A Crop Worth Keeping

"The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise." Proverbs 11:30

For a brief moment in my childhood, my Christian parent's decided that we would not recognize Pagan holidays nor their traditions. Therefore Christmas morning we gathered close together around the foot of their king sized bed and opened our presents.

This made some sense at the time.

Halloween was also a no no. As it was a celebration of all things macabre. Something about glorifying Satan, demons, and witches didn't exactly bring honor to our God...

When that phase soon came to pass , we hung lights on the beloved Christmas Tree honoring that Jesus was the light of the world and I was allowed to trick or treat with all the other heathens.......as what? The Peace Dove of course.

My mom sewed my white cotton fabric and felt beak and glued an olive branch in the middle.

I came in peace.

Duane Allman of southern rock band Allman Brothers was asked a question about his views and thoughts on the Vietnam War and the upheaval in America. The interviewee called it a revolution. He replied that it wasn't a revolution, but evolution and plays a part. Every time he goes back to his home state of Georgia, he eats a Peach for Peace. He died days later.

Today, All Hallow's Even, the Eve before All Saint's Day, I laboriously cut peach silk fabric, sewed peach fuzzy gauze to the edges. Stuffed my middle full of down and donned the top of my head with two Hasta leaves from Thompson Square Park.

I'm a peach ya'll through and through and a walking advertisement in the streets of New York.

My message remains the same. He is the Everlasting God. The Seed, the Soil, the Sun, the Rain, the fruit, the fun.

Let the Halloween Revelry Begin.

Harvest is over. Who's hungry?

Don't we all need a little fresh slice of fleshy ripe peach?

The boys in New York sure think so.

And a Cherry On Top

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:33

Ahhh the freaks come out at night...

I thought the Eve of Halloween would be a mellow night but instead I'm elbowing through a pack of vampire freaks, dirty gorillas in Hawaiian t-shirts, Ziggy Stardust LSD wannabees, slutty pale nurses, and one balloon boy just to get to the door of my third floor walk up.

Here's what makes this city infectious for a running ramped gal like me.

I down two cups of Mud via my long lost french press at 6 AM. Intercept priceless art for the Lincoln Center Benefit on the upper west side at 8 in the morning, argue with two Latino's over the fact that yes they worked hard doing their job carrying a 1,000 lb marble bar up two flights of stairs and ruining an original banister but I will not pay them $20 a floor no matter how much they are sweating at noon, grab a $1 slice of the cheesiest thin crust New York namesake sustenance in the late afternoon, drop the keys off to gracious host so Wynton Marsalis can set up his jam band on 50th, run right past the Naked Cowboy to meet my husband at Times Square for the resume head shot hand off at rush hour, only to skip 5 blocks past the remaining Manhattan titty bars post Giuliani for my first OFF, OFF Broadway Theater production audition called Sex, Relationships, and Sometimes Love with the crazed director who likes my energy, runs his fingers through his long grey locks, yells with purpose, and promises a call back.

Dart back East to hug the necks of my aunt and first cousins here for the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame Concert and get the affirmation that my strong desire of satisfying this song and dance runs through my genetic blood and I'm not just crazy.

Hop the 1 train to sleepy hollow West Village to perch at the Little Owl, relish in French Pinot Noir, meatball sliders, and the crispiest, most seasoned pomme frites fried in duck fat one can consume. Stroll hand in hand devouring warm chocolate chip cookies to the breathtaking Washington Square Arch that stands tall at the end of Fifth Avenue, walk into the dried up fountain and soak up the glowing ORANGE Empires Spire set to an accordions sound.

Still early, I try on wigs, masks, tacky sweaters, slinky girls scouts uniforms, and haggle with the Indian Kiosk owners who insist I buy The Romantics circa 1982 sunglasses for "goot pwice".

Empty handed but satiated nonetheless, I call it a night.

I AM BLESSED.

" A man can withstand almost anything except a succession of ordinary days."

Goethe

Could you keep up?

Minor Intelligence

"Those who pursue us are at our heels; we are weary and find no rest." Lamentations 5:5

I think I am working for a clandestine agent for the CIA.

The cameras the size of nail heads installed throughout the brownstone gave me my tip off.

The paint was still tacking.

Being under surveillance makes me more of a work horse.

I think the Bush Administration was on to something.

It's possible I was followed down the urine tunnel that conspicuously smelled of dirty Pine Sol water on my commute home. The man screaming "The End is Near" kept winking at me. Or maybe it was a twitch.

Hard to tell.

Two men from St. Vincent with their toothy grins tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I like SOUL food.

The blue haired girl in a velour jumpsuit uncrossed her legs (3 times).

I avert my eyes to the express train racing us to Times Square.

Let me act natural.

Meatloaf, potatoes, and green beans for dinner.

Make love with the lights out.

One can never be too cautious.

"Beware of pretty faces that you find

A pretty face can hide an evil mind

Ah, be careful what you say Or you'll give yourself away..." JR

Are you safe in your insanity?

Beep Beep Yeah

"Hear that uproar from the city, hear that noise from the temple! It is the sound of the LORD repaying his enemies all they deserve." Isaiah 66:6

Obama is being extremely timid and know one knows why..(Upcoming election? Healthcare bill? Lack of experience?) The Taliban is catapulting violence in our face and gaining force. Do we want the terrorist organization to take over Afghanistan? And become one step closer to us? Hell, even Ralph Nader calls him weak and incapable of standing up and protecting the American people.

I am not a happy girl.

I've heard of "acoustic bombardment" being the latest torture technique in questioning detainees. But I know a surefire way to bring em down to their knees and it has nothing to do with Britney Spears sampled tracks.

New York State Assembly Bill 3796

AN ACT to amend the vehicle and traffic law, in relation to authorizing the imposition of monetary penalties upon a registered owner of a motor vehicle engaged in excessive horn honking.

Purpose: To authorize any city with a population of one million or more to adopt and amend a local law or ordinance imposing fines on the owner of a vehicle for failure to comply with any local law prohibiting unnecessary horn honking. The summonses will be issued to the owner of the vehicle rather than to the driver and need not be served personally. Exceptions are made when the vehicle is clearly not under the responsibility and control of the owner (stolen vehicle, rented or leased vehicle).

Section 2: This act shall take effect immediately.

That's $350 fine to anyone who lays on the honker.

My day you ask?

Pouring Rain

Delivery Truck Day

Macho Contractors

Antique crystal chandeliers

Russian common language

One Way Streets

HORNS...fucking HORNS!

All day long.

Arrived at my simple and most bizarre audition to date soaking wet with a blaring headache... a flashback of a mother (me) committing suicide over from a broken heart and my bastard estranged adulterous husband. I drowned myself in a lake in the Catskills...(uh, it's October).

Despite the fact that I want to kill every single driver of any and all moving vehicles with four wheels. I'm not so far gone that want to off myself.

I told them comedies are more my style and left to drowned myself in Pinot.

Will someone please make the lambs stop crying?

Cracking the Door

"This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, or all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." Romans 2:21-25

It was really a toss up as to what I would convey today . The Desirous and published Sex Diaries of New Yorkers was a little too much to swallow and spit back up tonight, (no pun intended). Something about married men texting bisexual 20 somethings in their wives walk in closets and codependent pleasure seekers masturbating with cell phones didn't quite inspire me enough, so religion won out.

Besides to New Yorkers, Christianity is more shocking than beastiality.

So....

Disregard Reformation.

The Vatican is confusing The Bible’s context once again and continues to send mixed messages to those who are searching in their spiritual walk. The Catholic Church is looking to up their membership. In an effort to reinvigorate the church, they are opening the doors to Anglican’s for an easy transition to join the Roman Catholic Church. This enticement comes as a generous offer for the disgruntled and disheartened conservatives who do not agree with the widely acceptance of liberal theological practices such as women priests and homosexual church leaders. This conversion will allow Anglican’s to still practice Anglican liturgy but will now be allowed to enter into the full Catholic holy communion. A perk for those lost and didn’t know where to turn…. As Christians, we are to look upward, not to another man who dictates who can join what religion and to what table we can come to remember Christ’s sacrifice. It is the personal choice to turn to our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus not the appointed Pope for our next move.

Now for most Christians, this invitation may seem as though it would be a step towards unity but upon closer examination it is affirmation at the exclusion the Catholic Church continues to practice. The Apostle Paul’s words in Romans of the New Testament declare that we therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed us, for the glory of God and in John it says, “all that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.”

This is the testimony of Evangelical Christians. This should be our wanting conversion.
No rituals, no rules, no rites of passage.
Only His Reign.

Does anyone choose Catholicism anyway?

Any Given Sunday

"The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray." 1 Peter 4:7

"When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty. " Thomas Jefferson

A quiet Sunday night dinner with friends gone wild.

I was 15 years old when I descended into the damp room of my first underground "seminar" concerning the unyielding power of government conspiracy. Sixteen when I entered the closed auditorium to hear Jim Garrison speak about the buffoonery of the Warren Commission Report. And in my late 20's when I questioned just how one blown transformer could blackout nearly half of the state of New York. Mmmm.

What if the true energy of New York was generated by all the head cases who sat knee to knee and hard nose to hard head discussing the brutal truth that no matter how founded our beliefs or strong our core, we never will really be able to grasp the reality in which our government knows and controls?? The fact we all suffer from the KISS syndrome smack dab in the middle of our clueless foreheads and we the innocent public unknowingly remain in the dark is enough to make your knowledgeable head explode.

What if a small portion of studio apartments created constant fuel by questioning if GW is an evil monster or Obama the anti-Christ, if investigating 9/11 is unpatriotic and life begins at conception, if the atrocities of murderers and rapists should be punishable by a firing squad or a furnished library and how much danger we evade daily because of our presence in Afghanistan and Iraq.

What could we accomplish?

And what would happen if every single Bronx born Yankee fan with his titled brim corralling into Yankee Stadium this week knew that the bookies pockets were lined and Vegas already had the win columns marked. Sheer chaos...that's what.

There is no shadow of a doubt if we knew the New World Order, if we made acquaintance with Big Brother, if we quit waging bets knowing full well the house would always take our lot and throw us on our ass.... We'd all stop.

Quit producing. Anarchy would begin.

Yes, and all the liberal anti NRA city dwellers would go running to the hills packin heat.

Isn't ignorance blissful?

Living

"You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. Psalm 16:11

A few reasons to fall deeper in love with New York.

I can...

18: Sit on my toilet and hear the church bells toll Ave Maria.

21: Listen to a lone bagpiper under a golden yellow maple, belt from the bladder.

32: Walk across the Brooklyn Bridge awestruck , in complete silence with sun on my bare skin.

46: Buy shallots at a local farmers market and make a killer risotto for an intimate dinner party.

52: Shop for First Edition hardbacks in Dumbo Flea Market. Find a keeper.

68:Have a Maine Lobster Roll drenched in butter fresh of the griddle on the East River

74:Watch leather jacket clad Martha Stewart sample Brooklyn's brick oven Margarita Pizza and carved braseole and arugula on a baguette while walking her dog.

92: Admire Manhattan's skyline twinkle alive one light at a time.

101: Consume three bottles of wine with friends and testify still He is the Lord of Lords and King of Kings of my life.

And I can do it all in one day.

"I find that when you have a real interest in life and a curious life, that sleep is not the most important thing". - Martha Stewart

Driving or Drifting, what made today your best day yet?

Nobody Right, Nobody Wrong

"In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God." Psalm 10:4

"Let their lying lips be silenced, for with pride and contempt they speak arrogantly against the righteous." Psalm 31:8

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11:12

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." Ecclesiastes 7:8

"The arrogance of man will be brought low and the pride of men humbled; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day." Isaiah 2:17

A high and unwarranted opinion of one's self dignity, importance, and merit valued in one's mind or outward conduct is a paradoxical emotion and the ultimate "destructor" of relationships.

Haughtiness hinders humility and is in direct contrast to laying it before the cross.

We're all guilty.

"Remember you have to reach high to be risen.
The day you let go is the day you are forgiven.
So they say you got to chose your side and, when its done....nobody right. nobody wrong."

MF

So tell me, is it worth it?

All the World's a Hazard

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom." Ecclesiastes 9:10

"Acting is the perfect idiot's profession." Katherine Hepburn

No wonder I have let my writing pursuits fall by the wayside to an easier vocation.

Statistics show that widespread substance abuse is an inherent part of an actor's life.

(4 cups of coffee then Ambien)

Statistics show that rejections and no call back auditions erode self confidence and instill a poor self image.

(I need Botox)

Statistics show that oppressive heat, severe cold, smoke, chemicals, cables, and makeup are all occupational hazards which actors must endure on all sets.

(Cough, wheeze, trip,)

Statistics show that many beginning union actors average $6,000 in yearly salaries.

(1/3 of East Village Rent)

Statistics show that the negative effects of long hours and cramped quarters weigh heavily on actors physical and mental health.

( I will hurt myself or others in my path, if I don't get some sleep)

Statistics show that many actor's suffer from severe anxiety from the intermittent employment.

(WHHHYYY aren't they calling me?)

An actor has to be self disciplined, passionate, creative, imaginative, voracious, tough skinned, confident, motivated, self-sacrificing, and above all else...entertaining.

They will spend countless hours in the trenches as extras before landing their first two lined bit which may or may not land them in a better gig, only to be bypassed by a less talented actor because her ass sits higher.

With all self-deprecating humor/truth aside, I would not have spent the last eleven hours folded up in a jury box acting like a schizo voyeur at a ping pong match eyeballing defense attorney and witness to defense attorney to witness for the benefit of the camera op, if I didn't dig the work.

Oh yes, and honing my craft..I will get to soon enough.

To dream the impossible dream ...
To fight the unbeatable foe ...
To bear with unbearable sorrow ...
To run where the brave dare not go ...
To right the unrightable wrong ...
To love pure and chaste from afar ...
To try when your arms are too weary ...
To reach the unreachable star.

This is my quest.

Man of La Mancha

Aren't they all just baby steps towards our final curtain call?

Up For the Challenge. Down for the Count.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Ephesians 3:25

In the last ten months, I have worked well beyond the strength I thought I had in me to keep my marriage afloat. Turns out I married a man with limitless love and strength to fight even harder.

Here's to a relentlessly trying and ridiculously rewarding four years..On to a night of saucy spooning and comforting rest. I'm whooped.

Happy Anniversary to my crazy life partner. And kudos to me for standing firm.

What is your hardest accomplishment to date?

Work in Progress

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21

Boys, you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Don't be resigned to that. Break out!
Now we all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own, even though others may think them odd or unpopular, even though the herd may go...

-John Keating

These two quotes from the classic Dead Poet's Society were the real fat I wanted to chew.

The Dan Savage video citing Deuteronomy as an argument for gay marriage...

Angry zealot bible beaters up in arms over ABC's well use of New Testament scripture regarding homosexuality and acceptance...

Holy Vatican making room for Anglicans whom are upset over gay leaders in church and want to become Catholic...

These were the abhorrent aggravations I mulled over on just why we all continue to use The Bible to dictate who is doing wrong when we can't seem to do right ourselves?

Are you perfect in every way?

Attitude Adjustment Bureau

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3

Now I know a fine Irishmen from Massachusetts who is built tough. Broad shoulders, chiseled jaw, gorgeous grin, and a down to earth infectious spirit that make you want to be near him. Today, I met another one.

You've heard of mood swings right? How about morale swings?

They are similar to the evil former but with a devastating difference.

Morale swings drastically plunge at the drop of a boot and rapidly rise in a eyelash flutter.

While they are fleeting, the flooring and soaring is too too INTENSE.

It's five in the morning. I'm on a BK bound F Train to Dumbo playing another blue collar political supporter in a suspense thriller. It's cold and a cattle call. No waiver wages. And the East River has white caps. Runny eggs in the dark and lukewarm coffee out of an old Igloo cooler. Wander through the heatless tent searching for elbow room and find my corner in between the wardrobe and in the line of fire of the screeching production assistant with a megaphone. Run into a buxom blond whom I've worked with before. I tell her my woes of not getting union work. She pats me on my back and delivers her wondrous news that she just landed a part on the show I'm seeking. I put my head down only to be alerted with snapping fingers from the crazy train across from me telling me she will entertain me to keep me awake. Great.

I tell her I'm praying. And then I do.

Lord, what the hell am I doing?

It's six in the evening. I'm standing on the promenade under the remarkable Brooklyn Bridge. Staring out at a setting sun over a clear blue view of downtown Manhattan. My cheeks are pink from the 65 degree (heat) that lingered all day. I've shaken Matt Damon's hand four times and patted him on the ass, just kidding, the back a handful of times. He grabs my elbow and smiles. We both agree Red Sox rock. Stop the shot for an audio break as Marine One flies over and lands at South Street Port. I lean over the edge of the railing as the East River laps against the boardwalk, the coast guards mans the water and President Obama's motorcades pulls in to load him up and take him away from his PR stop in NY Another actor grabs me as I'm downing an endless supply of jelly belly's as we are wrapping at a reasonable hour. She tells me I had serious face time on Ugly Betty's premier.

My phone rings. I get a call to work Friday.

I bow my head.

Lord, thank you for all you're doing.

How you like them apples?

**Good Will Hunting

Blond Ambition

"In everything he did he had great success, because the LORD was with him." 1 Samuel 18:14

Is ambition innate?

Can drive be learned?

It can certainly be emulated.

But the internal desire for success is something people have or lack.

I had this discussion concerning my inclinations with a high powered, extremely successful mom of three Korean career women jamming down Columbus Ave in her Audi on the way to a million dollar presentation.

In all of her years, even the formative one, success was the only option! This according to her parents. With a lineage of doctor's, lawyers, and deans before her, the pressure was astounding. Intense Motivation is all she knows and the only direction she goes.

This was thrilling and sad at the same time as it made me think of a familiar fairy tale I once read:

Once upon a time a baby girl was born on a cool Friday morning in the Lonestar state.

And her daddy rocked her in his arms and her mama sang to her lovingly.

They poured out their affection. They rejoiced in their blessings. The future was wide open.

But just being babies themselves, they found that life got in the way. Dreams didn't come to fruition. Careers didn't necessarily soar. Relationships didn't last. The money ran out.

Amongst the chaos of soul searching and life building, they looked to their little promise to lend them moral support, constant comfort, and a stiff allegiance; Often pulling her in different directions and making claims of being a "bad" daughter if she didn't come well over to their side tipping the scales and continuously rocking the boat. This pressure was often uncomfortable for the girl stuck in the middle. The years went on and the Texas Tumbleweed went where the wind blew her seeking out her own self-reliant life. Not quite "letting go" of their baby and always wanting what is best for her, mom and dad sometimes unknowingly tried to anchor her by dissuading independent thought. This was not to discourage her but to enable them and their continuing aspirations. The cycle continued....

Until one day when the adult woman awoke from a guilt ridden trance and realized this was her chance at her own future, fun, and fuck-ups. And this was OK.

The love is and will remain the same.

Even the comments like some dreams are too big and what dreams do you really have won't shut my mouth from singing....

"I am a promise. I am a possibility

I am a promise with a capital "P"
I am a great big bundle of potentiality
And I am learnin' to hear God's voice. And I am tryin' to make the right choice
I am a promise to be anything God wants me to be.
I can go anywhere that He wants me to go
I can be anything He wants me to be.
I can climb the high mountains. I can cross the wide sea
I'm a great big promise you see!"

Do you believe in you?

Impenetrable Shell

"Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own." Proverbs 26:17

Woke up humming on the Oyster Bay Line.

"The New Times, the Daily News.. Ohhh.

It comes down to reality, which is fine with me,

cause I've let is slide."

Lying down SCREAMING....

"You can speak your mind

But not on my time.

I don't need you to tell me it's time to come home.
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone." BJ

What's up with the direction in life people think I should be taking...

Haven't they heard the saying everyone has their own path?

Or is misery loves company the only one that rings a bell?

Let it be known, mine is a follower of Jesus on a less than broad course at a pace I set.

And sometimes I like to be ALONE.

And moreover, what's this conspiracy about me and my husband living in Brooklyn?

It's as though the foot loose and fancy free singles are trying to push all of us coupled off could be stroller pushers to the city's equivalent of the suburbs. Encouraging us with the ample space and tempting us with the possible quarter of a postage stamp mud yard. Standing there with pity in their knowing eyes that we have settled down to a lifetime of boring sex saying the phrase. "Shhh, Baby is Sleeping."

No thanks. I'll pass. I have years to stay home all weekend in sweatpants discussing poopy diapers, carpool drool, first steps, and pining for the days I slept through the night....

But for now I'll take Manhattan. I'll remain out or crawl in . I'll work thirteen hours a day. I'll sleep for more. I will shop for the pair of us. I'll drink two three cups of coffee and or wine in the daylight hours.

I'll squeeze in between the strollers traversing neck and neck down the narrow avenues and I'll run ahead. I will live my dream for me and my family of two I've already started. And I will recoil and retract like a scared turtle and shut down if people continue to try to dictate my choices to serve their purpose or bruised egos.

And finally. The obsession with when and if I will procreate has me baffled.

Traveled to Long Island for a friend's baby's baptism this AM. In between the children's children's children sipping bloody Mary's in between screams, cries, and giggles, I stood there rocking a newborn.

The gracious host who raised seven, grabs my precious cargo filled arm and says,"You look good with a baby, you should get started," meanwhile her significant other who has afforded himself a restored vintage Morgan in his garage, a breathtaking schooner in the bay, and yearly bare boat cruises in the French Polynesia tells me "it's never a good time to have children, you just do it."

And instead of replying with my normal someday...

I gave him my best New Yorker cartoon caption comeback.

"I'm not comfortable bringing a child into this income."

Issue circumvented.

If your learning to face your path at your pace, isn't every choice worth your while?

-Indigo Girls

Choice-The Operative Word

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." Psalm

51:2

The ancient radiators have officially kicked on and will remain at a constant hiss for the next 6 months..

Goodbye flips. Hello Uggs. Man I needed this day.

Could have started this cool Saturday morning with two crisp apples, hot cinnamon cider donuts, and a walk around Union Square Green Market. Might have began the weekend with a large MUD coffee and their specialty buttermilk pancakes with thick maple syrup spilling over the edge before I strolled to the flea market in Madison Square Park. Thought hard about grabbing a Balthazaar latte and almond croissant and hopping the express to take in the color at Central Park Reservoir. Could have savored the nutella and marscapone cheese crepes they make on the corner of St. Mark's as a appetizer to an afternoon at a Tim Burton exhibition at MOMA. Wanted to make the dripping cheese and chocolate fondue run this AM before touring the art galleries at Highline. Considered treating the new New Yorker in me to a $20+ Bloody Mary at the Top of the Rock using the spectacular view as a reminder of all that can be accomplished.

Instead. I slept the sleep of the dead until 11:30 as the wind blew against my windows. Made waffles and sausage in my fleece. Sang the young Irish anger of Sinead circa 1988 at the top of my lungs. And consummated my marriage again.

Doesn't doing a whole lot of nothing feel a whole lot of good?

Let It Begin..

"Let us break their chains," they say, "and throw off their fetters." Psalm 2:3

New York City is where the wild things are...

Three back to back sold out shows took all us thirty somethings into a nostalgic gleeful state as Spike Zones led us into a fantastical imagination land and through a range of high joys, low sorrows, and some serious wild rumpus!

"Inside all of us is a wild thing." Maurice Sendak

Have you let yours out to play?

GET BUSY!

"Dishonest money dwindles away, but he who gathers money little by little makes it grow." Proverbs 13:11

Do you want to take a picture of a stove top?

These are the words written in the fifth or sixth paragraph of the beautifully written article in The New Yorker. I am reading it dripping wet and exhausted from carrying two heavy bags of rejects to any and every thrift shop south of 14th. The temperature has dropped 15 degrees from yesterday aS the sky continues to leak heavily. Apparently New York used clothing is not open for business in the rain because every single storefront is closed with a metal pull down.

I continue to peruse The New Yorker in my 10 minute workout before work..with the soaked through bags beside me.

The picturesque stovetop is not electric, nor gas. It's hypothetical.

Imagine 4 burners.

One is family. Two is friends. Three equals health. And four is work.

In order to be mildly successful, you shut one off.

In order to be wildly successful, you shut off two....

Which do you choose?

Courtesy of a fave, David Sedaris.

Don't know about you.But I want success.

Shoo Wee. Got me thinking. It has to be one.

I turn the page and an infamous cartoon sketches a scene of office cubicles all stacked on top of one another with ball point pens laying idle and computer screens powered down. On top of each wood facade is an identically clad "punch the card" employee lying out supine with arms folded gazing up at the ceiling.

The caption reads:

Look, that one looks like a florescent light.

Stunned. I start thinking about productivity. The amount of energy generated.

The fact New Yorkers already and almost pay ten percent sales tax.

It is abundantly clear. WE CAN NOT CONTINUE TO TAX PRODUCTIVITY. The harder you work, the more you are taxed. No, let's tax consumption. And the group of themfolk who continue to suck down their Extreme Large sugar filled diabetes onset Slurpee and glazed and icing covered fried dough in front of the boob tube can pay for what they get.

FAIR TAX! Whoop. Whoop.

In the words of my local boys...

"You need to get up, get out and get something, don't let the days of your life pass by.

You need to get up, get out and get something, don't spend all you time, trying to get high."

OUTCAST

“It is the working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is the miserable man.” BF

Who do you support?

Flora and Fame

"All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever." 1 Peter 24-25

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nan

Here's what is fun. Spending money.

Here's what' s more fun: Spending other people's money.

Now I have the slightest understanding of what got Bernie Madoff's rocks off...

And a clearer picture of why people continue to vote Democrat.

Being the dutiful employee, I met my boss this morning in the gritty petal covered streets of New York City's century old Flower District. Not a bad place to start a crisp sunny morning. Walking more than a city block though a verdant and fragrant floral oasis, I caught my first glimpse and scent of fall colors. Not just Chrysanthemums, Black Eyed Susan's, and Golden Rod but an abundance of Amaryllis', Gerber's, Peonies, Lillie's, Irises, Hydrangeas, Sunflowers, and Grapevine, all colorfully crowded the bustling sidewalk of West 28th competing with the men unloading pallets of waxy green leafed plants from South America and the southern like.

Absolutely taken with the breathtaking scenery it was hard to believe they had already been 'picked over' by the early bird florists and restaurateurs there well before sunrise.

Rushing to get ahead of the second wave...we frantically began our mission:

To buy in plenty for clients.

For the first time with every swipe of the credit card, I felt at ease.

Ceramic pots, dripping jade, reaching palms, blown glass ornamentals, sweet succulents, bundled roses, budding orchids, lucky money plants all rung up, bagged up, and shipped to the proud new owners...

And then on to luxury bedding...cotton, cashmere, silk, bamboo, linen... You get the picture.

My decadent day received a topped off cherry evening end as my best "serious Mariska-like face" filled the small silver screen in an SVU jury box.

Between the two, I'm at a loss as to which brought the most joy...

You know. I think he was right when he sang.."You belong among the Wildflowers." TP

Is any of it worth it, if it all fades?

It's All Lovely

"You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one." John 8:15"

Because the streets are alive with the sound of Boom Bap, can I hear it once again! Boom Bap tell your neighbor tell a friend every flower got a right to be bloomin'!

Stay Human... Cause all the freaky people make the beauty in the world!" MF

The pressures of a daily blog weigh heavily at 1 AM.

As if the smell of winter has not already paralyzed my motivation.

Writer's Block continues to plague my mind..

Not even the Middle Eastern stationary store owner, nor the afro donning black New Yorker tired from all her sex last night, nor the cougar aged woman with tens of piercings stitched with a ribbon up her legs, or the 4 foot 50 year old dressed as a leprechaun with an Irish bowler on the subway, nor the blonde's from Amsterdam puffing on the Hookah on 2nd, or the Puerto Rican Indian who helped me mail my resume to All My Children, As the World Turns, and One Life to Live could serve as a muse.

Drinks with my hot mess Canadian Jew friend was oh so close.

Maybe tomorrow I will get so intoxicated that the William S. Burroughs stuffed inside of me will bleed out.

Accusations aside...What if we really did only see in black and white?

What If?

"The length of our days is seventy years— or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away." Psalm 90:10

Do you think Portugal's Court has regrets??

Resigned to not having one I wallow in...I reflect.

"One's real life is often the life that one does not lead” Oscar Wilde

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” Sydney Smith

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons." Jim Rohn

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.” Mercedes Lackey

"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” Fulton Ousler

“I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life had been like if I'd just been myself.”

Brittany Renée

"I would rather regret the things that I have done than the things that I have not." Lucille Ball

"This is the book I never read, These are the words I never said, This is the path I'll never tread. These are the dreams I'll dream instead... "Annie Lenox

WHY?

Moon Shine Sunday

"On this mountain the LORD Almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples, a banquet of aged wine— the best of meats and the finest of wines." Isaiah 25:6

WHISKEY REBELLION in New York City!!!! Get a rope....

Ahh silky sweet bourbon. It might be the drink of SEC Football, but today (two hours after noon) about fifty "New Yorker's" got certifiably schooled on the differences between Bourbon, Whiskey, Scotch, and SOCO on sleek leather couches in the meatpacking district.

And just for being a fan of Knob Creek, a shiny rooting tooting FULL flask to go...

It's Food and Wine Fest in Manhattan. Guess which class won out.?

--Bull Steers, Belt buckles, BBQ, and BOURBON...bountiful BOURBON.

The number one differentiating factor in the brown straight to your head syrup?

BOURBON is 100% American.

Did you know Scotch is aged in our charred oak barrels left over from the Bourbon aging process? All bourbon is whiskey. All whiskey is not bourbon. And Southern Comfort ain't either.At least 51% must be corn...to be true rocking chair bourbon.

From not your Mama's Manhattan to 80 proof, into a ten year old 130 shot of punch your face.

Today I was button bustin, boot stompin, proud to be from the South and stumbled home

smiling over yonder in the Wild Wild, East Village.

"Well a city slicker came and he said "I'm tough"
I think I wanna taste that powerful stuff
He took one g-g-glug and drank it right down
And I heard him a moaning as he hit the ground
Mighty, mighty pleasin, pappy's corn squeezin'
Whshhhoooh . . . white lightnin'" GJ

Whens the last time you drank in your heritage?

But It Don't Sing and Dance

"Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me." Psalm 119:133

Just to name a few:

Platoon

Wall Street

Talk Radio

Born on the Fourth of July

The Doors

Any Given Sunday

Natural Born Killers

JFK

Nixon

Alexander

And Joining Wall Street 2 already in production..

Not only is Gordon Gecko out of jail with a gorgeous head of silver hair and back in NYC...he's had a jailhouse conversion. And none of those deadly sins appeal to him anymore.

Another 13 hours on set "acting" as if I'm down on capitalism and having Oliver Stone brush my arm, while tripping over PA's lusting after the augmented Italian youth beside me.

No craft services for the last 8 hours and gluttony is sounding pretty good.

If the acting dream doesn't reach fruition. There is always SET CHAPLAIN.

**Agreed on by the best two seat mates a girl could ask for...

How are greed and attachment working for you?

Irena's List

"How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame ? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods ? Selah" Psalm 4:2

I didn't want to start my morning like this....

I haven't felt this alone or detached from people in a long time. While many of my peers are rejoicing smugly in victory for the awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize to their leader, I am literally holding my head over the keyboard in tears of anger.We are such a lost nation asleep at the wheel.

Not only is this award grossly premature and does not recognize ANY concrete achievement as he was only in office 2 WEEKS before the nomination but seems to be given in haste about his promises to come. AAAHHHH. This sheds even more light on the fact, that the blind with loud mouths are in love with the ILLUSION of Barak Obama.

“Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world’s attention and given its people hope for a better future,” Thorbjoern Jagland, chairman of the Nobel Committee said.

GOD. Give me a shot in the arm now and put me out of my misery.

2002-Carter

2007-Gore The inventor of the Internet

2009-Obama

THREE LIBERAL DEMOCRATS.

Awareness of Climate change and Charismatic speaking are far from worthy.....

You want to hear a story about someone deeply worthy of receiving the Nobel Peace Price?

------During World War II Irena Sendlerowa was an activist in the Polish Underground and the Polish anti-Holocaust resistance in Warsaw. She helped save 2,500 Jewish children from the Warsaw Ghetto by providing them false documents and sheltering them in group children’s homes outside the Ghetto. Sendlerowa organized a small group of social workers to smuggle the children to safety. As an employee of the Social Welfare Department, she had a special permit to enter the Warsaw Ghetto, to check for signs of typhus, something the Nazis feared would spread beyond the ghetto. Irena Sendlerowa and her team smuggled the children out by variously hiding them in ambulances, taking them through the sewer pipes or other underground passageways, wheeling them out on a trolley in suitcases or boxes…Some were smuggled out in workmen’s toolbags one by one.....Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of her tool box she carried, and she also carried in the back of her truck a Burlap sack, (for larger kids). She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers, of course, wanted nothing to do with the dog, and the barking covered the kids and infants crying noises.

Irena Sendlerowa was arrested in October 1943 and taken to Gestapo headquarters where she was beaten. Her legs and feet were broken and she was then driven away to be executed. But a rucksack of dollars paid by Zegota secured her release. Underground colleagues bribed a guard to free her at the last minute and list her as “executed.” She was knocked unconscious and left by the roadside. She had to use crutches as a result of her injuries for the rest of her life… She continued her work from hiding.

When the war ended, Irena Sendlerowa retrieved the bottles in which she’d hidden her index of names and began searching for the real parents. Irena Sendlerowa noted the names of the children on cigarette papers, twice for security, and sealed them in two glass bottles, which she buried in a colleague’s garden.After the war the bottles were dug up and the lists handed to Jewish representatives. Attempts were made to reunite the children with their families but most of them had perished in concentration camps....Mrs Sendlerowa was up for the Nobel Peace Prize for rescuing “the most defenseless victims of the Nazi ideology - the Jewish children”, saying in an interview,“I was brought up to believe that a person must be rescued when drowning, regardless of religion and nationality.”-------

***Courtesy of avideditor.worldpress.com, planetearthpeaceparty.com, and aushwitz.dk

In 2007, she was passed over for a video.

And died in 2008 from pnuemonia in Warsaw, Poland.

WILL YOU PLEASE OPEN YOUR EYES???

Grounded

Elijah went before the people and said, "How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him." But the people said nothing." 1 Kings 18:21

Would it be too conspiracy theorist like to think that all the solo dancers with horn rimmed glasses on each block dancing to their own groove were planted just to make me smile on this work less day or are they rehearsing for yet another IPOD commercial?

AND

Is it a clear sign that something has gone awry when four SWAT with AK-47's around their neck are poised on the 2,3 platform while hardworking MTA workers poke their head in every trashcan and run their hands over every drain?

AND

Should I have worried more for the FedEx Kinko's employees who couldn't calm the paranoid schizophrenic blue eye shadowed woman in a cloak accusing all of them for throwing away her identity even after they humored her and checked under all the counters?

These are a sample of questions on my mind on just another Manhattan morning.

Days off are overrated. So I'm held up at B Cup Cafe hammering out yet another resume to kiss and pray over before I send it off in an eye-catching red envelope to the Colbert Report with Neil Young's comfort providing a gentle push.

Its high time for some moral commentary that doesn't immediately get put into a left spin or a coiffed right wing box.

I understand I am getting older and following in the path that so many hippies turned yuppie turned baby boomer skipped, strutted, and strolled down. But I wish there were more woman telling 12 year old girls their worth is more than giving head with different colored lipsticks to other prepubescent boys. I resent that Christianity is equated with small minded people who aren't well read. I believe we should be hearing from equals who believe that Capitalism and prosperity are attributes to this country. Greed is the evil and soils success. I think the tide needs to turn from Religion and Hypocrisy being synonymous to Faith and Freedom going hand in hand.

I believe in marriage. I believe drugs should be legal. I believe in the right for a woman to choose. I believe in personal responsibility. I believe in funding the Arts in public schools. I believe Universal Healthcare will be a step towards a socialist government. I believe that knowledge can change behavior generation to generation. I believe America is the greatest country in the world and those who do not agree, should not stay. I believe people are people.

Most of all, I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and one drop of His blood saves us all.

I want to hear these sentiments from a blond, free spirit, Christian commentator who is firm in her beliefs, is not swayed by popular opinion, does not back down despite the unwarranted ridicule, and thinks self deprecating humor is the best medicine for a country that has lost her sense of humor.

This would be fresh ....and I know just the gal to do it.

Colbert, call me.

Are your beliefs on solid rock or sinking sand?

I'm Molting

"He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit."

Do you know how I know He is the Lord of Lord and King of Kings? Just reading those words under my breath, I am convicted with thanksgiving and praise, and I cry with gladness for my assurance in Him forever.

Have you ever seen a snake shed it's skin?

Like a worn out crusty sock removed from a sweaty foot...

Or a Cicada leave its entire exoskeleton clinging to a warped wooden dock?

It is one of the most fascinating necessities as it enables the growth process. And it happens quite often..

Shuddering to envision the volume of hair and skin humans shed in a year, I started thinking about sloughing off the old to make room for the new....as our favorite hip hop white boy motivated me with his diddy.

I'm sorry mama, I never meant to hurt you, I never meant to make you cry, but tonight i'm

cleanin' out my closet...

I can't begin to imagine where the clothing purchases I made in the last decade ended up; but between living on three continents and one island over the last twelve years, somehow in my pilgrimage to the fashionista capital of the world, everything I owned when I was 20 and 20 lbs heavier (team mom days) showed up in my limited three feet wide closet.

From the sweat stained white t-'s I was waiting to bleach, to I loved this top in the 80's, skirts missing buttons, and of course the how the hell did I use to dress like an Ann Taylor tight assed Junior Leaguer comments?

I've been dressing the age, my forehead appears to be, for way too long.

So yesterday with the help of my style savvy sweetheart, we began the mildly uncomfortable, way overdue expurgation. Reading somewhere that oxygen and water are important for successful molting, we settled for chocolate and wine and cleansed deeply.

And in the rehabilitation of my old and scaly worn from everyday wear and tear wardrobe, I discovered it wasn't necessarily that I enjoyed emulating suburban school marms or a sorority house sexpot circa 1985, nor that I have no creative concept of fashion (although that could be argued), it was that I was holding on to the friends I've made (my Chuck Taylors since I was 16) and the memories of just how far I've come....

Isn't it about time for a rousing revival??

Setting Up Camp

"Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle." Psalm 107.4

Me and eight million others on the other hand are thriving.

Riddle me this. If a cabbie is screaming through traffic on a cross town street and suddenly slams on the brakes, throwing me into the floorboards, spilling the entire contents of my bag, and breaking the porcelain coral lamp I was hand delivering, is it his fault?

His reply...negative.

Here's the grand ole' news. The ONE item on my life list which could have conceivably had a cumbersome "what if" proceeding it for the rest of my Earthly duration, has been accomplished. ..

Nope, not pregnant.

But if it is God's Will, by the end of this week, I'll be down one weighty mortgage.

And come spring, Lord Willing, strictly a roaming renter....

And settled, well that's all very relative.

"I tell you every street's a boulevard in old New York
Every street's a highway of your dreams...
Every street's a boulevard in old New York
Streets are paved with happiness in old New York
We're proud you're a part of it
We're happy that you came.
Each sidewalk is a concrete path to fame..In this great metropolis called New York town."

Dean Martin

Do you pitch your tent by instinct or inspiration?

Blue Skies, Fair Winds

" Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-39

An Eastern European woman sat down next to me on a worn wooden bench waiting for the Rockaway bound L train and made the standard small talk approach... "Beautiful Day, isn't it?" I looked up from my liberally written article in New York Magazine and gave my best Stepford Wife reply. "Why yes, it's simply wonderful fall weather."

Satisfied with my warm response, she prodded. "Let me ask you a question? Could you stand to make more money?"

Here we go...

"Doing what?" I smugly asked..

"Simple, working with people."

"I don't like people." And with that I squeezed in between a healthy herd of them all celebrating quitting time.

Job description still unknown....

Do you ever have those abundantly filled days when you truly love and embrace mankind?

Those days where you honor people, their existence in the world, their family of origin, and recognize that all of us will have a demise and success? Not withstanding, we each have two eyes, two ears, one nose, one mouth and share the same range of emotions.

Oh the days when you pull way back and hover over this remarkable blue and green Earth, see it for one planet, one people, and decide the conflict that runs ramped amongst us like beings is impossible to fathom or understand.

Like it or not. Same Creator. Same blood. Same fight at life.

Yes, it pains me that most people's counter argument to my faith is that most terror, war, violence, hate, is about whose God reigns. And while this is true, this is man's pride, not God's problem. And we can change that. Don't we know someone who had the idea long before...Imagine all the people living life in peace?

Today, not even the Middle Eastern cabbie yelling in my face that I had no sense could pierce my mood. Yep, it's days like these when the sage request of Rodney King speaks volumes and my tolerance threshold is vast.

Sometimes I don't speak too bright
but yet I know what I'm talking about
Why can't we be friends? WAR

Would you feel the same way if you had Monday off?

Blessed Right Now

“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.” Proverbs 27:1

A pair of scuffed red Doc Martens laced up mid calf stand on acorn littered cobblestones, leopard tights cling to her just right round knees. The kiss me scarlet shade of blood lipstick pops in contrast against her black and bright white habit. A burnt Marlboro in one hand and worn Holy Bible in the other. St. Mark's Episcopal Church tower casts a shadow over the park and the live bodies scatter themselves in the historic graveyard with their feet resting on tombstones and their Macs powered on.

I wonder if it is feasible for us to shock our God anymore.

The risky nun pulls back her habit to scratch her scalp and the word ZANY is shaved into her head just above her right temple. She catches my eye and sticks her ring less finger up her nose.

I alter my focus to two teenage girls in acid washed jeans, leather spiked wristbands and flashdance neckline T's meet the pizza delivery guy at the threshold of the cathedral and five or six obese pigeons take flight as the saxophonist squeaks his Avant Garde Jazz. An artist beside me sketches the outline of the stone facade.

I take a moment when I can get it. Close my eyes. And breathe.

Apart from an 11:47 AM wake up call. A Jeremy Piven poached egg and sausage spotting brunch. Unabashed banter with two beautiful girls baring their hearts and living their lives fully. A Magic Hat swallow (yes, I said it and meant it, I drink enough of these to drowned all the grotesquely large rats in New York City). My roller coaster mate grabbing my hand and thanking me for bringing him here. And with my soft and truer than true words, "Thanks for coming" still lingering. I find a half vacant park bench, watch NY move with endless energy, and remember why I leaped in the first place.

No time for the complexities of conversation
No time smiles, no time for knowing
No time for the intricacies of explanation
No time for sharing, even less for showing
If I could I'd slow the whole world down
I'd bring it to it's knees
I'd stop it spinning round
But as it is
I'm climbing up an endless wall
No time at all
No time this time. The Police

You're still young. The Ginkgo's are still green...but for how much longer?

Our Town

"As you enter the home, give it your greeting." Matthew 10:12

"Want a man with a scar on his face and a peg leg
Drives his cab fifteen miles per hour down Broadway
Looks at me with his crooked smile while Gershwin plays
Hits his breaks and points out the freaks on St. Mark`s place
Here we go
Its the rhythm of the rain that falls
Its a cab ride at five a.m.
Manhattan goddess with your Levis and curls
New York City I`m coming home again..." MOE

Thank you Anna.It's 4 AM and I am starting to see a reckless trend of playtime interfering with reflection time...

It's the rain, the Chinatown Karaoke, the wooing of the wet rosso wine from Italians on Mulberry, the old school Ice Cube groove and the Filipino prance in a kind bud filled speakeasy that occupies my mind and keeps me from my home.

No wonder my husband and I are sombering so soundly in a double bed. We're sleep deprived.

It's a full moon and the freaks come out at night. What did you expect?

Auction Block Attitude

"You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:20

Casting Directors are the buyers.

Casting Agencies are the sellers.

Actors are the product.

And me, I'm fresh meat.

After spending 13 hours(union pay hooray) on Nurse Jackie as a hard working, ass kicking, scrub wearing nurse, I may have just been purchased for the right price.

-"I love acting. It is so much more real than life." Oscar Wilde

Do you sell yourself short or sky-high?

If You Can't Beat Em'

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

1 Corinthians 15:8

"Don't let any man into your cab, your home, or your heart, unless he's a friend of labor." Jimmy Hoffa

---These wise words carried by the cold wind from the depths of the East River...

For a southern girl, it is hard to believe I am drinking a cup of hot chocolate in a fleece sweatshirt listening to live Contemporary Folk cuddled on a stoop the first of October.

Here's to my first heavily layered Fall in the northeast...

Have I mentioned that I am emphatically infatuated with this exhilarating prematurely cold town? I Heart NYC is not just a sentiment shared by visitors or transplants, it runs through the veins of all who call it home.

Where else can I run smack into Psycho Killer Talking Head himself David Byrne on his bicycle during my morning commute or run lines with a successful Broadway actor on the long evening trip homeward bound....

I joyfully joined the America Federation for Television and Radio Artists Union today.

Yes, I'm a changed woman.... And soon I will be able to afford to heart NYC that much more.

My grandpa would be so proud. He was the owner of WRBL Television, one of the oldest stations in Columbus, Georgia, and WRBL Radio, a CBS affiliate until his untimely and controversial death in 1977, and he unknowingly passed the entertainment bug along to me, as my honest affinity for it is literally in my blood.

And Who Knew? After enduring nine years in the broadcast world, I could be payed and protected by a talent union.

Not only better dough but more importantly better food.

Now I am free to finally shine as an eccentric conservative correspondent on the Colbert Report and gain a contingency of diehard freak followers as a dramatic damsel in distress on All My Children.

It's my way of leaning a little to the left...and moving up in the world.

Does membership have it's privileges?