One Down, Two down, Three Down Flu!

So we're here crying the domino blues.

There Is No I In Baby

"To be fully alive is not to simply drink deeply of life and be satisfied. It's to become a well, offering life to the world around you. That is what it means to be fully alive." Jason Jaggard

Signs, Signs.
 Everywhere There's Signs.
Fucking Up the Scenery.
Breaking my Mind.
Do this, don't do that.
Can't you read the sign?
Tesla (my favorite version at least)

I've been thinking about that song a lot.

Signs.
The blinking new gadget. The shiny new dress. The alarmingly popular phone apps that the NSA considers their wettest dream come true. The bright and flashing banner over your head saying "You need me, to feel value." We are bombarded.
All of these signs in one way or another keep us from being introspective and cause us to covet and stray far from what the Apostle Paul preached, which was learning to be content in every situation.
 In need. And in plenty.
The multitude of choices, options, the new and improved are simply a diversion from our path and God's purpose for our lives.

I liken the signs to all the Mommy Blogs out there.
You know the ones that give the rah-rah pep talks....
The women that say I'm enough. I'm a mom and that's sufficient.
 I call bullshit

I'm not. It's not.
And the repetitive mantra of these fellow sisters has my head spinning somewhere in between guilt and pressure.

Being a Mom is enough? Then why do I want more? Should I suppress these clear desires?
It's the MOST important job of your life! Then I should perform as such...and if I fail or stumble, the most important job won't be accomplished?!
Again bullshit.

As I told my near and dear women at my Moms group today, I fall short of the Glory of God on a consistent basis. I will never be enough. The fruits of my labor alone with never be sufficient.

The Lord says in 2 Corinthians, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness so that Christ's power may rest in me."

God's Sovereignty is sufficient.
I'm a Mama alright. I'm giving of myself. As Christ gave Himself to us.
For now, I am poised to be the face of God in this tough world to my son.
It is my prayer that my he will continuously see me on my knees in reliant fellowship and constant submission with the Lord.
And may that serve as a reminder that He must become greater, we must become less.

If I do that... That's enough.

This Is Your Life

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

One of my best girlfriend's called me yesterday.
She's back from two weeks on the Mayan Peninsula in Mexico and a quick jaunt to the French Quarter to ring in the first fabulous breath of this opportunistic new year. Her message alluded to seclusion, beach walks, putting her face in a mask to view the tranquil colors and soak in the warm salty sea with no one tugging at her knees or breasts.

Unfortunately, We missed each other.
I was immersed in the exciting gas line at Costco because my practical husband thought I should get out for some Mommy Time. It was 32 degrees and I chose the pump that you had to continuously squeeze to dispense the Petrol. I caught a good windburn.  My phone was cozy in the car.

But when we speak today, I will get to tell her of my intriguing outing to get fresh farm eggs on the down low off an elusive tailgate on Dock Street.
 I have a secret correspondence with my farmer who emails her location. 
But then again, I might be on a neighborhood stroll pointing and saying, "yes, pine tree" for the thousandth time and won't hear her phoning. Odds are if I'm up to my elbows in digested lentils or my fingertips are greased with butt paste, the window of San Francisco's time difference will pass, and I'll have to save the days titillating details for later.

 Oh I know, what a whining bitch I am! I can hear it now, "She should be so fortunate to have a baby she can stay home with and influence."  But in my world of relativity, the sympathetic "at least" statements don't have any bearing with me today.
My period is back after a 20 month hiatus, making me frighteningly aware that I could do this all over again.

God Willing:)

Dancing Backwards In High Heels

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Now, if I would have made some far fetched resolution in this turn of the calendar year, I would be stricken with an unwanted pressure to produce while my infant teeters on toddlerland, demanding I crouch behind his every "look mom no hands" attempts.
Since I have spent the better part of the holidays in an array of various lounge pants with minimum vocabulary retrieval, I know not to be so foolish.

However, it  was brought to my attention the embarrassing lack of frequency in which I pound out my thoughts for my personal affirming and the public's mild amusement.
As if I didn't already know my passion for writing has taken a way rear seat to more pressing matters of bodily functions such as sniffing, snotting, wiping and coughing...

What I am a missing is perspective...
Or is it the favorite buzz word for self helpers this New Year season?
Balance.

As I sit by the dying embers of the first fire of 2014, I am indescribably grateful for this past year.
A year that brought a miraculous son born to two fiercely independent vagabonds.
It has blessed and grounded us in one forceful, wonderful blow.
A new life in which I have to steal time to take a pee alone and sit in silence with my thoughts.  Thoughts these days that are limited in scope and subject matter, but mine all the same.
 It has become clear as crystal, this new found life has me dumbfounded and has literally knocked my legs, which I thought were solid right out beneath me.

Today I rinsed out another soiled diaper in the laundry room sink only to return to a running faucet and flooded floor hours later. I cut carrots and pears into bite size pieces, or so I thought as I banged on his back to cease the choking. I looked in the mirror and saw the days old ponytail with gray wisps and over sized sweatshirt had left the proverbial realm and become my reality.

And then the call came....Would I write a devotional for a mom's group and share my juggling, struggling, wisdom?

What? Write? Wisdom?  Are they kidding?

So tonight on the third day of the new year, I return to the discipline, embrace my beautiful mess, and pray for harmony to meet my discord.

 I can do this.