"It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man." Psalm 118:8
I can't remember the last time the sun rose and set and I didn't have a consolatory drink.
I knew I was relying heavily on the hand to mouth sedative when my doctor pulled out her script pad, wrote me 4-5 and I told her wine was just fine. Or neat bourbon. Or a good freezing cold craft beer I can pour over an icy mug in the privacy of my own home, swallow it in silence, and it won't go down on my permanent record.
Today's a less offensive dose. Just a splash of California Chardonnay. Two ladylike ice cubes clink the side of the glass and mask the phony taste of butter and oak. It's cheap. Well, by New York standards.
June is window's wide open month, and the roar of the crazed and their cigarette stench rises up to meet me.
A steady rain soaks the head of a sidewalk greeter, feigning adoration of the person standing across from her under a saturated umbrella.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe their joyful embrace and loud outcry is a true reflection of their innermost feelings and their relationship does have meaningful importance.
I am a cynic after all.
My relationships have done that to me. I guess I've let them. Too damn accommodating.
Maybe one day I'll write about the sheer dysfunction and lack of dependence that has been shaping my ideas of women since I was a wee one.
Maybe one day, my sides will ache with laughter all the way to self satisfaction and the all mighty dollar affirmation in the exposure of it all.
The title could be Cowards. Or another C word I am fond of.
But tonight, it's Christ and Chardonnay in which I'm leaning.
Who or What have you found you can truly rely on?
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