Unnecessary Punishment

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," Romans 3:23

I've completely lost my motivation to write.

Not that I would expect anyone else to take notice of drivel vs. drive.

But for me, the fact is painfully evident.

One through the physical void of actually vomiting thoughts onto a screen.

And two, by the undeniable guilt that plagues me at day's end; that sends me into a fitful sleep, wrestling with the lack of productivity and the growing amount of books I know I will never read nor write.

My latest match transpired on the last shoot date of our most recent Law and Order Episode. In a sleepless fog, I sat at a round table with Treat Williams and JP our writer and discussed what moves us to move.

To write. To perform. To excel. To chase the dream.

And in one of the most candid conversations I have experienced in this facade filled business to date, was we all admitted the kick-starter was GUILT.

This guilt so all consuming, it shadowed the passionate joy of a goal met. A finished product.

Chastised. I thought....

My writing focus has narrowed.

My political interest has become anger.

My love affair with New York bi-polar.

My insane city life mundane.

And because of this tunnel vision, I've failed to find the extraordinary in my ridiculously inspired present existence. I've learned to complain.

I have in fact become a true New Yorker.

But without the Valium.

How does one become so terribly lost and how do I find my way back with the challah crumb trail?