Don't Get Strung Out...By The Way I Look

"Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaining? Who has wounds without cause? Who has redness of eyes?" Proverbs 23:29

"No more massage. You, Doctor. No good."

Then my Chinese Body Worker took his hand and did a severe slitting of the neck motion and said, "You, Torn."

Coming from the man who insists on cracking my back with his fists, no matter how loud I groan or how much the person on the other side of the thinning curtain complains.

I crawl past the fish tank and back up to street level to face the light of day without the happy ending.

After all, my Balsy Broads Brunch in Brooklyn was today and nothing was going to break my stride.

Except maybe six seasoned actresses telling me as marketable Proctor and Gamble commercial material I am...I'm not getting work because my head shot is an outdated 1980's glamour girl.

And well I'm much more quirky and weird than that...

So tell me...is this the face you see in the words you read?

Ghost of June Cleaver meets the Village People?

Do Not Be Afraid

Birds Fly Over The Rainbow...Why Then Oh Why

Lucky Ducks who saw a double rainbow over Union Square this afternoon...

I saw a ten pound grey house cat fall eight stories, hit a upper west side woman in the head, and splat dead on the 72nd Street sidewalk.

Kudos to the Super who removed the remains before I could snap a shot.

Sticks, Stones, And The Search For Sanity

"Then I applied myself to the understanding of wisdom, and also of madness and folly, but I learned that this, too, is a chasing after the wind." Ecclesiastes 1:17

I couldn't hear the Director of Photography calling me by the wrong name as I was engaged in conversation with the stand in actress beside me. Quite possibly the only two women who have both been to Salzburg for the Sound of Music Tour and think the word Cunt can be sexy were discussing our similarities on a freezing cold set, while the name KIM resonated off the faux hospital walls, halting production. Oh dear, I hope they ask me back.

Cunt doesn't bother me. The C word does. As does the N word. We've fallen so hopelessly in line with political correctness and prescription drugs, we only seem to take off the mask behind closed doors. Until the words are out of our derogatory vernacular, we shouldn't be referring to them by their beginning consonant as a nicety.

Speaking of behind closed doors, I don't find the word sexy when my husband is spouting off in a petty ridiculous fit of rage that worries me and cracks a five year foundation. Its one thing to be called the wrong name.

Marriage is hard. Autonomy though isolating, is a butter cream frosted cake walk. I pray for discernment and a sweet taste in my mouth.

I don't write about my life in New York anymore as it has become just that...Life. A string of days which blend together in some sort of 'I should know where I'm going light', but dissatisfaction seems to shadow the shine.

It's true, after I've stepped over one too many tattooed covered bodies and their dirty empty bottles, come face to face with the werewolves and devils that run the streets, and realized that half the town is racing for some heightened pole position often through posturing, do I realize my limbs are tired from fighting back the inclination to become my surroundings.

Been thinking that I would find satisfaction in motherhood, then I catch a glimpse of the tired mom's hoisting diapered butts in wet swings at Tompkins Square Park and I think better of the conventional notion. I wonder when the toddlers replaced the needles and spoons...

Oh yeah, and then there's the name calling, I would detest perpetuating.

At this point in the show, do we just play the laugh track, keep calm, and carry on?

A Clear Head Is A Dangerous Thing

"Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong." Job 6:24

Solace brings reflection and stirs my biological clock.

But Manhattan brings me back to reality...>>

So what's next?

A Milestone

"As a young man marries a maiden, so will your sons marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you." Isaiah 62:5

Not only did the Lord bless me with a marriage to my best friend, He graced me with a fellow believer in Him...who followed me all the way to New York.

Happy Anniversary. We've walked a LONG road baby.

An Inconvenient Truth

Will New Yorker's be the ones to put the hip back in DDT?

INVASION>>

"The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor." 1 Corinthians 3:8

Better to have tried the lot to know what we undeniably crave and what we can leave by the wayside.

There is satisfaction in filling a void.

Closer To My (I mean her) Mark

"Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food." Proverbs 12:9

Stand-In

n.

1. One who substitutes for an actor while the lights and camera are adjusted or during hazardous action

2. A substitute.

Stand-ins are helpful in the initial processes of production. Lighting setup can be a slow and tedious process; during this time the actor will often be somewhere else. Stand-ins allow the director of photography to light the set, the camera department to light and focus scenes. The director will often ask stand-ins to deliver the scene dialogue ("lines") and walk through ("blocking") the scenes to be filmed. In this way, a good stand-in can help speed up the day's production and is a necessary and valuable cast member on a film.

Me for Edie Falco.

Trust me, this is good news.

If We Couldn't Laugh...We'd All Go Insane.

"The wealth of the wise is their crown, but the folly of fools yields folly." Proverbs 14:24

The looks on New Yorker's faces this morning on the uptown B Train had to be the most depressing, dismal, defeating expressions I've witnessed to date. Good thing the freak show, also known as the Gubernatorial Debate is in town to light up their gloom.

Cue the 3 ring circus....

Jimmy McMillan- Rent is too Damn High Party. Agrees with Sinatra, if you can make it here, you can indeed make it anywhere and in reference to gay marriage..."You can marry a shoe." Retired Postal Worker and promises to create 3.6 million jobs. Uh?

Carl Paladino- Republican. Possible mobster. All else unclear other than he is bringing a "baseball bat" to Albany. Does NOT and I repeat does not want his children at a gay pride parade. Thinks people call him crazy cause his plan "scares to death." Has most certainly lost the Jew vote.

Andrew Cuomo- Democrat. Successful AG. Crooked as a country mile?

Endorsed by the conservative New York Post. Golden Son. Leans hard left. Yankee Fan.

Charles Barron- Freedom Party. Could be a Russell Simmons impersonator. "Asking Cuomo and Paladino to put an end to corruption is like asking the arsonist to put out the fires." He's a Black Panther.

Howie Hawkins-Green Party. Teamsters. Moderate Belly. This is his 17th time running for office.

Kristen Davis- Anti Prohibition Party. Includes weed, prostitution, and plastic surgery. Eliot Spitzer rumored to be an adoring fan.

Warren Redlich-Libertarian Party. Known Foodie. Favors heroin versus methadone to addicts. Obviously a purist.

Didn't our New York sweetheart, Barbara Streisand sing a song about this....?

Apple of His Eye

"I will give one tribe to his son so that David my servant may always have a lamp before me in Jerusalem, the city where I chose to put my Name." 1 Kings 11:36

Does this give new meaning to eminent domain?

The part can never be well unless the whole is well. ~Plato

I think I've rubbed up against one to many subway poles.

Somewhere

"Perhaps I will stay with you awhile, or even spend the winter, so that you can help me on my journey, wherever I go." 1 Corinthians 16:6

My ode to ole' New York.

8.5 million people and I ran into three friends in three different neighborhoods in one afternoon and each of them called me by name. How's that for small town?

Wouldn't it be nice if my writing took me somewhere...like down a well lit path littered with golden maple leaves and filled with the fragrance of wet rhododendron?

Where the full moon shone brightly on my bunion free bare feet and there were no wrong turns...or wrong verb choices.

I'd dance beside a rushing river of freezing cold Veuve Cliquot and sniff the perfectly aged stinky cheese dangled before me. My vision would be blurry from laughing hysterically at the rainbow colored dragonflies that danced atop the bubbles.

The black and white words would float with clarity and rhyme into a warm tunnel where my publisher would pat me on the back and sing familiar phrases...such as "New York Times Best Seller" and "Paramount wants the movie rights."

Wouldn't it be nice if my writing took me somewhere..like to the land of understanding and tolerance? A place where I was measured by my smile and contribution, not faith or political slant. Some handsome place resembling a melodious playhouse in a tall grass field; when it rained, it spored and the Brahma bulls smiled broadly at what they'd left behind. Yet, the adjectives became addictive. Every very ticking moment would feel like a sweaty resting Savasana pose and what would Jesus do wouldn't have such a bum rap as every living disciple would understand its awe-striking validity.

But...Would I settle for a SoHo office on Broadway?**

**Waiting for Scholastic

VIVA MIRACLE...>>

FOUND

“How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing and fools hate knowledge? Proverbs 1:22

While the masses celebrated a mistaken Italian hero uptown...

The bomb squad unearthed this downtown...>>

And I struggle with the notion that it may be too late to become a registered NY voter...>>

Three social events this weekend and my belief system still in tact, despite the naysaying anal probing.

If global warming is true, will this city be the first to be swallowed in the sea of fire?

Indeed.."Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."

JL

I missed it by an hour.

And because of Mark David Chapman, Lennon did by 30 years.

The Ten Percent

"Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment." 1 Timothy 6:6

Oh I feel like a naughty sexually oppressed soccer mom...letting the hot coffee slide down my throat as I watch the boys from the FDNY unleash the building pressure of the gushing hydrant below my window...

They sure do grow them hearty in the Northeast.

I'm obviously smack dab in the middle of my ovulation cycle.

And my more than willing husband is at work.

What's a girl to do?

--------

Plum thrilled there is a Pulitzer Prize winning playwright out there handling mental illnesses with harmony. Our struggle to handle the pain and the inner conflict to maintain a solid image just doesn't get the critical acclaim it warrants.

It's all a load of nonsense anyway, wrapped up in a perfect package with unraveling threads; Where people hide their grief, insecurities, and measuring stick behind a pleasant facade while inside they're kicking and screaming to hold the glue together for one more day.

I'd rather let it all hang out.

Like moaning with a friend, reflecting on our burning childhood desires, still unfulfilled in our 30's over creamy piles of Alfredo.

Something about reading each others purple stained lips of despair gives meaning to the rat on a fast track in a locked cage life we find ourselves living the second week of October.

Is Kerouac correct...will we wake up from this exhausting exotic dream?

------

"The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something." Randy Pausch

My head hurts.

Thinking I should rework my news reel with my best Crystal Carrington segment and Papa Don't Preach out takes.

Thresholds have different girths.

Tolerance levels have extreme depths.

So why question my relentless chase for contentment?

Next to Normal

"Use your edge".

This coming from a therapist in college when asked what she thought about anti-depressants.

And this...for all you escape artists who think meds are the answer.

"There was a time when I flew higher,
Was a time the wild girl running free would be me
Now I see her, feel the fire
Now I know she needs me there to share
I'm nowhere

All these blank and tranquil years
Seems they've dried up all my tears
And while she runs free and fast
Seems my wild days are past

But I miss the mountains
I miss the dizzy heights
All the manic magic days
And the dark depressing nights
I miss the mountains
I miss the highs and lows
All the climbing, all the falling
All the while the wild wind blows
Stinging you with snow
And soaking you with rain
I miss the mountains
I miss the pain

Mountains make you crazy
Here it's safe and sound
My mind is somewhere hazy
My feet are on the ground
Everything is balanced here
And on an even keel
Everything is perfect
Nothing's real
Nothing's real

And I miss the mountains
I miss lowly climb
Wandering through the wilderness
And spending all my time
Where the air is clear and cuts you like a knife
I miss the mountains

I miss my life.....

Broadway blowing my relatable mind once again.

High Noon...

"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." Ecclesiastes 1:9

A new voice is being heard in American today.

It is a voice that has been silent too long.

It is a voice of people who have not taken to the streets before.

These forgotten Americans finally have become angry.

They have not really found a voice in American politics but they are indeed angry.

And have reason to be.

How is the great mass of white working people to regain a sense of positive advantage from the operation of American Government, and retain a steady loyalty to the processes of American society, at a time when those above and below them in the social hierarchy seem simultaneously to be robbing the system blind and contemptuously dismissing all its rules...

May 17, 1969

Letter to President Richard Nixon

From Daniel Patrick Moynihan

Sound Familiar?

Rains and Pours

"We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God." 2 Corinthians 5:20

Today I sat on the 35th floor on Lexington Avenue overlooking the dreary East River as autumn continued its damp entrance and A Legal Mind (another cop show) made its slow go at four long scenes.

A supermodel to my right reading Joyce Meyer and a theater major quoting Billy Graham to my left; me in the middle eating my words regarding the lack of Christians in Manhattan.

Tonight, I found my personal psychoanalysis, marriage therapy, and spiritual renewal at my Tuesday night Bible Study in East Village.

Questioning myself....why did I wait so long?

Oh the joy of bringing Glory to God by telling others how He's moved in my life.

Hallelujah to the King of Kings and being bolstered by other believers.

Who knew I would write 600 posts?

Season Ender

Chinatown Fung Wah bus to Boston...$15

Pre-Game Hair of the Dog...$8

Getting to see the Sox put a beat down in their Cathedral...priceless.

I love NY but I will NEVER love its Yankees.

Concrete Jungle

"And God said, "Let the water teem with living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." Genesis 1:20

Scientists are making the claim that New York is a new ecological spot, breaming with rich and diverse nature.

My beautiful red-tailed girlfriend overlooking the spinning DJ at Tompkins Square Park agrees.

Do you really think WE can destroy His creation?

Gossip Girl's gone slumming in the East Village? >>