No More Apologies

"And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Dear precious son of mine,

I write this to you from my knees.

You left the Lord and His angels six weeks ago.

And while I am blessed beyond measure to have you, I am so sorry your peaceful existence has ceased.

I'm sorry you have come into a suffering world where hate and violence reign supreme. Where members of the human race disregard the true miracle of human life and take it without a regretful glance or mournful thought.

I'm sorry your chin quivers when you cry.

I'm sorry your fists clench in pain with gas from my Tabasco Sauce addiction.

I'm sorry I don't get to you before you call out for me. Or when I have to put you down. Or when I can't soothe you with my words.

I'm sorry I yell at your Daddy because his world has not changed as much as mine.

I'm sorry I tell you to stop when you are just doing what you know how to do.

I'm sorry.

Your Mama is flesh. And fails often.

I love you and I'm doing the best I can.

One Month

In diapers, in spit ups, in sleepless nights...
In gas pain, in swadddles, in loss of my hands.
In feedings, in sucklings, in why are you crying?

How do you measure a month?

In pee pee, in poo poo, in loads of laundry?
In cold food, in pacing, in bouncing on my knee.
In long hugs, and back pats, constant burping and sighing...

How do you measure a month in your life?

I'm not gone. I'm just consumed.