"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Matthew 18:18
Oh Lord Jesus, please bring me some discernment.
Has the 12th round bell rung? Has the game clock ticked down to zero?
Have I been punched in the face for so long, I don't know which direction is forward?
Do I take the armor off and lay down or do I forge forward with the remaining strength to fight a battle that must be won.
So much of me wants to keep on punching, but I want to know what's right. I am surrendering it all to you.
Empty Me of Me so I can be filled with You.
There's a saying that goes..
"More money, more problems."
I think that's a crock of shit.
I had a lot less worries when I had the money....
Despite the 14 hours from East Village to Fish Bay, ridiculous taxi medallion fees, and the slow and easy traffic of St. Thomas, my $3 Heineken Keg Can , the Caribbean breeze and riding the luxurious crystal blue current of Pillsbury Sound made the world shut down for just a moment.
I first laid eyes on these glorious untouched Virgin Islands when I was 15 years old. In the sun drenched thick of it all, with our Suzuki filled with hitchhikers, potholes roads leading to pristine beaches, sand streets to superior snorkeling, greasy grouper sandwiches, sailing to beach bars, feeding dolphins by hand, sea turtles at your feet, wild and unruly pirates, full to the brim Pusser Rum and heavy nutmeg days, my mom turned to me and said...you should live here some day.
Nearly 20 years later. This island sits in my soul like a heavy beautiful burden, I can't quite shake. In my years residing here, I've weathered hurricanes and relationships. I met lovers, rock stars, loyal friends, and downright dishonest ones. I've witnessed hedonism at it's worst, seen cocaine ruin lives, learned how to sail the mother ocean blue, I've seen full moon after Cheshire cat moon sink into the sea. I've skinny dipped and sky dived..Gained 20 honest pounds of painkilling rum. I've reported the news of that sometimes paradise ain't always what it seems. Ran acros the spine of Centerline Road to steel drums. I've met my best friend and life partner, I've lost my heart's companion to a brutal murder. Drum circles, drunk fests, sailing regattas, scuba trips. I've swam, danced, eaten, drank, laughed, and cried my way through this 9 mile volcanic isle. I have fought to claim a piece of my own. I have gained so many memories and risked a secure financial future.
Nearly 20 years later. This island sits in my soul like a heavy beautiful burden, I can't quite shake. In my years residing here, I've weathered hurricanes and relationships. I met lovers, rock stars, loyal friends, and downright dishonest ones. I've witnessed hedonism at it's worst, seen cocaine ruin lives, learned how to sail the mother ocean blue, I've seen full moon after Cheshire cat moon sink into the sea. I've skinny dipped and sky dived..Gained 20 honest pounds of painkilling rum. I've reported the news of that sometimes paradise ain't always what it seems. Ran acros the spine of Centerline Road to steel drums. I've met my best friend and life partner, I've lost my heart's companion to a brutal murder. Drum circles, drunk fests, sailing regattas, scuba trips. I've swam, danced, eaten, drank, laughed, and cried my way through this 9 mile volcanic isle. I have fought to claim a piece of my own. I have gained so many memories and risked a secure financial future.
Wachovia Bank is threatening to take this house. This house that has my blood, sweat, and tears in the ficus roots. This house where my compost pile is consumed by hermit crabs and my key lime tree drips with fruit. This house that has strangled my joy and challenged my marriage. This house with a view that has made me question my life on Earth more than I ever imagined.
Do I hold on?
no. it's just a house. you make he home.
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