Playing With Matches

" Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife." Proverbs 17:1

Autonomy is one of the most pleasurable and easiest states to be. Self liberty at best. When you eat, where you turn, and what time you get home. All up to you. But yet in this glorious independence we are constantly in search of that life sharing companion. Everyone wants to be loved. This power struggle with self-determination and dependence is an enigma to me.

Once Upon a Time when I was single, I recall having dinner with a group of girlfriends who were all attached. Instead of enjoying the flowing wine, our familiar company and discussing creative passions, they complained about what crime their significant other had or had not committed. I remember the emotion bubbling inside of me, it was the opposite of envy, and poured myself another glass. I knew there was no one at home to bemoan my tipsiness.

My current roommate lives an extraordinary life. She's dwelled in New York City for almost 12 years. She has traveled the entire world extensively and Five-Star. She is extremely successful in her career that she loves and spends most of her winters in Miami with two closets full of designer clothes. Incredibly tight with her family, pilates and yoga extraordinaire, and aware.
But no love. Match.Com. Consistent Dates. Constant Attention. But not a somebody. This is her elusive element. And what she most desires.
Relationships seem to be on peoples minds lately and on the cover of Time Out NY (The Singles Edition). I picked it up off of a desk today. From Cool Singles in the City to where to find your Fetish Fanatic Soul mate, it was all there for the hopeless romantic..
Find me a find, catch me a catch.
After talking with two single New Yorker's today about the absence of happy unions in their social pool, I surmised we are unfulfilled searching. We are unfulfilled found. I know I'm not making history questioning the old adage of the grass is always greener.
But why do we fight so hard to fall into love?
And once we're there why do we fight so hard to make it work?
Were the Fab 4 right.....Is Love all you need? I have my doubts.
As I was walking alone down a dim lit cobblestone street tonight watching the coupled off revelers, I reminded myself that moving to NYC is tweaking my self-sufficiency.
After all, you gotta have a life, to be a good wife....

If it's True Love, does the joy outweigh the grief?