"Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD." Psalm 139:4
He searches my heart and knows the scary parts.
Every once in a while, pressure creates a fissure crack in the mountain of me that seeps out hot, scathing lava that is buried and boiling deep within. In this skin shedding experience, I get an ugly picture of the raw reality that is a result of 34 years of living this life. This life is hard.
I feel my internal upheaval on the surface and try to stifle the nasty stench it contains with a smile and a song. . It's not a forced pleasantry but who I really feel I am and strive to be. But everyday, I am losing this ongoing battle to suppress my anger and pain in a world in which I personally believe has gone brutally awry. These are family defenses, grave injustices, coping mechanisms, and the residual pain I feel from the lubeless butt screwing I have received in these last few years.
My pen is often my only source of releasing steam. In which I occasionally projectile vomit. This reaction is about me, but sometimes splashes on others. For this, I am truly sorry.
I am a writer. I write with conviction. Occasionally with bile. And often with an edge.
I choose my words not only to convey my emotions, but to draw a picture in one's mind that evokes emotions in them. Sensationalism is in all forms of writing.
My Blog. It's all about me.
From word one, I am opinionated and curt. I don't claim to be correct but I undeniably stand behind my commitment to write my truth. In this process, I have to take bloody noses, walk face first into the music, harsh or harmonious, and yes... apologize.
Grace and Humility is what is constantly bestowed on me and it is my Savior's command to, in turn for my gratefulness, do the same to others...always.
Sometimes I fail.
In the Apostle Paul's letter to the Church of Corinth, he speaks about sorrowful regret and how it leads to repentance and salvation. An earnestness and longing to become closer to God through life lessons is what I daily learn.
Have you ever felt this way?
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