Got Maternal Issues

"You know the commandments: 'Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not give false testimony, honor your father and mother." Luke 18:20

“The mother-daughter relationship is the most complex.” Wynonna

The Mother-Daughter Dynamic.

If you say it's easy, I'll personally kick your ass.

I believe the constant discourse is a reflection of the inhumanity women continuously show women in this country.

Riddle me this?

 How can two people cut from the same cloth, be so close, and inevitably misread each other's intentions, experience such severe conversation hurdles, and wreak hurtful havoc of disastrous proportions?

Can a comment like, "I usually quarter the onion" really produce a Jekyll and Hyde like syndrome. Uh, the answer is affirmative....

Nietzsche said that fathers and sons are more considerate of one another's feelings than mothers and daughters. And I agree with him. But what the constantly searching Frederic did not ever come to experience is the connected love of a mom and daughter. Powerful and Fragile at the same time.

Disapproval=Defenses=Withdrawal=WASTED EFFORT=Dissatisfaction

The relationship we crave most earnestly is the one that hurts our hearts consistently.

Seems like I'm not the only one......

"If you've never been hated by your child,you've never been a parent." Bette Davis

"Some are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same."

  Pearl S Buck

"I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they are gone from your life." Maya Angelou

"Get to know your parents. And understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young." Baz Luhrman

"I want a mom when I get lonely, to take the time to play 

A mom who can be a friend and find a rainbow when it gray 
I want a mom to read me stories and sing a lullaby 

And if I find a bad dream, to hold me when I cry...I want that mom." Cyndi Lauper

Are you drowning in your gene pool?

It's the STUFFFF.

"Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have." Hebrews 13:5

A day of reckoning. Bernie Madoff sentenced to 150 years.

Travelin' light, now we can catch the wind.
Travelin' light, just let your mind pretend.
We can go to paradise,
Maybe once, maybe twice.
Travelin' light is the only way to fly. JJ Cale

It's no wonder why so many of us are in debt. If the select few (1.4 million in the US) are suffering from Compulsive Hoarding Syndrome, the rest of us are buying our ridiculously huge square foot homes and filling them with equally large mass produced furniture, stocking the walk-in pantries with canned meat (cause we can), and in turn purchasing the extended cab, dual tank, DVD equipped hulks to take us from point A to point B idling at the unplanned and unsynced traffic lights while  walloping one hell of a carbon footprint. 

 All this accumulation in the name of wealth and success?? Does it serve you?

Two cars down and a home mortgage or two to go....

Pulled in delicately through a Car Max drive through with key and title in hand, left triumphantly a little lighter with a cut check and a smile.

After all New York's a walking town. And I'm trimming the fat.

My husband. My well being. My freedom are the riches I'm seeking today.

“Somehow in life we must know 
that we must seek first the kingdom of God, 
and then all of those other things—clothes, houses, cars—
will be added unto us. 
But the problem is all too many people fail to put first things first. 
They don’t keep a sharp line of demarcation 
between the things of life and the ends of life.” MLK 

“A man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions”  Luke 12:15

If you thought about your material wealth, what "thing"would be essential to your happiness?

Monumental Moments

"This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed in Cana of Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him." John 2:11

You know what was so great about the Wedding of Cana? Jesus was there.

Okay. If I came off as a jaded non-romantic, it was just the cheap Korbel buzz talking. A Residual Effect from hanging with the blushing bride and her thirsty entourage since noontime.

Weddings happen to be choice blessings to me.  

Something about the groom's face when he first lays his eyes on his soon to be wife brings tears to mine. And makes the potential of the day swell with optimism for their future. The novelty of singing Neil Diamond at the top of your lungs as the proud mother of the bride sways to the downbeat in the eye of the circling and singing hurricane. Vowing to not let the burdens that life brings change your heart or your mind. And asking the Lord to be in the center of it all....

None of this is small potatoes. They are small little miracles. And day's in the life of...

Hazy morning, tailgate shuffle, sweltering with a no Bo Sox sweep, pool dunk, Blue Moon, Full Belly, Fan. Hell of a day.

Sunday night blues set in. 

I'm officially out of the Big Apple, missing it and trying to find meaning to the madness (briefly) in the Peach State....Nurturing my nuptials and devising our departure.

Thank God, I have my faith in Him.

Hands, touching hands, reaching out

Touching me, touching you
Oh, sweet Caroline
Good times never seem so good
I've been inclined to believe it never would. The Jewish Elvis

Remember how good the first time felt?

Not My Picket Fence

"To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice." Proverbs 21:13

My always a bridesmaid girlfriend made bride status tonight. And her strongest desire came to fruition. Let Love Ring.

If I had a dime for how many times I was asked what are you going to do?? Are you going to stay in New York?  When are you coming back to Atlanta? 

Misery loves company.

 People love to commiserate.

And the suburbanites want to know why we don't want to live in Georgia  and take the path they chose and are so miserable treading....

They dislike their husbands. They have abandoned their sex life.  It's all about the children.  They relish the girl's night out that comes once in a blue moon and spend it recanting their glorious single years.
Ladies, I understand you are exhausted at the end of your  two hour commute, your miserable desk job, the day care routine, and your bland TV dinner at the end of the day, but better start using your hand or your mouth, or you will lose your man.

My Manhattan obsession and my dear girlfriend's "gay man's lifestyle" in San Fran was under the microscope tonight. We are the oddballs, We are the Spinsters. Because we are in our 30's and without children, something is wrong with us in they eyes of the complacent.

A country club wedding.  A college reunion. A reminder of why I chose to cater my life not give way to custom.

I'm choosing the great wide open not the cage with a painted red door.

Will you sacrifice you to be considered normal?

The Fenway Faithful

To the faithful you show yourself faithful, to the blameless you show yourself blameless," Psalm 25:18

The fair weathered southern fans got a schooling from the hard knox die hard north easterners.

Let's Go Red Sox... here's to quite a reunion with my Mass-hole man and a Boston victory.

Yep, I spread the wealth.

Are you true blue??

Don't Stop till You Get Enough

"A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:4

"A summer's disregard, a broken bottle top
And a one man's soul
They follow each other on the wind ya' know
'Cause they got nowhere to go
That's why I want you to know
I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change...." MJ

Small town boy from Gary, Indiana turned Magnificent Music Icon......

Thank you for the vivid memories....Especially the couple skate.

A monumental part of history. Yours and mine, ended today.

My Internet has been for lack of a better word, down. Idly, I sat listening to the Windstream van roll down the gravel road (for the second time in a day) at a snail's pace, I felt my blood temperature rise. The repair man mozied up to the door and inquired about my "eesue." I explained that I could not connect to the Internet and there was not a dial tone. I've been living in Manhattan for the last five months where wireless is accessible EVERYWHERE, so kindly forgive my frazzled state.

 His response: "Manhattan, KS."

*Crickets*

No.

After explaining it was the other Manhattan, he groaned and went on to tell me that only once as he lived near a city...and that was Tocoa, GA. But the rest of his life has been rural living. The only sounds he hears are the natural sounds of the "crick" falling and them bucks running. And he ain't having it any other way.

Hmm Mmm.

I believe there is living life, experiencing life, enduring life,  coasting through life and there is TASTING LIFE.

I know there are people born on Main Street, USA who raise their families generation after generation in that same sleepy town and can't think anything is better outside their county line.

I realize there are farmers that breed sons who go on to become stellar ranch hands.

I understand that children born in illiteracy in Appalachia rarely break the cycle.

I've experienced  staunch Texans turn 18 and never look back at the Lonestar State.

I love the Massachusetts boys who go searching, grow up, and grasp new opportunities.

AND I am thoroughly  inspired by the rags to riches who impact and change our lives in uncountable ways, keepin on with force don't stop. And a rockin talent that would NOT quit.

Please Leave this man and his family alone in his death...

In his words:

"We've got more problems. 

Than we'll ever need
Why you wanna trip on me??"

As far as taking a bite out of life...

Are some just hungrier than others?

 rest in peace.

Shedding My Skin

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Manhattan and it's mayhem to Splendor Mountain and it's silence.

 Surviving on my own to sustaining with Mama. 

Extreme does not do these opposite worlds justice. 

But nothing compares to the fireflies and Cheshire Cat moon shining over the spring fed pond.

More testimony of my personal obsession with the curious blond.  

 I couldn't explain my self better.             

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid sleepy voice.“Who are you? ” said the Caterpillar.

 This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. 

Alice replied, rather shyly, “I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”

“What do you mean by that?” said the Caterpillar sternly. “Explain yourself!”

“I can’t explain myself, I’m afraid, sir,” said Alice, “because I’m not myself, you see.”“I don’t see,” said the Caterpillar.

“I’m afraid I can’t put it more clearly,” Alice replied very politely, “for I can’t understand it myself to begin with; and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.”

“It isn’t,” said the Caterpillar.

“Well, perhaps you haven’t found it so yet,” said Alice; “but when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you’ll feel it a little queer, won’t you?”

“Not a bit,” said the Caterpillar.“Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,” said Alice; “all I know is, it would feel very queer to me.”

“You!” said the Caterpillar contemptuously. “Who are you?”

Which brought them back again to the beginning of the conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the caterpillar’s making such very short remarks, and she drew herself up and said, very gravely, “I think you ought to tell me who you are, first.”

“Why?” said the Caterpillar. Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in a very unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.

“Come back!” the Caterpillar called after her. “I’ve something important to say!”

This sounded promising, certainly: Alice turned and came back again.

“Keep your temper,” said the Caterpillar.“Is that all?” said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she could.

“No,” said the Caterpillar.Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth hearing. 

For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and said, “So you think you’re changed, do you ?” 

Lewis Carroll

Have you ever noticed some advice you receive and other's you resist?                                                                         

                                                            

Dazed and Confused

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight." Ephesians 1:4

It's all too much.

Nixon. And the new abortion tapes.

I may have a Summer Wheat buzz, but my jaw hit the Macbook keyboard.

Initially saying that access to abortion breeds permissiveness but that sometimes it is necessary.

Such as if you mix a black and white. Interracial sex and rape. 

Is that just New York Times reporting? Or the cold hard truth?

PREJUDICE: unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, esp. of a hostile nature, regarding a racial, religious, or national group. 

RACIST:unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, esp. of a hostile nature, regarding a racial, religious, or national group.Here are the highlights of a conversation I experienced last night.

IGNORANCE: the want of knowledge in general, or in relation to a particular subject; the state of being uneducated or uninformed.

Here are the grim highlights of a conversation most recently experienced:

"I have very progressive friends. I know Irish, Italian, I have gay friends, and even one of my friends as a black son. So I'm not prejudice."

"Anglo Saxons and Africans should not mix because their DNA is different."

"Oh, I know, those Orientals really want to keep their line pure."

"I know, it is not pleasing to God, when we blend our races."

Well color me happy. Did I just step into the muddled 1950's?

I don't want to claim it has anything to do with me being south of the mason dixon.

While I recover from choking on my ribeye and the company of  the absolute blindness of the simplistic, I will leave you with what I believe.

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28

Have we not all one father? Has not one God created us? Malachi 2:10

"There will be tribulation and distress for every human being who does evil, the Jew first and also the Greek, but glory and honor and peace for every one who does good, the Jew first and also the Greek. For God shows no partiality." Romans 2:9-11

"You better start swimming, or you'll sink like a stone." BD

Oh Lord, ease this troubled mind.

I don't consider it enlightenment, but human awareness.

 Lord, I want to go back home.

Are you blind to color?

Deliverance

"He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters." Psalm 23:2

Feel the southern breezes and the southern wind.

I'll show you where the dogwoods bloom, it's true.

Lost and found n lost again to the Honeysuckle Blue.

Have you ever seen the Blue Ridge Mountains, or the Chattahoochee.

Or the honeysuckle blue..uh oh oh. KK

Breathing in.

Freshly cut grass, budding white oak leaf hydrangeas, Rose of Sharon, nine PM slippery heat, running spring water over moss covered rocks, black snakes, red buds, coon hounds releasing their last howl and calmness comes.

Drink a bottle of white summer wine tucked up in a wooden rocker on a wraparound porch with citronella candles crackling the hungry mosquitoes and the only distraction is the fireflies flickering over the tall Poke Salad and ripe tomato plants.

The Appalachians look like a bear on his back with spring green fur. The purple martins fly sleuthing overhead as the last bit of sunshine fades into the glassy lake. Cue the bullfrogs.

The condensation from the sweating crystal drips on my bare feet.

And the north star arrives on cue.

I realize just how tired I am. For the last five months, I've kept the erotic pace of my rapid love affair. Involved in the sexy trance of it all. And in our separation, the fatigue reaches the very southern bone of me.

Can't you hear the bluegrass?

Roots, Rock, Red Clay

"And they took offense at him. But Jesus said to them, "Only in his hometown and in his own house is a prophet without honor." Matthew 13:57

If Home is where the heart is. I'll give you two guesses where mine abides.

My hopeful little 340 square foot home just went up in flames...figuratively.

Marvin Gaye said it best...."I'm the type of boy who is always on the roam. Wherever, I lay my hat, that's my home."

Who says you can't go home?

Maybe the same "they" that said familiarity breeds contempt. 

Actually that was Aesop. Or sometimes credited to the ultimate coiner of phrases, Mark Twain.

Referring that we (mankind) have a human tendency of looking down on those closest to us. Or the more you know about someone or someplace, the easier it is to find faults. 

I believe Dorothy had it right initially when she went searching for vibrant adventure and a colorful challenge versus the no place like home crock....

Yep, here's where the jade shines through.

I did not grow up in the same house in the same small town, with the same friends. and siblings sharing the same DNA. We did not sit at family dinners discussing current events. I didn't go off to college to return to my childhood room intact. We moved. My parent's divorced, apartments rented, houses sold, world's split, the step sisters came, the stepdad left, the half brothers were born, the girlfriends went. And we all ate our own separate (sometimes together) bowl of extended dysfunction...

I do not relate to home for the holidays nor family traditions. 

But as I wanderer, I recognize the isolated feeling that accompanies the return.  

The return to the routine, maladjusted, status quo as we all know it.

 It is humbling....Reminding me that no man is an island.

According to Alabama,

Down home, is where they know your name and treat you like family.

Is this always a good thing?

Switching Gears

"He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning." Daniel 2:21

Rose in an alert cool drizzling New York State of Mind and fell into an unclear sultry dripping Georgia On My Mind....

Holy Heat Batman. I'm in the South. 

And not so sure how my head feels about the homecoming.

Is it time to put on the optimism colored glasses?

The Real LIfe

"All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you." Psalm 38:9

How did I miss in history that New York City was originally called New Amsterdam. No wonder I am so enthralled.....

Did I miss Anderson Cooper talking about the benefits of pot?

I wonder if he is a thorough journalist and did his research.

Legalize it.

 

Friday Night. The first clear evening in weeks and the clouds parted over the Chrysler and highlighting the skyline with violet clouds. Toasted five months with my friend as the 60 degree breeze made our glasses whistle. We clinked them in triumph, history, and the unknown future. The shining pavement filled with hipsters. The weather beckoned the boys out to feast on the skin.

I journeyed from one scary sublet to the interesting next. None of them home.

It's my last night in Manhattan. Oh but for a short time. 

I'm excited about a reunion but almost angry about the goodbye. 

No where in this imagination of mine can I picture a (my) life back on Oak tree lined Georgia streets. Where more than the the heat is oppressive. 
This is what I have been screaming for the last 15 years in Atlanta but what New York sang sweetly to me upon arrival.

Be who you are nothing more nothing less 
and let the beauty that you love be….. the very best 
Sing praises to the highest with your feet on the ground 
And reach for your brother with the words that you sound and
Don't let mistakes be so monumental, and 
Don't let your love be so confidential, and 
Don’t let your mind be so darn judgmental 
And please let heart be more influential 
Be thankful for all the Spirit provides 
And be thankful for all that you can see without eyes 
Give thanks to music that keeps us alive----Michael Franti

This is where I am supposed to be. 

I don't want to go but I can't stay here.

If you could pause one moment in time, which one would it be?

 

Hide and Seek

Search me, O God, and know my heart;  test me and know my anxious thoughts." Psalm 129:23

"I don't want a full house at the Winter Garden Theater, I want 90 people who just came out of the worst rain storm in the city's history. These are people that are alive on the planet until they dry off. I wish I had a theater that was only open when it rained." Bill Murray

Woke up in a strange bed and to an odd view.

Feeling foreign in my own skin.

Manhattan skyline whited out. Even the honking is muffled. 

Alone on the 21st floor. Broadway is empty. The crane has ceased. The rain however, has not.

Thursday morning Classical on NPR. A pounding headache. I'm fitful.

Can't you see it's a mask that I wear? The stress in my heavy shoulders. The lines in my face.

The angst is carried in my wobbly neck. The strain comes through my voice.

I'm tired. 

The constant worry. The fateful news. The fact that the telephone brings limited intimacy.

Lawyers,  Lying. Mortgages, Money. Insurance, Irreconcilable. Family, Feuds. Tenants, Tenacious. Vocations, Vacuous 

On the move one day. Floundering the next.

The smile I keep up. The false energy I sustain.

My desire to live passionately often is regulated by life's restraints and I fall prey to a world of pure melancholy. Love's never ending Roller Coaster.

Maybe it's just Gotham's weather.

Maybe it's because my peer's condone socialism.  

Wake up America. You still think government intervention is a plus or are you silently applying goo be gone to your once prided bumper sticker?

Am I weeping over the senseless travesty of the swatted fly.

Or is it my heart is still searching...

"This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."
John 3:19-20

You may never understand

How the stranger is inspired
But he isn't always evil
And he is not always wrong
Though you drown in good intentions
You will never quench the fire
You'll give in to your desire
When the stranger comes along.

BJ

Could a bowl of creamy banana pudding perform the miraculous?

Temporary Infatuation

"The highest heavens belong to the LORD, but the earth he has given to man." Psalm 115:16

Maybe it was my underground Chinese massage that has me so loose. Something about an open room rub down covered only by a towel to get me truly relaxed.

At the end of the day, I am always compelled to share another author's work that I admire versus describing my emotions in the form of a story or quote.

But I find the more I read or research, I am inspired daily by people's approach to our fleeting, fascinating life and encouraged by their courage to share these ideas. Therefore, I implore my own self and ego to dig deep and expel.

But first a word from the master that could so easily be mine:

"Well, you know, for some reason I’ve always had an irrational love for New York.But the city is so full of chaos, and the chaos is, for many people, pleasurable.I like to show people the city through my eyes, which are not realistic -- they’re highly romanticized. New York has always been a great object of romantic fantasy for me." Woody Allen

The thing about NYC is it's personal. And as I've mentioned before no one can share the same experience of the same thing. In my five short months here, I have conquered a significant but not even touched the possible.

Bike riding today along the Hudson all the way up to 60th past the mammoth Intrepid and by the 80's throwback skate park, it dawned on me, from the gritty to the gorgeous; my love for this city is undeniable even in it's hard imperfections.

The stains on the sidewalk, the cobblestones peaking through the asphalt,the steam rising from the subway grates, rusted fire escapes,  the wonderfully weird diverseness, the seagulls soaring reminding us all we are living on an island. Bodies strewn across the newly laid sod soaking up the short summer sun. Musician's sweet music , the marquis' bright lights. The charisma, the energy, the acceptance are hypnotic and even the sirens and sanitation truck have almost become a lullaby to me rocking me..... whole.

I am enveloped in the way a city has made me feel.

I crave more. I like me here.

Activity. The antithesis of idleness. Opportunity. the antithesis of Lack.

Manhattan is always ripe for the picking...

And it's the opposite of Easy.

My true citizenship may be in heaven, but this will do for now.

Have you ever known something to be so right?

The Fall Girl

"You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me." Deuteronomy 8:17

But I would be mistaken.

My strength, my moments, my wherewithal comes from Him and Him alone.

Spent an exhausting, sometimes exciting, downright aggravating, questionably pointless, freezing cold day in June in Brooklyn on Manhattan Avenue in Polish town shooting the buff Scottish brogue drop his f bombs, stuntmen on stilts fall splat on the asphalt, and whole-heartily exercising with Gerard Butler's bodyguard in between takes. 

He told me I had nice pipes...

As brawn and brooding as the 300 star was, he's got nothing on my Irishman.

Got me thinking though, if this circus act called acting doesn't pay the bills, with these serious muscles and cat like reflexes, I could always follow in the footsteps of a childhood fave, Colt Seavers.

Yep,

It's a death defyin' life I lead, 
I take my chances. 
I die for a livin' in the movies and TV. 
But the hardest thing I ever do 
Is watch my leadin' gents 
Kiss some other girl while I'm bandagin' my knee. 
I might jump an open drawbridge, 
Or Tarzan from a vine. 
'Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine....

Would you take the risks if you couldn't get the glory?

Writer's Write

"To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul."Psalm 25:1

Introspection, loneliness, contemplation and frustration. They are a few of the many melancholy emotions that dominate a penman's mind and

decorate a penman's work.

A pouring out.

If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write things worth reading or do things worth writing. 
Benjamin Franklin

All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.
Ernest Hemingway

A writer needs three things, experience, observation, and imagination, any two of which, at times any one of which, can supply the lack of the others. 
William Faulkner

Write from the soul, not from some notion what you think the marketplace wants. The market is fickle; the soul is eternal. 
Jeffrey A. Carver

Writing is like prostitution. First you do it for love, and then for a few close friends, and then for money.
Molier

Keep in mind that the person to write for is yourself. Tell the story that you most desperately want to read.
Susan Isaacs

Words are the most powerful drug used by mankind.
Rudyard Kipling

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.
Henry David Thoreau

Truth is stranger than Fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
Mark Twain

If I chance to talk a little wild, forgive me.
William Shakespeare

I like writing. It keeps my mind off grim subjects. It's therapeutic in the same way a patient in an institution is given fingerpaints. 
Woody Allen

One of the few ways I can almost be certain I'll understand something is by sitting down and writing about it. Because by forcing yourself to write about it and putting it down in words, you can't avoid having to come to grips with it. You might be wrong, but you have to think about it very intensely to write about it. So I use writing as a learning tool. 

Hunter S. Thompson

In order to fully write, you have to be partially crazy.

Who said it was going to be easy?

Play the Game

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds." Hebrews 10:24

"Mom, you're embarrassing me."

"Honey, it's New York. I can't"

Mother Daughter street exchange I overheard on my way to Forefront Church this fuzzy morn.

I am not sure what I wrote about yesterday that has google advertising how to find married partners that are willing to cheat...but I'm NOT happy about it. If I wasn't of adequate sound mind I would venture to say Google scanned my inner thoughts  and through osmosis determined what I would write about today and is two steps ahead of me. But then again, I'm not writing about cheating, rather the unimaginable, peculiar, almost comical world of dating in New York City. So scratch that.

Turns out, Candace Bushnell wasn't making this stuff up. It was good ole' fashioned experimental research

Oh the passion that burns in all of us to be bonded and supported by another.

The Scene: Zampa WineBar and Kitchen, Meat Packing District Saturday night

The Players: (names have been changed) 30 somethings

 Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte

The Event: Samantha's 36th Birthday dinner

The Topic: Millionaire Matchmaker and other dating techniques/ploys/theatrics

Rule 1: The millionaire can only have 2 drinks maximum in an evening out.

Rule 2: He must provide/purchase dinner.

Rule 3: The woman can not demand gifts

Rule 4: Can not under any circumstances hook Up until you've been dating for 90 days.

Rule 5: He must have a net worth value of one million dollars

One woman went out with a short balding Italian man who picked her up in a limo for weeks but who's mammoth bodybuilder driver was the one who walked her to and from her door every night. All of the dinner's were apparently prepaid as she never, not once laid eyes on a bill. And no money was ever exchanged.

Another woman joined a dating service where men only wanted to wine and dine and NEVER touch.  She insisted to the group of us that for two solid months she endured hideous conversation but the most deccadent divine meals imaginable, gained 10 pounds, and the man kept his hands to himself. He kept calling. She went on a diet.

On my blurry train ride home after a magical champagne with a view penthouse night with gals, I talked and consoled a guy from Coney Island taking the long train home after a less than stellar date. He told me he expected more.  He was tired of the dating scene and just wanted to meet a similar mind and heart. And how hard it was to find a woman that wants to commit.

I don't know. There seems to be a huge gaping disconnect here between man and woman.

I'm so glad I am a privy observer versus a player but something has to give as it all seems to get lost in translation and we're pushing against a raging force that won't give....The relentless desire to be with another but the unwillingness to surrender.

Lord,

Give me one pure and holy passion
Give me one magnificent obsession
Give me one glorious ambition for my life
To know and follow hard after you
To know and follow hard after you
To grow as your disciple in the truth
This world is empty, pale, and poor
Compared to knowing you my Lord
Lead me on and I will run after you

It's good to know what you want.

Hot and bothered Sextexts with the hub. Sunset ankle deep in the tall grass on the Hudson, a dear single marry able type. Wine, dinner, fresh whipped cream and berries, Jamaica flag colors view with friends, and the end to a blessed weekend and the start to my goodbye.

Sendoff with style.

It is good to be known, but isn't it better to be loved?

In the Membrane

"LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure." Psalm 16:5

I can't see the screen. So my internal verbalization has a slim chance of translating to black and white typed words.

First, Friday. Two worlds collided and materialized into what I would just calla night living in New York City but what most would refer to INSANE.

From a rooftop in Tribeca with my dear West Indian  boys from the Virgin Islands dancing until 4 am to reggae and my best TV network memories to date. Reminiscing about "White Chocolate in Charge....and ahh our youth in the Caribbean.

To

Saturday, Another rooftop north and three bottles of champagne later with gay 60 something famous Virginia born women painter overlooking the Empire State Building on her 360 degree terrace with five other women justifying their need for a REAL New York man. While she weeps for our misdirection. She's been living, breathing,thriving, and muff diving for over 30 years....

I cried in her amazing living room with Monet's on the wall as she told me about all her publisher friends....and ME.

It's been a hell of a God Blessed intense filled weekend.

Thank God tomorrow's only Sunday.

It's as if all the misfits afraid of suffocating in their hometowns came and planted roots in Manhattan. And their here. Their queer. Get used to it.

Quit talking about security.

THIS IS WHERE I WANT TO BE.

In a New York Minute
Everything can change
In a New York Minute
Things can get a little strange..Don Henley

It's 3 AM, are you really going to hold me accountable?

Rules of the Roost

"A kindhearted woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth." Proverbs 11:16

Finishing off a California peach and slowly sipping my third cup of sludge as the dense fog of the morning blocks my view of Jersey and the Hudson is calm. I've escaped to a respite, while she sleeps off her hangover.

 Not that I had the gloves on, but if I did, they are officially coming off.

Either I am living with the most self indulgent, selfish, insensitive 40 something or an absolutely and innocently oblivious to other's feelings girl in a cocoon. However, I'm skeptical about the latter.

 As if coming home from a reunion dinner and invitation to sleep in a bed at the W to a straight Grey Goose Vodka (no ice because she doesn't refill the ice trays) induced full on 4 AM soiree in the living room wasn't fighting words enough. Then the  yelling, "it's all about my tits" into the wee hours....

 Cue Xanax, headphones, Enya. Peace. Kind of.

But to wake up to candles burning to the wick and discover my weeks of stockpiled chocolate, cookies, and other tasty assortments ALL consumed by the party attendees late night munchies..and what looked like an egg fight on a hot stove...was the bell dinging and the vacating of corners to the center of the ring.

The sexcapades are no longer safe with me. Your BJ's for cash flow are fair game.  It has reached its maturation. There are plenty of other rooms in Manhattan.

There are women that prefer to live alone and then there are those that will the rest of their lives.

Soon I will enjoy co-habitation with MY HUSBAND once again....and my room will be empty.

And then there was one.

What ever happened to consideration?

Are We to Blame?

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23

Spirituality 101 according to Oprah Winfrey and her panel of spiritual teachers.

The first clueless quip out of her mouth was that God does not get hung up on titles...um okay. I will be the first to admit I don't know what the Lord is thinking but for some reason I am not sure he is keen on humans who ardently reject him referring to Him as the Universe's Energy Force.

Call me crazy but Psalm 68.4 gives me fodder.
Sing to God, sing praise to His name, extol him who rides on the clouds — his name is the LORD— and rejoice before him. For His name is holy.

The one bit of wisdom I could relate to was when Reverend Bacon said there are "plenty of religious people who are not spiritual. Look inside our churches today." Spirituality is about love. Love is about connection. Jesus connects us to God. God who is Love. And All Encompassing. 

I believe you can learn from other spiritual and non-spiritual people. I do not believe that anyone else has all the answers.

I've been thinking a great deal about unbelievers. My seeking roommate who is admitting to an"intense evil being" (her words) inside of her says she has a huge problem with the fact that everyone has to be saved. This confused me at first since that is what the epitome of Christianity is, we are sinners saved by His grace and guaranteed salvation through his Crucifixion. And every single one of us is welcome.  But, listening further...she talked about how people negatively refer to actions of others because they are Not Saved.In turn, (I think) meaning they aren't seeking Jesus as the Lord of their lives.

I realized this bothered me as well.

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37

Instead of Christian women and men determining their neighbors actions are because they don't have a relationship with God, rather we should behave as such that our actions SHOW we do. Acting in openness, acceptance, consideration, understanding, kindness, and in constant faith....can we display our hearts. Just live YOUR lives.

At this point, if the judging continues, if the hypocrisy reigns, or the self righteousness resides all in the name of religion... then the question to ask is who the hell would want to be saved and has me singing:

"Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love? Where is the love?"

BEP

Do you give Love a bad name?

The Voice Within

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" Luke 9:25

This is the number one reason, I left my settled life and moved to New York City.

The Problem that has no Name

"The problem lay buried, unspoken, for many years in the minds of American women. It was a strange stirring, a sense of dissatisfaction, a yearning that women suffered in the middle of the twentieth century in the United States. Each suburban wife struggled with it alone. As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay beside her husband at night--she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question--"Is this all?"

For over fifteen years there was no word of this yearning in the millions of words written about women, for women, in all the columns, books and articles by experts telling women their role was to seek fulfillment as wives and mothers. Over and over women heard in voices of tradition and of Freudian sophistication that they could desire--no greater destiny than to glory in their own femininity. Experts told them how to catch a man and keep him, how to breastfeed children and handle their toilet training, how to cope with sibling rivalry and adolescent rebellion; how to buy a dishwasher, bake bread, cook gourmet snails, and build a swimming pool with their own hands; how to dress, look, and act more feminine and make marriage more exciting; how to keep their husbands from dying young and their sons from growing into delinquents.

 They were taught to pity the neurotic, unfeminine, unhappy women who wanted to be poets or physicists or presidents. They learned that truly feminine women do not want careers, higher education, political rights--the independence and the opportunities that the old-fashioned feminists fought for. Some women, in their forties and fifties, still remembered painfully giving up those dreams, but most of the younger women no longer even thought about them. A thousand expert voices applauded their femininity, their adjustment, their new maturity. All they had to do was devote their lives from earliest girlhood to finding a husband and bearing children.

The suburban housewife--she was the dream image of the young American women and the envy, it was said, of women all over the world. The American housewife--freed by science and labor-saving appliances from the drudgery, the dangers of childbirth and the illnesses of her grandmother. She was healthy, beautiful, educated, concerned only about her husband, her children, her home. She had found true feminine fulfillment. As a housewife and mother, she was respected as a full and equal partner to man in his world. She was free to choose automobiles, clothes, appliances, supermarkets; she had everything that women ever dreamed of.

Just what was this problem that has no name? What were the words women used when they tried to express it? Sometimes a woman would say "I feel empty somehow . . . incomplete." Or she would say, "I feel as if I don't exist." Sometimes she blotted out the feeling with a tranquilizer. Sometimes she thought the problem was with her husband or her children, or that what she really needed was to redecorate her house, or move to a better neighborhood, or have an affair, or another baby....

The women who suffer this problem have a hunger that food cannot fill. It persists in women whose husbands are struggling intern and law clerks, or prosperous doctors and lawyers; in wives of workers and executives who make $5,000 a year or $50,000. It is not caused by lack of material advantages; it may not even be felt by women preoccupied with desperate problems of hunger, poverty or illness. And women who think it will be solved by more money, a bigger house, a second car, moving to a better suburb, often discover it gets worse......and ask who am I?"

Betty Friedan-The Feminine Mystique

So for now, it's New York, God, and ME.

How is your life fulfillment?

The Same Rear View

"And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign LORD." Ezekiel 16:14

Like rain falling on a window pane. Tears came to my eyes when I asked his name
Made me holler when it finally came. Said "Only the children born of me will remain"
'Twas like thunder all thru the night. And a promise to see Jesus in the morning light
Love say "Take my hand, it'll be alright. C'mon save your soul tonight" PRINCE

The thunderclaps kept the city that never sleeps wide awake last night.

There is a saying that in "this business" that you are only one job away from making it big. The Serious Break. You know the day you go from crossing as a wipe at the end of the scene to an under five with the principal actress onto submitting your bill for a cut and color to the tune of 10K (rumor has it Harvey Keitel is VERY specific about his hair products.)

However,this fifty hour four day work week was not it.... But just enough face time and fame brush to keep the flame lit...despite the comment from my dear friend who proclaims to only "talk shop" incessantly on set (getting us all shushed), that I am a very generic blond.  And I've got that going for me???

How to become famous:

Be exceptionally outstanding in your chosen field. (my first pick)

Be radically different

or

Incredibly bad

Have Perfect Timing.

Chase your Dream

Sleep with the A.D.

As my actress aunt's best friend said to my father when I was a little girl.

"Fame...she is a bitch."

Leading or Following..is there an easy route?

Tsk. Tsk. Task.

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge, nor wisdom." Ecclesiastes 9:10

I'm trying to decide which subway performer amused me the most today.

The sorry a capella duo singing their rendition of:

Do do run run. De do run run.

Yeah he caught my eye...look who's in the White House, a black guy!

OR

The 4 foot midget Michael Jackson impersonator banging it out to Billy Jean with his black sequin jacket fit for a baby doll.

Worked it Dawn to Dusk y'all. 

That's what 40 or so of us sunburned weary eyed souls who are heavily  loaded onto a bus heading back to the city did today. Goodbye North Shore Synagogue and hello lights of Broadway at a decent hour. Well that is after 15 hours of standing poolside attempting to emulate wealthy quasi friends of a Jewish Socialite next to the Woodcrest Country Club. 

I will fall asleep to Hava Nagila on strings and wind ringing in my ears. Promise.

Boarded the 6 train Uptown at 4:30 this morning. Stepped over a puddle of urine and changed seats away from the mad voyeur itching his socked feet.

 My Magic Hat #9's still fresh on my breath. MMMm. Head.

I had a good excuse for lingering at The Half Pint last night....

It is my understanding that British Genius Ricky Gervais already beat me to it..But it would be impossible to use ALL of the content created and capable by this sub world culture called Background.  I question my motives on the days when I start to feel like cattle...But continue to immerse myself...why. A novel. My fame. A paycheck. Sheer insaneness. To be a part of the trip. (i.e. Enjoy the company of a fellow actor who drops acid and dresses in drag while playing the Hookah Caterpillar.) 

Met a writer on set who reviews books for a living and does the television work as a social component of his often hermit lifestyle. After listening to his soothing voice, his method for inspiration, and his income, I told him I wanted his gig. Turns out, I have it. He is a literary writer for the Examiner. Okay, tie myself to the whipping post as I am not writing the way I should.CBS Sports has put out an open invitation to me for submission of articles and I have ideas. But I'm not putting pen to paper.In fact, I believe I am starting to land in a pile of bones tall to familiar in life.  New Yorkers come here to chase a star, ride the wave, live their desires, and fulfill their passions but WORK gets in the way.

 No guilt. Just time to fly right. And focus.

Which begs the question of a daily blog.

Substantial or Steadfast?

Pick Up that Telephone...

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." Psalm 62:8

Lord, empty me so I can be filled with you. 

You are so good....

I am still baffled as to how discontented people( me included) can continuously search for the magic formula in self-help books, counselors, new diets, trendy fads, life-coaches, fermented grapes in a bottle to finally clear up the problems...

When I should just be calling on the Lord every time. 

Here's the problem...sometimes there is a disconnect.

Prayers will be hindered because of a number of reasons. An unforgiving heart, disobedience. Or one, if your marriage is out of sync. This coming from Atlanta pastor, Michael Youseff in today's message.

 Quit reading the Relationship Rescue and How to's for a Perfect Marriage and follow this code....

"husbands are commanded to lovingly and humbly lead and wives to joyfully and loyally follow."

Can you dig it independent women? I called the man and said. Put my needs first, I  will agree with your decisions incessantly....

Time is on fast forward. Met my first cousin and her husband tonight on 45th street. They are visiting from Scotland with their new smiling baby flower. In our three decades on this Earth, we spent an entire week together (that's seven days) in the crazy mountains of Montana when we were prepubescent tomboys. Tonight, grown women realizing that blood and genes link you in the most similar of ways, we enjoyed each other and a balmy full moon night in Manhattan relishing over flat pasta and vino. And you know the Italian is good...Mario Batali was seated at table number one...pony tail and all.

There are some nights I am so lonely and question why in the hell I want to work so hard to live in such close quarters and spend so much. But as I put my darling family in a taxi and headed south...the orange moon shone down on Broadway and the shadow boxing shirtless man shuffled his way past me north.  The Lord said, Trust me. Wait, this is your time.

I'm glad He got through.

Okay, So no one's answering
Well can't you just let it ring a little longer longer longer oh oh oh
I'll just sit tight through shadows of the night
And let it ring for evermore.... ELO

Are your prayers unanswered?

Food Diary

"He made him ride on the heights of the land  and fed him with the fruit of the field.  He nourished him with honey from the rock, and with oil from the flinty crag, with curds and milk from herd and flock and with fattened lambs and goats, fresh kernels of wheat. You drank from the foaming blood of the grape." Deuteronomy 32:13-14

A little more Old Testament to keep it bizarre and interesting.
      

After stepping over sleepers and stumbling home to find the deadbolt locked, knock...knock..knock., I rolled in to bed at 4 AM only to listen to the bridge and tunnel goers at Santo's nightclub scream profanities at each other and over the dumpsters crashing and scraping metal against metal.....

Finally passed out to wake at a quarter past noon. Where has my semi-sunny day gone?

The only item on the Saturday agenda. A hot, sweaty, mind-clearing, calorie busting run....

Ahh the glorious but dangerous blessing of crafty.

Craft service refers to the catering done for the cast, crew, and extras working for film and television production companies. A craft service table is a table of snacks set up either on set or on location. Cast, crew, and extras choose snacks and beverages from the table buffet-style. You know the one prima donna Christian Bale refers to....He wants his f'ing  glazed donuts...

This is different from catering as that occurs every 6-8 hours of shooting (if you're lucky) and is a sitdown meal.....

OH but Crafty is constant from call time to wrap and changes periodically. The variety of the food depends on the budget of the production and consists of a healthy mix of sustenance and junk. Coffee, Juice, and endless bottles of H20. 

By advertising dollars alone and the fact that we all travel to Long Island and the Hampton's via a luxury wi-fi equipped tour bus, I'm guessing that Royal Pains has it's fair share of cash to throw around.  Not that they are throwing it a the principle's salaries. (no names at the moment)

When I am not on set and in between takes. I don't sit in holding. I hover by the craft services table. So much so the crew knows my name and my cravings....

Told that we should eat before we come...I ate a modest lunch and then hit the tent...I'm not crazy.

Yesterday 7PM:  Espresso and poppy seed cake. Blueberries and raw cashews.

9PM popcorn, celery, carrots and tomatoes and a two mini Take Five chocolate bar

10:30 hard cheese, salami, banana chips and wheat harvest crackers. 

midnight: cauliflower medley and buffalo mozzarella, green gum drops, roasted peanuts shell and all.

1AM "Don't you eat at home." Craft services attendant  Snag some corn chips and guacamole.

2:30 AM mini cheeseburgers and carrot cake ice cream sundaes

Wrap and two plums, one granola bar, and five snickers for the ride home....

Looking around at the Irish Italian gaffers, Polish camera ops and the load they're carrying in the front.

I wondering just how much I've gotta keep my energy up...

I don't care if you're full
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it
Open up your mouth and feed it
Have some more yogurt, have some more spam
It doesn't matter if it's fresh or canned
Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it. Weird AL

What are your perks of the job?

Truth Becomes Her

"You must have accurate and honest weights and measures, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." Deuteronomy 15:12

When you get in trouble and you don't know right from wrong,
give a little whistle!
Give a little whistle!
When you meet temptation and the urge is very strong,
give a little whistle!
Give a little whistle.
Take the straight and narrow path
and if you start to slide, 
Give a little whistle!
And always let your conscience be your guide. -Pinocchio

One of the most powerful voices in the world. My Conscience. Sometimes an annoyance but always the right choice. Even if it doesn't make me the most popular in the class, it is nearly impossible not to heed it. Oh bother. The pounding in my chest is motivation enough to keep it all on the up and up.

I made sure to tell catering I was lining my bag with the crew's take home munchies.

It's cold and rainy. Manhattan is receiving a good cleansing.

Did I mention the high is 58 degrees and oh yeah it's June.

Another spacey 6 train home from Grand Central at three in the morning after working Royal Pains for the second night in a row....Some progress. The Art Director finally granted me the beloved "waiver" or in union terms, "the good life". Almost four times the pay and upped the ante of treatment from mere sub human background to featured foreground....

Spent hours laying on a fainting couch while the camera changed its angles...

That and an official invitation to the FCW society...(Fu*k*ing Cool Women) by a seasoned member who body paints nudes for a living, despite our blatant difference of opinions;

Me-One God

Her-We are ALL God

Makeup Artist cat fights, overflowing toilets, prayer shawls for the Pekingese and poodles. And all of us in the basement of an over sized house in the Hampton's.

I tell you, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Do you tell the Truth?

Gypsy Spirit

"I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. Selah" Psalm 16:4

These days the only steadfastness in my world is my strong desire to hear the Lord.

Vacating my current Tribeca premises in 15 very short days...

Joined a network group on CouchSurfing.org . Short-term living. Freedom.

Worked 13 hours as an ill party patron in a gorgeous summer home in Long Island. Fun.

Actions not necessarily congruent with other married thirty-somethings I know. Fine

And in the words of a true Ton-A-Wandah Girl...

H-A-double P-Y  A-M-I!

Does the sameness give security?

Push Pull

"I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me.  The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." Psalm 118:13-14

You are not the President of the world. You are president of the United States. And your moral, ethical, office given obligation is to us and our safety. Tread lightly Mr. Friendly.

Colonel Peters reminds us that it wasn't a group of Presbyterians attacking Saudi Arabia, it was them...attacking us. Lest we forget.

There is no denying my mood, therefore my thoughts are tainted on days I have time to sit and take in the daily news.

Blow it in a bubble and float away. Or replay Bruno's nuts in Eminem's face again.

Either way, he better start talking like he's proud to be an American.

I was in the presence of some serious talent today.

If there are any 80's children out there who rooted for a Private Benjamin victory, sobbed in fear of divorce in Irreconcilable Differences, felt one person could fight the KGB like Whoopi in Jumping Jack Flash, or relished in the idea of leaving yuppie corporate America to make jam in the country like Baby Boom Keaton; then you too would have been impressed.

Nancy Myers wrote every last one of them....

She is the most successful female director of all time, has a stellar resume of directing successes, and stands at a confident 5'1.

Casted as a sun-kissed L.A. blond in her new untitled project and standing in admiration of Meryl Streep's flawless complexion...I spent the morning (feigning a LAX traveler) feeling so utterly blessed.

And if working in ear shot of heavy but cute Alec Baldwin wasn't elating enough,  as I was walking disguised in my dark shades to the E train home, A mom stopped in front of me and whispered to her two children, I kid you not..."There's Gwyneth Paltrow".  

Guffaw.

Took a casting call for four days on Royal Pains and a possible stand in for the timeless academy award winner herself...we do share the same Roman nose.

Peaks and Valley's people!

It was Newton's Third Law.

Climbing or Coasting...ain't life grand?

Stream of Consciousness

"If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our rightmind, it is for you." 

2 Corinthians 5:13

Retail Sales are not in my blood. Women who would normally respond to my warm smile in the street...walk by me with their new noses high in the air ignoring the sound of my voice...The good news...it's a chapter I never need to revisit.

No, the torture of sales are not in my blood.

" I don't know what I'm doing! Wishful make-upping!" Pretty in Pink

All of this fades away. We all get old. 

Quit telling me in order to follow the Lord, I have to follow a set of rules. 

Summer in the mountains? Isn't that what the wealth of Manhattan does?

This place (Barney's) is a joke. Every one's got that look of...

"For I'm sure that I could be a movie star if I could get out of this place." BJ

No , New York can't swallow the resolved.

If a 15 year old girl wears a shirt that says "I LOVE Penis." Who should we blame?

Scholastic Downsizing

Dead Point. Purpose?

McGraw-Hill layoffs. NBC Universal on an ice cold hiring freeze.

Sesame Street hasn't called.

My writing works. Demands Discipline. I'm lacking focus.

Bleacher Report, Examiner, why isn't Conde Naste calling?

Blog your way our of this Recession....Conceivable?

Benefits. No Health. No Babies.

$15 an hour. Who am I kidding?

If you are repeatedly going to a place you dislike, watching the clock tick to quitting time. Do yourself a favor and leave. Time moves fast enough.

The Gregory Brothers struck a nerve with me. Creative, Innovative, Something Different. Courageous in doing what they love. Look them up. Be inspired.

Drove today in the city. The Local Lafayette deranged Chinaman jumped in front of my car. The undercover blew his siren at him.

Negativity is Noise. My skin is screaming.

I want to create my world where no one tells me how to live or disapproves of my living because it's different from their standards.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND PACK MENTALITY.

I'm a loner. 

I like to go my own way.

Do you ever stop and listen to yourself?

You Are What You Eat

Everything that lives and moves will be food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything." Genesis 9:3

I don' know if he was referring to the Grecco du Tufo buttery chardonnay or the luscious pappardelle pasta with beef accompanied with salted spinach, seasoned eggplant Parmesan, and crispy toffee biscotti. But leaving the gorgeous Berkshire mountains down the Taconic New York State Parkway and driving seamlessly into New York City at sunset for a celebratory romantic al fresco dinner in West Village's Bar Pitti...I praised Him all the way.

In the words of my near and dear. He's ready to be in the full on rocking city most of the time and the sleepy countryside where he grew up once in a while. Again, an amen....Darlin' I love ya but keep (Freudian slip) give me Park Avenue.

Another opinion, I do not understand how people do not and choose not to know good food. Up to 1 Am a few days ago in Chinatown eating steamed dumplings and homemade ramen with steamed young chicken and a cold Bud in a can. I finally struck gold with the eating cheap in Manhattan.... 

Fortified in the womb on greasy Pancho's San Antonio Verde enchilada's.

Relished stewed goat and sweet plantains in VI

Planned my Honeymoon around authentic spicy curry in Thailand.

Survived on burnt Chapati and Lentils in Tanzania.

Think Bone Marrow and Butter on Toast could be one of my favorites.

I do not get white bread. Will not eat American Cheese. Don't drink light beer. Wouldn't think of paying money for aspartame. And Can't comprehend the phrase "too much garlic in the potatoes." 

Variety is the spice of life. Is yours too bland?