Thursday, June 28, 2012

Sick, Sick, Sick

"Government exists to protect us from each other. Where government has gone beyond its limits is in deciding to protect us from ourselves. Government’s first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." Ronald Reagan

ObamaCare: A violation of our individual rights, personal freedoms, and liberties as Americans.

It is another entitlement program added on to the growing and controlling federal government that can't afford it.

And most of this country is standing there with their hand out and open.



America, do you want to be Sweden?

I Individually Choose Healthy

"Cast all of your anxiety on him, because he cares for you." 2 Peter 5:7

"No, the blues are because you are getting fat or its been raining for too long. You're sad that's all. But the mean reds are horrible. You're afraid and you sweat like hell, but you don't know what you're afraid of. Except something bad is going to happen. And you don't know what it is. You've had that feeling?"

"Quite often, some people call it angst."

"All right. Angst. But what do you do about it."

Truman Capote-Breakfast at Tiffany's

Within minutes, the Supreme Court will release it's decision on Obamacare which will have a powerful impact on our health care, the presidential race, and the breadth of government control.

I just got off the phone with my meager insurance company, which I recently qualified due to the health and heart wrenching hours spent on set.
Turns out they are only covering 20% of my recent visits.

I haven't been to the doctor in seven years. I had stored them up.

And in one visit, apparently because I mentioned the stress of living in this rather eventful city and working 70 hour weeks in a blood sucking competitive industry that rapes the souls of many to the doctor,she coded it as a psychological visit and diagnosed me with ANXIETY.

No shit bitch.

Now, my insurance won't pay because the routine physical turned into a fraudulent mental health visit.

****BREAKING NEWS***SUPREME COURT UPHOLDS OBAMACARE AS CONSTITUTIONAL****BREAKING NEWS****

(More on that later...eek, gasp, scary)

I calmly call the doctor's office and let them know, not only did this sassy doctor, clad in a leopard dress not lay a hand on me or go over my blood work results; She divulged her painful divorce details, her weight loss resulting in a new husband, a fondness for tennis and affection for wine. Telling me all the while she was popping doses of LEXAPRO to get through it all.

As she handed me seven prescriptions which I told her I would NEVER take, she did her best imitation of Authur Fonzarelli with a thumbs up and mouthed "Try it, it's awesome."

And I can't casually mention my difficult job to my primary physician without incurring an added cost...

Are you fucking kidding me?

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Mr. Misinterpretation

"When a land transgresses, it has many rulers, but with a man of understanding and knowledge, its stability will long continue." Proverbs 28:2

Mmmm. There seems to be a little confusion.

Why is Obama exerting executive privilege to butt his way into a bitter, ongoing investigation [Fast and Furious] of lying Eric Holder and cronies if he had no knowledge or acquaintance of it?

Maybe he did.

And does he really believe the Latino/Hispanic population finds favor in his eleventh hour antics when he has done nothing with immigration reform up until now?

If so, he offends their intelligence.

Lastly, when he said “If I don’t have this [economic improvement] done in three years, then there’s going to be a one-term proposition." 
Was he lying?

Then what's with all the campaigning?


Saturday, June 23, 2012

Just You And I

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

It is important to me that I not busy myself with dim distractions and minor worries as to pull my focus from my current state and God-Willing future.

This includes but is not limited to brave victims who urged a Pennsylvania jury to find Jerry Sandusky guilty of heinous sexual abuse charges, Obama's vote share mildly declining as we the people walk a thin line in a tight race all the way until November, or the fowl guests invited to a Gay Pride Reception at the White House flipping the bird to a photograph of President Ronald Reagan while audibly saying F*Ck You.

But I digress.

The sun rises behind me and the Intracoastal's glass surface changes from an ice blue to amber,      Low-country's brilliant grass blows in the sea breeze, dancing to a familiar Southern song.  I've heard it before and swayed to the sound but can't remember if it resonated in my heart. I want it to.

Bronzed bodies roll by on rusty beach cruisers toting their heavy pride and joy. Their nine or ten year old arms loaded with waxed up surf boards and scuffed fins. 
Toe-heads. From their genes and determined days spent in salt drenched water.
 They're sweet and scary in the same breath.

Two years ago, I told a friend of mine that in twenty, I would be diligently pounding out another novel on my wraparound porch, dappled with shade by the grand live oaks. I'd look up to see my 18 year old daughter climbing the wide wooden front stairs barefoot, with a surf board under one arm and a smile spread across her tan face.

Is this trip the preconception of a vision in the making?

Maybe it's the scent of Oleander that's making me dizzy with thoughts of a simple life and beach cottage. They say its poison after all.

But so is the tireless rat race of the Empire City.
The driving force of hedonistic experience and fame seeking suffering is a lethal dose I continue to take. And to what end? 

I grabbed my husband's hand somewhere between dark and dawn and whispered, "Let's take another leap together."
He rolled over and stayed the course of sleep.

But I think he heard me. And I think he smiled in agreement.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Alice Cooper Was On To Something...

I love when NYU is out for the summer. The streets take on an authentic neighborhood feel. A bustling village one would want to be a part of.The Polish ladies bring out their aluminum chairs for a spell, Avenue D Project kids chase each other on skateboards with squirt guns, and long time tenants sit on their stoops for casual conversation instead of closing out the roar of the babes and their boys beneath our windows every night.

And the revelers sleep it off without foot traffic interruption.
(Dave on 7th)

This is the New York I like.

But is this three month stillness enough to sustain the school year?
"For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." 1 Corinthians 1:18


Monday, June 18, 2012

Thankful For My Citizenship


"I beg young people to travel. If you don’t have a passport, get one. Take a summer, get a backpack and go to Delhi, go to Saigon, go to Bangkok, go to Kenya. Have your mind blown. Eat interesting food. Dig some interesting people. Have an adventure. Be careful. Come back and you’re going to see your country differently, you’re going to see your president differently, no matter who it is. Music, culture, food, water. Your showers will become shorter. You’re going to get a sense of what globalization looks like. It’s not what Tom Friedman writes about; I’m sorry. You’re going to see that global climate change is very real. And that for some people, their day consists of walking 12 miles for four buckets of water. And so there are lessons that you can’t get out of a book that are waiting for you at the other end of that flight. A lot of people—Americans and Europeans—come back and go, Ohhhhh. And the light bulb goes on."

Henry Rollins 2011

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Proverbial Forest For The Lack Of Trees

"No, I said I am getting well versed in making rash decisions. Not rational."

A snippet of hurried conversation with a dear friend and neighbor when responding to why the swollen growth on my knee that was inhibiting my movement and hinging of my leg wasn't getting any of my attention.

****

Steinbeck resided in New York City the last decades of his life with regular breaks of romantic country living in Sag Harbor.

I can only think he was alluding to this grand city, although unspoken, when he wrote this passage I completely embody and empathize.

The context is the wide open silence of  a country road in our beautiful nation:

"There in the quiet with the wind flicking tree's branches and distorting the water's mirror, I...could finally come to think about what I had seen and try to arrange some pattern of thought to accommodate the teeming crows of my seeing and hearing...You are so crushed with the numbers, once the might of greatness, that you go away distressed, with a feeling of constipation. And then when you are alone and remembering, the canvases sort themselves out, some are eliminated by your taste of your limitations, but others stand up clear and clean. Then you can go back to look at one thing untroubled by the shouts of the multitude."

John Steinbeck
My Travels With Charley


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Lord I Love You...But Despondency is Bringing me Down

"It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man." Psalm 118:8

I can't remember the last time the sun rose and set and I didn't have a consolatory drink.

I knew I was relying heavily on the hand to mouth sedative when my doctor pulled out her script pad, wrote me 4-5 and I told her wine was just fine. Or neat bourbon. Or a good freezing cold craft beer I can pour over an icy mug in the privacy of my own home, swallow it in silence,  and it won't go down on my permanent record.

Today's a less offensive dose. Just a splash of California Chardonnay. Two ladylike ice cubes clink the side of the glass and mask the phony taste of butter and oak. It's cheap. Well, by New York standards.

June is window's wide open month, and the roar of the crazed and their cigarette stench rises up to meet me.

A steady rain soaks the head of a sidewalk greeter, feigning adoration of the person standing across from her under a saturated umbrella.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe their joyful embrace and loud outcry is a true reflection of their innermost feelings and their relationship does have meaningful importance.

I am a cynic after all.

My relationships have done that to me. I guess I've let them. Too damn accommodating.

Maybe one day I'll write about the sheer dysfunction and lack of dependence that has been shaping my ideas of women since I was a wee one.

Maybe one day, my sides will ache with laughter all the way to self satisfaction and the all mighty dollar affirmation in the exposure of it all.

The title could be Cowards. Or another C word I am fond of.

But tonight, it's Christ and Chardonnay in which I'm leaning.


Who or What have you found you can truly rely on?



Monday, June 11, 2012

Come November...That's When It Matters


WHEN - he refused to disclose who donated money to his election
campaign, as other candidates had done, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he received endorsements from people like Louis Farrakhan,
Muramar Kaddafi and Hugo Chavez, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - it was pointed out that he was a total newcomer and had
absolutely no experience at anything except community organizing, people
said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he chose friends and acquaintances such as Bill Ayers and
Bernadine Dohrn who were revolutionary radicals, people said it didn't
matter.


WHEN - his voting record in the Illinois Senate and in the U.S. Senate
came into question, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he refused to wear a flag lapel pin and did so only after a
public outcry, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he stood with his hands over his groin area for the playing of
the National Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance, people said it didn't
matter.


WHEN - he surrounded himself in the White House with advisors who were
pro-gun control, pro-abortion, pro-homosexual marriage and wanting to
curtail freedom of speech to silence the opposition, people said it
didn't matter.


WHEN - his personal background was either scrubbed or hidden and nothing
could be found about him, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - the place of his birth was called into question, and he refused
to produce a birth certificate, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he had an association in Chicago with Tony Rezco - a man of
questionable character and who is now in prison and had helped Obama to
a sweet deal on the purchase of his home - people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - it became known that George Soros, a multi-billionaire Marxist,
spent a ton of money to get him elected, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he started appointing White House Czars that were radicals,
revolutionaries, and even avowed Marxist /Communists, people said it
didn't matter.

WHEN - he stood before the Nation and told us that his intentions were
to "fundamentally transform this Nation" into something else, people
said it didn't matter.

WHEN - it became known that he had trained ACORN workers in Chicago and
served as an attorney for ACORN, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed cabinet members and several advisers who were tax
cheats and socialists, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed a Science Czar, John Holdren, who believes in forced
abortions, mass sterilizations and seizing babies from teen mothers,
people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed Cass Sunstein as Regulatory Czar who believes in
"Explicit Consent," harvesting human organs without family consent and
allowing animals to be represented in court, while banning all hunting,
people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed Mark Lloyd as Diversity Czar who believes in
curtailing free speech, taking from one and giving to another to spread
the wealth, who supports Hugo Chavez, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - Valerie Jarrett, an avowed Socialist, was selected as Obama's
Senior White House Advisor, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - Anita Dunn, White House Communications Director, said Mao Tse
Tung was her favorite philosopher and the person she turned to most for
inspiration, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed Carol Browner, a well known socialist as Global
Warming Czar working on Cap and Trade as the nation's largest tax,
people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he appointed Van Jones, an ex-con and avowed Communist as Green
Energy Czar, who since had to resign when this was made known, people
said it didn't matter.

WHEN - Tom Daschle, Obama's pick for Health and Human Services Secretary
could not be confirmed because he was a tax cheat, people said it didn't
matter.

WHEN - as President of the United States , he bowed to the King of Saudi
Arabia, people said it didn't matter..

WHEN - he traveled around the world criticizing America and never once
talking of her greatness, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - his actions concerning the Middle East seemed to support the
Palestinians over Israel, our long time ally, people said it didn't
matter.

WHEN - he took American tax dollars to resettle thousands of
Palestinians from Gaza to the United States, people said it didn't
matter.

WHEN - he upset the Europeans by removing plans for a missile defense
system against the Russians, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he played politics in Afghanistan by not sending troops early-on
when the Field Commanders said they were necessary to win, people said
it didn't matter.

WHEN - he started spending us into a debt that was so big we could not
pay it off, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he took a huge spending bill under the guise of stimulus and used
it to pay off organizations, unions, and individuals that got him
elected, people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he took over insurance companies, car companies, banks, etc.,
people said it didn't matter.

WHEN - he took away student loans from the banks and put it through the
government, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he designed plans to take over the health care system and put it
under government control, people said it didn't matter.


WHEN - he claimed he was a Christian during the election and tapes were
later made public that showed Obama speaking to a Muslim group and
'stating' that he was raised a Muslim, was educated as a Muslim, and is
still a Muslim, people said it didn't matter.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Get A Grip, Now Loosen It

"Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified.” Acts 2:36

Changeableness.

Ambiguous in spelling and meaning.
But precisely the state of feeling in which I perpetually dwell.

As much as I persuade myself I want to flee New York and its inhabitants, I find a healthy dose of peace here that could be dangerously construed as contentment.

My search for certainty appears to be solved momentarily...

But the last time, I got the urge for going, I didn't.
And it cost me an inheritance, a five year litigation, my serotonin levels, and faith in my husband's eyes that I still possess an easy going attitude he fell in love with.

So I question and say things like this:

"But there aren't jobs out there."

Outside of these four elusive walls that contain me and set me free simultaneously; Where a phone call for medical marijuana and hot roasted garlic Ramen is ten digits away, if I find the energy to expend my index finger towards the superfluous. Or if I want to work the sunlight and sanity away because depositing paper into a financial institution gives me some sort of solace that interacting with the public and my problems doesn't.

I'm losing my edge. Not because it is becoming duller. But because my rational choice making is becoming dimmer. And I can't block out the loud darkness that permeates the streets and radiates in my mind for enough time to hear my feelings.

To know what is certain.
To be steadfast in what that is...
This is my next feat.

"New York has a trip-hammer vitality which drives you insane with restlessness if you have no inner stabilizer." Henry Miller

And it just so happens, it has a hold on my rock n rolling, nauseating emotions.






Thursday, June 7, 2012

"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them."            Mark Twain

Friday, June 1, 2012

A Hard Lesson (For Family) To Learn

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom." Proverbs 11:2

Familiarity breeds contempt:

A life long experience of someone or something can make one so aware of the faults as to be scornful, spiteful, and downright mean.

Leaving them alone, angry, and hurt.

But ultimately, just alone.