Talkin' to myself and feelin' old Sometimes I'd like to quit. Nothing ever seems to fit Hangin' around Nothing to do but frown Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down
I feel you Karen.
Remember when I said New York is a city of extremes?
Today, I'm dwelling in the nether region.
Feeling like I have hit the customary brick wall with the job search. Wondering if I'm doing physical detriment to my marriage in this separation ( texting and IM'ing isn't satisfying this itch). I've fallen prey to the dangers of writing for a living as I combat writers block with crunchy peanut butter. My grand highlight today is I pulled my coins together for a Trader Joes mid grade drinkable bottle of comfort. I'm starting to suffer from OCD as I check my phone every few minutes anticipating that call from The New York Times wanting to give me a weekly spot as a Sunday Editorial Writer....
The best news about being redeemed in Christ's love is that nothing I do will make him love me more and nothing I do can make him love me less.
Pastor Bojan at City Light Church preached that God loves Ugly.
Well, he's loving me today.
Two occurrences that affected my mood more than I am than proud of...
1. I love my 10x12 room in the morning. It is situated on the Northeastern corner of my building, (when I pull the shades) sunshine pours through the windows, spreads across my face and feeds my thriving peace Lilly. It gives me a false sense of the outside temperature and a fresh outlook to my hopes (or not) for the new day. With the exception of 45-50 minute respite as the sun passes by the new gargantuan building erecting next door. My room gets a serious dose of Vitamin D all day long.
Here is what else is happening all day long...the minute my eyes adjust to the light and stare into the building next door, there it is. The television on the 5th floor is stuck on PBS or Cartoon Network ALL DAY LONG. And the two year old boy who lives there is fixated directly in front of it. ALL DAY LONG. I have caught glimpses of the live in nanny's kerchiefed head...cooking in the kitchen or piddling in the laundry room, but not one time have I seen her hold him or hit the off button. Apparently money can't buy affection.
It's Elmo to rise and Elmo to bed. And yep, I'm one of the most opinionated non moms there is.
2. I belong to a great neighborhood gym. Located in the heart of Tribeca and two blocks from my house. It's three stories, equipped with every cardio and weight machine imaginable, has a gorgeous waterfall flowing in between floors and emptying into a reflecting pool by the locker room entrances...a steam room where I have fought the winter woes and a massive dance room with floor to ceiling mirrors and a polished maple floor where I have envisioned my Broadway premiere. The icing on the cake, it is virtually empty and remotely peaceful. Most of the time. Except when the meathead is there. Oh you can't miss him. He grunts the most gutteral sounds, slams down weights, flexes in the mirror while breathing heavy and attempting to drowned the deafening sound of his blaring IPod. Drips sweat in a puddle staring at Rock of Love on the television. Treating it like his own personal gymnasium for freaks; He is clueless to the fact that anyone else is around, God Forbid relaxing with their own workout. As he tightened his butt muscles in his minuscule shorts, I resisted the urge to scream," women don't find that sexy..!!!" After his last rep of, by the sound of it, giving birth, I rose calmly, walked over and looked at him like only Vince Neil can sing about and left the gym more keyed up than Roid himself.
Shoo-whee.
Tomorrow night is my background debut. SVU. I'm the one in the brown hat. Blink and you'll miss me. Now I gotta find more change for the popcorn...
Do other's actions affect your state of mind?
Yep. A little too much. But you already know that about me. :)
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