Self Introspection

"All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you." Psalm 38.9

Central Park had its way with me.

The beautiful vibration of the saxophone reed moans a deep throated tune and the plucking of the upright bass feels at home in my chest.

I don't feel like the wholesome girl eating a plain turkey deli sandwich on a ten minute lunch break, dressed in stark white jeans and a crisp button down with blond hair in place, who smiles at the birds dancing on the first day of fall leaves scattered on Strawberry Fields. The girl who enjoys a buttery glass of Chardonnay and sweet pecks on the lips from my husband after a long day in interior design, And who forgives friends with a sure understanding of I know you can't take time to see me when you visit. I'll just sit, nod, giddy up to get along.

I feel like a hard woman in lace panties on cotton sheets on a sultry summer night in front of a metal fan blowing my rather worn and greasy hair from a night of vicious dancing, smoking a funny cigarette and drinking my bourbon cooled by one ice cube from the tray, clutching my fingerprint smeared high ball glass with one hand and toasting my book review with the other, laughing out loud, and listening to hypnotic jazz that lifts me up and makes me say I do not care, it's my life, I make no excuses.

"Why must we all conceal. What we think, how we feel? Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide? I won't pretend that I'm Someone else for all time" CA

Wishing those that knew me best, knew me better.

Does your reflection, reflect you?

*Praying for those wet and worried in Georgia