"The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful."
Matthew 13:22
Sometimes I can't see my blessings. I'm distracted by the things I do not have control. I'm hindered by my desires. I miss the point. In reference to Silvia Plath...I am absolutely positive a hot bath won't cure this ailing stress.
Experts say that the release of cortisol has drastic effects on sexual desire and mental harmony.
Makes me want to escape with an overdose of Oxytocin.
Husband's yelling.
Debt is growing.
Doubt is looming.
Stress is ruling.
Face is freezing.
Troubles multiplying.
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.” Anonymous
So I'm standing firm outside this rubber room.
And praying I don't cross the threshold.
Is everything as urgent as your stress would imply? ~Carrie Latet
It has been an unusually rough and cold winter. I'm deep in doubt myself. I'm feeling that I am not really suited to, or want to be, an actor, that it might be a really unfulfilling choice for me to make, that it is yet another form of settling for less than.
ReplyDeleteI'm having trouble memorizing a scene for an acting class tomorrow. Part of me just doesn't want to do it. And that maybe I am way behind with the necessary training for this activity.
BG on Criminal Intent yesterday, and embarrassed when an old friend from back home via Facebook asked me if I have lines. Commented after her that "No I never have lines on any of these things other than student films and it is doubtful that I ever will. And don't know why I'm attempting to work on things that I would never watch in the first place and have never watched." I deleted that right away and FB was so messed up last night that it is doubtful anyone saw it anyway. I deleted it because I want to protect my FB "brand" I don't want to be a whiner and someone else that people have to worry about.
The thing is I am capable and have done more creative work in the past than, but still related to, acting. If I don't go more into these other areas frustration will continue even if I should end up walking across a set saying silly lines like a cop for the silly frustrated viewers of this unworthy escapist product.
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do.. . ." is so true but it is also not wise to go down a path that ultimately has nothing to offer but endless hustling to get a chance to make more crap.
"Fools' names and fools' faces are often found in foolish places." And the big entertainment business is loaded with foolish, selfish, and immoral people. (Like Ollie and the big tit girl.)
Meanwhile I'm looking into occasionally minding a 19 month old boy from the community of the school I used to work in. The grounding that small children provide would be welcome right now.
You can delete my rant if you want.
I just needed to blow off some gas. : )