La La Land

"He brings the clouds to punish men, or to water his earth and show his love." Job 37:13

Watching the rain fall on steamy St. Mark's, I say this prayer to determine if it's the latter.

Please God... Slap me hard across the face. So hard in fact that I fall flat in the mud, scorned and humiliated. Do this far before I ever become a kept woman who has lost her husband's attention, her children's respect, and I tensely stamp every small thing in life with red ink... reading emergency...

Where money rules my treatment of others and determines my superiority and place in life despite never living life unprotected, where I run from mice and real problems because I was too scared to learn how to cope in the land of normal.

Please Lord, know that if I ever lost sight of you, this egotistical entitlement and compulsive behavior could seize me and my foundation and I'd be the one looking me in the face letting me go from a job over an obsessive clerical order.

Back to square one or blessing in disguise?