Truth #1

“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.”- Isaiah 53:5-6

Do you believe me?

Love Hate

"And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat." Mark 6:31

"New York has a trip-hammer vitality which drives you insane with restlessness if you have no inner stabilizer." Henry Miller

"Most human beings are driven to seek security and comfort. But there is another group that can only thrive on change and the unexpected of New York."Cathleen Nesbit

"Robinson Crusoe, the self-sufficient man, could not have lived in New York City."

Walter Lippman

"When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough." Fran Lebowitz

"A hundred times have I thought New York is a catastrophe, and fifty times: It is a beautiful catastrophe. Le Corbusier

"You come to New York to find the ambiance that will evoke your best. You do not necessarily know precisely what that might be, but you come to New York to discover it."

Dr. James Killman

“It couldn't have happened anywhere but in little old New York.” O Henry

After imbibing late night with a crop of French, Italian, Filipino, and American models who all came to New York and stayed...cause there was no other place to be, I woke to driving, freezing, exhausting rain, my entire front soaked in dirty water, and wondered if they were as in love with the city today.

Despite my dire need for a regenerative respite, I felt like a New Yorker the first five minutes I was here.

I can't wait to leave her for a spell, only to come back home....

My vacation starts now.

Sleep?

Downpresser Man

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

Despite that my seminary graduate turned Trader Joe's cashier told me he likes to get stoned and read Deuteronomy because he laughs so hard, he pees his pants. I still find worth in its intensity.

Two men stabbed on the subway in Greenwich Village and Manhattans murder toll spikes...
Suicide Bombers kill 38 on Moscow's underground train.

Security with back to walls and AK47's in hand.
I point out a swollen backpack abandoned on the 72nd Street Platform.

To my surprise, the rotund MTA worker reacts immediately.

Nose to Nose with hundreds of my closest friends stalled in a tunnel, I realize just how vulnerable we all are...

And decide to take a taxi to Nancy's Whiskey Bar for two Knob Creek's on Ice and some ACDC choosing above ground transport on this, (yes Karen Carpenter) rather tense rainy Monday night.

If you let fear cripple your actions, tell me where you gonna run to?

**And for those that can stand the pain...

It's me on Gossip Girl.

http://cwtv.com/cw-video/gossip-girl/gossip-girl-the-sixteen-year-old-virgin/?play=634-7472

Start Spreading the News

“For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all men—the testimony given in its proper time.”- 1 Timothy 2:5-6

Every now and then I am convicted so strongly to get back on the path of my command in my Savior and evangelize of His glorious love that stamps out all guilt, condemnation, judgement, worry, and bitterness and lifts me up to an everlasting place of contented peace where I see so clearly.

I raise my hands in humble adoration of a lowly carpenter from Galilee from whom all of my hectic day in and long night out blessings flow....Damn Surrender feels so good.

Just when New York's offensive rejection of faith and a strong showing of local inhabitants with a serious god complex nearly blinds me...

This Palm Sunday, Dr. Michael Youssef showed me this eye opening word.....

Tetelestai

"It is finished."

The mission of Christianity..

What came to pass from Noah, Abraham, Moses and King David was so that the Son of God could utter those words on the cross of Calvary.

It is our Redemption, Salvation, and Strength in this Earthly World.

Tetelestai

The reason we bend our knees and bow our heads in Thanksgiving.

Tetelestai

The cleansing blood of Jesus that washes our crimson stains of sin. One drop reaches all of us and gives us an immeasurable grace for the taking when we come to Him and sing...

"I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing, the people sing

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

I see a generation
Rising up to take the place
With selfless faith, selfless faith

I see a near revival
Stirring as we pray and seek
We're on our knees, we're on our knees

Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest..." Hillsong

It might be my so called agenda...but it is His perfect timing.

This is the good news. And I'm shouting it from the tar covered rooftops...

Anyone else for an epiphany?

Stand Back

"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." Proverbs 29:11

The Eastern Europeans have arrived and are swarming the streets of SOHO, filing in ques outside of H & M, and crowding the coffee counter at Dean and Deluca like their lives depended on it. I'm the aggravated fool that left the house on my one day off to brave the 40 degree blustery spring day along with the city's visitors who indecipherably converse in large circles with shopping bags in the middle of a should be fast moving pedestrian highway.

Looks like the manhole on 1st and 11th is feeling my pain.

You could hear it for blocks and see it miles out....excessive steam streaming out into the atmosphere. Trapped beneath the southern tip of Manhattan to 96th street, the surging energy Con Edison contains, violently thrusted itself into the air like a geyser and exploded for hours causing traffic congestion of rubber neckers and taxi pileups from impaired visibility. This supposedly FDA approved clean steam billowed out in front of a Patisserie landmark as the brave and belligerent bent over the hole with their iphones in hand to capture the boiling eruption and the FDNY arrived on the scene with the looks of a war torn city on fire, while most of us New Yorkers walked on by in a rush to get out of the cold.

Yep, with over 105 miles of mains and pipes under the streets, steam power is alive and well in Manhattan and its blowing hard tonight. And I'm in desperate need of a similar release.

Is a culminating climax a cure for what ails you?

Hopelessly Devoted

"Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise." Proverbs 19:20

Last night I dreamed I sat in the back booth of a stale Denny's on a Cul De Sac. The strangers seated in the booth with me all had pancakes piled high on their ash white plates with sticky syrup spilling out over the edges. They all looked out the window and up at the flickering fluorescent sign. And all simultaneously told me I should STOP writing my blog.

Abruptly I woke up to two delivery trucks outside playing the fun little tune of shave and a haircut, two bits on their horns at three in the morning!!!!

God I need some quiet.

And my stubborn tenacity to cease.

My head is saying forget him. My heart is saying don't let go.

Do you find the wisdom you need in a multitude of counsels or in you alone?

Not My Will

"Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?" Isaiah 2:22

This goes for you who still think your hands control the helm of your rocky ship.

And for those of you who put the pope, your pastor, or any deity on a higher plane than yourself.

We are all selfish, fallible flesh. >>New York Times.

And will be judged.

Quit living for man and start living for Him. It's as simple as that.

How do you pick up the pieces of the broken?

Footloose in Mouth

"For when we were controlled by the sinful nature, the sinful passions aroused by the law were at work in our bodies, so that we bore fruit for death.: Romans 7:5

John Lithgow and I passed one another on Central Park West this evening.

I would have smiled, but I had just taken a massive bite of my Farmer's Market apple (my own personal health maintenance), so instead he got an awkward mouth full sideways smirk.

What I wished I would have done was slam my hand down in front of him and said.
"David danced before the Lord with all his might... leaping and dancing before the Lord." Leaping and Dancing.

This gesture would have seemed a bit strange in the bright light that dusk was still providing, so instead I made the ultimate numb-skull move, swallowed and told him he was a big fucking deal...

13 states say no. But their force feeding us anyway. Not sick. But shaking scared.

Can you tell me why I should be kicking up my heels?

Grow Up!

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." 1 Corinthians 13:11

As I drank my fortitude, my eyes scanned a blue toy rocking horse covered in mud on the L Train tracks.

I closed my eyes and instantly pictured a dirty round face of a blond boy. His eyelashes were wet with tears peering out the graffitied window as the train left the station and his friend behind....

Running late, his mom had tripped down the stairs, ripping a hole in her scrubs and had nearly missed the Carnasie Local. As she pulled his little arm into the closing doors, his hand got caught and knocked the toy into the gap of the platform. His first lesson in loss.

His second came a year later when his baby sister entered his life and their two room walk up. Not enough room for four, dad exited out the back door for the final time.

The musician boyfriend who soon came to stay bought him a brown and beige Fisher Price 45 player as a consolation prize. With mom on the graveyard nursing shift, he spent many a nights alone, sitting on his shag carpet listening to the B Side of Percy Sledge's When A Man Loves a Woman.

He skipped school often, had a run in with the cops over a dime bag of marijuana, played his second hand guitar on the stoop until neighbors hung their heads out the windows to holler..."go home" and fell in love with a new wave punk who resembled Aimee Mann from Til Tuesday. She broke his heart. He wore black eyeliner as a statement. And poured out his damaged soul to the weary crowds of The Bowery Poetry Club week after week. He was on his way....

As the years passed, he traded in his guitar strap for a briefcase handle and a well adjusted life at a desk. He met his future wife at a bar off Wall Street one random Thursday night. She wore a strand of pearls and told him she had an affinity for men in starched white button downs. They married in June and when they merged possessions, his dust covered albums took a top shelf in the hall closet.

This was the beginning of the unforeseen end.

One evening, avoiding the tension at home, he took a detour by Beth Israel Hospital where his hard working mom had missed his childhood and down into the tunnel of that fateful station.

A hipster kid no older than 19, dressed in beat up overalls played his acoustic guitar in the corner. The case was splayed open; a few dollar bills hung over the lip.

As he stared down at the littered tracks, he took his graying head in his hands and asked himself out loud.."Where did I let the time go?"

I opened my eyes as my commuter train screeched into the station. And sighed.

"It is never too late to be what you might have been. " George Eliot

Must adulthood always choke the child within?

Why Not Me?

A faithful man will abound with blessings, But he who makes haste to be rich will not go unpunished." Proverbs 28:20

Do you think I take it for granted that my ears pop as I travel 45 miles per hour in a tunnel under the East River at 4:30 in the morning and arrive safely on the other side?

Or that I strip down to my seamed stockings to wear vintage shoes and a ninety year old party dress with finger waves on Martin Scorsese's set with Steve Buscemi (Gangster Nucky Thompson) as my drinking companion?

Then it should be no wonder that I sing Hallelujah to the Kings of Kings and Hallelujah to the Lamb while I am doing so.....

If you want to live the life of your dreams, why don't you start?

**4.78 million bracket entries missed the mark on the Sweet Sixteen.

Many of us were wrong about the Cinderella Story of the Health Bill as well.

I'm sorry and scared for how this game will play out.

Faux Shore

"There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men." 1 Corinthians 12:6

Before the playful go home to sleep or the dutiful rise for work, I will board a shuttle bus that will transport me back to the seedy 1920's Atlantic City, captured..... on this soundstage.



What will you make believe on your Monday morning?

Renewal Therapy

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17

"So stomp on the grapes...bring out the new wine and praise the Lord forever."

Something about waking up to another season, a brand new start. Where sweaters are folded neatly away, rubber boots eroded by salt are stored, and the incurable fever sweeps over you like a dog in heat to get up, get out, and get something.

The Vernal Equinox.

Equal Day and Night.

At 1:32 this afternoon as the sun crossed directly over the Earth's equator, I was sinking my teeth into a greasy hot ham and cheese on sweet french toast, bare legged with sunglasses on New York City's first 70 degree Saturday. The cello and accordion two piece band in Tompkins Square Park played a thank you tune to the Earth's tilted axis as the zombies of Friday night soaked up a dose of Vitamin D and the rowdy chess players shed their dirty T-shirts for some serious face to face combat. The wandering vet preached his important lies about capitalism amongst the savvy organic maple candy shoppers who threw elbows to get a taste. Windfall farms pushed their fresh parsnips while men with children on their shoulders carried bundles of cherry blossoms wrapped in white paper home to mama.

The Daffodils peaked up from the barren grounds as the rats and squirrels scurried for fresh food and by the feet the silent Israel protesters who raised their posters in vain.

The pogo stick team bounced in unison while an East Village fixture with coke-bottled glasses solicited for "just one egg roll".

Then the clock struck 1:33. And I seized the rest of this God given glorious sunshine day.

Would y'all mind if I took a spring break from writing?

**My apologies to the Plains States.

Detoxify

"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

If you looked in my life and see what I see...

I gotta go through the fire

And raise the flames

Let it burn real deep to get over the pain

I gotta break through.

Yeah, I gotta break through....

You know what I'm talking about?

I'm talking bout getting it together.

I'm talking bout dealing with the pressure.

I'm talking about letting it burn.....

Let it burn, let it burn. Let it burn. Let it burn.

MJB

What else can we throw on the fire?

Flex, Flex, Pant, Pant

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

This city runs on black coffee, anxious energy, selfish ambition, and the pure imminent fear of face plants in the subway stairs caused from tripping over your own running feet so the guy behind you doesn't mow you down first.

Believe me. I should know...I took seven trains, 2 taxis, and one bus today all on deadlines in heels....

From Harlem to deliver a second hand microwave to a Polish Super, stop off on the Upper West to file a millionaire's blueprints, take a wrong turn through Hasidic Brooklyn past the den of pitbulls, then up a rusting loading dock, through a freight elevator for a 1920's dress fitting overlooking a congested BQE....where my wardrobe guy pulls my skirt up and explains how thrilled he was to find someone without breasts, I mean flat chested, virtually nothing on top girl to wear this gorgeous period costume..."but don't worry, you'll be the prettiest old lady at the ball."
No, New York is not for the faint hearted. Cowards do not move here. Fools with dreams maybe so. You must have faith in your abilities and confidence in your technique to swim sufficiently in a big pond. The slow and simple, craving creature comforts could not thrive.

You have to be willing to stand knee deep in shit and sift through the big talkers who tell you what they want you to believe at that moment before they are on to their next peak experience.

For Example: Sure, I'll be there or We should get together soon.

It is brutally fast and equally furious. It challenges your talent up against the more talented and ambitious making competition a way of life. It is a struggle everyday. You paddle, and paddle, and paddle until at that one moment, you catch the wave.

And this ride negates the insane racing and razor sharp rejection.

"New York is appalling, fantastically charmless and elaborately dire” Henry James

Is this the enigma that keeps us coming back for more?

Dia Duit

"And you will sing as on the night you celebrate a holy festival; your hearts will rejoice as when people go up with flutes to the mountain of the LORD, to the Rock of Israel." Isaiah 30:29

Self reliance versus Government Assistance---This is what this knock down drag out schoolyard fight in the House is all about. And in the spirit of March Madness, I bet ObamaCare does not make it to the next bracket. No Sink and Swish for you...

A dull half-cocked roar rises up into our open windows from the four Irish pubs on our block. I can barely raise my ritual red wine glass to my lips, let alone pound two for one Guinness on amateur night.

I climbed the stairs of the subway at 7:15 PM surprised to still see the shining sun and then the craziness hit me in the foreground, background, and peripheral....spring has sprung in Manhattan and people everywhere are multiplying like mad little bunnies.

I'm not ready for the city's hibernators to wake up yawning loudly ready to fill their hunger.

I'm not seeing Manhattan through the all's anew green glasses anymore. I'm tired.

What a difference 365 days make....Last Year.

The only green I seem to think about these days is money. And how I undutifully let it tie my hands despite the Lord's promise of protection.

Thankful Saint Patrick introduced Christianity to Ireland. But not so sure I want to drink myself into an unadulterated drunken oblivion and be "Christ-like" as my neighborhood pub advertises.

Instead I take an hour lunch, walk across the 89th Street Transverse Road through a fresh budding Central Park, feel the chills the bagpipes evoke, and thank these few good men for my freedom.

Praising Him this way makes my head feel so much better.

Especially in the morning.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day.

Still trying your luck with other gods....?

We'll See

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." James :14-15

Caught myself explaining my grand year plan to a group of feigning jurors on The Good Wife this evening. Then I choked on my own laughter producing spit.

Fourteen hours of my life ticked by today on the Broadway Sound Stages in Greenpoint, Brooklyn and CBS wrote the check.

I'm fading fast. And tomorrow comes quickly. If it comes at all.....

Do you live your life's days in the present?

**Though it's not my preference....in the who knows how temporary absence of my capable word construction, please read an article I support. The Sane Believers.

Love You Like a Ball and Chain

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. Proverbs 17:1

With 210, 820 more unbetrothed women to men in Manhattan, I would say they are damn near starving.....

Autonomy: the independence or freedom, as of the will or one's actions; state of freedom.

Translation: Silent Bliss

It isn't often I want to join the forces of the umpteen successful, savvy and attractive single 30-44 year old women in their prime prowling the streets of New York City, but right now that wide open grassy field sure looks fun for frolicking and juicy for tasting.

With the risk of that comment in jest being taken to the ears of my Lord as a hopeful prayer, I will sing this calming nursery rhyme (blueprint) instead.

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout.

Here is my handle; Here is my spout.

When I get all steamed up, then I shout.

Just tip me over and pour me out."

I love being married. Just not today.

What was the song that caged clipped wing bird sang?

Heaven Reads Headlines

"Let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream." Amos 5:24

You are the defender of the weak. You comfort those in need. You lift us up on wings like eagles. You are the Everlasting God. You will not fade. You won't grow weary.

Glenn Beck>>

Pope Benedict>>

Texas Board of Education >>

Nigeria>>

I could take the time to pine over these issues, rant my beliefs, or clamor on in an embittered rage. Instead, I will rest in a protected peace knowing God sees it all and despite what Beck

believes...." I the LORD, love justice..." Isaiah 61:8

Is simply scanning enough or should you look further?

**Click >>

Saturated

"I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be cut off by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth."Genesis 9:11

Even the driving rains can't keep the insane at bay. I'm already envisioning landfills teeming with wind torn umbrellas tossed to the curb in a drunken Saturday night stupor. I press my cold nose to the window to watch the wet passersby shriek as a yellow taxi sprays a sheet of muddy water on their party dresses.

This four day torrential spell comes right after five staunch NY architects present their plans in a Museum of Modern Art exhibit. Ideas ranging from laying a beach of absorbent green sponges around the edges of Manhattan to save it from the rising water to dumping our copious amounts of beer and wine recyclables into the harbor to form an artificial reef.

This of course being an afterthought to laying bricks and paving streets over the once mudflats and salt marshes sandwiched between two converging rivers from the Long Island Sound.

Me?? Hunkered down in a cashmere cardigan and slippers resembling a sexier Fred Rogers singing I'm just a little black rain cloud hovering under a honey tree.

And trapping the mice who flee the flooded drains and into my higher ground apartment.

Thankful I won't have to wait 40 days for a rainbow to part the clouds.

Golly Gee, Ain't city life fun?

A Sign

"He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." Job 5:9

The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree

Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.

--Robert Frost

And just like that, stuck underground on the F train, the hand of God shows me there's a way.

The only Light that can lift us from the darkness.

Will you hold out your hand?

*Subway Sorrow

Who Am I?

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up." Psalm 71:20

I whisper this verse over and over in the backseat of my car service, riding through the quiet streets of East Harlem. I catch a reflection of my weary eyes. And close them immediately. I'm beat.

I've called my tenants five times, sent one letter, and typed three texts since rent turned up late this month. Correction, didn't turn up. They've responded nil.

Our bank account reads huge goose eggs just in time for Easter...

I held my cool as long as I could after my good ole boy lawyer criticized my character for the final time and then I let the four years of seeping sour gall in my sick stomach rise up to my mouth and spray all over his $420 an hour pushing paper self.

I signed my name to an agreement that gags me from every speaking about the illegalities and atrocities committed by Wachovia Bank to me which has robbed a piece of my happiness and made it unimaginable to live in the present.

One of the few lasting moments of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland is when the quite believable, slightly deranged, but so endearing Mad Hatter presses on Alice if indeed she is the real Alice? As the real Alice was much more muchy, you've lost your muchiness..."

This was a dagger in my broken heart as it hit home...hard.

I swear I used to be more fun.

Is this the fate of our progressing years?

Wasted

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word." Psalm 119:9

Sniffle. Oh the ole Hollywood story of tormented youth...we've heard far too many times.

Before the dripping wet with charisma Edward or the hot with teen angst Team Jacob...there were the incomparable Lost Boys and the excitable battlers that just wanted those sexy bloodsuckers dead...

And before that....our sweet Lucas.

Say hello to the night. Lost in the shadows.
Say hello to the night. Lost in the loneliness

"Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It's fun to be a vampire."

Corey Haim officially sleeping the sleep of the dead. Rest in Peace.

Generation X is dropping like flies....

Who said only the good die young?

Hurried Course

"The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty." Proverbs 21:5

"If I am to speak for ten minutes, I need a week for preparation; If 15 minutes, three days; if half of an hour, two days; if for an hour, I'm ready now." Woodrow Wilson

Therein lays another fly in the ointment of a daily blog. And adds salt to the wounds of an already self deprecating writer who wishes to showcase thought instead of hasty obligation.

It is one thing to settle into the end of an evening and vomit your grievances without structure or sanity with the only purpose at hand to relieve the pressure from your steaming lid. This is beneficial only to the one blowing the hot air...(ie self psychotherapy)

It is another to truly strike a chord with an audience who is touched, inspired, impacted , or enraged which then causes a chain reaction of movement or change in themselves and others around.

This is the purpose for writing.

Reading my weekly New York Magazine and its devastatingly long droning on liberal articles, a writers desirable result occurred, my blood began a slow boil, my pulse started to race, my temples began to throb, until I explosively threw the nonsense into my bag and proceeded to murmur to myself. The Chinese bag lady beside me decided it was time to put a seats distance between us.

The headline: "Could Scott Brown have a Bright Side?"

Fair and Balanced! Fair and Balanced...New York media is so biased and left that it has everyone looking at the issues cockeyed and talking louder than the next red lipped hipster crowded next to them on their" we all think alike playing field." AAAHHHHH....

This morning I was one of the only bodies on High Line Park. The few meat packers below me bustled about their bloody trade. New Jersey looked like it was outlined in gold on The Hudson's horizon. I eyed a man sitting on a bench soaking up the cool spring sun, he was writing methodically in a leather bound book. Every once in a while, he would look up from his words, breathe in the view, reflect, and then return to writing.

I was envious of his thoughtful time.

Then the Tide Commercial Film Crew arrived and my day disappeared into this rant.

Wasn't it the tortoise that won the race?

Fo Shame

A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor." Proverbs 29:23

Back in Atlanta, in a little 7x7 climate controlled basement box on a dead end Midtown street sits a Rubbermaid storage bin full of ten years worth of my handwritten journals. A shuddering thought....

It's been far too long since I took pen to paper. Somehow my thoughts have more room to move fluidly when I'm forming the letters on a clean sheet versus a blank screen. I compare the two as silky spring fed water to oppressive muddled quick sand.

As I sit in this modern jury box popping Good and Plenty's watching the vicious scowl matching the over inflated ego on the shows namesake's face. (She's either bitterly constipated or pissed her old co-star was front and center at the Oscars) and the set lights burning a hole in my discerning forehead, my prop pen wants to swim gracefully across this jurors pad.

I witness strangers agendas all around me. And I'm no body's fool understanding their motives do not jibe with mine. Perplexed by their superiority complex, I am humbled every time I answer to the word, "Background." But my nose stays even. And my cup overflows with riches. I am blessed beyond all measure. I traverse the quiet morning streets of Brooklyn to get generously compensated and epicuriously satiated while I nod and wink, watching legends in their own right, Kevin Conway and Christine Baranksi steal the scenes on a successful CBS show filmed in the city I love.

I am not entitled to these experiences, they are a gift that could cease giving tomorrow.

Just a lesson The Haughty Good Wife should learn.

Are you deserving?

Connoisseur..Kind of

"Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order that they may provide for daily necessities and not live unproductive lives. Titus 3:14

What are the latest experts saying about becoming an expert? You have to dedicate 10,000 hours? What if you have more passions than one? Can you only exceed average?

I dreamed I was published last night.

There I was at the checkout counter of a gargantuan chain store and the first year of my blog was bound in a pint sized book with sturdy but rough cardboard edges . It was titled "Little Thoughts to Get You Through the Day."(Mmm clever) and it was being promoted along side colorful children's cookbooks.

Startling thoughts of martini menage trois', chocolate mushrooms, fake breasts, and the current Administration admonishment ran through my brain as I watched sweater set mom's eyeing the stark cover...

I woke up in a sweat to the beer truck rolling kegs down the bulkhead below and a vision of a shotgun kicking back into my slender shoulder and the buckshot spraying out into the darkness at any and all unknown targets.

It was once my eyes adjusted to the light filtering through the less than sufficient roman shades,I realized that this is what I have been accomplishing since I arrived.

Just a novice sounding off shots, hoping that something sticks..or at least feels right.

Inspired by: William Ernest Henley

I am the master of my fate.
I am the captain of my soul.

This I have accomplished.

What do you do well enough?

Chasing Rabbits

"Woe to those who rise early in the morning to run after their drinks, who stay up late at night till they are inflamed with wine."

Following Alice's motto...Curiouser and Curiouser, I ate and drank everything that crossed my path yesterday, just to see what would happen.

The morning after the birthday revelry, I cautiously open my bloodshot eyes to a gorgeous spring sun, and race my sore late night dancing legs into an expansive Broadway loft with Axl Rose's whining voice permeating the space. Smile for the flashing camera and hope I'm the 30-something commercial girl Absolut Vodka is after....

I know one thing. This is one hell of an industry, I am falling hopelessly into.

"Have I gone mad? Yep, completely Bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret...all the best people are." Mad Hatter

What do you know about logic and proportion?

"...And I'll Blog If I Want To."

"From birth I was cast upon you; from my mother's womb you have been my God."Psalm 22:10

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, To put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die Discover that I had not lived.”

Henry David Thoreau.

Manhattan may be no Walden, but I ordered up a bone full, spread it on my toast points, and took a teethy bite on my favorite day of the year...

I'm satiated with the notion of another year older, another year wiser.

So gather ye rosebuds while ye may...cause time's a wasting.....

Doesn't your life call for a larger celebration?

Wax and Wane

"In his hand are the depths of the earth, and the mountain peaks belong to him."Psalm 95:4

Joy and pain. Like sunshine and rain...

This morning, I found myself out of the valley of darkness.

Shot an NBC promotional commercial for St. Patrick's Day Parade on the quiet streets of NoHo and under a shower of emerald shamrock confetti...

We danced the drunk Irish jig at the camera as Paparazzi screamed down Bond Street following Gisele and the new baby. Poor beautiful girl....

Four fire trucks loaded down with NYC's..uh finest, roll by and wink. Damn, Damn, Damn.

I answer my phone to the Onion News Network callback...shed my flag colors and jam one subway stop to Broadway, to do my best neurotic expert voice in front of the writer, producer, and director. They laugh.

Head home past Adrian Grenier hanging in front of my local haunt, we exchange nods as I pull a fat check from my mailbox and waltz up my stone steps and into a room swimming with red tulips and a 45 degree forecast for tomorrow.

Yep, it's day like these when leaving this town would be a down right shame.

Mood swing much?

Revealing

"The light of the righteous shines brightly, but the lamp of the wicked is snuffed out." Proverbs 13:9

Everyday, I witness iniquities rewarded. And achievement bestowed on the corrupt. This is when I question God.

My conversation with my boss tonight still seated at my desk at 8PM tonight, tense with anxiety over my lesson in washing our wine glasses (3x) went something like this: ( I paraphrase)

Her: "People sell the soul here for success, if you want to follow that path, you join forces with evil, you compromise your integrity, you tread ill fated steps, you drop the people that care."

"I'd rather be around the devils I know, then the devils I don't."

Me: "What about the Light?"

Her: "There is no Light in Manhattan Girl."

Which reminds me of my visit to New York two years ago and what perpetuated the birth of this blog...This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine...

"Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart." Psalm 97:11

How do you fight temptation?

The "Ugly" Truth

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

These are the days I want to pack this 400 square foot space up, change careers (again), cease this wild goose chase, move to the wide open rolling country, settle down, gain 10 pounds of wine and cheese, have chubby pink babies, and live a simple, quiet, mundane existence.

Where there are no short little 22 year old production assistants instructing me to be on my best behavior and scolding me for not letting her know I was going potty.

Where I don't layer up with Under Armor and hand warmers in my bra with a stylish hat that doesn't cover my ears because it's supposed to be a waterfront London Fashion week scene in the spring.....

And where I don't get threatened to be dismissed from set by a child with overtly abused power issues because I am not flexible with my wardrobe (taking off above mentioned hat) even though I am pacing back and forth in front of a camera in the freezing cold for $80 measly dollars.

ABC and Disney should be ashamed of themselves for being the least paying, rather successful show for non Screen Actors Guild Actors. I am not at a loss as to why they were just cancelled, I am just sorry they weren't kinder on their way out.

Yes, days like today nearly snuff out the beauty of the sunrise over the East River in the South Street Port as I tread downtown's cobblestone streets and sharply persuade me to finally be that real soccer mom everyone thinks I should portray on TV.

With conviction to stay on course...would you jump through their hoops?

Allegro

"Your decrees are the theme of my song wherever I lodge." Psalm 119:54

The Public Theater is showcasing staged readings from their emerging writers group; Two months of spotlighting these diverse, talented and articulate playwrights in the beginning stages of their careers...Tonight's opening reading, Plucker,by Alena Smith.

Fantastic dialogue encompassing the age old farce of yet another generation grappling with love, commitment, career, and co-habitation.

After working a full eight hour day uptown, rushing to SOHO for my "stress expert" audition for the Onion News Network, and barely making curtain call after introductions of my girlfriend acquaintances, I found myself peeling off layers and becoming soothingly captivated with the lead actress standing center stage...

A just turned (gasp) thirty year old musician making a metaphor of life and composition.

Not knowing the structure of the piece but having to write it as you go...Each decision a note, each regret a sharp, each failure a flat, each choice a melody, each success a guitar riff.

Every move you make a vibration in your tune. And the mystery of how that song will play out...

I want my life symphony sounds to be more like a rock opera.

With the fast passing of February, National Marijuana Awareness Month, to my birth month March roaring in like a lion, I've deemed my resounding theme for the next 31 days to be "No Sleep Til' April....

And here's some Brooklynites to sing along and help keep my nose to the pavement journey.

Are you wide awake enough to dodge or dominate what life throws at you?