What Does It Matter?

"Better to live on the corner of a roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." Proverbs 21:9

 Day to day I remain quiet...

Which is in direct opposition to every fiber of my being. 

Not just politically. Although my hour of mind altering yoga is the restraint that kept me from drop kicking the bumper that donned the "I'm Ready For Hillary" bumper sticker in the YMCA parking lot. 

I weep for Boko Haram's brutal and abhorrent seizure of 300 Nigerian girls and pray constantly for peace for the Mamas and the babies safe return. 

 I think Don Sterling is an ignorant bigot with too much money earned on the athleticism and work ethic of those he violently disrespects. 

The investigation in Benghazi where four Americans were slaughtered should continue no question in anyone's (with knowledge) mind. 

I wholeheartedly believe Homosexuals deserve the exact respect that straight  people do. I also think that the fascists among both groups need to grow a spine.  

I am sick, sick, sick with the minority groups who scream the loudest and demand the most. Shut up. 

I shudder at the fact we moved to a small town where heroin runs rampant, a paroled murderer is in custody with a body count of two young women, and there are no jobs in Obamas "recovered" economy . 

I think the professors at Rutgers are fucking raving liberal idiots who just depraved their students (their women students) the amazing opportunity to hear from a highly educated and accomplished black woman who smashed the glass ceiling that does exist. 

I think Kim Karsashian and Kanye West have no relevance in the real world and if they really wanted to make their questionable position in the public eye useful, they would enlighten themselves to the current events (not fashion) of this world. 

Lois Lerner is a contemptible person and should be treated as such from the American people who get shamelessly taxed who work to give to those who refuse to. 

My deliberate choice to dress modestly and behave conservatively when my husband is not with me at a family event and my Gender peers STILL don't introduce me to theirs, befuddles me and makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with the proverbial "weaker sex"? 

I'm not a threat. I could be the best friend you ever had but you are living  up to your stereotype. 

These are my thoughts. But I stay quiet. 

Double Standard Serving

"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." 1 Peter 3:3-4

I don't mean to be rude or discourteous, nor it is my intention to offend. 

I love women. They are beautifully complex and intuitive creatures. I need them in my life. More so now than ever. But in a room full of men, I will break one of Ruiz' Four Agreements and ASSUME the following doesn't happen... 

Another one of the essential steps to freedom in this superficial world is to agree to never under any circumstances take things personally and as a general practice,  this is a daunting task in which I can achieve.

 

That is until I don't. 

It is my educated guess that if I repetitively tell one to "lose some fucking weight Fatso" on a regular basis, that person would tend to have hurt feelings in some respect. If not, my snide comments to "lay off the raw cookie dough two-ton Tessie" could. 

However, why would I and why should you?

 Now if I listen to one more woman tell me I am too skinny, to gain some weight and ask why don't I suck down a Cookies and Lard milkshake to put some meat on my bones, I may just start taking it to heart.

Why is it appropriate for you to embrace your curves but I should feel bad about my lean muscle? It is called genetics. And the sooner the smarter sex realizes it's biological validity, the happier we will be with each other in admiration and unconditional support. 

Just a thought at balancing the scales. (You see what I did there?)

Can you tell me what the hell appearance has to do with the heart anyway?

Don't Need To Wait For An Invitation

 It's old and new...The Good News.

5 "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. Romans 10:9-10

Selfie Indulged

"Do all these evildoers know nothing? They devour my people as though eating bread; they never call on the Lord." Psalm 14:14

Ladies and Gentlemen, if you have eyes may you read the words that unfold before them. If you have ears, let what follows seep into them with thought.

Iran plows ahead with the construction of mass destruction bombs.
What consequences have they faced?

Assad who murdered his own people with chemical weapons, our Administration said there will be severity used...Still no Syrian held accountable. 

Now the biggest bully of the bunch ,Vladimir Putin and his brutal aggression goes unchecked.
Russians have invaded Ukraine, blood has been shed, land captured, and now Jews are being asked to identify and register themselves to the pro-Russian activists.

And these two are in charge....

AMERICA, WAKE UP OR GET EATEN UP!

Refreshing...

My Intentions Are Good

" I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. And what I hate, I do." Romans 7:15

At the risk of sounding like my old Percy Sledge 45 record, I tortured my family and Barbies with, having a baby halts all matters of the creative mind and simple luxuries of putting pen to paper. 

After I stumble out of the baby's room, tucking my ridden strong breast back into my bra, pour myself a glass of mental escape, pushing the buttons on my remote is challenge enough. 

I want to write, instead I watch E television and curse our culture who glorifies the youth and their entitled and hardly earned importance while the world  weeps at the loss of another socialites life..

I know the Apostle Paul meant he chooses to live in the flesh when he wants to walk in the spirit. But surely my example is comparable.

It is Precious

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them..." Psalm 127:3-4

My son was born eight days late.
While he took his painful bittersweet time coming into the world, once he breathed room air, he was by my side to stay. Not once in the nursery, the NICU, or the nurses care, he breasted in his first few seconds of life, he slept his initial earthly night in my arms and I've not spent one evening less than a stones throw away since. This has been the biggest blessing and something I've learned not to be taken for granted.

This morning I walked the March of Dines walk for my girlfriend whose triplets were born preemies with undeveloped lungs and her boy who spent 105 days in Intensive Care and nine surgeries later, finally came home to her loving touch. This morning I walked with parents who lost their babies.

Honored for my gift from God to stride side by side with all of them and thankful to The Lord for the truly amazing miracle of life and the boy I get to call my own.

Glory. Glory. Glory. Amen.

Don't Hassle Me

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

When I was a Sophmore in high school, an upper classman took me on a classic dinner and movie date. It was the limp, Ruby Tuesday salad bar and the great Bill Murray in "What about Bob?"

A flick that remains to reign on my Top Ten List.

I spent the better part of the feature holding his clammy hand and throwing my head back in genuine glee. My nervous companion scolded my behavior and shushed my disturbing laughter.
To his chagrin, our romance ended with the rolling of the credits.
 Bob however is still with me today.

And this afternoon, I quote him louder than ever...despite the fact that I can not take a brief hiatus from motherhood, I am taking a vacation from my problems and excuses for not documenting the beautiful mess I'm in and the baby steps I'm taking towards progress.

Whatever the hell that means.

And so the writing begins...again.

Humility

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion,  then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,  not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Phillipians 2:1-4

Laying down ones life is what it means to be a mom. Nobody said it was easy.

Baby's Yelp Reviews

As I'm coming up on one full year of breastfeeding, I related to and adored this post.

Courtesy of Bygone Bureau..>>

Just A Smidgen of Distaste

"With many other words he warned them; and he pleaded with them, “Save yourselves from this corrupt generation.” Acts 2:40

The headlines are saying a journalist was rude to Obama.

Rude to the President? What a joke.

The fact that the Mainstream Media does not ask questions that truly matter to the American people is scary enough. But when they attack a reporter who searches out answers as to why the hell the IRS is using their criminal and vast power to target Conservative groups and why no one is being held accountable is devastatingly frightening. Obama claims there is not a "smidgen" of corruption, yet memos and emails link the coordination of Obama's treasury to the IRS officials who under their direction deliberately scrutinized and delayed due processing. Lois Lerner pleaded the Fifth for a reason. GUILT.

 I could go on...why are the allegations of the Presidency covering up murders of our people in Benghazi to save an election not as important as a celebrities short life or the Presidents inappropriate flirting and self centered picture taking at Mandela's funeral?Or worse the fact that the Secretary of State can say "What difference does it make" And then it doesn't.

Or the unmistakable thrusting of the worst social program in our country's history. Obamacare is being shoved down our throat while billions of dollars goes up in flames, and still a whopping 8% have deemed it worthy enough to sign on to a sometimes but rarely functioning website. This administration says it is a burden to the poor to demand picture ID's to vote but signing up for free healthcare on an Internet site isn't.

I can't make this shit up!
I am ill with the sullied White House justifications and can't even stomach Jay Carney's lies.

Not to mention the man in charge can't find a suit and tie to save his life to bring some sort of professionalism to the highest office. President Nixon wire taps a hotel room and is forced to resign. This snake charmer spies on the entire country and we are still infatuated with his let me clear remarks and his wife's attempt at being a regular gals gal by ghetto grooving on late night television.

 Sick, sick, sick.

America the Beautiful is blind.


* Just in case you thought I'd lost my zest for politics.

One Down, Two down, Three Down Flu!

So we're here crying the domino blues.

There Is No I In Baby

"To be fully alive is not to simply drink deeply of life and be satisfied. It's to become a well, offering life to the world around you. That is what it means to be fully alive." Jason Jaggard

Signs, Signs.
 Everywhere There's Signs.
Fucking Up the Scenery.
Breaking my Mind.
Do this, don't do that.
Can't you read the sign?
Tesla (my favorite version at least)

I've been thinking about that song a lot.

Signs.
The blinking new gadget. The shiny new dress. The alarmingly popular phone apps that the NSA considers their wettest dream come true. The bright and flashing banner over your head saying "You need me, to feel value." We are bombarded.
All of these signs in one way or another keep us from being introspective and cause us to covet and stray far from what the Apostle Paul preached, which was learning to be content in every situation.
 In need. And in plenty.
The multitude of choices, options, the new and improved are simply a diversion from our path and God's purpose for our lives.

I liken the signs to all the Mommy Blogs out there.
You know the ones that give the rah-rah pep talks....
The women that say I'm enough. I'm a mom and that's sufficient.
 I call bullshit

I'm not. It's not.
And the repetitive mantra of these fellow sisters has my head spinning somewhere in between guilt and pressure.

Being a Mom is enough? Then why do I want more? Should I suppress these clear desires?
It's the MOST important job of your life! Then I should perform as such...and if I fail or stumble, the most important job won't be accomplished?!
Again bullshit.

As I told my near and dear women at my Moms group today, I fall short of the Glory of God on a consistent basis. I will never be enough. The fruits of my labor alone with never be sufficient.

The Lord says in 2 Corinthians, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness so that Christ's power may rest in me."

God's Sovereignty is sufficient.
I'm a Mama alright. I'm giving of myself. As Christ gave Himself to us.
For now, I am poised to be the face of God in this tough world to my son.
It is my prayer that my he will continuously see me on my knees in reliant fellowship and constant submission with the Lord.
And may that serve as a reminder that He must become greater, we must become less.

If I do that... That's enough.

This Is Your Life

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

One of my best girlfriend's called me yesterday.
She's back from two weeks on the Mayan Peninsula in Mexico and a quick jaunt to the French Quarter to ring in the first fabulous breath of this opportunistic new year. Her message alluded to seclusion, beach walks, putting her face in a mask to view the tranquil colors and soak in the warm salty sea with no one tugging at her knees or breasts.

Unfortunately, We missed each other.
I was immersed in the exciting gas line at Costco because my practical husband thought I should get out for some Mommy Time. It was 32 degrees and I chose the pump that you had to continuously squeeze to dispense the Petrol. I caught a good windburn.  My phone was cozy in the car.

But when we speak today, I will get to tell her of my intriguing outing to get fresh farm eggs on the down low off an elusive tailgate on Dock Street.
 I have a secret correspondence with my farmer who emails her location. 
But then again, I might be on a neighborhood stroll pointing and saying, "yes, pine tree" for the thousandth time and won't hear her phoning. Odds are if I'm up to my elbows in digested lentils or my fingertips are greased with butt paste, the window of San Francisco's time difference will pass, and I'll have to save the days titillating details for later.

 Oh I know, what a whining bitch I am! I can hear it now, "She should be so fortunate to have a baby she can stay home with and influence."  But in my world of relativity, the sympathetic "at least" statements don't have any bearing with me today.
My period is back after a 20 month hiatus, making me frighteningly aware that I could do this all over again.

God Willing:)

Dancing Backwards In High Heels

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Now, if I would have made some far fetched resolution in this turn of the calendar year, I would be stricken with an unwanted pressure to produce while my infant teeters on toddlerland, demanding I crouch behind his every "look mom no hands" attempts.
Since I have spent the better part of the holidays in an array of various lounge pants with minimum vocabulary retrieval, I know not to be so foolish.

However, it  was brought to my attention the embarrassing lack of frequency in which I pound out my thoughts for my personal affirming and the public's mild amusement.
As if I didn't already know my passion for writing has taken a way rear seat to more pressing matters of bodily functions such as sniffing, snotting, wiping and coughing...

What I am a missing is perspective...
Or is it the favorite buzz word for self helpers this New Year season?
Balance.

As I sit by the dying embers of the first fire of 2014, I am indescribably grateful for this past year.
A year that brought a miraculous son born to two fiercely independent vagabonds.
It has blessed and grounded us in one forceful, wonderful blow.
A new life in which I have to steal time to take a pee alone and sit in silence with my thoughts.  Thoughts these days that are limited in scope and subject matter, but mine all the same.
 It has become clear as crystal, this new found life has me dumbfounded and has literally knocked my legs, which I thought were solid right out beneath me.

Today I rinsed out another soiled diaper in the laundry room sink only to return to a running faucet and flooded floor hours later. I cut carrots and pears into bite size pieces, or so I thought as I banged on his back to cease the choking. I looked in the mirror and saw the days old ponytail with gray wisps and over sized sweatshirt had left the proverbial realm and become my reality.

And then the call came....Would I write a devotional for a mom's group and share my juggling, struggling, wisdom?

What? Write? Wisdom?  Are they kidding?

So tonight on the third day of the new year, I return to the discipline, embrace my beautiful mess, and pray for harmony to meet my discord.

 I can do this.