Punctuality is Polite

"I've learned not to make a big scene of contrition when late. One quick, sincere apology is the way to handle it. Lying is acceptable too, especially if your lateness is caused by nothing other than poor time management and inconsideration."


-Bob Morris

Excerpt from Social Graces column of this months Town and Country

I loathe this man's perpetuating of the entitled and Godless generation.

Walking Home By The Glow of the Neon Lights

Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28

I'm turning into one of those crazed women who doesn't leave her house except for cat food and brewers yeast. I haven't washed my hair since the day before Christmas Eve. It's gone through a varied way of being taking on a life of its own resembling oil slick to sexy bed head. I'm trying to adopt each character it evokes. Presently, it's just sticking to the side of my head in hopes that today will be the day I turn the faucet handle and brave the over zealous boiler's scalding water. I'm lying limp with it.
It's late December and I've slept with my window open for the last few nights just to offset the steam rising from the basement floor. It's okay. The privileged party has gone home for Christmas Vacation and NYU haunts sit empty by the early hour of midnight. I am relishing the somewhat quiet streets of East Village. But the camaraderie amongst the charcoal vodka guzzling crew is alive and well and has seemed to multiply this festive season.  I step over them often on my way to scour the shelves of the corner bodega and occasionally return the muffled Feliz Navidad they spit in my direction. I can tell by their bloodshot eyes, they recognize my familiar grey sweatpants. This makes me feel kindred in some fashion then painfully different at the same time.
At least they are socializing.
I let that pang of guilt pass me by and give my friendliest hello to my Middle Eastern counter man. He's come to look forward to our jovial two minute visits. No yeast so I buy a Virgin Mary candle instead and don't feel judged by my purchase. He's screaming at the bloody nosed chess player who has run for cover from his feisty opponent in the park and has interrupted our fellowship. Thinking I should have bought shampoo, I light the wick, take my natural Valerian Root sedative, breathe deeply in between the commonplace siren's pulses, and mediate on my near future and present condition.
 I call this behavior, resting.

What's your diagnosis?

It's Not The End, It's the Beginning

It's not that she hadn't considered the D word. She had.

But the bleakness of a weekday morning in her expansive home was too much to fathom. After a third cup of premium coffee and a few laughs with the women of The View, what would fill the vacuous space?
Loneliness. Or worse, enough time to figure out who the person she had become and why she bled so much hurt.

The idea of another red blooded man seeing her naked was appealing. She had an uncharacteristically fantastic body for a woman in her 40's and the voracious craving for sexual comments regarding it sent a quiver in between her taut legs.
The idea of another man touching her body was another story. She'd only known him.
Despite the night his older sister's friend breathed Wild Turkey on his blond bangs while taking his innocence on their Rec Room's orange shag carpet late Sophomore year, he'd only known her too.

Maybe this is what made their bond so unbreakable. Maybe it was the reason their resentment had its own slow pulse serving as a reminder of wasted youth. Spelling out H-A-T-E with every beat.

But divorce. It wasn't an option for the spit shined exterior of her well liked and widely accepted family.





So what was a girl to do?

Oh Holy Night

"And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear.  And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. ” Luke 2:8-11

Led by the light of faith serenely beaming,
With glowing hearts by His cradle we stand.
O'er the world a star is sweetly gleaming,

Now come the wisemen from out of the Orient land.
The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,

Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend!

NYC Circa 1950

Photo by Vivian Maier

The Circle Game

"A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever.
The sun rises, and the sun goes down, and hastens to the place where it rises.
The wind blows to the south and goes around to the north; around and around goes the wind,
and on its circuits the wind returns. All streams run to the sea, but the sea is not full;
to the place where the streams flow, there they flow again." Ecclesiastes 1:4-7

Yesterday, a child came out to wander...*

What if I just started writing? And my fingers did not cease. If I bent my wrists in an awkward position to hear the tap, tap, tap of my aging keyboard keys and the words appeared as fast as my thoughts flashed across my center lobe or the one responsible for processing this tireless stream of sharp emotions I sometimes fail to fathom.

And the painted ponies go up and down...*

But then I notice, when my brain responds to enough guilt or want to sit in front of the blank paper at an attempt to make sense of the madness, I sink into a deeper set of feelings, stronger than the nagging ones before. And my neuroses becomes aware of my pursed lips and tight jaw, my beating heart feels the pressure of the immeasurable angst leaning on it for reassurance. And me and my rather blessed life in my East Village Manhattan apartment starts to fear that that I'm not living large enough.

We can't return, we can only look behind from where we came...*

I recently went to a friend's Mom's deeply touching Memorial Service on the oh so, peaceful Upper West Side. A college friend recalled stories of her kindness, her vivaciousness for life, her sense of adventure and one story in beautiful particular was during their $5 a day European trip, her constant mantra was "I WANT TO HAVE AN EXPERIENCE WITH A CAPITAL E"

There will be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty. Before the last revolving year is through...*

I smiled.
Isn't that what everyone wants out of this mind numbingly short life?
Isn't that a good thing?

 Or in my case... is it an insatiable void I'll never fill?

*Joni Mitchell

The Other Half

"That's the perk of being a tenant here [The Trump Tower] is you spend $10,000 in monthly maintenance fees and have endless access to Jean Georges kitchen."

--Our waiter's reply when asked how the chef feels about serving chicken fingers to children in the Five Star Dining Room.

Rejoice, Rejoice

"Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, for he has visited and redeemed his people and has raised up a horn of salvation for us in the house of his servant David, as he spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets from of old." Luke 1:68-70

Emmanuel, God is with us. He has come. To redeem everyone that comes to Him.

The cross is the purpose of Christmas.

It's the season of Peace.

How you doing on that?

And on Every Street Corner You'll Hear

If there is anything that I have come to know by experience about New Yorkers is we are not idle.

As the last full shopping weekend falls upon us, City sidewalks, Busy sidewalks becomes the absolute understatement of the most wonderful time of the year.
And I've retreated up to my sweltering nest in the sky for some much needed alone time.

Unsilent Night* passes beneath my window tonight as all of the ancient boom box cassettes (yes I said cassettes) are tuned to chimes.  I can hear the bells...and I pour myself another Flower Power from the finger lakes of New York and open my window to the bitter wind of another northeast winter, then above the bustle, drink down the frosty beer in two swallows.

Life is full of simple pleasures. 

New York just happens to be full of creative minds who orchestrate thousands to their cause of fulfilling them to the fullest.

Apparently the finale procession ends at my Eastern park. And while they all pressed play on cue in Washington Square Park an hour ago, every tape is at a different part of the electronic Christmas carol and each bell tolls on it's uniquely own.

Sweet Genius Inspiration.

*Unsilent Night...>>

She Shines

Lovely Lady, you stand so proud and so tall.

Beautiful Lady, an inspiration to us all.

With your light, you made my life rich and free.

With your strength, you carry me along.

Lovely Lady, you are my song.

Shine on the East and Shine on the West.

Shine on my worst and Lady shine on my best.

Liberty.

-Charlie Teer

A Monday Morning.

I am sorry. I am so sorry that I can not capture the absolute strange delightfulness of my daily encounters...and the pleasure/pain they evoke simultaneously.

After a 4 AM alarm, I sit upright and see my breath, fasten a body warmer to my core, take the N Express train across the Manhattan Bridge, paranoid to close my eyes for fear that the heavy breathing gawker beside me, admiring my shoes might make a sudden move...exit at Sunset Park or as Realtors like to call it "South Slope" with its industrial buildings, condemned attached homes, and plastic bag strewn streets to tread lightly under the already bumper to bumper Gowanus Expressway, walk five dark blocks past the Brooklyn Marine Terminal with shattered windows and vacant shadows, around the corner to a mammoth steel oil tanker at port on the cold, calm Hudson River and the sun rising over Lady Liberty's torch.

This is set. And I'm 30 minutes early.

SantaCon 2011

It's quite a laborious feat to conduct business on a schedule on a Saturday with drunk on Macy's twinkling lights tourists, but to navigate Mnhattan's mania amongst these ho, ho, hoers puts a new spin on a jolly good time.

"For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity; but God is the one you must fear." Ecclesiastes 5:7

Clear sign I have become numb to the streets of New York...

As I rode the escalator down with the Reverend Al Sharpton, the crazed hungry eyes fell upon me.

And while the masses, flocked to the man of the people, I pushed past and opened the glass door to Herald Square and its cold madness.

Following his advice of if you play the theatrics too much, you get in the way of your own cause.

Young Conformist Puppets

'
"We made it so that they could not exploit us and that's awesome' -Tammy Shapiro- OWS

For the record, it's not what the episode is about... the irony here is the scene we couldn't shoot portrayed OWS in a sympathetic light.

Christ's Not In It...

"If I say, "I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name," there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot." Jeremiah 20:9

"To make Christianity a private affair while banishing all privacy is to relegate it to the rainbow's end or the Greek Calends." -C.S. Lewis

"Holiday" lights and "Holiday" trees adorn New York City in their grandeur.

It is a federal holiday when Christians celebrate, in the words of Isaiah the Prophet: “… to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government will be upon his shoulder, and his name will be called 'Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.'....."

So what is everyone else celebrating?

Excerpt From Freedom (The Other One)

He said that [she] who'd been left stranded to scavenge emotional meals on an island of great scarcity (Manhattan), should be forgiven for monopolizing conversations in her best attempt to feed herself.

-Jonathan Franzen

The present answer to perpetuating a day in the life of me and my opinion blog.

No Guts, No Glory

"But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged. But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world." 1 Corinthians 11:31-32


"Don't judge yourself."
That was the advice given to me by an actor on set after he inquired about my "lack" of blogging frequency. (I met this man on my first day on a television set in NYC...see Industry Lingo)

This comment perplexed me.

If we don't judge ourselves based on our actions or rather our inactivity then how will we know if we've met the mark or if we should correct our behavior. How can we chart our progress?

I'd just come from a casting meeting I initiated, where the agent apologized for not considering me, a white, blond, 30's, conservative, wife to say one measly line that would grant me $900 for the day and a few handy residual checks.

My co-workers told me it was ballsy. I said it was just a move forward.

I know there are people content and complacent?  I think that is more dangerous than chance.

For instance...

Got to the breakfast truck before dawn. It was dark. And a Monday.
 But something still did not look quite right.

Where were my walnuts? My favorite maple syrup? Our chef at the gill who knows exactly how I take my eggs and the story behind it? Our Colombian caterer brewing my ritualized Pedro's blend?

Gone? How? They worked for NBC for 12 years.
Got lazy?  Fired on the spot? And now they're at the tail end of the unemployment line....

Say what you will about the television/film business. (No Mercy Cut Throat) But it boils down to, they shuffled their feet and lost their seat. And it can happen to any one of us if we put our guard down.

I's tired. But I'd rather...
Conquer mountains tall and oceans deep,
Overcome every hill and dale,
Reach for the stars in the universe,
Dream big and dare to fail. -Glessing

Isn't it time to live a life that will stir your heart and motivate others?

Presto Chango

"Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5

And Gomer Pile said...Surprise, Surprise, Surprise.

The NBC powers that be just added another episode to our season.

That means at least another ten days tacked onto my stint in New York.

Which means another month extension on my lease.

And the money creeps in and flies out of my pocket.

Yep. In a New York Minute, everything can change...

But will the newest cast member debuting in January give us enough swooning staying power?