Ticket to Ride

"I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me." Psalm 13:6

My soul finds rest in God alone.

And boosts from those who know me.

On my express train to West 72nd for an interview, I prayed for direction....The subway door opened four times from downtown to the Upper West and each time it did, music sweet music came pouring in...

Apparently the FAB Four is a first learn for many.

First Stop:

Guitar Strings and We can work it out...

Penn Station:

Keyboard Keys...Let It Be

Times Square:

Steel Drums Echo Yesterday

Central Park:

A three piece brass band whispered, Here Comes the Sun around the John Lennon mosaic.

My latest referral job overlooks Strawberry Fields.

And I get by with a little help from my friends,

I get high with a little help from my friends,
Going to try with a little help from my friends..

Do you need anybody?

Church Shouldn't Suck

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain.

Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.

In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—
for he grants sleep to those he loves." Psalm 127:1-2

Sure, New York City has some of the most elaborate awe inspiring religious buildings with their grand architecture and magnificent design. Some are historical landmarks and others built to suit the needs of the Park Avenue Elite. But despite their immense beauty, I wonder how spirit filled the worship truly is within those ornate walls and is the exterior much like the attending..all for show?

Making it my mission to find a church home in Manhattan to be fed, humbled, and lifted up by His promises, I have attended approximately 15-20 churches since the New Year...

Feasibly the search could have ceased in February, the first time the Holy Spirit led me through the doors of City Light Church in East Village and within earshot of Pastor Bojan Janicic's voice, standing of the scriptural word of God. And me on my tear stained face.

This time,hand in hand with my partner weeping grateful tears of a woman exalted by Grace that truth became effortlessly crystal clear.

This church is alive with broken bible believing joy filled people crying out for God's relentless mercy and love.

Starting over in a strange land, the praise was powerful, the message pertinent, the worship sincere, the Holy Spirit present, and our new home.... found.

Finding Rest in God Alone and Living the Let Go Life....

Getting "Orders from the Headquarters" cause leaning on Him makes Life that much easier.

"Jesus gave them this answer: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does." John 5:19

You still think you can work on you alone?

**South America finally got on board. Maybe it was my Salsa lesson last night.

A Better Benchmark

"We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 1:3

A slow rumbling of thunder in the gray sky, raindrops on the window. Believe it or not, fall weather rolled in last night and the ginkgo trees, usually a radiant green into October in the deep south are turning a golden hue. Standing over a steaming bowl of green curry I ordered at midnight this morning, unwanted visions of wool hats and leather boots start to appear...

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” Van Gogh

Sitting in front of my window watching the long sleeve, long pants pedestrians dodge the fat drops (procrastinating), I started to rattle off in my blank at the moment mind, what serves as my muse. And furthermore, where does that inspiration disappear to on days like these?

Overheard Dialogue- They say the tongue is the strongest muscle and the most powerful tool. Words formed and delivered from people's mouths can be nothing short of shocking and fascinating. Impossible to stand on a corner in downtown Manhattan and not walk away with a choice morsel to chew.

People Watching- Their walks, their talks, their style, their mannerisms. Truly inspiration can be found watching human behavior without judgement. Humanity may not always be pretty or your taste, but it is art.

Taking a load off at Washington Square Park was what the doctor ordered.

I think I'm coming down with something worse than writer's block.

And the blue cheese stuffed olives in my Bloody Mary only dulled the pain.

Sprawled out on a park bench I listened to two guitarists and two percussionists strum and hum in harmony in front of the focal point fountain as a crowd gathered around to soak up their flow.

My eyes wandered left to a man on his knees painting the most vibrant, imaginative mosaic design on the sidewalk with sand, by hand, a few colorful grains at a time. Above him stood the notorious limestone arch with the Washington quote saying, “Let us raise a standard to which the wise and honest can repair. The event is in the hand of God.”

WOW! Regarding the writing of the U.S. Constitution and encouraging all of us who walk, paint, play, dance, sing, sleep, dream and write underneath it that it isn't necessarily the outcome that takes precedence but the effort.

Do you have to limbo under the bar you've raised for your life?

And That's All That I Am

"I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and salvation. I do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly." Psalm 40:10

Do I attract you?
Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?
Am I too dirty? Am I too flirty?
Do I like what you like?

Yeah, I could be wholesome, I could be loathsome
I guess I'm a little bit shy.
Why don't you like me without making me try?

I try to be like Grace Kelly. But all her looks were too sad
So I tried a little Freddie. I've gone identity mad!

I could be brown, I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful, I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green, gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you walk out the door!

How can I help it? How can I help what you think?
Putting my life on the brink...

Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like yourself?
Should I bend over?
Should I look older just to be put on your shelf?

MIKA

A pirate friend of mine told me after I shared my testimony with him over a J that my "religion" was the first thing he did not like about me

I told him it was the only reason he liked all the rest...

I'm up against that almost everyday.

Who is it that you want?
Because I gotta be me....

Closer to the Lord is where I want to be.

Talking about my faith has never racked up points in popularity contests. But, there is no question, when I'm acting like the child of God saved by Eternal Grace that I am, is when I like me most and the spiteful nitpicking subsides.

Could you stay dedicated despite the disapproval?

The Good Wife

This is what the LORD says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD." Jeremiah 17:5

Home cooked Italian dinner, chilled red wine, and a Chris Robinson melody jam soothing through the speakers.

I must face facts. Having a strong virile husband around has a throw caution to the wind effect on me and at the same time makes me overtly lazy.

I really heard myself say today on the edge of Union Square while we we're debating a $5 greasy meat wagon meal versus an exorbitant bowl of glass noodles with atmosphere...

"Let's just pretend that money is no object and have reckless fun."

Say uh?

Now I understand it's highly unfair for me to place blame on the good sport of a man so I will use the excuse of the 70 degrees with a breeze weather that has me giddily losing my mind.

But as I am sitting home on a whimsical Thursday night listening to the bongos rhythm rise up and meet me, I'm mourning the chase of the sounds....

Now no longer alone:

The hustle has become less hurried.

The struggle, less serious.

Dependency is dominating and I'm losing my footing.

Is this a poor quality? Or is being cozy home with a lover the point?

One reason I upped and moved to New York alone was to prove to myself I still independently could. Since I married, (again, not passing the buck to him) I unconsciously became lax. There seemed to be a fallback. A safety net. Yet, I wasn't doing much tight-roping to test it.

Now nearly eight months later and secure in the fact that I still have leaping powers, I am incredibly reluctant to fall back in the sick cyclic reliant ways of standing still just because he's here.

And now I'm questioning my every non-move.

"Did you ever get the feeling that you wanted to go,
But still had the feeling that you wanted to stay.
You knew it was right, wasn't wrong.
Still you knew you wouldn't be very long.
Go or stay, stay or go,
Start to go again and change your mind again." J Durante

Damn, I thought by my mid thirties, I would know who the hell I am and what the hell I wanted.

As we age, does confusion grow and spontaneity vanish?

Please say no.

Yin and Yang

"Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread." Proverbs 30:8

10 AM is the new 7 AM

Brown bag lunch in Bryant Park at 3. Search for an open seat.

Does anybody work anymore?

The threadbare transient's sign saying "too ugly to prostitute" got me going.

Primarily if you can't take care of yourself, don't acquire a pet.

Day 4. No job.

Unemployed.

At a loss.

Freelance.

Submit

What is constant?

Nothing reliable.

Options

Free.

Open.

Stifled.

Floating.

Chained to a desk.

What benefits do you speak of?

Willing. Able.

Ain't too proud to beg.

Tear tickets, sling sauce, cater to the copious coffee drinkers. Rally for Retail. Sell my soul.

Strip.

The Grind.

9-5

Rat's Racing

Flexible

Happy Hour

Available.

Paychecks.

Rainchecks.

Cheap Ramen.

Limited Scope

Abundant Opportunities

Best of Both Worlds

Secure

Satisfied

Sanity has its limits.

Not for lack of trying but:

freelancing=free time

No money=no fun

No fun+free time=a defeated NYC purpose

HAPPINESS

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." Eleanor Roosevelt

Does any of this make sense?

**"And the last shall be first"-the baby of the bunch Ted Kennedy lost his Earthly battle today.

Resisting Release

"Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God." 2 Corinthians 7:11

Don't know what happened in NY today. I didn't leave my hole...

Switch it, change it, rearrange it...SM

Catharsis Theory was first imagined by Aristotle, later rejuvenated by Freud, and then brought to motion pictures by Hitchcock who all said viewing violence was good for the individual and society as it released the oppressed anger we all felt without committing an actual vile act.

Needing a good healthy emotional and material cleansing, the day began.

Now a purging catharsis brings calm to the soul and space.

It also has the ability to discharge pent up psychological issues that aren't so pretty in public.

Jumper Cables and Car Battery chargers have no place in an old East Village tenement.

And playing the dutiful diplomat is not my strong suit.

You've heard the expression of shoving ten pounds of hot steamy excrement into a five pound bag, right?

Must give homage to immigrants for the suffering they endured to live and prosper in America. Fitting 2 in a 10x12 is pushing it.

An elimination breakthrough via curbside.

And passersby on the block will hit the mother load.

No, I don't need five white t-shirts.

As my dear friend David used to say.."You gotta get it outcha."

Why can't you let go?

Foolish Pride

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." Ecclesiastes 7:8

Holy Shit I am unsettled. I've already been through this....

Can one day be horrible, hysterical, and historical all in one?

Let's just say the fresh beginning is off to a rocky start with a resemblance of some of the sassy staleness I thought I left behind in Georgia.

Ten years of clothes accumulation, seven years of stress, a flat football, enough totes to make Vera Bradley cry, a memory filled baseball mitt, a worn out dust buster, and two heaping handfuls of pride crowded our space and hearts today.

Dropped furniture on our exhausted toes, pinched chapped fingers up against concrete walls. Tripped over suitcases. Screamed, Spit, Sparred and Sobbed.

Not to mention, our unequal gaits and tourists at South street Port made us miss three IKEA ferries which they are now charging to ride and getting stuck on the island with only Swedish meatballs, crayfish paste, and crispbread is not my idea of an afternoon spent. Only to be trapped underground in a subway missing the all very important cool air for what seemed like an eternity....

Stubborn Independence is going to have a hard time co-habitating in slight square feet.

Two Pisces swimming at one another and against Manhattan traffic is added weight in an already uphill battle town.

But the critics say, "At least you have each other."

"The stubborn souls are the losers here tonight
And while the bridges burn, another hard-hard lesson's learned..."TT

I ask for for Precipitance. He asks for Patience.

Push, Pull. Do you even know what side you're on?

And It Feels So Good

"They are joined fast to one another; they cling together and cannot be parted" Job 31:17

Glorious anticipation served up with three hours of sleep, a hot and heavy reunion and knowing how it feels to move my belongings up the narrow muggy marble staircase of a third floor walk up.... I thought a few magic hats, a porter house burger, a .75 oz container of serve yourself frozen yogurt and a face plant in the pillow were just what the doctor ordered.

Today my husband followed me to New York City. For me, for us, for our family. For the adventure of being alive.

Hallelujah to the King of Kings.

A Red Sox Victory would be a good sign.

Is Teamwork easier?

I Like Mike

"Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be." Job 8:7

Summer streets.

"Our" Mayor shut down Park Avenue today for seven miles..

Normally shoulder to shoulder with hustling yellow cabs, the street was wide open with avid bikers, runners, and roller bladers galore. As far as the eye could see the synced lights all turned green, screaming go, as we trotted up the hill past the Flat Iron Building and towards the grander than grand, Grand Central Station.

I ran from East Village to 50th and back down again not stopping at one crosswalk and overjoyed with the absolute liberating feeling that this city is alive and I am a small part of it.

As I got caught in the rain on my way down south on the East River and six miles later, I stopped and looked up into the falling drops and prayed out loud.

The words of Delavega written on the sidewalk of St. Mark's this morning faded by the raindrops in my mind came calling back,

"This moment is more precious than you think."

And it dawned on me...this is a God given chance of a lifetime.

And I am well on my way to checking off another item on the gotta do it once list.. The New York Marathon...ouch.

Funny what endorphins can do...

Tonight, I nursed my overzealous knees and toasted my instant girlfriend with a second glass of Rose. Questioning the dynamic of one becoming two in my love affair with this city all in the next few hours as my husband comes through the Holland Tunnel with a loaded down car packed full of our belongings to squeeze into our glorified Manhattan box.

And we start all over again.

Another chapter begins. And the anticipation of the open road looms....

Do you believe in new beginnings?

Damn RIght

"Gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:23

“The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out

of other people’s money.” Margaret Thatcher

Everyone on the set of Law and Order SVU learned that one today.... I was on a roll.

I've been back in the New York Groove for 12 days now and already have five glorious paychecks floating out in freelance world waiting to land in my new mailbox where I proudly displayed not just mine but my husband's name as well. Yipee!

Now it is rare for me to be in like minded company. But after speaking to three (count them 3) retired NYPD cops who were working as extras on a television set despite their pension .....You know what came up in holding today amongst the far left north easterners?

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.

Two of my favorite words when grouped together.

And I am not sure I have heard the Commander in Chief utter them once in his FOUR prime time press conferences (same amount Bush held in his ENTIRE presidency).

Sure I've seen the countless dynamic images, the charismatic speeches, the Jay Leno appearances, the rave over him shooting hoops, yet another town hall meeting, exclusive interviews on Nightline, and thrilling social headlines on E news (God save us all). But such as his vain media savvy may roll, I haven't seen much forward thinking action which has me singing the 80's British tune, "All you do to me is talk, talk."

To quote a woman on set, "I like Obama, he's funny and he gives good speeches."

Oh, well he's fit to run the greatest country on Earth then...and she has the privilege to vote.

Look. OBamaCare is losing ground and steam. And if the public has anything to say about it, the democratic party and it's kool-aid drinkers will not be able to resuscitate it. Regardless of the double talking dosed with sugar.

Regular Citizens and Common Joe's are gathering in unity and saying NO to socialized government controlled healthcare. They are saying no to his ray of "hope" that is ratcheting up our deficit and creating an even lazier nation.

Calling for backup:

"Rather than increase government spending and control, we need to address the root causes of poor health. This begins with the realization that every American adult is responsible for his or her own health.

Unfortunately many of our health-care problems are self-inflicted: two-thirds of Americans are now overweight and one-third are obese. Most of the diseases that kill us and account for about 70% of all health-care spending—heart disease, cancer, stroke, diabetes and obesity—are mostly preventable through proper diet, exercise, not smoking, minimal alcohol consumption and other healthy lifestyle choices.

Health-care reform is very important. Whatever reforms are enacted it is essential that they be financially responsible, and that we have the freedom to choose doctors and the health-care services that best suit our own unique set of lifestyle choices. We are all responsible for our own lives and our own health. We should take that responsibility very seriously and use our freedom to make wise lifestyle choices that will protect our health. Doing so will enrich our lives and will help create a vibrant and sustainable American society."

—Mr. Mackey is co-founder and CEO of Whole Foods Market Inc.

So get off your bloated and apathetic asses, quit using food stamps to buy nitrate filled meat by product bologna and double lard stuffed Oreos, close your open palm, shut your loud mouth, put your nose to the grindstone and WORK.

And when you work, keep your money. Because no one else should be entitled to it.

"I'm tired of listening to you talking in rhymes,

twisting around to make me think you're straight down the line.

All you do to me is talk, talk." Hollis bros

Are you really still listening?

Rainbow Connection

"The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor." 1 Corinthians 3:8

P-U-R-P-O-S-E

That spells Purpose.

Ponder this. Every single red blooded one of us born of mommy and daddy and are out in the world in some shape or fashion of a J-O-B are serving a purpose.

I didn't say productive, life altering, meaningful, and whole. But a purpose.

This came to me as I was running across town in my "Juror" wardrobe to warm one of the twelve wooden chairs with a serious expression in the center of a sound stage courtroom for yet another guilty verdict on Law and Order.

My neighborhood baker was hosing down the front steps of his patisserie, disintegrating a stale morning paper into bits and sending it down the street into the drain. My friendly grocer took inventory while three rather large and sweaty men unloaded crates of General Mills products unto the sidewalk. The postman gave a hat tip as he greeted residents of Alphabet City.

New York's finest stood on the corner by the L as a few of the self starting recycling corps fished bottles and cans out of the bin.

From the props gal on set who hands me my juror button to the PA who is just changes the trash bags after catering, all of them were serving a specific purpose. This fascinates me.

My specific purpose for coming to New York has remained constant. New York is still here.

My purpose in abiding here has ebbed and flowed. Expanded and Retracted. Stood still.

I explained this to two women at the end of our "work" day.....

After we were dropped off on 9th, instead of going our separate ways, we decided to walk through the center of Times Square (why I am not so sure). I relayed to one of the woman (brain surgeon turned extra) that Sesame Street was a dream and one impetus for coming. Blending Children and Television seemed natural to me. Besides I was a product of where the air was sweet way before politically correct was popular. GAG.

Not crossing against the light, we looked up at a brand new Muppet billboard on 42nd Street. "That's a sign." she said.

The other woman turned to me and replied....

"Would you be surprised if I told you, I was married to a cast member who has been on the show for 38 years?"

" Um yes. Who?" I asked.

"He plays Luis."

AAAAAHHHHHHAHHHHHHAHHHHAAAAHHHHAAAAH!

Color me ELMO and knock me over with Big Bird's feather. Talk about a purpose.

Three grown woman screamed in hysterics and did a group hug right there under Jim Henson's genius creations smiling down....

We walked the rest of the way East towards home. (Yep, neighbors) And you couldn't slap the shit eating grin of my face. Only in New York.

FYI Luis is NOT and has never been married to Maria.

Emilio Delgado and his wife have been married for twenty years.

I wonder he can tell me how to get to Sesame Street.

Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood?

In your neighborhood?
In your neighborhood?
Say, who are the people in your neighborhood?
The people that you meet each day.

--SS

And just what purpose do you serve boys and girls?

Joie de Vivre

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures sat your right hand." Psalm

EAT- An Arugula Salad drizzled with balsamic dressing and roasted red peppers. Kalamatas on the side. A massive pile of Spaghetti Bolognese and a taste of spicy Red Snapper with honey glazed butternut squash. A grossly large piece of homemade coconut cake to follow. (I know, but it's free)

PRAY- Thank you Lord above for your endless grace. Working next to pretty woman herself, Julia Roberts on a huge motion picture production with "clear" face time of a relaxed smile I'd been missing.

As my stress of life's burdens is slowly relented to you...And another check is in the mail.

LOVE- Despite the broken AC, sour half and half, no cross town buses on Houston, and the two AM wrap time. I just can't help but adore New York City....even in the August exhaust.

REST

Where would you be if you gave will to every single want?

"Almost Gourmet"

"For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1 16-17

I recently read an article listing the ten most commonly used phrases."With all due respect"

(which I rarely use) and "I personally think" (which I use often) were among the top but the one that caught my eye was the term"fairly unique". I cracked up sitting there on the pot....

Fairly Unique. I wondered about all the events, ideas, and people that others were discussing that were missing the mark of "Unique."

Woke up to the quiet hum of my AC window unit, walked two flights downstairs to the deli below to buy a gallon of milk. Ate breakfast at my window watching two guys lower numerous kegs of Guinness down into the cellar of my neighborly Irish Pub. Just as the two skaters with Afros went by on their boards, my cell phone rang off the hook, a picture of a Red Rooster. Aah my old friend wants to grab some cheap grape leaves and fresh pita... Let's take our picl.

"I'll meet you in 20, I'm just getting on the train."

Another call. An even older friend. She has a full time writing position available and she called me first. It's on Wall Street. I take some recovery time. And then thank her profusely.

Sit down to my computer and tweak my technical writing skills on the resume and hit send.

Knock, Knock. My Super wants to come in and access another apartment via my fire escape.

Later. An open air Cafe. Ten dollar Greek Smorgasbord.

We walk out together to buy the status symbol of a New York Summer. A MUD Iced Coffee.

"Did I want to take a quick detour?"

End up in the back of two celebrities houses in a flagstone garden and fountain.

Another neighbor appears out of his doorway and wants to discuss the uncorrupted bodies of Catholic saints that are buried and still smell of gardenias and incense years later.

I tell him I'm a Christian. He loves it. He tells us of an herb that cools the body and room your in...but the only place to buy is New Delhi. And you must keep the root covered in dust.

I'm out,

Walk behind an epic drug deal. Drugs. Back pocket. Two paces. Money. Back Pocket. Dip.

Train uptown, Quick meeting to get headshots in hard copy and in the hands of casting directors.

Stroll across Bryant Park and onto a movie set with Amanda Seyfried and Vanessa Redgrave. Pop a squat with my Macbook while the camera captures the shot. And the paparazzi stand near.

Boarded a cross town bus and overheard a 70+ year old woman talking about her neurosis and all the drugs she did forty years ago. I turn to the passenger next to me and relay the conversation. We exchange numbers and make a date for Karaoke. Her favorite is HEART. Turns out we're neighbors.

Head towards home. "Our God is an Everlasting God" with a drumbeat is coming from the Park and I get caught in the tractor beam. Street Life Ministries is rocking the sounds of being Redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb and people are falling on their knees under the shade of the Elms. Some are just rolling their eyes.

Climbed into the storage unit. Phone rings. Law and Order books me for a three day jury shoot. I shout Hallelujah. Hop in a cab. We speak Swahili or rather I sing him a Swahili song.

Send a dirty text to my husband.

Dinner time. I walk West.

Dodge a tattoo artist vomiting in the street.

Ask a transvestite where she? got her heaping bowl of fro-yo.

Pass the couple killing a hookah at a casual street side dinner.

Get my Genoa salami from my Italian market.

Buy a $1 slice of New York pizza.

Home. Wine. Electrical Thunderstorm. A transformer blows and my AC comes to a screeching halt.

Would you categorize this as a "fairly unique" day in New York?

Oh Holy Hell...

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Colossians 3:12

He hasn't been the sexiest man alive for quite some time.

Come to find out he is isn't the brightest bulb in the pack either...

Pro Gay, Anti-Religion, Pro-Marijuana.

Now I wouldn't be paying any homage to Meatloaf at this point Mr. Pitt because two out of three is pretty bad, in fact it's sorry and small minded.

What?? Christians are not cerebral enough now, that only three of us could possibly be tuned in enough to watch something so evolved as Bill Maher.

You were raised in a religious home and it just doesn't make sense to you.....?

I'm sorry you grew up under a roof of hypocrisy that contributed to you being philandering adulterer. And because of your first failure at the sanctity of marriage, I can not put any stock into your widely publicized opinion.

Religion is a four letter word as far as the love and grace of Jesus Christ goes and as long as bigots, racists, hypocrites, and loud mouthed celebrities stand under the umbrella as a shield or use it as a sword for stabbing us all with their propaganda, then we will all miss out on the opportunity of seeing the true face of God.

Here's what makes sense:

LOVE. Compassion. Humility. Understanding.

Isn't this what we want to teach our children (or in his case, his 6)

The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love." Psalm 33:5

Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other."Psalm 85:10

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34

"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love." John 15:9

"Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." 1 john 4:11

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good" Romans 12:9

God makes sense. In fact, he's the only constant we have.

Roll that up in your artistic joint and smoke it Brad...

Does God's love make sense to you?

Cross Street Neighbors

"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." Psalm 13:5

The old me holds my cards close to my chest.

Always, protective of whomever might sneak a peak and use it offensively against me to take the lot. I had trust issues and questioned people's motives.

This intense and brutal defense mode I had adopted really had not lent itself to a ready made wide group of friendly company... actually quite a selective group.

Loyalty seemed to be fleeting. I was a loner.

And moreover, since I've been perpetually guarded in what others know of me, I am equally as cautious to tell other people's secrets/details/personal affects to close connections and simple strangers. In other words, I keep my mouth shut.

Therefore, when I received a day disrupting text from a friend who has been blatantly blowing me off that I should not to talk to his neighbors about him, I was slightly taken aback.

One, I questioned the audacity and two, felt vacant in the fact that this "friend" has no concept of who I truly am.

Maybe if you weren't the king of avoidance, we could experience some depth.

Maybe if you caught one beer with me, you'd know better.

The new me is an open book and with loose lips.

So steady as you go, I'm expanding my social circle.

"Do you take me for such a fool
To think I'd make contact
With the one who tries to hide
What he don't know to begin with.

You see me on the street
You always act surprised
You say, "How are you?" "Good luck"
But you don't mean it..."

--Positively 4th Street

Bob Dylan

I'm just thankful the Lord returns my texts.

If you friends don't know you, who does?

The Drifters

"From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the LORD is to be praised." Psalm 113:3

"The fireworks are hailin' over Little Eden tonight

Forcin' a light into all those stony faces left stranded on this warm July.
Down in town the circuit's full of switchblade lovers so fast, so shiny, so sharp
As the wizards play down on Pinball Way on the boardwalk way past dark
And the boys from the casino dance with their shirts open like Latin lovers on the shore
Chasin' all them silly New York virgins by the score...."

--New Jersey Boy Bruce Springsteen singing about Asbury Park on the Jersey Shore.

She pulled up to my corner shortly after sunrise and gave me a quick wave with her golden brown arms.. The East Village was still in it's morning calm since the late night revelers departed just a few hours before. Sunglasses resting on the tops of our heads, we heaved the proud new purchase of a surfboard on to the top of the VW, threw the loaded canvas bags in the hatchback and off we went. Heading straight down Broadway clad in bikinis and flip flops, three hot girls left Manhattan under the Hudson, bid goodbye to our lady on our left and smiled, it was a day for chasing the brilliant sunshine and catching some tasty waves.

The New Jersey Shore, an integral part of Americana and inspiration for Jaws absolutely floored me with it's unexpected beauty and historic charm. 

Bands on the boardwalk, salt on our lips, sand in our shoes, and blissful thanksgiving in our heart...

I could extend my stay in Manhattan to forever if I could have more easy breezy getaways like today.

Thanks new friend.

Who knew the concrete and the coast could do a soul so good?

**Happy Anniversary to another historical understatement and to all the one's that made the life changing pilgrimage. Woodstock 69.

His Happenstance is Happening

"The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord." Proverbs 16:33

Off the set of Ugly Betty and lined up for back to back days on Eat, Pray, Love. 

Yes Book Clubbers, the one's that think Julia Roberts is a good depiction of Elizabeth Gilbert will most likely annihilate it. But if I'm chosen to go on location, I can deal with the minor casting discrepancies.

My girlfriend in San Fransisco asked me a pertinent question this evening, not only regarding my stroke of work fortuity in New York but life in general...

Fate or luck?

Is it a matter of right place, right time? Or is it destiny unfolding in coincidental circumstance?

I believe that everything that happens is according to God's purpose but this does not negate the bestowment of free will. The Bible teaches that God created man with the ability to make moral choices according to his/her own accord and we are responsible (Not God) for the havoc or blessings they wreak. 

"A man’s own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the Lord." Proverbs 19:3

Fatalism which is the utter acceptance that all events are predetermined, inevitable, and therefore unalterable is a philosophy often associated with religions such as Islam or Hinduism but is NOT biblical.

However, make no mistake about it. Only God is sovereign. And is sovereignty will take trump at the end of the game, even in each of our little old lives.

We can choose to obey and follow or disregard and divide. Either way, the ultimate choice is ours and following results are certain.

"There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord." Proverbs 21:30

But it isn't going to just come to you. 

As my friend so poignantly said, "You gotta get in the boat and row."

And she's right. Success and Contentment aren't perfectly wrapped packages that will show up on your doorstep while your lazed out in your flannels and mindlessly popping cheese doodles.

You must seek and strive steadily, playing your hand.

He will reveal the next suit.

"What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step." C.S. Lewis

What are you waiting for?

Mysterious Ways

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 1 John 5:14

Whatever you do, don't pinch me. If this is a dream, let me sleep my fill. Y'all God is so good.

And I thank Him I don't live in a society where the powers that be think eccentricities can be vanquished with a few doses of shock therapy.

Okay maybe I'm reading too much Sylvia Plath in my slumber...then again maybe not.

I'm enthralled with my glorious, electric new neighborhood.

Historically a Native American village turned Dutch farmland and transpired into a small niche in America for Irish, Ukrainian, Puerto Rican, German new immigrants to claim their stake.

The East Village is still the best place for Pierogies, Falafel, $3 dollar pints, and a steaming bowl of rice and beans... a cultural phenomenon and a frenzied people watching parade.

Perched on sprawling green Tompkins Square Park surrounded with prominent American Elms, once a swampland as it backed up to the shoreline of the east river has since hosted war and labor demonstrations,  the Grateful Dead, Jimi Hendrix, annual Wigstock (Drag hippie fest), Cracktoberfest, and my weekly (more mellow) Sunday farmers market.

I once heard the quote that labels are for cans and not for people. In theory I agree, but in the case of the hood; it is a magnet for the beatniks, bohemians, deadbeats, disaffected, artists, affluent, radicals, reformers, drifters, dreamers,  punks, idealists, eager, established, musicians, and now me.

Do I mind that I spent my evening sitting at my window ironing clothes for an early morning call to the set of Ugly Betty? Nope, this is an answer to my prayers.

How does your neighborhood compare?

Bon Appetit

"The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied." Proverbs 13:4

"Life itself is the proper binge." Julia Child

I wonder if there are as many people in as there are out. Wednesday night and the streets are spilling over with warm bodies enjoying the break in humidity and a cool 73 degrees. My windows are open to the sound of live jazz. Staying indoors tonight as I was over served at the two for one happy hour last night at nine PM. Yeah, that's New York for you. Eating and Drinking and Eating and Drinking.

What the hell am I doing? 

I'm floundering.

Crossing back in forth in front of a camera lens just doesn't spell fullfilment. 

I hunger for the lion's share.

I understand a blog is a self indulgent, narcissistic, me, me, me form of writing. 

But after watching Julie and Julia, I am overcome with inspiration and bogged down with self doubt as the statement, "You're not really a writer until you are published" keeps ringing in my ear. 

It was Hemingway that said writer's write but do writer's write what people aren't interested in reading?  Is I can write a blog. I have thoughts enough?

There can only be a tinge of success if my trials and triumphs are relatable to the reader. And if they are indeed not identifiable, I'm only advertising my journal and not connecting to a paying audience. My fears of quantity stifling quality have come true.

 And the content suffers as I sneak it in before the clock strikes 12.

Again, what the hell am I doing?

My husband told me today that he understands the need for me to earnestly follow through with a dream, to develop my passions. And he's willing to take any job anywhere that would enable me to float freely in order to do so... Thank you Jesus for bringing me a wonderful man who makes me feel the very epitome of freedom.

This blessing should be my springboard. That support my portion.

Julia Child's true success and life changing work didn't even begin to materialize until she had lived a half of a century...But she sought it emphatically and with a sense of humor.

Julie Powell worked a full time job, cooked over 500 recipes, and was still able to compose a daily thought provoking blog which indeed gave her the honored title of "a writer." 

I've left my 2,000 square foot house, sold my German sports car, abandoned our luxurious king bed, and said goodbye to dear friends. For what? 

The city. Or the person I can become in this city.

I don't want to wait until I am fifty years old to create my Magnum Opus.

So I must get cookin.

By the way, do you really care?

 

Discordance

"Lowborn men are but a breath, the highborn are but a lie; if weighed on a balance, they are nothing; together they are only a breath." Psalm 62:9

Yesterday was the New York crew, KISS.

Today, it's the boys from Bean Town.

"I'm back in the saddle again.

I'm riding, I'm loading up my pistol
I'm riding, I really got a fistful
I'm riding, I'm shining up my saddle
I'm riding, this snake is gonna rattle....

2nd full day in NYC. Work.

Early morning call to set.

Nothing short of a paparazzi frenzy.

Two players.

Cynical Head

Thankful Heart

CH: What another show depicting the microcosm of a rich and privileged lifestyle in Manhattan.  Joe public craves the crap and shuns the cerebral.

Do viewers really believe this is how the majority lives?

TH: That Ashton Kutcher sure is a baby faced living doll and the talent he possesses as a producer is simply showstopping.

CH: Mischa Barton who? How did the chain smoking, electric fan toting, holding the shoot, texting on set youngster get to be such a hot commodity?

TH: What an absolute privilege to work side by side such green and innovative artists.

CH: Really? Do all Australian Supermodels have a 25 waist, a hip shocking sway, and a pursed little pout that won't forgive? 

TH: She gave Supermodels their namesake. Ridiculously Stunning.

Donning the cover of Sports Illustrated a near record five times, she is the epitome of staying power.

Don't know where I'm going. Quite sure of where I've been. Curious of what tomorrow will bring.

But make no mistake about it I AM BLESSED.

Are you conflicted too?

Who's Yes, Your No

"Who endowed the heart with wisdom or gave understanding to the mind?" Job 38:36

The colorful poets of East Village have an affinity for writing inspiring messages in public places...I stepped over these words so eloquently written in rainbow chalk outside of my building as I dodged condensation drops from the AC window unit above...

"If you don't control your mind, someone else will.” John Allston
And you can put that truer than truth fact in your pipe and smoke it.

I'm back at it tomorrow as a "fashion forward, ultra chic, totally sleek Upper West Side wine cafe

patron", or so the casting agent tells me....

In the spirit of bucking the wills of evil programmers, two of my favorite writers can say it best.

“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds.”
Bob Marley

“Either you think – or else others have to think for you and take power from you, pervert and discipline your natural tastes, civilize and sterilize you.”

 F. Scott Fitzgerald

Who is making your choices for you?

Was It Good For You Too

"Who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." Psalm 103:5

-I'm back, back in the New York Groove. Back, in the New York Groove- Ace Frehley

Listening to people describe New York City can be likened to someone attempting to explain an orgasm. It’s personal. The way the energy moves through one can not be duplicated in another. And whatever element of the experience they convey in full glorious mind numbing details, it is impossible to grab hold and sink your teeth into the occasion unless you are truly feeling it.

Now up until now I have been in the passionate throws of an amorous love affair with Manhattan. January though June were wanton months where New York dug it's claws into my soft white skin and held tight. I embraced the wildness. And  hadn't been able to find a flaw.

Today, coming back into it's arms, the steaminess still lingered as I (solo) met the burning city in August. And the smells of a 24 hour concrete living room was an unwanted spanking....

As my taxi carted me (YEA! No more driving) quite furiously from Grand Central to the East Side, and stopped in front of my new (colorful) building, I quickly came to the realization I wasn't in rural Georgia anymore.  Sunday afternoons is Brunch Central and my block the epicurean epicenter. People lined up on the street reading the New York Times, sucking down Bellini's, and soaking up the sheer emotion that carousing with friends and days off brings. 

I pulled my 50 lb suitcase past the tattoo parlor where the patrons smoked outside proudly showing off their descriptive and explicit diaries displayed on their arms and gave a nod to the Irish Chaps drinking stouts at old pine picnic tables, put my key in the lock, walked through (all of 300 square feet) to the front of my apartment overlooking the street and sighed....

Below me, someone was discarding an old mattress worn out from too much dancing I gather. They had taken an magic marker and wrote in huge black block letters across the tattered pillow top,

"BECOME YOUR DREAM". 

I climbed out onto the fire escape to get a closer look at my theme words, thanked the Lord for the opportunity, and fell in love all over again.

I'd rather be impassioned then indifferent.

Yep, I'm back in the New York groove.

If your not climaxing, isn't it about time to change positions?

Just You and I

"My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him" Song of Solomon 5:4

My six week reunion with my husband ceases tonight.
And our bittersweet goodbye is so much fun....
I change embraces tomorrow.
But he still holds the key.

Don't you just love monogamy?

Some Kind of Wonderful

"Be happy, young man, while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment" Ecclesiastes 11:9"

It is 1 AM and and an evening of Balderdash has zapped any capability of creative wordsmithing.
Let's pay homage to one who always had it.

This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy...

No more yanky my wanky, the Donga need food...

Next time I come in here, I'm cracking skulls...

Life moves pretty fast. If You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it...

Screws fall out all the time. The world is an imperfect place...

Only the meek get pinched. The bold survive...

So... What would you little maniacs like to do first ..

We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all. ..

You break his heart, I'll break your face...

You look good wearing my future...

You know, it's so insane that someone you've never met, never talked to can be your enemy...

I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper, it works pretty fine by itself...

I could go on and on. There is no doubt John Hughes struck a chord in so many of our lives shining a bright light on the fact that teenagers everywhere were and are experiencing a heightened sense of life. And we are all better for his genius.
Rest in Peace.

Ahhh youth, Would you go back for a minute?

The Gambler

"I do not hide your righteousness in my heart; I speak of your faithfulness and salvation. I do not conceal your love and your truth from the great assembly." Psalm 40:10

Today gave me more incentive to launch http://www.freedomofpeach.com/ ( SOON COME)

My First Amendment has been compromised for the second time since I started this blog.
The first time being when I questioned the 1947 Roswell cover up and the likelihood of other beings living amongst us...I woke up to find my entire blog's contents deleted. And then today, feeling a little hazy from my girls night out and fired up..I clicked on my site to jog the memory up my rant, and sure enough Google and or Blogger had erased the majority of my entry. Apparently they don't like me questioning and or fearing my government.
Ahh if it isn't politics, it's propaganda. And it's all tainted with conspiracy.
There is no way to keep the truth under wraps or in the dark.
It grows damp, develops mildew, and permeates stink.

Isn't there any more original honest thoughts out there....?
I'll give you one...an old girlfriend and sorority sister and I had a fresh reunion last night. Over a few bottles of Pinot Grigio and Red Hot's Karaoke, she shared with us the absolutely giddy and novel concept of the rockin road of revolving door dating and her approach to wild success. Always have in hand, A Pair and A Spare. Know when to hold em, know when to fold em.
And she won the lot.

Here's to playing with options...

Are you out of aces?

Scary New World

"Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God." Romans 8:8

“Governments don't control things. A government can't control the economy without controlling people.”
Ronald Reagan

No, I didn't tune into the news, watch O'Reilly, stumble across Limbaugh, or stop cold on Glenn Beck. Sat across from my hand to mouth, tumbleweed, Texas born and bred God loving father and got all worked up. This is our life. Let's take control you blind mofo's.

You know what makes America so different than any other country in God's green Earth?
In the history of the world there have been dictatorships, monarchs, kings, and communist rulers. We are the ONLY country where it is up to the people to decide and govern themselves.
Seventy-one percent on this nation polled says NO to Universal Health care but they are going to cram it down our throats anyway...As long as there is a serf class that will support their under the thumb rule, we will lose it all. We will lose the very fiber that makes us great.
We villainies banking, manufacturing, investments, and insurance and soon government will be the ultimate reign. The repressive regime of a invasive and individual rights encroaching government will grow. And George Orwell would have just been off by 25 years.
LEAVE US ALONE.
A ninety year old woman who I have known since I was seven years old said to me today..."I guess I'm gonna be alright, but can you imagine we live in a country where the one's that work and save lose and the one's that charge and squander gain."
Yeah welcome to the next four years.
I can't believe how blind we have become. CHANGE? Really? He wants to be totalitarian.
How much longer can we be distracted by the ridiculous prattle going on about an under qualified justice about her gender and ethnicity..while our very own president appoints czars that are not congressionally sanctioned into positions of power and penalty.
I want America back and by the looks of the "Brooks Brothers" town hall meetings, they do too!
"I don't care if you inherited it from good ole boy grandpa or if you worked seven days a week to get it, NO ONE else should be able to take it from you or partake in it...."CT
Now let the dull roar rise up.

Do you hear the people sing
Singing the songs of angry men.
This is the music of the people who will not be slaves again. Les Miserables

Is this the country you want to claim?

Separation Anxiety

"A man found him wandering around in the fields and asked him, "What are you looking for?" Genesis 37:15

You gotta be kidding me Google. I've written about literal wood and proverbial picket and now EVERY single advertisement is about mending them.

Expand your audience...

"Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow." William Shakespeare

Kissing mom farewell. Goodbye. Good Luck.

Heaving the suitcase again....

Now I understand why the gypsies only own what they can carry on their back.

"Cause I'm a wanderer yeah a wanderer
I roam around around around..."BB

Is standing still sufficient?

GAGA Goo Goo

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist after growing up." Pablo Picasso

If you would have told this toe headed, tan legged, devout Cherokee tribe tomboy who slept in the top bunk of a green and white open air wood cabin for three weeks every summer from age seven to twenty three, screamed our Alma Mater, did polar bear swims in TAW lake, spit watermelon seeds in the dell, laughed until I wet my pants,  and received nine badges in Archery, that one day I would be in my thirties having lost a fortune, nearly wrecked my young hot marriage, and am starting over in Manhattan while trying to shed my stressed out worry wart uptight, uncool image, I would have told you to go fly a kite.. 

Not this Camp Ton-A-Wandah girl!

Funny how life has a way of quieting the child within..

Complacency squelches Creativity

Adventure is replaced with Angst

Responsibility suffocates the Rocker.

And we cease listening to the wild and wise inside.

Yesterday, we pulled past the white split rail fence and turned on to the well traveled gravel road into the 1933 camp entrance. The smell of wet cedar and fresh rhododendron filled the air and the sound of young girls singing carried over the lake an old familiar tune.  In a moment's time my past came flooding back and I could literally taste my youthful idealism streaming down my cheeks in the form of salty tears.

Treatment, Time and Experience change all of us. But if there is still a touch of purity in our motives and a slight naivete in our pursuits...we haven't lost touch. That child can still be fostered.

I BELIEVE

I believe in life as a Great Game.

I believe that I must uphold the colors in good faith, never alibi, but play the game fair and square to win...never alibi

I believe in friendships and the joy of service to others.

I believe in the flowers, the sunshine and the clouds, the glory of the sunset and in every beautiful thing.

I believe in the whisper of the leaves, the strength of the trees, the call of the birds, the inspiration of the towering mountains and in every great lesson nature teaches.

I believe in moments of silence and in nights of quiet when a girl can question her soul and find herself.

I believe in love and I believe in faith to the highest.

I believe in the guiding spirit of youth that looks upward and finds the best in life.

I believe in my better self because I believe in God.

Camp Ton-A-Wandah Creed.

Winding down to my second to last night in the glorious Appalachian Mountains. A ten year old bottle of Penfolds 707 decanted and tender short ribs falling off the bone just singing a little Springsteen.

"Yeah, just sitting back trying to recapture
a little of the glory of, well time slips away
and leaves you with nothing mister but
boring stories of glory days... Aw Glory Days passing by. Glory Days."

 The Boss

Do you remember who you were before you became who you are now?

Caveat Potor

"Woe to those who rise early in the morning to run after their drinks, who stay up late at night till they are inflamed with wine." Isaiah 55:11

I recently read an article by a medical professor at the Mayo Clinic saying the best approach to a hangover is avoiding the over imbibing in the first place.
And if you are experiencing the severe nausea, dizziness, gag reflux, and headache that often accompanies a evening of overindulgence then in his words, you're screwed.
Only time can heal the self-inflicted wounds.
Enter:
The Hair of the Dog that Bit You....using the ails that ails you. Was it Hemingway who said writers write? And drinkers drink?
And he was the master at hangover remedies...tomato juice and beer.

Tried and not so true.
Water, Water, and more Water
Bananas
Ice Cold Coca-Cola
Tylenol
A steamy platter of greasy Ethiopian food.
Face down in a hot shower.
An Orgasm
A tall spicy Bloody Mary on the road.
Drive through the Blue Ridge Mountains.
A hug from a dear old friend standing on the familiar grounds of my character building camp I spent thirteen summers of my life...
Cured.
Let's get a drink.

Is your cup running over?

Weeds

"He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love." Song of Solomon 2:4

Life is good. Lightening crashes and I'm Rockin with the rhythm of the rain. Protected. 

Wooden glider, covered porch. Bluegrass and Barbecue in a dry county. And enough Jack Daniels in Styrofoam cups to make swimmers out of all of us.

There is nothing better than bathing in a lake and warming up next to a fire.

Old friends, good vibes, pork ribs, and a reassurance that time and space won't change our connection. 

"This is the happiest I've seen my daughter..since she arrived in Georgia, she must have found some pot." My very correct mama

Sometimes life is so simple, ain't it?

LEGALIZE IT.