Sticktoitivness

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us."Hebrews 12:1

Sick and Tired.

I'm not talking about the coughing, hacking, sneezing, hollow eyed mid week MTA commuters.

Sick and tired is how I describe my swollen face, blood shot eyes, stuffy head, and weak and sore limbs. Just hung up with my casting agent. For the next 16 days, NBC Universal will be shooting three episodes in pure chaos tandem. Translating into double overtime. Resulting in mental and physical exhaustion.

I lie on the table this seasonably cold and dismal rainy night, as a former EMT in Harlem during the crack epidemic sticks needles into every one of my closed gates and manipulates them until my muscles spasm and spread shock waves through my tense body.

It's my therapy.

And my therapist says my skin, body, and brain are whacked out for two reasons:

Exposure: (ie New York does not agree with me and I should get the hell out)

or

Expression:(ie New York does not agree with me and I should get the hell out)

He also mentions post traumatic stress syndrome as another theory....My wrists both pop from the pressure and I close my eyes and feel the soft raft underneath my body float gently on top of the salty Caribbean.

Where it all (husband met, best friend murdered, secrets kept, Wachovia sued, money stolen, home lost, security suffered) started.

As he pulled the sharp points from the tips of my ears, I coherently decided that here (where I ultimately fled) is where it will end.

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are." Chinese Proverb

What's with the holding on?