Brace For Impact

"But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves." 2 Peter 2:1

"We have persevered because of a belief we share with the Iraqi people; a belief that out of the ashes of war, a new beginning could be born in this cradle of civilization. Through this remarkable chapter in the history of the United States and Iraq, we have met our responsibility. Now, it is time to turn the page." Barak Obama

Lord Jesus, please don't let these presumptuous words come to stab us in our turned backs.

Mark my words, the Iraqi People aren't on the same page you're turning...But the Iranians can't put the book down.

Do you think you're safe?

**A little NY Good Humor >>

Journey Through the Life

"They worshiped idols, though the LORD had said, "You shall not do this." 2 Kings 17:12

(Must be read with a southern accent)

Oh my stars y'all, I was leavin my script reading class tonite. And do you know who I ran smack dab into? P Diddy. That's right. He was standing right outside of the famous Birdland just a talkin with his big ole bodygaurd and sure enough, if I didn't walk right into his sturdy forearm. I just said scuse me and made my train. I tell you... this city done draws them in...

And thanks to Mr. Slade for sharing this...although you may be gritting your teeth, you knew I would find favor. I hope some readers will too. The Brothers Koch >>

Do you place merit on the unworthy pomp and circumstance?

Testifying in Black and White

"For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light." Psalm 36:9

Its quite possible this site will go abandoned in the next few weeks, leaving only a mere reminder of this whimsical journey.

My brain is having a go at it grasping simple words like misanthrope or coagulate these days. Therefore expressing my elusive thinking self in melodramatic cerebral tones like Woody Allen escapes any of my current capability.

Besides, Manhattan isn't his Manhattan anymore and I find it difficult to wax poetically when its been overtaken by fashion mongers and $20 dollar drinks at the Standard's Boom Boom Room.

Rhapsody in Blue just doesn't have the same effect with a back beat.

Reasons for Living circa 1979- A Recording of Potato Head Blues by Louis Armstrong.

Apples and Pears by Cezanne.

Reasons for Living circa now. Goddamn Facebook Updates on your blackberry and striped micro minis.

It dawned on me after church this morning that my reason for living is often hid in the darkness of daily life and certainly masked by the literal roads I walk.

Writing is shining a Light on, letting the whole world sing about the glory of my Risen King and reminding all that are still searching somewhere vastly beyond the "Intolerant" Christian who has sustained through love that...

Mohammed's grave is occupied.

Krishna's grave... also full.

Buddha's grave? He's in it...

But Jesus' grave is empty and OUR Redeemer Lives.

I'd be worshiping Him instead of the new Fall collection.

If every knee will bow and every tongue will confess, the question is...When?

*Sorry I missed this...>>

ZZZZzzz

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8

Shhhh, I'm growing very sleepy. Cue the women fighting over the plastic in the street followed by the sanitation trucks at 3 AM.

It's time to find a church in the city.

I'm ready to be reinforced by believers.

Somebody else I know feels the same....

The Money Plant

"He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for man to cultivate— bringing forth food from the earth." Psalm 104:14

Honestly, I can't remember the last time I inhaled, but not one syllable in this headline makes me happy.

YOU DUMB SHITS>>

Fire your Economic Team.

Tax the Farmer.

Tax the Vendor.

Tax the happy fun loving, chilled out, hard working consumer.

And Legalize It.

Why doesn't this make sense?

"So there was much joy in that city." Acts 8:8

Despite dodging chunks. >>

Bursting With It

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." Isaiah 40:29

For the record ...

I don't want Laura Schlessinger to hang it up.

I think its brilliant Margaret Hoover called out Kim Kardashian.

I lean towards the belief that our President is indeed Muslim.

I will join in my Grandma's Sunday School promise to pray for Glenn Beck.

I wish we lived in a less sensitive and politically correct nation.

I stand behind my Rock, my Creator, my Deliver, my Beginning and End, and My Savior.

Slept until 12 today. I didn't mean to but it was nearly the first time it's rained this summer, taking the sweltering heat down to a mild steam and damn it to hell, I was dog tired.

I made my audition though, reading for a Southern Madam seducing a well educated, young girl gone astray into my enterprising fold.

Uh?

Who are these daytime televsion writers? And how can I be one?

On a side note but related to my LACK of consistent sleep.

My world and Reality TV collide. >>

This is precisely why I need to move off this street...

That and NYU Freshman are starting their trickle.

If a person is tolerant, do that have true convictions?

Mantra

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. "Phillipians 4:8 (a mainstay)

Just when I thought I was life seconds away from cowering in a crusty punk filled corner of Tompkins Square Park, muttering to myself about the injustices in this pressure breeding city; Two contrasting Broadway shows breathed life back into this heart of mine with a similar message....

Mrs. Positive says to live happily ever after... it's all about the Happy Talk and Hair Band Rock.

~Happy talk, keep talking happy talk,

Talk about things you'd like to do,

You gotta have a dream, if you don't have a dream,

How you gonna have a dream come true?

Talk about a moon floating in de sky looking like a lily on a lake,

Talk about a bird learning how to fly. Making all the music he can make

Happy talk, keep talking' happy talk,Talk about things you'd like to do,

You gotta have a dream, if you don't have a dream, How you gonna have a dream come true?

Talk about a star looking like a toy. Peeking through de branches of a tree,

Talk about a girl, talk about a boy, Counting all de ripples on de sea

Happy talk, keep talking happy talk,

Talk about things you'd like to do

You gotta have a dream, if you don't have a dream, How you gonna have a dream come true?~

South Pacific

Now ask yourself, are you motoring?

These Days

"Who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:5-7

I looked over at the Muslim man beside me on the crowded F Train this evening and took note of the literature he was reading. Here's what my eyes saw....Charisma>>

Tell that to the thousands of Muslims who gathered outside of Park Place today in hopeful prayer for their vehemently opposed mosque.

You say you gotta choose your side and when its done, Nobody right..? Nobody Wrong?

The Office Flirt

"A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed." Proverbs 15:13

Yielding to politics and religion or rather disguising them in humor...I'm embracing my laugh lines.

And knocking on 30 Rock's (the address) door next week as I have been often compared to this woman and feel it is quite something to strive for...

Either that or I'm turning towards the spectacular to lift this Manhattan fog. Trippin>>

C'mon admit it...don't you want to dose it up and laugh, laugh, laugh?

My Commercial Class instructor offered me free tickets to this politically incorrect hilarity...

We sat in an intimate theater with Jason Patric and Jerry Seinfeld as the Irish Brooklynite broke down civilization as we know it and woe it in a 75 minute monologue.

Colin Quinn>>

Can you say Mater and Mayonnaise sandwich's all week long?

Thanks to JP and my bountiful East Village delight.

So Go Forth

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16

Praying and Sobbing with my cracked sunglasses on, while running 6.5 MPH into my reflection to a long Widespread Panic Jam and contemplating my impending move to a small fishing town was not my ideal start to the morning.

But when the casting agent tells me, I am a versatile commercial actress with comedic range and stoic believability, the nights end has me back on the horse and whipping it full steam ahead.

It isn't rocket science, when you are doing what you love according to God's Will, you just feel better.

"If one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which one has imagined, one will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”

Henry David Thoreau

I Want To Rock-n-Roll

"A man's steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way?" Proverbs 20:24

As of late, I have reached out to a lot of family, a handful of friends, and a sampling of loyal readers. All who know I'm crazy, secretly worry about me, and tune in for the car race or wreck called my reality. Turns out my subtle dark humor, active imagination, and opinion of human behavior has found its way into a blog turned diary and it dawned on me, I need a redirect. Or better a direction.

Any advice in that department would be warmly welcomed.

Until then...

Well if I didn't know it already, it was affirmed today as the merry hopefuls wrapped around the corner for a chance to grasp their 15 minutes of illustrious fame on the silver screen; there is undeniably, fierce competition in this field.

Men In Black 3, yes, 3 is beginning the prosthetic makeup fittings for an October shoot and they're looking for aliens or to put it in Casting Director lingo, people with interesting character faces and odd/unusual sizes.

Blond hair, blue eyes wasn't on the rundown...but I posed for my Polaroid and exited into the suffocating thick heat only New York mid August can provide.

Turns out daytime television isn't dead.

The advertisers still appeal to a select group that can hold their bladders, and One Life To Live stands firm as the ONLY Soap still in NY production.

So I arrived at my dramatic cold reading tonight soaking wet from the summer's first downpour to give my best pout (without a stiff forehead) towards my lustful attraction for Landview's notorious bad boy. I was quite convincing.

Leaving the scene, a beau from my way back past calls me.

Just home from a 30 day European tour with KISS, he's shooting Family Jewels in New York and wants to see me. Whatever energy I lost in saturating heat and silly dialogue, I quickly find at minutes till midnight.

Something to do with a text saying Gene Simmons says hello.

I reply, my tongue has made me a lot of friends too... and out the door I go!

Oh New York City on a Monday Night.

Did you say you wanna go for a spin?

**33 years ago today, another Rock-n-Roll legend dies. Love Me Tender Elvis. Love Me True.

Pleasant Thoughts

"And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." Genesis 2:16-17

"Be careful, because the grass is always greener on the side of the septic tank."

Erma Bombeck

When I fall or am tempted away from the fellowship of God I become diseased with every untruth out there. Being blinded by pride is not new to any of us but a big pile of decaying bones in which some many before have fallen prey.

Yes, while choosing disobedience to the Will of God often looks desirable, I always end up waist deep in smelly shit.

Doggone it, how's that for a daily affirmation?

The End is Near

"Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God." 1 John 4:1-2

Baby make a speech, Star Wars fly. Neighbors just shine it on.
But if a night falls and a bomb falls; Will anybody see the dawn?

Time. Times.

Sign of the Times...Prince

Time to let it out in a slow and steady HISSSS.

"It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: “And this, too, shall pass away.”
Abraham Lincoln

I'm A Little Teapot

"Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD." Psalm 139:4

He searches my heart and knows the scary parts.

Every once in a while, pressure creates a fissure crack in the mountain of me that seeps out hot, scathing lava that is buried and boiling deep within. In this skin shedding experience, I get an ugly picture of the raw reality that is a result of 34 years of living this life. This life is hard.

I feel my internal upheaval on the surface and try to stifle the nasty stench it contains with a smile and a song. . It's not a forced pleasantry but who I really feel I am and strive to be. But everyday, I am losing this ongoing battle to suppress my anger and pain in a world in which I personally believe has gone brutally awry. These are family defenses, grave injustices, coping mechanisms, and the residual pain I feel from the lubeless butt screwing I have received in these last few years.

My pen is often my only source of releasing steam. In which I occasionally projectile vomit. This reaction is about me, but sometimes splashes on others. For this, I am truly sorry.

I am a writer. I write with conviction. Occasionally with bile. And often with an edge.

I choose my words not only to convey my emotions, but to draw a picture in one's mind that evokes emotions in them. Sensationalism is in all forms of writing.

My Blog. It's all about me.

From word one, I am opinionated and curt. I don't claim to be correct but I undeniably stand behind my commitment to write my truth. In this process, I have to take bloody noses, walk face first into the music, harsh or harmonious, and yes... apologize.

Grace and Humility is what is constantly bestowed on me and it is my Savior's command to, in turn for my gratefulness, do the same to others...always.

Sometimes I fail.

In the Apostle Paul's letter to the Church of Corinth, he speaks about sorrowful regret and how it leads to repentance and salvation. An earnestness and longing to become closer to God through life lessons is what I daily learn.

Have you ever felt this way?

Shake Em Up, Shake Em Up, Shake Em

"This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

Despite the 5 AM hiccup of being politely dismissed from "The Talent's" transportation van on 34th street; Today was...in the re-inventor Ice Cube's words...A Good Day.

My desk job consisted of twelve hours in JFK watching the Emirates stewardess' in their harem like attire apply sultry red lipstick and head for Dubai bound flight as the FedEx commercial shoot directed various angles around me and I kept my hand snug and stuck in the chocolate dish between takes.

My most evident weakness is my inability to live in the present and today as I exercised the practice of not letting another moment slip away, I became acutely aware of the fact that the most inclusive Commercial Casting Agency had plucked my name and there I was amongst the swell and seasoned.

And while my other luscious lip crush rocked out with his cock out out on Jones Beach tonight without me, I ate my fill of steaming papardelle pasta drenched in pancetta cream sauce and made sweet emotional love to my best friend as Aerosmith provided the swoon.

I trust with ever fiber of my being, I am where I'm supposed to be, on the path I need to tread, in the ever loving arms of my controller and provider.

Now, what's next?

Hand To Mouth

"The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth."

Proverbs 26:15

His words..not mine.

"Aren't we better than this?"Ed Schultz

You want a lazy nation...you got one. Welfare State>>

Yep, and this is just as sad...Push Up>>

Who the hell is gonna hold you accountable if you bow out?

Fight or Flee

"A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."

Proverbs 11:25

My heart goes out to Steve Slater. >>>

I feel his helpless aggravation at the self centered narcissism in the non compassionate.

I understand the overwhelming compulsion to tell them all to fuck themselves, chug a beer, and escape into my own safe sanctuary.

He'd had enough.

We all have.

And the fact that his face is on the cover of EVERY Daily Rag in this town shouldn't come as a surprise...

We're all living on the edge.

And speaking of teetering... remember when I said my weekend in wee Rhode Island packed a punch?

Well, it gave an equal if not more devastating blow to our wallets as we found ourselves dolling out our gratitude in dollar signs.

A hospitality lesson gifted me a sleepless night and sore disbelieving open jaw, that if it wasn't for my on camera commercial class peanut gallery telling me what a feisty, funny, adorable, piss and vinegar, crazy mom with a highly marketable vindictive side I had, I would be pulling the escape hatch on life and running for the hills as well.

What part of my struggling acting career, part time assistant slaving, hopeful not fruitful writing, paycheck to paycheck spending, freelancing husband, deep creased forehead living gave you the idea I was made out of money?

Steven Tyler was right...There's meltdown in the sky.

Good For Me

"Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3: 1-18

I sat across two skeptical, former Catholics at an overpriced meal explaining with tears in my eyes why Jesus Christ is the center of my life... Not to teach my noble superiority but to show my gracious reliance.

It's been too long since I said it and remembered.

It's not about worth or works, its all about Him.

But if you've got a husband in high political power and position whining and crying about the greatest economic devastation since the Great Depression...you probably shouldn't gallivant in designer Gaultier duds in fabulous Majorca for days on end.

I don't claim to know best. I claim to know My Savior.

Isn't that taming the tongue?

It may be the smallest state in the Union...but lil' Rhode Island packs a punch.

Two Days Late

The northeast is so fascinating to me. Four real rootin tootin seasons you can set your clock by with hearty arms embracing the full life in all of them .

An Amtrak rail east along the seaside sailing communities and I count the weeks until sweater weather sets in.

Sipping my contraband Sierra Nevada, I realize the appeal of a mid day buzz.

Time is rapidly escaping me and I remind myself that I'm running out of some days and will do's.
Casting agent calls me personally to book me Monday and Tuesday.

I've committed my day to the soul sucking business of another and "invested" a paycheck into a commercial class in evenings.

So I have to decline and visually see my name added to the black side of the column.

What a ridiculous livelihood...to worry when they will call. And obsess when you have to speak the dreaded and often heard word no.

I'm getting away for another weekend. The last one of the summer

Newport, RI. Where sails are full, beer glasses overflow, and the simple life takes precedence.

Questions on my mind:

Why am I living in the most difficult city to speak of when I live hand to mouth?
Will botox affect my unborn children?
Are these meandering streams only seen by rail riders?
If I'm the most blissful on mother ocean...why do I live in a walk up tenement?

Can"t figure out why food is my drug of choice when hot sex feels so much more satisfying..

Goodbye city and my more than honed busy mind.

Hello weekend and a sunny salt water soaked vibe.
This is my neurosis singing off.

Cry Baby Cry

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe." Philippians 2:13-15

Disclaimer:

I am blessed beyond all measure.

I am living my life on my own terms as God's Will seems fit. I am nearing my 2nd year of abiding in the greatest, most vibrant city in the United States. I witness daily and experience often what so many can only envision. My life seems to be a series of peak experiences and my front yard an epicurean delight.

With all that said...

Al Pacino's Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare in the Park is closed for the season.

Did I sit under the stars amongst the fireflies for sheer genius and did I mention, free alfresco theater in one of the greatest parks in God's green Earth?

No.

John Legend sang about his love for the Lord as he passionately stroked the 66 keys of a Steinway piano and The Roots danced a funk for the masses.

Did I take my dark roast to go and shake free without abandon on this beautiful,breezy, fleeting summer Friday morning?

No.

Denzyl Washington gave another gut wrenching, Tony award winning performance in August Wilson's revival of Fences last night.

Did I stare with astonishment as he took his character to a dark and melancholy place in this famous racial melodrama?

No.

Isn't it obvious what I do?

I tie myself to a whipping post and bleed all over my keyboard.

Maybe I should just put the sugar on my tongue and run with it so the mundane seems like a psychedelic wonderland.

Do these people live more content lives?

A Portrait>>

My Neighbor

http://evgrieve.com/2010/08/looking-at-120-st-marks-place.html

In Good Faith

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9

The latest confrontation at 8 AM this morning on an overflowing F Train...lady squealing at the two overweight men filling more than their share of seats. "I'm pregnant I have an excuse...you're just fat and stupid."

Today...three women sit on the Supreme Court.

I bury my face in New York Magazine and smile fondly at the words of my new found person of interest. Don't Hate>>

Oh Franti, take me away to a place of calm.

~Anywhere I go ’cause I was made of this earth
I'm born of this earth, I breathe of this earth
And even with the pain I believe in this earth...

So I wake up every mornin' and I'm steppin' on the floor.

I wake up every mornin' and I'm steppin' out the door.

I got faith in the sky, faith in the one
faith in the people rockin' underneath the sun.

Cause every bit of land is a holy land
and every drop of water is a holy water
and every single child is a son or a daughter.~ MF

The question is if we all claim to want peace... why do we kick and scream against it?

R-E-G-U-R-G-I-T-A-T-E

This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it the LORD is his name: 'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:2-3

California is now a State of Married Bliss...Good for them.

And after they have gotten their way, reopened old childhoods wounds, discovered each others disgusting habits, strayed, and filled their hearts and lungs up with such resentment, they will let out a stifled scream and search for the fastest route to a divorce attorney.

How's marriage? Super, thanks for asking. Equal Rights my ass.

I'm sorry. It's not that I disagree. Commitment isn't unconstitutional but shoving your views deep down my throat evokes a gag reflux I can't contain.

While Bloomberg sings songs of religious freedom on Governor's Island, radical Islam gets a feather in their cap; 9/11 victims and Joe Public scream the thought provoking point of would we celebrate the Japanese building a shrine near Pearl Harbor?

Yes while I long to be the smiling long blond haired rosy cheeked girl spinning to a 20 minute jam of Gov't Mules Soulshine, the man on 5th Avenue threatening to bitch slap me has the loving me in a state.

So I do what I do when I don't like me...I fall to my knees.

It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways...

Does any of this make me a hypocrite?

The Beginning of the End

"If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small." Proverbs 24:10

Couldn't find much scripture about self-deprecation so I look to Caddyshack.

"You're not, you're not good. You stink." Ty Webb

My AOL audition lasted all of 15 minutes...don't call us, we'll call you, again the sentiment.

Avoiding running off my extra tummy package worth of IPA Growlers..I catch up on some reading and feel compelled to share.

Missing the Point>>

Hitting the Mark>>

And

Running Hot Water Through Coffee Beans>>

My husband brought home a free "piece of art". Dela Vega spray painted Become Your Dream across an old 15" TV Monitor. He said it will inspire me.

I wonder.

How do you know when its time to turn it on or shut it off?

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

List of things I'd like to see splendidly unfold tomorrow...I hope God is on the same page.

Book AOL commercial audition as a warm and sensible working mom...negotiate residuals.

Have the Genius at Apple Bar organize my Mac back to functional and slip me an iPAD for my frustrations.

Drop my dirty laundry with the Asians for my first time in Manhattan. I'm over self service.

Feel that stroke of inspiration (without illegal substance) to finally start first novel and put pen to paper.

Receive funding and fierce support from newly employed husband who shares good news over a bottle of Grand Krug.

Yep...I'm Taking a page from Cinderella that no matter how much my heart is grieving, I gotta keep on believing these dreams I wish will come true...

Is the moon and stars too much to ask for?

Unplugged

"But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me." Psalm 131:2

OHHHHhh!

MMMMMmm!

AAHHHHHhh!