Carte Blanche

"I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."Matthew 16:19

"I think you hear me knocking and I think I'm coming in." Denis Leary

Not a New Yorker but a damn fine Irishman.

The celebrated practice of bestowing ceremonial "Key's to the City" also called Freedom of the City dates back to the feudal times of merry wenches and frothy mead. Once a military or legal allowance it is now most often awarded to honorable officials, esteemed visitors, and notable organizations. Yet, while it holds no title distinction, it is simply an honor to carry it....

New York City and Bloomberg seem to dole them out frequently from the likes of The Dali Lama, our treasured hero Captain Sully Sullenberger, and recently to an honest cabbie who returned a bag full of thousands of dollars worth of jewels...

With my anxious fist full of my own real not replica keys to a little piece of that town, I hold more access and authority than I can fully begin to illustrate.

With them I am counting on opening any door and unlocking any heart (including my own) to the expansive future that may or may not be on our way to settling down... just another notch in our freedom belt. The keys to Gotham don't include a red door, white picket fence, loyal dog, or 2.5 rug rats but an entire keychain worth of liberation.  And two floors between me and an Irish pub...

First on my own, now with my man...

And then there were two.

"Can't you hear me knockin on your window
Can't you hear me knockin on your door
Can't you hear me knockin, yeah, down the gas light street, now...
And all, all around your town". The Stones

Ain't it time you opened a strange new door?

Hit Me Baby One More TIme

"For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet." 1 Thessalonians 5:6-7

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Ooops!

 I did it again.I partied all night.

Got too drunk to write

Oh Baby, Baby.

Ooops!

As far as my thoughts.

Had too many shots..

I'm not that into it....

It's been a long day of pints and catch up....

Don't it feel good to say when?

Slow Growth

"I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all." Ecclesiastes 9:11

In 1907, 65 yellow cabs serviced Manhattan.

Nearly 100 years later, 945,000 drivers were licensed  to drive cabs.

And the latest statistics say there over 50,000 cars of transport rapidly schlepping New Yorkers up and down and East to West...and at neck breaking speed.

 

In my five months living there, I think I traversed in barely a handful.... 

I walked, I walked, and I walked. And when I wasn't walking, I was actively partaking in the most brilliant well thought out and designed mode called public transportation, the MTA. But even then I was surfing the express and flexing my arms, skipping up flights of stairs, and dodging freaks to reach daylight or often times nightfall.

This must explain the easy to maintain weight loss...

Granted I ate free dinners at grocery samples night, and $1 Dim Sum in Chinatown,  and made a dash of dark street meat last me 24 hours worth of meals. But while I was drinking my calories worth, I was maintaining.

Since I moved in with mom in sweet Georgia Brown. It's slow molasses Vitamin D Milk in the AM, leisurely pimento cheese and dark chocolate as an afternoon delight, and unhurried sugary mint juleps on the porch with dripping BBQ chicken and homemade peach ice cream. All this with my ass firmly but languidly planted in a wooden rocker. No wonder it's growing...Eleven days and counting. 

So this is what vacation feels like.

Summertime and the livin is easy
Fish are jumpin and the cotton is fine
Oh your daddys rich and your ma is good lookin
So hush little baby, dont you cry
One of these mornings
Youre goin to rise up singing
Then youll spread your wings
And youll take the sky
But till that morning
Theres a nothin can harm you
With daddy and mammy standin by....Gershwin's

Georgia is passing me by

And I'm gearing up and ready to start speed walking.

Time to fly??

Riding the Split Rail

"Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple." Job 5:2

Instead of looking for a miracle in your life, look to see if you are the miracle in someone else's life.
Nola Rohde Vollmer

----Mayor Bloomberg proposes a six cent tax on each plastic bag used at grocery stores. This out of the box GREEN proposal could raise nearly 16 million dollars for the already financially strapped city (uh, you heard me, NYC is feeling the crunch) This despite the THREE count them...new sports stadiums debuting this year in New York. But don't get me started on the swollen egos and and distended salaries. I'd rather talk about the half empty landfills and a hell of a guy.---

But not this time....

Now, I've never been known to stand around and let the grass grow on the ground under my feet. But been a victim of the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence plague a time or two.

I know it was not the Hatfield's and McCoys who started the concept of each other's circumstances fairing better than their own (like the ownership of a handsome sow)  nor was it the shotguns pointed at one another's heads to serve a dose of reality that the notion was a farce.

This painful comparison and unhealthy desire to be in someone else's shoes (coveting your neighbor's wife) has been prevalent since man's rise and fall. And it is the biggest racket.

I may not be thrilled with my circumstances...nor the hand recently dealt,  but I wouldn't trade them for another in a New York minute. 

Now since my month long vacation in this southern state, I've been pining for a Manhattan moment of inspiration, the overwhelming energy of creative work, the struggle of clever competition and every other stimulus in the concrete jungle,  I thought was going on without me...

In turn nearly missing the red tail hawks flying over the wildflowers, the shower clean feeling of a morning spring fed lake swim, copious amounts of mayonnaise and ripe tomatoes on toast, spotted does eating from the garden, stirring the compost, rocking chairs, rainy nights on the porch, reading until my eyelids are heavy, my feet in wet clover, a star filled sky, reconnecting with family, woods walks with friends, the familiar and enough green grass to relish and roll in. 

Oh my Dixieland Delight....

"There's someone else in your imagination 
You wish that you were standing in their shoes 
You'd change your life without much hesitation 
But would you if you really had to choose? 
So, don't look around, get your feet on the ground 
It's much better by far to be just who your are." Petula Clark

Would you trade your life for mine?

Iche Brauche Uber Guidance

"I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind,  to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve". Jeremiah 17:10

The nights where I stare at a blank screen are the times I question my motives for writing.

There is no doubt I inquisitively and instinctively question human behavior... 

Yet it seems that Sasha Baron Cohen's motivation is to shed light on our weakest, vilest, and most shameful behavior. Maybe it was the stage parent's so motivated by fame and greed they agreed to sign their children up to pose as Roman soldiers standing around a crucifix or the absolute sheer hatred in the UFC fans faces as they witnessed a public display of homosexuality affection. 

But walking out of our private viewing of his latest shock value cinema, I couldn't help but think the reason we are all so often heading in the wrong direction and further from center is that collectively we are following a broken compass. Reason doesn't show up in our front or rear view. We have shushed the voice inside us for so long that we quit hearing it's advisement. 

Today my eagle eye companion spotted a wallet in the middle of a four lane highway as we were heading out of town.  He drove us through two lights, U-Turned, stopped the car, dodged traffic, and retrieved the goods. We sat on a gas station blacktop sifting through multiple platinum credit cards, hefty deposit slips, and a handful of twenty dollar bills, before we found a lawyers business card and called them up. "Yes, we know the owner and  will contact him immediately." 

 You know what he told us after we waited for the hand off in the glare of the sun?

 He couldn't believe it was an honest person that found his possessions, that we were so rare these days.

How sad... 

Have we really become a nation that doesn't follow the Golden Rule Guideposts?

Can I Get a Witness

"He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you"  John 16:14

"Odd, the way the less the Bible is read the more it is translated." CS Lewis

Witnessing is evangelizing to others about the forgiveness, love, deliverance, and strength that you have found in Jesus. Jesus' last instructions to His disciples before he ascended was to go out and mission to others what they had seen and heard. He promised them they would be filled with the unspeakable power of the Holy Spirit to give the words that they could share the true life changing power.

Whether I was skipping school or at swim team.

Smoking pot or selling Guthries chicken sandwiches

Sailing high on the ocean blue or sitting in an AIDS orphanage in Africa.

Drunk on love or lost in pain.

Casting a conservative ballot.

Or Rocking a Liberal Vote.

Single, Satisfied, Married, or Melancholy.

On psychedelics at a Grateful Dead Show.

Or on my face in my bedroom.

With friends, strangers, acquaintances, or alone.

I've been praising God.

Yeah, nobody told me there would be days like these, strange days indeed.But as much as I've changed, challenged, feared, and felt. My faith and loyalty has always remained with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. And those that know me best know this truth.

An oooold friend sent me a message today and I fell on my knees and cried. It's been over ten years since we last laughed and got lost in the sounds of a Widespread Jam....He's found Love. Fatherhood. Some sober days and serene salvation.

And he wanted to tell me he remembered me sharing.....so many years ago.

I don't believe it is a responsibility to tell the whole world about Jesus. But I remain unshakable to the fact it is my privilege to share with my world, my Lord.

You can't be the sun, soil, or rain. But you can freely give out the seeds. 

Are you shamed to share your beliefs?

Roll With It Baby...

"And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry."  Luke 12:19

Southern Nights Have You Ever Felt a
Southern Night Free As A Breeze
Not To Mention The Trees
Whistling Tunes That You Know And Love So.Southern Skies Have You Ever Noticed
Southern Skies It's Precious Beauty
Lies Just Beyond The Eye
It Goes Running Thru Your Soul Like The Stories Of Old. GC

Do I feel like I'm home because I'm so close to leaving?

Ten days before I return to the grind of Manhattan living,  and I finally catch on to what this whole relaxing concept means....

Sleeping until a cool ten AM...relishing stiff coffee with heavy cream in a rocking chair, sitting down to a fried chicken, scratch biscuit, and tomato and corn butter pie for a mid day dinner in the clean sun, before meandering down yonder to our local watering hole for free pints of Shock Top Belgian Wheat's accompanied with the ripest slices of Florida oranges and a slate patio with a southern acoustic set.

Time has become my arch enemy...and now I know it will always win....But giving in is the feat.

If you can't beat em join em.

Right?

Hot Hysteria

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? Matthew 7:3

The sky is different in Georgia. Wide open Blue. July 24th sitting in a wooden glider listening to the echo of the bamboo wood chimes. Global warming you say.

 It's 65 degrees with a breeze in direct sunlight...

Come to think of it...the majority of the country is experiencing unseasonably cool temps. Or so New Yorkers keep reminding me that I'm missing the best nighttime jacket wearing summer weather that they can recall.

My purpose for writing this is not to piss of the die hards but to simply make the statement that the accusation extremism that we are ruining our planet has raised anxiety levels to a ridiculous level. Did anyone crying Greenpeace stop to consider that the higher temps makes for a better growing season and in turn a greener planet? Or asked the Inuits how they are fairing?

Instead, we have aroused the public taxpayer's to spend billions of dollars and created a whole new genre of money making motion pictures for the already inflated industry.

We are bloated with crappy excuses and experts at the blame game.

And since the very essence of creation is to fill the Earth, we are now being told that us "bad men" are creating a rise in population there in fact destroying our world.

Quit the allegations. And try Action and Adaptation in your own life. 

Do you use recycled bags every time you make a purchase?

Do you take public transit?

Do you rinse and recycle every newspaper, aluminum can, glass bottle, and plastic container?

Do you hang dry your wash?

Do you quit pre-heating your oven?

Have you banned your bath tub ritual?

Do you use your own coffee cup at Starbucks?

Have you adjusted your thermostat?

Do you unplug all of your appliances at night?

Are you carpooling everyday?

Do you run the water while brushing?

Do you take part in the blame?

Got Gumption?

"The LORD will make you the head, not the tail. If you pay attention to the commands of the LORD your God that I give you this day and carefully follow them, you will always be at the top, never at the bottom." Deuteronomy 28:13

If you're not the lead dog the view never changes.

You got to stand for something, or you'll fall for anything.

And if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Just some commonplace cliche to get me under the wire and at the end of my day.

The enemy's primary pursuit is to attack our noble undertakings. Remaining steadfast and victorious in our contentment quest is mud in his eye.

"Dream Big and Dare to Fail." NV

When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!

-Les Miserables

Will you rise to the top?

Reverant Abandonment

"Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all." 1 Chronicles 29:11

Living in the flesh is fun and foolery. But it is filled with the most burdensome of worries. This robbing Peter to pay Paul is not biblical....
Bowing our heads and giving it ALL to the Lord is not giving up nor giving in. It is the strongest and most savvy business decision to date. I would rather have my joy and my love than possessions poisoned with fear.Since I know the lesson, it is my homework to accept daily bread as my sufficient provision. And move forward. Relishing in King Solomons words that it is a gift from God to relish in food, drink, and satisfaction from my toil for I have no concept of what God has done from the beginning to the end...

Tonight as my roller coaster mate and I spend a night alone together, we will get in the position of submission on our knees if you please.

It was never mine to lose.

All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;I will ever love and trust Him,In His presence daily live.
All to Jesus I surrender;
Humbly at His feet I bow,Worldly pleasures all forsaken;Take me, Jesus, take me now.
All to Jesus I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;Let me feel the Holy Spirit,Truly know that Thou art mine.
All to Jesus I surrender;Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power;Let Thy blessing fall on me.
All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.Oh, the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to His Name! Judson W. Van DeVenter 1896

It's the Lord Leading and the consequent yielding....

Could you give it all away?

Soaring!

 “I said, "Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest-“Psalm 55:6

I recently found a letter I wrote to Jesus when I was 7 years old in a box of dusty keepsakes in storage.  Upon examining the try hard phonics on the faded floral stationary, I realized I must have recently watched my all time fave  blue eyed Superman  as I was humbly and most earnestly asking my Lord and Savior to please grant me the will to fly. I even appealed to the good Samaritan side  with a philanthropic approach and said I would be willing to grant any of my friends rides to and fro from our meek schoolyard.. I was so adamant in my request that I promised Him I would love Him more and longer than I had ever before if only He would grant me wings….And I meant it. 

Fast forward, four years into a marriage roughed up and rocked … New lines in my face. Today basically ended a four year litigation fight and vigilant prayer warrioring vigil against the absolute corrupt and crooked  lying  sacks of shits in southern suits called Wachovia Bank Executives who raped me over an illegal loan and stole an obscene amount of money all in the vain called breach of fiduciary duty and lining their sticky and stained  seersucker pockets.… Number one is customer service??? Kiss my ass. Columbus Georgia crew, Ronnie Bridges, Beth Brown, Chuck Nobes and Bruce Starks. (Wachovia customers take your money and run!) 

A bottle of white wine later as happy hour started early. I am resigned to the fact that I must start over and the only place I can even conceive worthy is New York City. The keys to an absolutely amazing 400 square feet studio with a less than human size bed in East Village were victoriously handed over today. And I bowed my head in thanksgiving. August can’t come soon enough. 

Here is the deal. This  is not where I thought I would be. I have run as long as I can run. I’m depleted . But I know that I have been faithfully talking to my my King of Kings and asking His Will to be Done in all of this all along the way..  I won't fly but I hope he will carry me.

" When the shadows of this life have gone, I'll fly away; Like a bird from prison bars has flown, I'll fly away. I'll fly away, Oh Glory I'll fly away in the morning When I die, Hallelujah, by and by, I'll fly away I'll fly away.   Just a few more weary days and then, I'll fly away; To a land where joy shall never end, I'll fly away..." Allison Krauss

Can He come soon enough??

A Giant Leap Indeed

"So they asked him, "What miraculous sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you? What will you do?" John 6:30

"If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon
If you believe there's nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool.." REM

Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives." Ronald Regan

Nor brainwash the masses.

The 40th Anniversary of America landing on the moon.
Called the greatest technological achievement of America's life, in the middle of the summer of hot love and cold wars.
We were losing the space race and suddenly and still we're in the lead....things that make you go hmmm.

I'm a moon and stars girl all the way, and a conspiracy theorist at heart.

It may be a grand ole flag but how can it wave on an airless lunar surface?

ConVick or Vicktim?

"For the sake of your name, O LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great." Psalm 25:11

Now I have likened myself to a few tangible items (fruit) and the not so definable emotions (crazy) but tonight I am remotely identifying with a new one. 

Michael Vick, as he spends his last night a caged bird must be lying awake in remorseful anticipation at the freedom and options awaiting him tomorrow morning. 

And the controversial second chance at a future to use that undeniable natural talent in which he has been blessed.

After working with the Atlanta Falcons for years I will say one thing, he is not a bright man, but I do cling to the notion he is a broken one that could use a little humble guidance this time go round...

As for me ...I fear imprisonment of any kind. Loathe wasted gifts...And believe in forgiveness.

What should Goodell do?

Could you forgive and forget? 

(PETA excluded)

Christianity 101

"In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: 'It is more blessed to give than to receive.' Acts 20:35

Politics, Religion, Gun Control, and Drug War...which one will it be today?

Someone mentioned something that struck a nerve with me and is a loaded question I have heard a lot over my bible believing years...And even asked myself.

"So, what did you get out of service today?" Say what? "What did you get out of the sermon today? Well...

Surprise, I've got an opinion , the four walls of a church stand for a number of reasons. One for a body of believers to come together and WORSHIP the Lord collectively and openly. It also serves the searchers and believers to be fed and equipped with the living Word to go out and tell others about the Lord..

  I believe we go there to give thanks, give praise, and lift up the name of Jesus and honor the blessings that He has bestowed on us. It is not social hour, a who's who event, or a gossip den, but a place to fall on your face in His presence, in gratefulness for the humble grace and love that is ours for the asking because of His Blood that was slain.

Yes, I do honor the learning. I have a great deal to be taught. (ugh, passive voice)

Yet,  it is one thing to be convicted on issues that move you to act or change and and quite another to just warm a pew. Because everyone knows it's quite easy to just be a Christian on Sunday. It's the rest of the days that are an upwards struggle.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus....MWS

Cause Y'all even in my faithless hour, He has been so good to me.

Would you rather sit and nod or stand and know?

Sometimes I Feel

 "Do not neglect your gift." 1 Timothy 4:14

If New York City has a driving energy force that tends to talents and gives flight to dreams, then Rabun County, Georgia has the zapping opposite...

I got the hot and sticky yard sale rural blues. And the thinkin don't come easy. A deadline missed. A missed opportunity.

Tie me to the whipping post.

Good night John Boy...this girl is dog tired.

Does life really get in the way of our pursuits?

Doctor, Paging Doctor Denial

"For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God." 1 Corinthians 2:11

Had some serious face time playing a sick patient on Royal Pains this eve...mmm foreboding.

Our mind has a way of responding to anxiety by increasing natural problem solving methods. When this fails, we often fall into a less fruitful, often damaging, and almost always unconscious tactic.  Defense Mechanisms...

This is the least evolved of the range of means to an end but the go to way for the weak and wounded. 

Sigmund Freud would diagnose my modus operandi as an unhealthy blend of projection, disassociation, and rationalization.  But my most common line of defense is, stifling my real emotions. 

Call it private or provident, it steals joy. 

I wonder what kind of psychological havoc this will continue to wreak...

Maybe it will improve my acting.

"There are many things in your heart you can never tell to another person. They are you, your private joys and sorrows, and you can never tell them. You cheapen yourself, the inside of yourself, when you tell them..." Gretta Garbo

Do you open your heart?

Whose House? God's House!

"Stand at the gate of the LORD's house and there proclaim this message: " 'Hear the word of the LORD, all you people of Judah who come through these gates to worship the LORD." Jeremiah 7:2

When I moved to NYC, I had made my mind up that it was a barren wasteland for Christians and the only praise and adoration there consisted of models, movie stars, and left wing media. 

I was dead wrong.

My editor at the Examiner asked me to write an article helping others find evangelical churches in NYC.

More than thrilled to be a seed planter the following goes like this:

When people think about New York the first thing that comes to mind is a city that never sleeps, but turns out it is a city that perpetually worships.

The Apostle Paul spent eleven years traveling on his missionary journeys spreading the word of the Resurrected Jesus Christ. But the place where he spent the majority of his time ministering to the people was the city of Ephesus. Historians believe that Ephesus had a population of over three hundred thousand making it the largest city in Paul's time. Strategically located on the Augean Sea, it was an over crowded, bustling, port city that brought in merchants and business transactions for miles. And since it was the main banking, commerce, and  trade institution in Asia Minor, greed ran rampant. The Epistle Ephesians paints a picture of an active cosmopolitan cultural center that had fallen prey to idolatry and evil. After three separate visits to Ephesus  Paul truly started to see the influence of preaching Christ's word.

New York City is also a thriving mecca for media, fashion, finance, and so much more, including endless stimulus and constant temptations. Home to the United Nations, it has served as the entryway for immigrants for centuries. Culturally it represents a wide open mission field of the world.

And what so many don't know, it is an absolute center for Christ believing evangelical churches. New York is the fourth leading city for church plants based on diversity and ethnicity in the five Burroughs and there are many evangelical bible teaching churches to choose from....

City Light Church

http://citylightnyc.com 

Apostles

http://apostlesnyc.com 

Redeemer Presbyterian

http://redeemer.com 

The Journey Church

www.journeymetro.com 

Forefront Church

http://forefrontchurch.com 

The River

http://rivernyc.org 

Christian City Church

http://cccmanhattan.org 

Mosaic

http://mosaic.org 

Brooklyn Tabernacle

http://brooklyntabernacle.org 

Times Square Church

http://tscnyc.org 

Are you still searching?

Whole Hearted and Half Assed

"And he that doubts is damned if he eats, because he eats not of faith: for whatsoever is not of faith is sin." Romans 14:23

Woke up to a household full of people. Bible School afire in the kitchen, Television Evangelism blasting in the living room. Hearing the Word in stereo is nothing new. Born of two parent's who met at Bible College and whose one common bond was their faith in Jesus Christ....I've become accustomed to getting all of life's answers told to me in scripture.

But since I left New York and came home, I feel more unsettled than ever and in turn further from the Lord.

Cue the literal rock thrown at my temple by a nine year old to release a pent up stress sob and focus my fickle.

Yeah okay, it's a resounding theme but an important one. 

Soap Box Go

As a Christian I am called to walk in the Spirit, not the flesh. The Apostle Paul in Romans Epistle is explaining that the stress placed on religion is often from the flesh and earthly things. Not of God. The practices and the rules that we enforce on others and condemn them for not abiding by is not of faith. He says while it may seem "the right way" if it's done in judgement versus faith, it's bullshit.

 Does this resonate at all to believers, non-believers, and Catholics alike??

 And is the military really acting in faith with the don't ask don't tell policy when they grant a  Vietnam Veteran a medal for losing his legs for his country and killing multiple men, but deliver a discharge for loving one?

The Apostle Paul encourages believers to regard their own choices and behavior, he incites "that all of us shall give our account to God" but knowing that we can have a clear conscience because we are His. I'm sorry but as long as Christians continue to hide their squeaky clean faces from Equal rights, I will continue to say they are missing the point of the Resurrected Christ.

Soap Box Stop

The New York Philharmonic played Mozart’s Symphony No. 41, Jupiter in Central Park tonight on the Great Lawn. 

I took a sunset lake swim and listened to the bullfrog and cricket rhapsody.

What's better; knowing what you want or don't want?

Vulnerable

"For the LORD your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory." Deuteronomy 20:4

Then what's with all the losing?

If my security gals from Broadway were here, they'd tell me to never question God....

Received a second casting call today to be a featured journalist on the new Drew Barrymore movie that started production today in Manhattan. The agent wanted to book me for four days of matching shots with the possibility of getting all of my waivers needed for my membership card with the Screen Actor's Guild.

You know what I had to tell him? I'm driving in bumper to bumper traffic in Suburbia Sprawl, Georgia and I have to pass on the job....But thanks. Uh, call me again.

Received a call from the IRS saying I owe them a middle management salary's worth in penalties and that I should liquidate all my assets (??) or borrow from a family member (??) to satisfy my debt and get the monkey off my back.

You know what I had to tell him......?

Yep, it's officially my state of mind in this state that has me waxing negatively. 

Or maybe it's all my responsibilities flooding my mind in a rushing river because time took its finger out of the dam....

It's any one's guess, but maybe I can outrun it.

To cheer myself up, I will now take the what famous stoner are you quiz...

Indeed if the Lord is fighting my battles, why do I feel so battered and bruised?

If your hands were tied, would you still feel protected?

Status Quo

"Like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. "Deuteronomy 32:11

"Before I'm a writer, I'm definitely a reader and when I read memoir, I really want it to be true." Augusten Burroughs

A hungover, humid, sour belly, overcast afternoon and I'm sprawled out on an old Chenille blanket under the hardworking AC beating myself up. 

Pride is an all consuming sin and a wrecking ball for intimacy. 

If passion has to be volatile. I'd rather be alone.

Lord, search my heart and remove anything that is standing in the way of coming to you today.

Augusten Burroughs must spend his time in between gorgeous Amherst, Massachusetts and New York City inside his candid head making a fantastic living on shining a revealing light on all our raw, ugly, and very true pounds of emotional baggage that make up our lives...

 It begs the question, is the claiming Ozzie and Harriett child constipated with rage or is there really a version of normal?

Where would we be without our painful childhoods?

I know that my subtle bossiness and undeniable control issues are adverse results of my just wanting rules and boundaries in my life. Some Security and Chef Boyardee!

The larger the window becomes and I learn more of my mama's youth uprooted by a father who chose a younger wife and the new family that replaced her to my husband's violent disgust of disapproval manifesting itself in desertion. From the couple's who can't get through a day together without cocktails, to a two year divorcee who is carrying the heart wrenching angst of infidelity and the weight (literally and figuratively) into her miserable days.

I start to understand (get a better grip rather) on why we do the things we do to one another.

And the armor we takes on to cope and coast psychologically unscathed through more of it....

The all mighty power put into our parent's and theirs, and those before us is insurmountable.

The decisions and inflections, the conflicts and contradictions that determine the person who each and everyone of us is becoming....

I visualize little birds with their beaks wide open waiting for the worm and wincing when it's time to be tossed from the nest into this thing called life.

It takes my breath away. It teaches compassion.

I know a girl who either is a groundbreaking novelty and really experiences contentment constantly despite her unsettled and sometime abusive upbringing, or she is so bogged down with denial and suppression that if you poked, her she'd pop?  

At times I think I'm growing weak with the restraint I exercise in not vomiting all over these keys in thought and word. 

I'm wrestling with my marriage. I'm stuck somewhere in between my dream and drudgery. I'm an experience fiend. And she's always just fine and dandy.

Right....I think we're all in this together some are just better at covering it up.

"I remember. I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that place
Even your emotions have an echo in so much space.."Gnarls Barkley

Is it a psychotic episode or just the common crazy??

SHE-RA RA

"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." Proverbs 31:29

Shoo-whee, maybe it was this morning's lovers spat that gave me the oomph to run four miles on the mountainous Rabun Ramble and a few late night pints with the north Georgia local flavor,

Maybe it was the imminent move to Manhattan to remind me I am wearing gold bands and I can do it all on my princess of power own.

Dependence doesn't become her.

SO...

Let the good times roll
Let them knock you around
Let the good times roll
Let them make you a clown
Let them leave you up in the air
Let them brush your rock and roll hair...The Cars

Doesn't it feel good to stand on your own two feet?

So Gone for Too Long

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

"Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you got til it's gone..." J.Mitchell

Nightfalls again and three weeks pass since I left Manhattan. 

Time flies whether your having fun or not. And this year to date is the most fleeting of my life. To quote my mom's friend..."One day you wake up and are shocked that you are this old." 

Finishing the work day at Splendor Mountain, we shared a few Pims cocktails and cornbread in a swing overlooking the glorious still narrows of Lake Rabun. Where the quaintness of small woods charm has almost been squelched by the status symbol mansions.

Does everything become tainted with time? 

Will we continue to pave paradise?

Our hosts dropped us off on the dock after a moonlight commute across the quiet water. Still calm from the clean wind in my face, we navigated through the packed "parking lot" of lake living modes of transportation...

I noticed all of the keys in the ignitions. And thought of a time gone by.  Just what is our advancement progressing us towards? 

I believe no matter what generation you are born in, you crave the simpler days. Safer Ways. 

Whether it be my mom's generation of unlocked front doors or my husband's grade school bus driver taking nips of whisky as he drove his bus route in the early 80's...(okay, not so safe)

But... if 50's Doo-Whop condoned sex and Today's Hip-Hop creates criminals, what will tomorrow bring?? 

And while I'm on the subject, why is it that everyone born before 1960 refers to all Asians as Orientals?

Never Mind.

Girls, take us home......

Grandpa, tell me 'bout the good old days
Sometimes it feels like 
This world's gone crazy
Grandpa, take me back to yesterday
When the line between right and wrong
Didn't seem so hazy....The Judds

Truly, in our world where greed is growing and trust is thinning, was yesterday the better day?

An Instruction Manual

" I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye." Psalm 32:8

When envy gets the best of me:

" And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

When I bend my knees:"

"If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you." John 15:7

When my stress is too much to bear:

"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

When pride seeps in my marriage:

"Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:3

When I need comfort:

"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

When Guilt is thrown at me:

"As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us."

When I lose my way:

"The LORD will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail." Isaiah 58:11

When I think I'm right:

"Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." Luke 6:37

When I worry about the future:

"I sought the LORD, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears." Psalms 34:4

When I DOUBT:
"And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever. Amen!" Timothy 4:18

What words do you live by?

Peaches and Scream

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Matthew 23:25

"Some people want to die, so they can be free." 

He may not be the King of Pop, but he is Prince.

Not only a brilliant lyricist but a prophesying genius.

And more prophesy...

So what does this mean?
Kicking me down
I got to get up
As jacked as it sounds
The whole system sucks -you're sellin out souls but
I care about mine
I've got to get stronger
And I won't give up the fight..Michael and Janet (regarding the talking heads)

God Willing this is the last time I mention it. But to clear up my motives.... 

Watching and listening to his music and his moves is reliving my fantastic MTV obsessed childhood. 

I appreciate him and his tormented siblings. I relish his sheer all star talent and humbleness.  I believe MJ wanted peace and genuinely was an open and kind individual blind to color. 

My fervent anger is with the turncoat hypocritical media that pretends to act as though they thought the same. Crucify and Sanctify as long as it butters your bread.

And talk about separation of church and state. I believe that Elvis Presley said it best when asked his opinion of the Vietnam War, Man, I'm just an entertainer, leave that to the politicians.

E News and E Tonight milk his fame all you want, cover all angles of the contents of the casket, interview the people who folded his white socks,  but when we are taking our time to honor this man on in Washington when N. Korea is firing missiles, China is rioting, Obama's getting a lesson on the Cold war, our women and men are dying for our freedom, and our economy is in the shitter is where I question our priorities.

 

I know they have better things to talk about than another politician's infidelities....

Leave that to me.  Edwards they downplay and Sanford they display...

Argh!!! And the all knowing "they" say homosexuals will ruin the sanctity of marriage.

I'm fired up and didn't even watch the news today.  

Alright, all spewed out.

Maybe tomorrow will be sweet peaches and cream....

"With such confusions don't it make you wanna scream
Your bash abusin victimize within the scheme
You try to cope with every lie they scrutinize
Oh father please have mercy
Cause I just can't take it

Don't it make you want to scream......"MJ & JJ

Do you whip and worship at your convenience?

Irreverent Idolization

"Has any nation ever traded its gods for new ones,  even though they are not gods at all? Yet my people have exchanged their glorious God for worthless idols!" Jeremiah 2:11

A moment of silence for Michael Jackson on the floor of our House of Representatives??  Have we lost our minds?  Lord, we are lost as a nation. 

He was not a national hero you freaks. He was a talented musician....

Holy shit, the things we cling to....

The adulation is ridiculous and Sharpton and Jackson are doing what they do best, playing the race card. The same ratings hungry exploiting media that pulled this man down during his alleged pedophilia controversy is the same media that's stroking it now.

Further on the left, the media is touting Biden's interview saying he and the president misread the state of our economy they think the best option is to put their charismatic heads together and launch  yet another bigger and better stimulus package. And we as supersized obsessed Americans are sitting there and nodding our heads in affirmation....

Here's my idea....LEGALIZE MARIJUANA and the US won't follow suit in bankruptcy like the great Governatored state of California.

Here ye, the Government can NOT provide for ALL.

When my morning coffee is soiled with a thirty minute on hold session with the IRS to set up a payment plan...there is no guessing how my mood will translate into my writing.

My anger does not behoove me. I know this. It makes me further from my Lord and  I am thankful for the Holy Spirit who appeals to the child inside of me, slaps me upside the head and gracefully reminds me to be humble and holy.

As long as we continue to put our faith in man, we will continue to be lead astray.

I am thankful for His Glory.

My God, my Savior has ransomed me.

And like a flood, his mercy reigns.

Unending Love. Amazing Grace.

Can we save ourselves?

Uphill Battle Down Yonder

"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus," Romans 15:5

This is not working.

I am missing New York's energy. Now my physical body is down south and my mental mind is pining for Independence, opportunity, aloneness. Something to call and claim my own.

Funny thing about coming back home automatically shaves decades off my life and  accomplishments and I'm a teenager again who has no track record of success or life's hardships. As if I don't have a number of meowing cat's I'm juggling in the air, now I'm heaping more of the familiar stress and family of origin into my bag of tricks, and it's wearing me down.

Someone who wrote no man is an island obviously thought that extended family in close proximity was a good thing. I believe there is already so much drama in the daily grind. And the more relationships you add, the greater the risk of stressful interactions. This multiplies with family of origin. Shared DNA does not mean shared opinions.

I do not embrace Marxism or any form of Socialism. And I have always had a troublesome time embracing organized collectivism. Especially when it comes to parent's and their adult children. The whole is not necessarily greater than the sum of it's parts.

Interdependence is a rocky road to be tread lightly.

Individuality, Initiative and Personal Endeavors bring happiness and security as well. 

Yes, I understand the benefits of community but not at the cost of relinquishing control or beliefs.   Ayn Rand said that "Collectivism requires self-sacrifice, the subordination of one's interests to those of others.  I'm not real skilled in the subordination department.

Whoever said that southern breezes blow peacefully must have lived alone.

I am a rock,
I am an island.
I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
Its laughter and its loving I disdain...S&G

Ever want to get and stay away?

 

Fish In and Out of Water

"To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted."Titus 1:15

Chameleon-(n) a changeable, fickle, or inconstant person. Able to blend and change color.

Finding charm in all situations. 

Our nation's birthday weekend commenced with "There's wine in them THAR hills," as we packed a tailgating picnic and chilled Proseco, loaded up in the truck and headed down the Georgia Wine Trail. Where the young vines soaked up the southern sun and the Blood Mountain Red paired delicately with Cheetos and peanuts. Laughter surrounded us as three of my oldest and closest raised our bottomless glasses to new memories and dipped at sunset in a favorite swimmin hole with the Boss and E Street Band providing the soundtrack....

This unseasonably cool morning,  still drunk on BBQ and beer, we found ourselves positioned on a hydrangea covered peninsula, at a 1920's stone home with with Georgia yellow pine wood floors, a huge farm sink, old louvered jalacy windows opened wide to the rhododendron view of the crystal blue spring fed Lake Rabun.  Today marked the 30th annual annual wooden boat parade in Lakemont, GA and we all stood drinking Bloody Mary's in flip flops on a red, white, and blue bunting draped boat house waving to the passing captains. 

Listening to the southern drawls of the elite speak in between their bites of pimento cheese and white bread sandwiches, I felt thankful for what I've known and what I'm learning....  

The Appalachians are fascinating. From the evangelical religious revivals, the Scotch Irish early whiskey stills, the old banjo bluegrass sounds passed down from generations and the customs to which they relentlessly cling and define. 

 

I feel sorry for the privileged New Yorker who thinks The Hampton's are the only weekend destination. Or the Napa Valley snob who feels their grapes are superior to all others.  

I'm blessed with my southern beginnings. I love that I still say the word kin and pronounce pecan with long vowels. I appreciate when people from the south ask me where I'm from, they are talking bout my family versus my neighborhood, but sweet tea, large porches and gracious hospitality aside, I know there's so much more living for me to do....

We abide in the greatest country in the world and we are more worldly the more we know of it.

"You've got to continue to grow, or you're just like last night's cornbread--stale and dry." Loretta Lynn 

Open your Heart. 

You think you're living in High Cotton?

Let Freedom Ring

"Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed." John 8:36

“Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance.” Psalm

33:12

Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. 1 Corinthians 8:9

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

Freedom to say, do , write, and worship.

Hallelujah... my chains our gone, I've been set free.

Aren't you proud? 
 

Batteries Not Included

"You shall have no foreign god among you; you shall not bow down to an alien god." Psalm 81:9

It's official. He walks and talks like a machine. Gestures are contrived. Moves Mechanical. Programmed to excite and entertain. He will say and do whatever pleases the masses the moment the curtain calls.

He is a robot in it's truest of forms.

Walt Disney World created an animatronic Obama to debut in its new Hall of Presidents exhibit this Independence Day Weekend. And the idolaters are lining up by the droning droves.

I wonder if he can bend at the knees...

Regardless of our "diplomatic" pseudo Commander in Chief's beliefs. We live in the greatest country in the world. And I for one am button busting proud to be a part of it.

The flag still stands for freedom.

And he can't take that away.

“Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one.” Benjamin Franklin

There is only one to whom I will bow.

In whom do you trust?

Awake and Aware

"I went past the field of the sluggard,  past the vineyard of the man who lacks judgment; thorns had come up everywhere,  the ground was covered with weeds, and the stone wall was in ruins.  I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man." 

Proverbs 24:30-34

The greater distance you create between you and your money, the less you will have.

Pull weeds daily after heavy rains, or your work will become insurmountable. And you will fall behind them.

Empty your junk drawer more than once a year.

If your morbidly obese and you lose 100 pounds, don't be offended if people don't notice.

Do what you say and say what you do.

Discern between your wants and needs. And live by them.

Give more than Get.

Evaluate your staying power.

Having a good cry while glorifying your Lord is worship well spent. Do it often.

Possess pride in your true self. And breathe in a view.

Relish a genuine laugh.

Don't be strong armed.

Drink full strength beer. Eat Basil from your own garden.

Take notice of the wildflowers return.

And know from the depths of your soul, you are where you are supposed to be. Right now.

Would you be glad for the day...if the day was your last?

You Be Illin

"There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard." Proverbs 19:3

I think my friend in NY is feeling my pain about writing a New York blog from the top of a Georgia mountain. It just isn't the same speed....nor the same content.

So he's sending the news on down the line.

This speech is my recital, I think it's very vital 

To rock a rhyme, that's right on time 
It's Tricky is the title, here we go... 

In New York the people talk and try to make us rhyme 
They really (hawk) but we just (walk) because we have no time 
And in the city it's a pity cause we just can't hide 
Tinted windows don't mean nothin', they know who's inside.

It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time. It's tricky, tricky, tricky.

Rev Run, D.M.C, Jay Master Jay

Grandmaster may have been a pioneer but these boys were the first Hip Hop  Superstars.

Run DMC was the first rap band to receive airplay on MTV and go gold, they broke sound barriers between rock and rap fans, spawned imitators opening the gate for gangsta rap, and were finally inducted into the rock n roll hall of fame this year.

Groundbreaking musically and frontiers on the gold chain dripping, unlaced Adidas donning style, these three boys straight out of Queens had an uncompromising vision for a new sound that quickly made its way into the musical mainstream from the East Coast to Farm Country bridging the gap between urban and rural youth. ( I should know, I remember the street dances fondly)

And today their hometown payed them some deserved homage. 

Where: Hollis, the southeaster section of the New York Burrough Queens. 

And the birthplace of hip-hop.

Walk this way on RUN DMC JMJ Way....honoring the legendary trio.

Queens representing.

But can you rock it like this?