You Got the Right Stuff

"The fear of the LORD teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor." Proverbs 15:33

Mark Walhberg remains my lip loving school girl crush...but Donnie Walhberg is my new hero.

Smiles, laughs, shoots the breeze with background, listens to his director, and takes pictures with fans.

Giving more fuel to my theory that the Masshole men rule the school.

No sign of Magnum PI...but plenty of short shorts wearing hipster boys on the Blue Bloods shoot tonight in Greenpoint.

Step by Step yo.

Roadblock

"In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent." Psalm 4:4

Yes, but first...a few words from a lethally tired woman trying to navigate the punks (see VISUAL) and blockades at the subway exit.

Oh my Lord, he's here again...The police brigades are up and NYPD's finest has gathered on E. Houston. How many times does the man stop traffic and generate debt in Manhattan?

All I know is he has promised federal Judge Susan Bolton sexual favors or room in his entourage as she just blocked Arizona's right to protect their borders. Again, another person who is in favor of REFORM. The catch word of this laughable Administration.

Looks like Kagan gets to show which way she leans sooner than later.

Aahh. I couldn't stay away for long.

Now I will take my dose of X-Stress and find solace in my governing light.

Now, don't we feel better?

Hippie at Heart and Stomach

"You drench its furrow and level its ridges; you soften it with showers and bless its crops. You crown the year with your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance." Psalm 65:10-11

I have to move to the concrete jungle to learn of this deliciously sustainable smorgasboard...

At the generosity of a friend, I strolled two blocks through Tompkins Square Park with two canvas bags on my shoulders to take full pleasure in his fresh share.

Farm to Table. This is how we ALL should be shopping...

JUST FOOD>>>

Time to be a card-carrying locavore?

For days I sat in the back of a court room set twiddling my nail bitten thumbs, giving my gradual nods, wondering just what was my purpose for warming the bench...then today with the swift opening of a door, Mr. Big waltzes in, slides down beside me and meets my gaze.

The nether quiver was my answer.

Never mind.

Have you noticed I'm steering clear of politics?

Scattered Pictures

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5

When King Solomon asked the Lord for wisdom, my guess is he was not talking about the prematurely acquired.

A recollection at brunch when asked about childhood...

~~She had these enormous round breasts. The kind that looked absolutely rock hard and perky in an Ocean Pacific mono-kini. Breasts so large, that no 11 year old should even think about, let alone possess.

She had a sassy cropped haircut and attitude to go along with her stellar pair. Flat as a soft and sweet pancake, I was in utter( no pun intended) amazement.

Her half sister and friend drove us up the highway to nowhere Georgia for the weekend with her sometimes estranged mom.

Even though they were sixteen, they picked the blond with braces, 6th grader to be their guinea pig.

I walked through the doorway of the town's greasy hangout called Uno Pizza, past the pinball players, and fed $1.25 worth of quarters into the cigarette machine.

My small victory: a shiny pack of Winston's.

The hair sprayed gaggle was thrilled I scored the smokes but condemned me when I didn't inhale at first tug.

We listened to Iron Maiden on the hood of one of the long-haired guys Trans-Am. "The boobs" claimed she had french kissed him. He kept winking at me as my dirty bare feet dangled off the front bumper. He tried to steal a grope.

I realized I had sliced the bottom of my foot as we snuck back through her bedroom window and blood dripped all over the pink twin sheets. And spent the remainder of the night avoiding the girl drinking a wine cooler glaring at me though her heavily lined eyes at the smoke I held in my mouth, as I learned a new way of the world.~~

Now ask me that question again...Did YOU grow up naively?

Brighton Beach Memoirs

"Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Colorful scenes from Little Odessa....where the Russians were invaded.

пляж! пляж! пляж! пляж!

This Is Your Brain...Hungover.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm 51:10-12

“The Master of Life's been good to me. He has given me strength to face past illnesses, and victory in the face of defeat. He has given me life and joy where other saw oblivion. He Has given new purpose to live for, new services to render and old wounds to heal.
Life and love go on, let the music play.” JC

When I raised my head from a muscle relaxer stupor, I blinked my eyes twice at the screen and listened to the murmured chuckles of the amused hipsters getting first breath of the classic Point Break dialogue.

The sun set on the western side of the shiny happy Empire State Building, and I drank another glass of cold NY homegrown Rose. What better place to give tribute to Patrick Swayze, God Bless him, then on a breezy rooftop night.

A missing set of keys this morning has my mind on a fuzzy scavenger hunt across this island. Unfortunately no recall of the cabby's number but a picture of a gaping pocket comes to mind. I'm trying to hold it together and lead by example for my husband that we shouldn't fight about anything other than scandalous infidelity and abuse. What the hell is irresponsibility anyway? Just a neck jerk on a sudden drop.

I wonder if I could afford a therapist in a town where a six pack of Sierra Nevada runs me an hours wage. Just the idea of spreading out on a cool leather sofa and staring at the twisted bamboo on a streakless glass coffee table, asking the pertinent question of "What am I going to do with the rest of life?" has great appeal. I'm adding it to the list.

Spent a $100 on warm Barbera and cardboard with sauce last night with other suckers on The Bowery. I'm giving Keith Mcnally my money 3 more times before I exhaust that New York scene and invest my quarters in bahn mi and Vietnamese noodles. So what if its domesticated meat, at least its cheap.

I eye the Manila envelopes labeled to various casting directors laying on my dusty printer then divert my eyes so I don't dwell on the fact they've been there for two weeks. I ponder composing my brilliant cover letter but decide to hang upside down and chant incessantly...Alcohol is a depressant.

My temporary shrink, Johnny Cash agrees.

But seriously, what am I going to do with the rest of my life?

Suffering

"The hardworking farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops." 2 Timothy 2:6

"It wasn't long ago when I was a child
An old black man came with his mule and his plow
He broke the ground where we grew our garden
Back before we'd all forgotten
'Bout the little man
The little man. Long live the little man
God bless the little man." AJ

SAN FRANCISCO — The Oakland City Council is considering a plan to license four production facilities where medical marijuana would be grown, packaged and processed.The move would make Oakland the first city in the nation to license wholesale pot cultivation.City leaders are expected to vote Tuesday. If the measure passes, it would still need to be approved on a second, final vote.Supporters of the measure say it could generate millions of dollars for Oakland in taxes and sales, create hundreds of jobs and position Oakland to reap dividends if voters pass a November initiative to legalize recreational use of marijuana.Opponents say it would drive small growers out of business.- Huffington Post

Oh no. It Looks like the mom and pop pot shops just fell victim to the mega stores.

Can you say Role Play tonight?

Repeat 3x

My mantra once I'm with child. Till then...it's Glug, Glug, Glug.

Lean Back Humanity

"If God places no trust in his holy ones, if even the heavens are not pure in his eyes, how much less man, who is vile and corrupt, who drinks up evil like water!" Job 15

It wasn't the bars on the brand new waterfront government housing windows nor the streets lined with an entire family meals trash worth of McDonald's.

I may have blinked when the mom slapped her baby girl's head for throwing sand or when the angry tirade began from the man who caught a glance of displayed cleavage and defended the assault by saying, "That ain't looking at nothing, nipples are the real titties you black bitch."

But when I saw the ten year old boy pass a wrench behind him to his even younger sidekick to go and strip a bike parked on the boardwalk, I had seen enough. And said so.

It's the sandy land off deadbeat parents...

And this ain't the Ramone's Rockaway Beach anymore.

As our country's ethics digress even more. This oldie sings about some glory days.

"Chewing out a rhythm on my bubble gum the sun is out and I want some
It's not hard, not far to reach we can hitch a ride to Rockaway Beach
Up on the roof, out on the street down in the playground the hot concrete
Busride is too slow they blast out the disco on the radio
Rock rock rockaway beach Rock rock rockaway beach..." The Ramones

And you ask...why we can't all just get along?

Practice Makes Perfect

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
Phillipians 4:7-9

This is the struggle.

My mother in law frequently asks me if I am ever scared living in New York City.

"But when you walk to the subway, aren't you afraid?"

When I respond with the pure and simple fact that there are constantly people in the streets..she questions that reply.

"Don't you know people in New York City walk by people being raped and robbed everyday?"

To this shuttering thought, I shrug and shake my head.

Today, 6 AM I step over a well dressed, young man face, down and lips splayed open on the wet pavement. He's out cold. It isn't until I reach the Brooklyn bound L entrance that it occurs to me, I wasn't quite sure he was breathing.

This jadedness scares the living shit out of me.

Here's what used to send chills down my spine..Chris Sarandon in Fright Night with pearly white fangs sucking the blood of the innocent... now a judge on the Good Wife, he's lost his edge. It's now Julianna Marguiles' glare that sends me cowering.

La La Land

"He brings the clouds to punish men, or to water his earth and show his love." Job 37:13

Watching the rain fall on steamy St. Mark's, I say this prayer to determine if it's the latter.

Please God... Slap me hard across the face. So hard in fact that I fall flat in the mud, scorned and humiliated. Do this far before I ever become a kept woman who has lost her husband's attention, her children's respect, and I tensely stamp every small thing in life with red ink... reading emergency...

Where money rules my treatment of others and determines my superiority and place in life despite never living life unprotected, where I run from mice and real problems because I was too scared to learn how to cope in the land of normal.

Please Lord, know that if I ever lost sight of you, this egotistical entitlement and compulsive behavior could seize me and my foundation and I'd be the one looking me in the face letting me go from a job over an obsessive clerical order.

Back to square one or blessing in disguise?

Bummin

"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:30

The balance struck between feast and famine is truly fascinating and seems to be perfected by the coiffed male models who skateboard down 1st Avenue amid their billboard contracts and downtime.

It's Tuesday, quitting time and I haven't worked this week.

48 hours of wringing one's hands while pacing 400 square feet is not my idea of vacation...forced or not.

Not to mention, a late breakfast in Tribeca just cost a 50 spot..and I didn't even catch a buzz.

This is me, failing to trust in the will of my God and the call to come unto Him.

"Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop." ~Ovid

Is swimming in a glass full of agave considered rest?

Title: Not a reflection of the pinstripes losing their voice or their muscle.

It is rare I comment on news articles, but this one was so scripturally unsound, I couldn't resist.

Bad Emotions...

Change of Plans

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." Luke 19:10

“I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind
In the middle of the night.” Billy Joel

Six hours on Long Beach and I feel like the dried up brown crusties that have sat there with tanning oil and copious amounts of Pringles, ten weeks out of the year for the last decade of their lives.

How come the beaches in the northeast charge for sun squatting and are occupied by the droves...whereas in the lovely south, public means free and you don't swim right next to others confusing seaweed with pubic.

Yes, something is clearly wrong with my attitude and psyche towards New York and its inhabitants right now. I leave my house before sunrise and step over the vagrants sleeping at my doorstep well after sunset so they can ask me for a dollar.

I am pushing my sleepless self in a career that is slowly chipping away at my unwavering foundation of physical confidence in a mentally painful, Botox considering way.

Where once I found pleasure in concentrating on the animalistic ways in human behavior and wrote more of the same. I now am annoyed at simpletons rating restaurants and liberal intellectuals pissing on my "small minded" faith.

I blame a lot of things these days. I question the future.

I agree with the cover of New York Magazine that parents are significantly unhappier than non parents and I consider reneging on the deal with my child hungry husband.

I think of leaving the East Village.

The wanderlust bug has a bite called discontentment.

Now what?

I had this shuttering thought as I drank chilled Vodka underneath Lafayette in the cold cavernous lighting of Pravda, if the Russians beside me were reading my lips.

Yesterday, July 9th 1776, the Declaration of Independence was publicly proclaimed to Washington's troops in New York City.

And they all cried out God Bless the free states of North America.

Acting

"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light." Matthew 6:22

Would I have donned my bandeau and wrapped my bare legs around the other photo double for a wide shot of sex simulation?

You betcha.

I know me, and I know my heart.

It's all for the art...right?

And The Whining Award Goes To...

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

I think for the first time since I began this nauseating and thrilling pursuit of acting, I felt an overwhelming sense of humility as a "background artist."

Oh bother.

There's no damn business like show business -- you have to smile to keep from throwing up.” Billy Holiday

Was it me or were the nude body double candidates in holding today giving us that insecure attitude that only taking your clothes off for a lousy, no face time bump will do?

I'm quite aware my blog and the next generation are both going to shit.

It's what happens when you work 45 hours in three days on minimal sleep sustaining yourself on chocolate covered espresso beans and when you overindulge and friendly empower boundary craving children.

After cracking my tooth at six this morning, starting my period in a pastel yellow dress, and standing in the direct fire of the industrial air conditioner, all the while drinking air from a birthday cup, I grinned and bared lovely Laura Linney and stunning Cynthia Nixon sing Heart, karaoke style and bring the fabricated house down.

Do you ever wonder if your knocking on the wrong doors?

Awashed

"They will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them. He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water." Isaiah 49:10

Hottest day of the year in nearly ten years and I spent it under the steaming lights on set of Showtime's The Big C with Laura Linney, Cynthia Nixon, Oliver Platt, and Idris Elba

Fourteen hours by the sweat of my brow... Blessings from my faithful Father...and booked for the entire week.

Don't you love when you touch that dream you've been chasing?

Blaring, Honking, Sreaming

"Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind." Ecclesiastes 4:6

Strewn brown bodies amongst the trash covered hot blacktop of 125th street in East Harlem provided a stark contrast and a startling acclamation as I was thrown back in the New York groove...

That's right, I'm back. Back in the New York Groove. Ace Frehley

What's it all for?

Under God

"They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness."
Psalm 145:7

Not abandoning my readers but soaking up some stars and smelling the wildflowers.

I'm taking a vacation from my problems and praying for a revival in this great God founded nation.

The American Spirit is strong and under attack.
Keeping our eys on the Lord will forever in peace let our flag still wave.


God Bless the USA.

Does our flag still stand for freedom?