan scrubbing down the sidewalk with bleach, get called a Bitch in Polish for not taking her "We Buy Gold" flyer, walk against uptown traffic amid the horns, sirens, and exhaust, curse the clickety clack of the heels gaining on your own, negotiate the dolly's full of delivered cans of Alpo and packaged Halvah, to ultimately get blocked out when the F train finally arrives and the doors open.

But to crawl through these hoops and jump these angry obstacles to go to a mediocre job, with a thankless boss, for a measly hourly rate, to compete against the equally as hungry, hustling in a city whose standard of living is absurd at best is well, a painful process.

Except this morning.

Just when I tucked my chin into my tightly wrapped scarf, the thunderous roar of a Harley Davidson raised my eyes to the horizon of East Houston and a smile spread through them.

A noise what normally would make me cringe sounded like the songs of angels as hundreds upon hundreds of motorcycles rumbled up 1st Avenue flying the most beautiful colors of Old Glory and stark POW MIA flags off the back of their leather seats with a sense of pride you could touch and feel.

We live in the greatest country in the world and our freedom is bought time and time again with shed blood and immeasurable bravery. The men and woman who put themselves on the line to defend our honor, our constitution, and our waving flag are protectors, warriors, and heroes. Their unwavering commitment to their duty to maintain our safety should be revered and remembered. And we owe them not just gratitude.. but our lives.

Happy Veterans Day.

"I'm proud to be an American
where at least I know I'm free,
And I won't forget the men who died
who gave that right to me,
And I gladly stand up next to you
and defend her still today,
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A." LG

Did you say thank you?

Hot For Clever

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you."Psalm 32:8

A wine before improv class proved to be the creative impetus I needed, maybe that or just good scene partners.
Here's the thing about Improv; there are no certainties. Except, you gotta draw on life.

It was an absolute given that I would date my writing professor in college. I was in uncomfortable love with my Renaissance Literature teacher, but he was married , Midwestern, and Catholic so the pining lust was safely transferred to the more available rule breaker.

Yes, I found it incredibly inspiring to watch him divert his eyes during the lesson on how to build concrete characters knowing I had shared copious pints of frothy Bass with him and laid on his kitchen counter listening to YES albums the night before.

In fact, it reignited the coals I let grow cold in my meandering away from writing, awakening some talent I had not tapped. And after my final fiction short story, the one he told me I didn’t have to write, sat on the edge of his desk, I walked out of class knowing I wouldn’t see him again but would have the fodder to last.

I could use some of that inspiration about now.

"Take a straight and stronger course to the corner of your life.
Make the white queen run so fast
She hasn’t got time to make you a wife.
’cause it’s time, it’s time in time
With your time and it’s news is captured
For the queen to use.
Move me on to any black square,
Use me any time you want,
Just remember that the gold
is for us to capture all we want, anywhere."Yes


Can you ever have TOO much experience?

They Call It Progress

"This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus." 1 Timothy 2:3-5

East Village Soul churning out the Book of Truth...>>

Ah, but we digress.

Not An Easy Road

" Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.

Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil.

Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." Romans 12:9-21

Five months ago, sitting at a crowded table in the middle of Katz's Delicatessen, my baby brother asked me for a Sharpie so he could tag his life verse on the subway walls, and show New Yorkers just what a Christian walk should look like.

I didn't. So he had it permanently written on his arm. And then joined the US Army.

Tonight I read it scribbled on the wall of his empty bedroom.

Hootenanny Y'all

"Sing the glory of his name; make his praise glorious." Psalm 66:2

And that's just what my Robinson Boys from Atlanta did...sang about the glory of the Lord in almost every one of their songs.

Poor Elijah

Garden Gate

Wiser Time

Thorn in my Pride

She Gave Good Sunflower

How Much for Your Wings?

She's Talks to Angels

Remedy

Halfway to Everywhere

Can I get an AMEN for two sets of worship and the soul of the mouth harp?

You Dopes

DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE...>>

180 Degrees=A Better View

“This is what the LORD Almighty says: ‘If you will walk in obedience to me and keep my requirements, then you will govern my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you a place among these standing here." Zechariah 3:7

Restoring Sanity and Control.

Thank goodness.

What do I love about America? The fact that its people want to stay America.

And we have a say.

Here's to honoring freedom and God blessing our country.

Let's celebrate.

Anyone for tea?

Checks and Balances

The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty. Proverbs 21:5

Sure signs 20th Century Fox is not feeling the effects of the recession...

1. Obtained movie rights for the 1938 children's book, Mr Popper Penguins by Richard and Florence Atwater.

2. Casted Jim Carey as the lead.

3 Built huge winter scene with arctic temperatures at Steiner Studios in Brooklyn.

4. Imported surly penguins and their trainers.

5. Brought in Visual Effects to computer generate additional dancing penguins.

6. Employed Teamsters to drive luxury 15 passenger vans to and fro from subway station on the hour.

7. Fitted one of many actresses (me) in floor length designer gowns, furs, and diamonds before deciding on the royal purple Ralph Lauren silk number with 4 inch Christian Louboutin heels.

8. Rented the Guggenheim for three consecutive days for one Gala scene in the middle of holiday season.

9. Hired Non Union and paid Union Wages.

10. Served full size candy bars and Gruyere grilled cheese at Craft Services.

Now, who needs tax credits??

Don't Get Strung Out...By The Way I Look

"Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes?" Proverbs 23:29

"No more massage. You, Doctor. No good."

Then my Chinese Body Worker took his hand and did a severe slitting of the neck motion and said, "You, Torn."

Coming from the man who insists on cracking my back with his fists, no matter how loud I groan or how much the person on the other side of the thinning curtain complains.

I crawl past the fish tank and back up to street level to face the light of day without the happy ending.

After all, my Balsy Broads Brunch in Brooklyn was today and nothing was going to break my stride.

Except maybe six seasoned actresses telling me as marketable Proctor and Gamble commercial material I am...I'm not getting work because my head shot is an outdated 1980's glamour girl.

And well I'm much more quirky and weird than that...

So tell me...is this the face you see in the words you read?

Ghost of June Cleaver meets the Village People?

Do Not Be Afraid

Birds Fly Over The Rainbow...Why Then Oh Why

Lucky Ducks who saw a double rainbow over Union Square this afternoon...

I saw a ten pound grey house cat fall eight stories, hit a upper west side woman in the head, and splat dead on the 72nd Street sidewalk.

Kudos to the Super who removed the remains before I could snap a shot.

Sticks, Stones, And The Search For Sanity

"Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind." Ecclesiastes 1:17

I couldn't hear the Director of Photography calling me by the wrong name as I was engaged in conversation with the stand in actress beside me. Quite possibly the only two women who have both been to Salzburg for the Sound of Music Tour and think the word Cunt can be sexy were discussing our similarities on a freezing cold set, while the name KIM resonated off the faux hospital walls, halting production. Oh dear, I hope they ask me back.

Cunt doesn't bother me. The C word does. As does the N word. We've fallen so hopelessly in line with political correctness and prescription drugs, we only seem to take off the mask behind closed doors. Until the words are out of our derogatory vernacular, we shouldn't be referring to them by their beginning consonant as a nicety.

Speaking of behind closed doors, I don't find the word sexy when my husband is spouting off in a petty ridiculous fit of rage that worries me and cracks a five year foundation. Its one thing to be called the wrong name.

Marriage is hard. Autonomy though isolating, is a butter cream frosted cake walk. I pray for discernment and a sweet taste in my mouth.

I don't write about my life in New York anymore as it has become just that...Life. A string of days which blend together in some sort of 'I should know where I'm going light', but dissatisfaction seems to shadow the shine.

It's true, after I've stepped over one too many tattooed covered bodies and their dirty empty bottles, come face to face with the werewolves and devils that run the streets, and realized that half the town is racing for some heightened pole position often through posturing, do I realize my limbs are tired from fighting back the inclination to become my surroundings.

Been thinking that I would find satisfaction in motherhood, then I catch a glimpse of the tired mom's hoisting diapered butts in wet swings at Tompkins Square Park and I think better of the conventional notion. I wonder when the toddlers replaced the needles and spoons...

Oh yeah, and then there's the name calling, I would detest perpetuating.

At this point in the show, do we just play the laugh track, keep calm, and carry on?

A Clear Head Is A Dangerous Thing

"Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong." Job 6:24

Solace brings reflection and stirs my biological clock.

But Manhattan brings me back to reality...>>

So what's next?

A Milestone

"As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." Isaiah 62:5

Not only did the Lord bless me with a marriage to my best friend, He graced me with a fellow believer in Him...who followed me all the way to New York.

Happy Anniversary. We've walked a LONG road baby.

An Inconvenient Truth

Will New Yorker's be the ones to put the hip back in DDT?

INVASION>>

"The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor." 1 Corinthians 3:8

Better to have tried the lot to know what we undeniably crave and what we can leave by the wayside.

There is satisfaction in filling a void.

Closer To My (I mean her) Mark

"Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food." Proverbs 12:9

Stand-In

n.

1. One who substitutes for an actor while the lights and camera are adjusted or during hazardous action

2. A substitute.

Stand-ins are helpful in the initial processes of production. Lighting setup can be a slow and tedious process; during this time the actor will often be somewhere else. Stand-ins allow the director of photography to light the set, the camera department to light and focus scenes. The director will often ask stand-ins to deliver the scene dialogue ("lines") and walk through ("blocking") the scenes to be filmed. In this way, a good stand-in can help speed up the day's production and is a necessary and valuable cast member on a film.

Me for Edie Falco.

Trust me, this is good news.

If We Couldn't Laugh...We'd All Go Insane.

"The wealth of the wise is their crown, but the folly of fools yields folly." Proverbs 14:24

The looks on New Yorker's faces this morning on the uptown B Train had to be the most depressing, dismal, defeating expressions I've witnessed to date. Good thing the freak show, also known as the Gubernatorial Debate is in town to light up their gloom.

Cue the 3 ring circus....

Jimmy McMillan- Rent is too Damn High Party. Agrees with Sinatra, if you can make it here, you can indeed make it anywhere and in reference to gay marriage..."You can marry a shoe." Retired Postal Worker and promises to create 3.6 million jobs. Uh?

Carl Paladino- Republican. Possible mobster. All else unclear other than he is bringing a "baseball bat" to Albany. Does NOT and I repeat does not want his children at a gay pride parade. Thinks people call him crazy cause his plan "scares to death." Has most certainly lost the Jew vote.

Andrew Cuomo- Democrat. Successful AG. Crooked as a country mile?

Endorsed by the conservative New York Post. Golden Son. Leans hard left. Yankee Fan.

Charles Barron- Freedom Party. Could be a Russell Simmons impersonator. "Asking Cuomo and Paladino to put an end to corruption is like asking the arsonist to put out the fires." He's a Black Panther.

Howie Hawkins-Green Party. Teamsters. Moderate Belly. This is his 17th time running for office.

Kristen Davis- Anti Prohibition Party. Includes weed, prostitution, and plastic surgery. Eliot Spitzer rumored to be an adoring fan.

Warren Redlich-Libertarian Party. Known Foodie. Favors heroin versus methadone to addicts. Obviously a purist.

Didn't our New York sweetheart, Barbara Streisand sing a song about this....?

Apple of His Eye

"I will give one tribe to his son so that David my servant may always have a lamp before me in Jerusalem, the city where I chose to put my Name." 1 Kings 11:36

Does this give new meaning to eminent domain?

The part can never be well unless the whole is well. ~Plato

I think I've rubbed up against one to many subway poles.

Somewhere

"Perhaps I will stay with you awhile, or even spend the winter, so that you can help me on my journey, wherever I go." 1 Corinthians 16:6

My ode to ole' New York.

8.5 million people and I ran into three friends in three different neighborhoods in one afternoon and each of them called me by name. How's that for small town?

Wouldn't it be nice if my writing took me somewhere...like down a well lit path littered with golden maple leaves and filled with the fragrance of wet rhododendron?

Where the full moon shone brightly on my bunion free bare feet and there were no wrong turns...or wrong verb choices.

I'd dance beside a rushing river of freezing cold Veuve Cliquot and sniff the perfectly aged stinky cheese dangled before me. My vision would be blurry from laughing hysterically at the rainbow colored dragonflies that danced atop the bubbles.

The black and white words would float with clarity and rhyme into a warm tunnel where my publisher would pat me on the back and sing familiar phrases...such as "New York Times Best Seller" and "Paramount wants the movie rights."

Wouldn't it be nice if my writing took me somewhere..like to the land of understanding and tolerance? A place where I was measured by my smile and contribution, not faith or political slant. Some handsome place resembling a melodious playhouse in a tall grass field; when it rained, it spored and the Brahma bulls smiled broadly at what they'd left behind. Yet, the adjectives became addictive. Every very ticking moment would feel like a sweaty resting Savasana pose and what would Jesus do wouldn't have such a bum rap as every living disciple would understand its awe-striking validity.

But...Would I settle for a SoHo office on Broadway?**

**Waiting for Scholastic

VIVA MIRACLE...>>

FOUND

“How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing and fools hate knowledge? Proverbs 1:22

While the masses celebrated a mistaken Italian hero uptown...

The bomb squad unearthed this downtown...>>

And I struggle with the notion that it may be too late to become a registered NY voter...>>

Three social events this weekend and my belief system still in tact, despite the naysaying anal probing.

If global warming is true, will this city be the first to be swallowed in the sea of fire?

Indeed.."Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

JL

I missed it by an hour.

And because of Mark David Chapman, Lennon did by 30 years.

The Ten Percent

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment." 1 Timothy 6:6

Oh I feel like a naughty sexually oppressed soccer mom...letting the hot coffee slide down my throat as I watch the boys from the FDNY unleash the building pressure of the gushing hydrant below my window...

They sure do grow them hearty in the Northeast.

I'm obviously smack dab in the middle of my ovulation cycle.

And my more than willing husband is at work.

What's a girl to do?

--------

Plum thrilled there is a Pulitzer Prize winning playwright out there handling mental illnesses with harmony. Our struggle to handle the pain and the inner conflict to maintain a solid image just doesn't get the critical acclaim it warrants.

It's all a load of nonsense anyway, wrapped up in a perfect package with unraveling threads; Where people hide their grief, insecurities, and measuring stick behind a pleasant facade while inside they're kicking and screaming to hold the glue together for one more day.

I'd rather let it all hang out.

Like moaning with a friend, reflecting on our burning childhood desires, still unfulfilled in our 30's over creamy piles of Alfredo.

Something about reading each others purple stained lips of despair gives meaning to the rat on a fast track in a locked cage life we find ourselves living the second week of October.

Is Kerouac correct...will we wake up from this exhausting exotic dream?

------

"The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something." Randy Pausch

My head hurts.

Thinking I should rework my news reel with my best Crystal Carrington segment and Papa Don't Preach out takes.

Thresholds have different girths.

Tolerance levels have extreme depths.

So why question my relentless chase for contentment?

Next to Normal

"Use your edge".

This coming from a therapist in college when asked what she thought about anti-depressants.

And this...for all you escape artists who think meds are the answer.

"There was a time when I flew higher,
Was a time the wild girl running free would be me
Now I see her, feel the fire
Now I know she needs me there to share
I'm nowhere

All these blank and tranquil years
Seems they've dried up all my tears
And while she runs free and fast
Seems my wild days are past

But I miss the mountains
I miss the dizzy heights
All the manic magic days
And the dark depressing nights
I miss the mountains
I miss the highs and lows
All the climbing, all the falling
All the while the wild wind blows
Stinging you with snow
And soaking you with rain
I miss the mountains
I miss the pain

Mountains make you crazy
Here it's safe and sound
My mind is somewhere hazy
My feet are on the ground
Everything is balanced here
And on an even keel
Everything is perfect
Nothing's real
Nothing's real

And I miss the mountains
I miss lowly climb
Wandering through the wilderness
And spending all my time
Where the air is clear and cuts you like a knife
I miss the mountains

I miss my life.....

Broadway blowing my relatable mind once again.

High Noon...

"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." Ecclesiastes 1:9

A new voice is being heard in American today.

It is a voice that has been silent too long.

It is a voice of people who have not taken to the streets before.

These forgotten Americans finally have become angry.

They have not really found a voice in American politics but they are indeed angry.

And have reason to be.

How is the great mass of white working people to regain a sense of positive advantage from the operation of American Government, and retain a steady loyalty to the processes of American society, at a time when those above and below them in the social hierarchy seem simultaneously to be robbing the system blind and contemptuously dismissing all its rules...

May 17, 1969

Letter to President Richard Nixon

From Daniel Patrick Moynihan

Sound Familiar?

Rains and Pours

"We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God." 2 Corinthians 5:20

Today I sat on the 35th floor on Lexington Avenue overlooking the dreary East River as autumn continued its damp entrance and A Legal Mind (another cop show) made its slow go at four long scenes.

A supermodel to my right reading Joyce Meyer and a theater major quoting Billy Graham to my left; me in the middle eating my words regarding the lack of Christians in Manhattan.

Tonight, I found my personal psychoanalysis, marriage therapy, and spiritual renewal at my Tuesday night Bible Study in East Village.

Questioning myself....why did I wait so long?

Oh the joy of bringing Glory to God by telling others how He's moved in my life.

Hallelujah to the King of Kings and being bolstered by other believers.

Who knew I would write 600 posts?

Season Ender

Chinatown Fung Wah bus to Boston...$15

Pre-Game Hair of the Dog...$8

Getting to see the Sox put a beat down in their Cathedral...priceless.

I love NY but I will NEVER love its Yankees.

Concrete Jungle

"And God said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." Genesis 1:20

Scientists are making the claim that New York is a new ecological spot, breaming with rich and diverse nature.

My beautiful red-tailed girlfriend overlooking the spinning DJ at Tompkins Square Park agrees.

Do you really think WE can destroy His creation?

Gossip Girl's gone slumming in the East Village? >>

The White Horse (the other version)

"He who works his land will have abundant food, but he who chases fantasies lacks judgment." Proverbs 12:11

Saw a heroin bust today. The culprit squatted, handcuffed under the awning, finding refuge from the rain.

While the NYPD separated crumbled baggies from the fresh needles, I looked at the guy and thought of how many dimes I'd put in his beat up McDonald's coffee cup on my way racing to the train.

Damn him, he's been making more money than me and I'm the good intentioned enabler.

At least I'm an honest working blur...right Mr. Big?

Chasing the dragon, or chasing the dream, can you tell me the difference?

Master of the Puppets

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10

My Bible Study group has urged me to do less.

They don't know much about me yet.

Other than I feel the most sane when I'm speaking in tongues. I dropped that one on our 2nd introduction.

I considered George Bernard Shaw's words as I leaped four steps with my nose plugged this morning. Apparently someone decided to take a poop in the Lower East Side subway stop and the heat of the constant F train was heating it up nice and ripe.

"This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy."

It seems dabbling has a way of drawing the focused attention away from my purpose. And I'm finding it easy to confuse all this manic activity with productivity.

Damn, while we think it is the paycheck that keeps us afloat; It's the meaningless work that drags us down under.

I'm trying to figure out which string to cut.

So just what happens when you're a Jack of all Trades?