And A New Chance...

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

As much as I thrive on man made mania, organic organisms and out in the front expose your self.....HERE I AM is the the purest of pures and the closest to who we want to be all the time in God's Image.

What a year!

Thank you for this beautifully burning ancient pile of memory ashes blazing this fire in the authentic warmth of this room.

Hallelujah for the come to pass, Hallelujah for the yet to come.

Happy New Years.

In Him, we've been made new.

Another chance....and your change will be...?

Stellar Performance

"Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?" Luke 12:26

"There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time."

Malcolm X

Alarm.

Angst.

No food in fridge.

Squeeze Clearasil on my stress.

Grab a barstool amongst the hipsters without day jobs.

Pay too much for a teacup full of yogurt, wash it down with a full to the brim Americano.

Buy a box of organic cookies from Compost dirt..Mmmm.

Pick up the New Yorker and question who was indeed the greatest monster to chickens everywhere... General Tso or Colonel Sanders?

Deny myself the free Flock of Seagulls Album on a stoop,

1. No room

2. No turntable

More Worry.

Diarrhea this time.

Yell unnecessarily at my best friend.

This clock is lying!!

Pull on my all for show stiletto boots, slip on ice and collide with the harmonica playing drag queen at the F/V Entrance.

Devour leftover spaghetti on the subway platform.

Butterflies.

Get to my destination by the skin of my not brushed teeth.

Powder the freezing cold Roman nose.

Audition for a Nick at Night Commercial for all of 7 minutes....

The Casting Agent tells me I make her nervous.

Chinatown Dumplings and Laundromat Blues for me tonight.

You gotta give a little? Take a little?

Fall flat on your face a little?

Shin, Shin, Punch, Punch

"Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Timothy 6:12

Whoo Hoo a New York college got a little bud of stimulus cash to investigate the combined effect of Malt Liquor and Marijuana on young adults. Who gets to be part of the case study?

And as if watching Precious and the tragedy of an illiterate, overweight, victim of incest Harlem girl's life battle was not oppressive enough, as the credits roll, we must endure a toe to toe expletive ridden argument between a highly inappropriate Mexican couple and a horrendously irresponsible pair who brought their five year old to an NC-17 spotlight on the horrific. Where is Rodney King and his catchy saying when we need him?

Three gals can't get to a French Bistro,sip our wine, and discuss the sexuality of our Parisian server like dignified human beings quick enough....

And speaking of enough. Enough is Enough.

Its time to bust out the big guns. I have loose ideas but just like writing research papers I have a hard time manufacturing a thought into a fleshy tangible product.

Therefore I have called on the assistance of my second favorite comedian (first being my husband according to our vows) and well respected right of the left writer.

Please enjoy some of his work:

It is time to take Freedom of Peach into the streets of New York and into the hearts of its equally opinionated occupants. Regardless of their adverse reactions, I will air my beliefs and follow suit in the spirit of their favorite hero and call a beer summit if any body's feelings are hurt. I must ask the hard fact finding questions,...

For Example:

Every single day delivery trucks pull onto St. Mark's Place to deliver frozen meat pies, cases of eggs, kegs of beer, fresh fish, and various head shop glass wares to revenue building shopkeepers. And the abusing power Traffic Enforcement is there waiting to write them double parking tickets...

I yell at my window...Not, can't the city come up with an alternative for these necessary means but.....What Would Jesus Do?? I get the finger from the man in blue...

Now where I come from...them's fighting words..

Can you believe this town?

Neutralizing Paralysis

"Nothing on earth is his equal— a creature without fear." Job 41:3

Just turned down a male enhancement infomercial where I discuss with my girlfriends how disappointed I was with Man A and his unsatisfying smallness but delighted with Man B and his wildly wonderful girth.

Premiering my multiple partner sex life simply is not on my path toward success.

"The dream is a spontaneous happening and therefore dangerous to a control system set-up by the non-dreamers" William S. Burroughs

My big plans for my workless Monday fell flat with a lack of determined direction. My internal voice whispered to my protective spirit in a condescending tone and my heavy eyes closed until noon, blacking out the opportunities of colorful content a stroll down Avenue A can bring. Now, I'm chasing the sunlight with an anxious pursuit of I'm just not focused enough.

"The worst thing that being an artist could do to you would be that it would make you slightly unhappy constantly." J.D. Salinger

Alas, writing indoors can be so isolating.

So baking bread in my little domesticated East Village hole while the eccentricities of Manhattan twirl and spiral about , I boringly turn on the boob tube for company and am immediately sucked into back to back Inside the Actor's Studio episodes.

Legendary Goldie Hawn tells me not to give up on my creativity, to keep writing even if there is no one who cares what I have to say or I am discouraged by my own defeated thoughts, because one day someone will hear me and when they do.....I'll just worry about the next time they will. Creativity must never cease.

Sarah Jessica Parker's interview, obviously highlighted her supreme reign as Carrie Bradshaw on Sex in the City, struck me with an uneasy and unrealistic blow. This high fashion quasi celebrity takes an entire week to brunch, bar hop, boink, and bemuse her fabulous NY surroundings before composing them into one weekly observation featured column. Now, who the hell can't handle that... which again puts another mark in the loss column for writing a daily blog while working. The entertainment value wanes.

"If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot." Stephen King

Between life sustaining labors of love, cash catching and career composing, I search for a balancing moment to relish in one of my favorite indulgences, the observation of character and the escape into the clever minds of others....

I am doing myself and curious readers alike a disservice staying safely indoors. Time to brave the 20 degree elements and expand my consciousness.

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” Helen Keller

Can you think of anything scarier?

Light Reveals

"There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men." 1 Corinthians 12:6

This gorgeous truth becomes abundantly clear running across this enticing island through visually different neighborhoods and seemingly skewed demographics to catch an old sunset memory of The golden Hudson River, As the orb hits the horizon splaying a lustrous orange light on the glass buildings,I ask myself;
Is there any other city with as many adoring anthems as New York?

"In New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of
There's nothing you can't do, now you're in New York.
These streets will make you feel brand new.
Big lights will inspire you, let's hear it for New York.
New York, New York."
JAY-Z

Church this morning roused the annoying and answerable truth that God's light shines brightly on all of our radiant and tarnished ways.... and that nothing goes unseen.

Reason # 2 (it's a long one) An Irish Italian rural boy, an overtly confident Iron Man Puerto Rican, a cautious Brooklyn born black man with a shiny grill, an Aryian race southern blond girl along for the ride, can belly up to a few pints of English ale in a candlelit pub singing House of the Rising Sun by the Animals arm in arm with the assistance of a Hops induced high and give their vocal love for old NY.


Are you grouping people by their external or internal?

One Day More

"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth." Proverbs 27:1

Today is a day that would make the teetering on the brink poor soul fall helplessly over the jagged edge.

Wandering down the saturated sidewalks with a broken umbrella, the constant rain melting the last bit of Christmas snow, I can't help but notice the enormous amount of left behind retail items lingering in the tinsel covered shop windows. The streets of NY are abandoned and the steady stream of water carries the discarded coffee cups to collect at the steel grates on the corners.
All the joyful carols, glittering lights, ornate ornaments, decorative ribbons, festive gatherings all but a faded memory. The clock ticks forward. And it's no wonder a sense of emptiness settles in....

Idle time makes me peel back the layers and I question my endeavors and second guess my place. On a scale of time off being a blessing or curse, it has a slight lean towards the negative. I'm forced to look at my choices. And be humbled by my blessings.

Delta passengers unite with friends and family after seeing their life's end flash before their eyes and just for a moment view their woes and worries a little differently and with perspective.

With the high risk of sounding incredibly cliche, I'm reminded to call up that old friend, tell an acquaintance I appreciate them, send that letter I've been composing, and reflect on the richness of the day in and out.

There are NO guarantees. If was Outcast that said get up, get out, cut that bullshit out.

“So what do we do? Anything. Something. So long as we just don't sit there. If we screw it up, start over. Try something else. If we wait until we've satisfied all the uncertainties, it may be too late.” Lee Iaccoca

So what are you going to do to change your now?

No Silent Night Here

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." Isaiah 9:6

"This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger. Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." Luke 2: 12-14

MERRY MANHATTAN CHRISTMAS!

Do you hear what I hear??

Breath of Heaven

"The child's father and mother marveled at what was said about him. Then Simeon blessed them and said to Mary, his mother: "This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed." Luke 2:33-35

"Mary did you know,
that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered,
will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know
that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary, did you know
your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?

Did you know,
that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little baby,
you've kissed the face of God.

Mary, did you know
that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?
Mary, did you know
that your baby boy will one day rule the nations?

Did you know,
that your baby boy is heaven's perfect lamb?
This sleeping child you're holding, is the great I AM."

Buddy Green

With a radiant red and green Empire State Building as a backdrop to one of my favorite nights, I am feeling abundantly blessed this Christmas Eve.

Are you wide awake?

Holy Hype!

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

My celebratory bottles of wine clink together the tune of Jingle Bells as I jump banks of coal colored snow to dodge the bustling package bearing masses as they rush to the next cash register...

Is the fact that the tradition of Christmas is so ingrained in our culture reason enough to accept going through the meaningless motions?

When the act of giving gifts to show you care becomes a laborious chore or a hurt feelings obligation, maybe then is the time to second guess why we rack our brains and break our banks to find the perfect something for that distant someone.

Frankincense, Myrrh, and Gold given by three magi for the Christ child (toddler) is the holy sentiment we have heinously commercialized. And once again we've lost our way.

Rome is demanding a census.....let's get back to our roots.

Rejoice and sing Hallelujah Christ is born. Come let us adore Him. Christ our Lord. Emmanuel. Hallelujah. Let Every Heart prepare Him room...

Or have you lost sight in the twinkling lights of Merry, Merry Marketing?

There's Just No Getting Over You

"Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God." Psalm 84:3

Right after arriving at our apartment from a weekend spent in my husband's rural Massachusetts hometown, he tells me he thinks his computer has been riddled with even more viruses since he plugged it into a New York wall.

Should this be a sign he isn't as smitten as me?

Brooklyn born Woody Allen said it’s always Manhattan, all the time. This little, compact island, where everything is going on. ....AND I wholeheartedly agree. Damn, its good to be home.

Thirty-three years ago when I was but a gleam, Blue Eyes talked about "being a part of it" and thirty-three days away from my year anniversary, I have to say that regardless of a grittier, far from light hearted, tight little purse strings, fly by the seat of my resourceful pants of a year, I am still blinded by Manhattan's bright and true colors.

The truth of the matter cannot be denied. The tourism consensus is New York City, the greatest city on Earth will attract over 45 million in bound dreamers by year's end looking to experience the sheer magic that keeps all of us hopeless romantics who live here, hopelessly devoted, despite the soggy wet slush we slough through at the end of each block.

As I thought about snuggling up with this week's New York Magazine featuring 100 reasons to love this city, I looked out at my snow covered fire escape at the scantily clad mime standing in the street, felt the pulse of the acid jazz band below me, and answered the door to a freezing cold Mexican man with a smile carrying my piping hot Pad Thai, at 10 o'clock at night....and my personal undying infatuation was affirmed.

My Reason 1: The choice to be marginally known or virtually invisible.

Seeing New York through my eyes...romanticized or unrealistic?

Photo: Getty Images

**Yes, its on my mind. But I have chosen to glorify the positive then talk about how sad I am that a charismatic young man captured the imagination of so many of my peers and is willing to sign his name to federally funded abortions.

Main Street Meddling

"Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Matthew 19:24

Which got me thinking...does small town modest living lend itself to fostering a more disciplined and righteous life?

But I quickly witness that less temptation, meager possessions, and idle time don't necessarily lead to the folding of hands but the wagging of tongues.

It's a short life so....

Allure me with animation

Consume me with current events.

Posses me with productivity.

Direct me with drive.

Finesse me with fashion.

Entice me with enterprise.

And guide me to give it all up and follow Him.

Ever notice the one's that aren't busy are the biggest busy bodies?

**And for more reading material.

JesusofNazareth

The Facts

"Though I myself have reasons for such confidence. If anyone else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh, I have more:" Ephesians 3:4

“To become a spectator of one's own life is to escape the suffering of life.”

Oscar Wilde

I finally get a break from the city and I miss Manhattan's winter wonderland.

So I'm reflecting in the snowless mountains while the city that never sleeps rocks through a foot of powder.

Wondering just when I can jump back in...

Do you wonder why it was supposed to be?

SIGH

"A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot." Ecclessiastes 3:2

I got soul but I’m not a soldier. A break from the hustle arrives right on time. It's time to sleep.

A peaceful train through the barren snow covered forest evokes childhood memoreis of John Winchell’s farm pastures and the tireless walks over the barbed wire fence to a secluded catfish pond. Evenings ending in a hot bath, my skinny digits so cold they burned in thawing. The make believe that can come only from the vibrancy of youth becomes a faint memory and the tocking of the tracks sends me to slumber.

Wake me in the white covered Berkshire Hills.

Where does the time go?

Way, Truth, Life-The Seminar

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34

This goes for every last one of us. We want World Peace? We're failing at the one commandment he asks of us.

Jumping over frozen puddles of urine on the upper west side this morning carrying cans of Linen White paint for a client's walk in closet, I shrugged off my judgemental tongue lashing I received last night on set from a "forty years in the business" man who deemed himself rather loudly more global minded then little ole me. Or to be exact "You people are the evil problem in our world, you and your evil zenotype small thinking, you and your God."

Despite his "I'm a Fortune 500 speaker" narcissistic approach to belittling what very little he knew of me and giving brilliant advice to take God out of all equations and elevate man, I finally calmed him down...and let him know he failed tremendously in the conversation part.

And oh yeah. He is the reason the ridiculous notion of not discussing religion and politics exist.

Was it Jesus or the Cheshire Cat that said Keep your Temper....

If the 600 million of us have all lost our minds....

Pick one, was He Lord, Liar, or Lunatic?

Prizes and Pitfalls

"I, even I, have spoken;yes, I have called him. I will bring him and he will succeed in his mission" Isaiah 48:15

Strike a match and watch it burn.

Casting agent told me I'm his go to gal for stand in work as Denis Leary's hot and bothered wife.

Sexy crew thinks I have a natural spark on camera.

I might have found my steady fire through the winter.

Ignited. Just in time for Rescue Me's last season...

Isn't it better to burn out then fade away?

A Star is Born

"In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will." Ephesians 1:11

Perched on the 34th floor of a luxury high rise with 180 degree views of Manhattan.

Hope has found me....

A mormon raised, turned Assembly of God fanatic, now atheist gay handsome lad from Utah who I call my friend expressed his disdain for Christians who believe they will get every little thing their hearts desire and minds dream upon because they believe in God..(i.e. Joe Blow will become a famous screenplay writer without putting pen to paper strictly because of his faith.)

Mmmm.

Surprise, Surprise, I gave him my following opinion.

"Good things come to those who wait, but only the things left over by those who hustle.” Abraham Lincoln

Our dreams of yesteryears are still the dreams we have today. We are all destined to be and do specific and satisfying work. Life certainly does not unfold the way we think it should, nor does it happen on our ticking time clock. The pursuit of our true happiness wains, sometimes is modified and regrettably derails from year to year. But more importantly, resting on your laurels and waiting for it to come is not an option. Ambition should and will ultimately reign with steadfast discipline. And we gain the strength to tell ourselves to not forsake our dreams. Yes, the ones people laugh at, question, deny, and discourage you from chasing. Those dreams. Never give up on those dreams!

With all of that said, our dreams for us, may not be God's plan for us. But I earnestly believe with every fiber of my being as I march proudly down this passionate path, I will find my

starring part in the quirky performance piece called LIFE.

----ESTHER: Don't you realize that I would be giving up everything I ever worked for?
NORMAN: Yes, but it's served it's purpose. A career is a curious thing. Talent isn't always enough. You need a sense of timing; an eye for seeing the turning points; for recognizing the big chance when it comes along and grabbing it. A career can rest on a trifle, like us sitting here tonight. Or it can turn on someone saying to you, "You're better than that; you're better than you know." Don't settle for the little dream. Go on to the big dream.-----

(A Star is Born 1954)

Aside from the very addicted meth man that paces St. Mark's shaking his confused head...

Is everyone else living the life you're meant to be living, or do you need a gentle reminder?

Safety First

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Matthew 19:6

Relationship experts say that the blindly smitten stage of infatuation in all relationships fizzles out short of the one year mark. This change supposedly opens the door for true growth to occur.

Reading over the last 329 days of my life, it is obvious, I never needed a New York City trial period.... That adventurous cheer leading try-out was a show stopping toe touch on arrival day. I'm still rooting for my new home team.
I can stay . And I will, with still so much left to discover.

But something has changed....
Maybe I enjoyed the thrill of finding food for no money, maybe I had more idle time therefore higher ideals, maybe I just miss my leg room.
A weak woman would place blame on someone else. And I can't be resilient and strong all the time. It is true, my husband is still testing the rough and rowdy waters. And this unnaturally makes me embrace New York with my feet on the ground.

I'd rather love airborne.
Cause sometimes balance and compromise knock the wind out of my crazy ways.
And that ain't no fun.

Or is the honeymoon truly over?

Calendar Constraint

"She will give birth to a son and you are to give him the name Jesus, because He will save his people from their sins." Luke 1:26

He peered over the rim of the cracked cup and looked deep within the darkness. He saw greed, gluttony, deception, dishonesty, crime, corruption, self appraisal, selfish ambition, sorrow, angst, anger, heartache, humanism, manipulative motivation, me mentality, pride and worse...

He said give it to me and drank it in a satisfied gulp. It is the exact reason He came to this world to save us from ourselves and set us free.
He is the reason for the season.
It doesn't come from perfectly placed packages under a trimmed tree.
We celebrate this time of year rejoicing that our King came from heaven to deliver us from our constant self serving sin and to cut the chains that bind.

It's surrendering the silly notion that you can save yourself and moreover that there is a Santa Clause.

Yep, I will still go see the gorgeous glittering lights of Rockefeller's tree and give our gracious God the praise deserves.

There should be one thing on that list.

Your social obligation aside...why do you celebrate Christmas?

Flight or Fight

"So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment?" Romans 2:3

It's coming on Christmas

They're cutting down trees
They're putting up reindeer
And singing songs of joy and peace...

Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
But it don't snow here
It stays pretty green
I'm going to make a lot of money
Then I'm going to quit this crazy scene...

I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on...

Joni Mitchell

I can't preach to others about how truly insignificant any drama we dream up and scream at really is, if I don't practice the same zen mentality. I refuse to engage in family arguments in a blaming or defensive manner. Detrimental Delusion should be dealt with head on with a hard hat. So instead I will air all of our undesirable issues...cause we all got em'.

And if you say don't, you're lying.

Folk Christmas of God Rest Ye Merry, let NOTHING you dismay, on the airwaves and white lights brighten our cozy one room abode. Candles flicker on a real rootin tootin rainy day off. Our neighbors are treated to an R Rated peep show through the fire escape window.

I'm treated to more.

Yet, with the ring of a phone, aggravated angst manages to find me on a peace given day.

Damn straight I wish I had river, I could skate far, far, far away on.

What do you do when there is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide?

Come Out, Come Out

"For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.But everything exposed by the light becomes visible." Ephesians 5:12-13

Watching my cream in my coffee make beautiful swirls at the surface. I'm going to drink you up hot coffee goodness...

Wasn't it our favorite boy Hank who said, "Your cheating heart will tell on you."?

You know I hadn't mentioned it before but now that our Tiger has finally admitted to joining the pile of decrepit dusty bones so many selfish and weak have fallen prey to, I feel his shocking downfall needs to be addressed.

Infidelity is running ramped and the steadily heated climate we all are slowly adjusting to blinds us to the fact that it is dead wrong. The devil is doing a fantastic job with temptation, luring, and lowered expectations for those who take vows and pledge to stand behind them.

Cheating is the ultimate in deception and anyone who continuously partakes and claims to be a squeaky clean citizen while whining on the golf course deserves to have the living shit beat out of him with the very weapon that gives him a false sense of power. No, not his dick. A 5 Iron.

On a lighter note, Disney pays beautiful homage to the way Charles Dickens wrote it, reminding all of us, we need a dose of fear of God to remember the spirit of Christmas and lend good will to our fellow man.

What are you hiding?

For Tomorrow We...?

"And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry."Luke 12:19

Be present.

I told this stellar woman tonight in a private dining room, thank you for assisting in my dream of New York City coming to true fruition.

I have an amazing part time job in which I spill my heart and soul into....

Why? She is driven, tenacious, savvy, strong, ambitious, and generous all in the same breath.

All 5'3 of her is a successful powerhouse and she thanks for me for what I do for her.

Tonight she treated us to a five course wine pairing at the best of the best on a blustering 20 degree Friday Broadway Light night at Bar Boloud.

My heart and tummy are content.

For those non New Yorkers.

www.danielnyc.com

What's better than a cool night and tasty buzz?

Whoo R U?

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." Philippians 2:3"

Aim to please, just like a loyal dog.

What makes humility so desirable is the marvelous thing it does to us; it creates in us a capacity for the closest possible intimacy with God” Monica Baldwin

Oh my long underwear cover my belly button and reach up to my ribcage.

The weather has arrived...and instead of sleeping with the windows open to compete with the spittin fire radiator like last night. Tonight, my nightcap and fleece accompany me to bed...someone must have tampered with the boiler room.

Forgive me Lord Jesus if I demonstrate myself more privileged strictly because I know you. I believe since you know how much suffering and pain can be in this Earthly life, it saddens you to see your children fight furiously through it without you. I do not consider myself better I consider myself saved and protected. And I'm unworthy. It is my prayer daily to be humbled and convicted so that my compassion visibly overflows and my thankfulness is written across my face. Even if the Original Gangster stares at me today knowing full well I've been on his show more times then we can Bodycount and the wind whipping through Times Square chaps my blushing cheeks as the Mississippi women in pink sweatshirts, pulling their roller suitcases across the crowded sidewalk mistake me for hot shit on the "Oh myyy Gaaad, it's CSI New York" television set. (Correction SVU)

It's a fast escape on John Rocker's favorite Number 7 train deep to the Countryside of Queens for homemade authentic churros.

Wind down by staring intently into my friends aquarium and come to the realization the only element separating me from them are fins and PRIDE.

If one pill makes us larger and the other one makes us small, what do the self serving self righteous ones do?

Another Day In Paradise

"For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved." Romans 10:10

Gridlocked Rainfall

Just me and three hundred of my closest sopping wet friends using stacks of newspapers as stepping stones and waiting for the raring start to our morning commute....You have to laugh.

The FDNY couldn't wade through the water quick enough while the rest of the Northeast got the fluffy stuff.

Meanwhile. Came across this jarring plea.

I adore my pastor Michael Youseff and the Church of Apostles in Atlanta.

Pretty sure, I am not with them on signing my name in declaration.

www.manhattandeclaration.org

Just like I don't write petitions and lay them before an image of Mary.

Just like I don't tell a flesh and blood priest of my transgressions and look to him for humility.

Just like I don't want to spread Christian Truth's by hammering people over their already full head's.

Wouldn't it would be better to rally those closer to Christ by striving to be more accepting pictures of Him?

And what's up with that name?

I said I wasn't going to do this...but I'm layering up to portray a VIP flyby blur on SVU tomorrow and need my beauty sleep.

To what inevitable end, are we all bitching and moaning?

Psst, Do You Want to Know A Secret?

"Save us, O LORD our God, and gather us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name and glory in your praise." Psalm 106:47

The Asian women carrying the recycling at the end's of wood poles draped over their arthritic necks are battling in an outright slap fest below and NYPD has shown up to tell them to cease breaking bottles and share the aluminum wealth....

Woe is me and my path of ridiculous resistance. I've been at this bizarre extras underworld now for eleven months... Now in the grand scheme of God's plan this is not a long time, but I wasn't born for background so I wonder just how much longer I can dwell here in the semi-darkness with all the other competitive camera time feeders.

Today, featured on a I don't know how, but oh so popular show called Gossip Girl where I greet Serena at an outlandishly exuberant fundraising event where we know each other from Romper Room, I have back to back hiccup epiphany's.

For starters: Have you ever wondered how many self professed Christian actors are working in the business? The operative word being working.
The answer is very little and not one of them enjoys their pick of the script litters. Sure, Kirk Cameron had his glowing days in Growing Pains, and Stephen Baldwin sings God's praises, but his brother is the scene stealer, Gary Busey loves Jesus and the sauce and appears more in mug shots these days then motion pictures.
My point? What if young and fortunate Leighton Meester and Blake Lively gave their testimony of faith to these screaming crying obsessive girls loitering at the corner on a freezing cold December day to catch a glimpse of their adored divas because they too think threesomes are cool?
Would they still have their fame? I know the answer. Do you?


Two: Working these shows is severely muddling up my focus in chasing my already elusive dream. Pantomiming clever creativity can only reach so far.
I must say no to resembling acting and passing through senseless dialogue and encourage my true aspirations.
Primarily, bringing the witty and wise wordsmith writers back!!!!


When did we quit giving a shit about the English language?


**We shot outside the Dakota Building on the anniversary. The crowds gathered in Strawberry Fields.

Smile, Smile Smile

"But may the righteous be glad and rejoice before God; may they be happy and joyful." Psalm 68:3

I knew New York City had some hippie in it... The next few shows coming to town are Gov't Mule, Franti and Spearhead, Bob Wier and Phil Lesh. I'm a happy camper....

Some days walking through this city could be likened to walking through a music box. And one of these days I will stop and listen to everyone of the spinning talented lyricists I come by....(that slowing down thing is coming, I just know it.)

Somehow, someway, a self help audio track entitled "Vibrations-How to be Happy" made its appearance on my second hand IPOD today. In a trance, I listened to the first few opening words of the obviously drugged and methodically strange voice ....."Envision physically cutting all complaining out of your life...and picture your world where there are no impediments entering in which you could possibly complain about...Now breathe it in."

I close my eyes and envision a Rum Painkiller in hand, Cuba sprawled out in front of a bare bikini clad me, an infectious Jam Band playing loudly, and the oh so very legal marijuana cigarettes being passed like flower petals at a wedding.

Oh wait, that WAS my reality last January....

Today scarfed, hatted, gloved, and buttoned up tightly, I look down at my latest edition of New York Magazine and their consistent pessimistic view of the last ten years... "THE OO's....The world didn't end, but everything else did." And the positivity juice temporarily halts its flow...what is wrong with us?

Emotions are contagious. And I aim to spread a little more sunshine than spite....(this includes sidewalk rage.) And we'll see if generation iconoclast follows suit.

Is optimism uncomfortably unfamiliar?

Dragging Ragged

"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15

I got nothing. My chilled the bone body needs a three day break.

Monday already?

Unsolicited

"All men will hate you because of me." Luke 21:17

Slow down. You're moving too fast. You gotta make these moment's last. Just keep your keys and phone in tow, looking for fun and feeling groovy.( S & G adapted)

I don't mind confrontation. I don't understand it. But I don't mind it.

And I will engage EVERY time I'm prompted.

Now, I don't tell a gay man I think he's a slut for his promiscuous and continuous conquest surveying.

I don't tell a skinhead Iverson idolizing tough guy, I believe his anger is an outward sign of weakness.

And far be it from me to mention to the intellectual liberal who only gets his second hand news from NPR, he is also receiving biased information.

But for some reason, every single person wants to tell me how crazy, misinformed, and closed off and unintelligent I am for believing in God.

It is my personal belief they attack my strongholds because they have none and are swayed by the judgmental and like minded company they keep.

They call the Christians intolerant when really they are the all encompassing epitome.

Great, don't eat Chick-fil-A because you are appalled Truett Cathy supports Focus on the Family, but don't judge me as I am devouring my greasy chicken biscuit with a smile.

I am so deeply rooted in my belief in Jesus Christ that I'm able to withstand the furious wind, pelting rain, and hateful persecution you send my way.

Yes, I will keep growing towards the sunlight and with an open mind.

Do you really think rejecting God makes you more evolved?

"Tonight's Gonna Be A Good, Good Night.."

“Therefore Jesus said again, "I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:7, 9-10

"Be mindful, even if your mind is full" De La Vega

And stretch it.

Beautiful Progressive drinkfest through East Village....

Baptist Covered Dish Dinner with bourbon on our breath.

The faithless throwing thoughtless hate...

Lil John on the dance floor.

I dance circles around their criticisms.

I'm so glad I know who I am and where I stand.

And don't think a hot body can be wasted on a bad song, if the shaking is good.

Don't you get tired from holding up the facade?

New York Minute

"I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you." 1 Chronicles 29:17

What a fucking day.

I owe it to someones good heart and my delicious not your daddy's Manhattan to bring this blog some positivity.

I should be more shocked. But today is the second time a perfect stranger has gone out of their way to return my cell phone in the city that never sleeps.

The first time after being kicked out of three cabs and eventually persuading a driver to take me to Brooklyn at 4 in the morning, having no concept on how to get off the island called Manhattan. After searching a map with a magnifier for a little unknown Ave called Meserole, he drops me at my destination unscathed and rather un-sober. But not before hearing my testimony.

The next morning, my host gets a phone call from the cabbie, he has my phone. I tell him, he makes me want to read the Koran.

Today, I mistakenly drop my cell in the streets somewhere between Broadway and Bleeker at the end of a four corners of Manhattan mule race of a day. I retrace my steps in the dark. In my knee high stilettos. Venture into countless storefronts with a look of hopeful desperation. Finally I painfully walk to my husband's work with tears in my eyes....Defeated, I call my number.

My dear friend's voice answers, "It's me."

Do What?

Apparently she had returned my call and the angel in disguise that discovered my little piece of can't live without, hand delivered it to my girlfriend's apartment.

What a city!! And a running start towards peace on Earth and good will to man.

How's that for a miracle?

Daily Dose

"On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Mark 2:17

Get thee to a sanitarium.

The New York City Subway system has 468 stations, this being the largest public transit system in the world. According to the MTA ridership facts, the New York City subway hosts approximately 5,225,675 commuters on an average weekday. During cold and flu season that means a whole lotta nasty petri dishes called people, full of germs.

The Experts are saying just the mere sight of flu symptoms heightens our anxiety and changes our social behavior...and now the proof.

At the beginning of November, two women made headlines by partaking in a hygienically filthy fight on the subway. Spawned by fear of the Swine Flu a woman told another to cover her mouth, with that the "under the weather" gal spat in the concerned face, in which the offended now covered in infectious snot decked the cougher in her runny nose and both had to be physically separated at the next stop.

In the last week, I too have witnessed outward cat fights erupt over a sneeze into a shoulder and a side cough to the persons right side while the other packed in tightly sardines hold their breath and try to turn away from the ill-will.

Today, with fists clenched and a rather fragile immune system (maybe standing in a freezing cold warehouse breathing Denis Leary's cigarette smoke for nine hours played a part) I rode the 2 Express.

Now picture this, a man gets on, hovers over me, expels loudly into his right hand and then reaches for the bar directly above my head with the same hand. I grimace.

While holding the often fondled pole, he sneezes mostly into his left hand, the rest goes into my lap. He then takes that wet hand and grabs for support, his contaminated and now infectious right hand goes into his pocket. I look up. He snorts loudly and then smiles a flirtatious smile.

Without saying a word or throwing an elbow, I raise my glasses and give him what Motley Crue would call, a look that kills.

He takes his H1N1 hands, stuffs them into his pockets, walks away to suffer silently in the corner.

I breathe easier.

Only the strong survive right?

Playing It Safe

"They are steadfast for ever and ever, done in faithfulness and uprightness." Psalm 111:8

The cover of New York Magazine reads.."What ever happened to Obama?" The once adoring public masses are turncoats doing an about face..but who's surprised?

I feel for him. I do. His loyal base, which is deteriorating at a rapid pace, is adamantly against him and this decision. And his adversaries are waiting with baited breath to see what hole he will dig in which they can attack from behind and push him in...No, tonight is not easy.

We're telling these young faces who volunteer to put their lives at risk for our freedom they will be leaving home; they will be in the line of fire; they may not return. These men and women are living sacrifices to our glorious liberty and endlessly carry our burdens.

Looks like the hideous, dark, scary secrets in the little black National Security book are more atrocious then we simpletons can realize as our Commander in Chief said we are facing

violent extremism and that the American public should know our lives are at constant risk...

"This is no idle danger, no hypothetical threat." It's real. And 30,000 of you are heading out to an abominable landscape in a most primitive world to deter a revived evil Taliban to accomplish a near impossible feat in the limited time.

Oh yeah, and the strategy is embarrassingly vague.

Thrilled he thinks Islam is one of the greatest religions in the world...He could have failed to mention that and rallied the American public with a little more rousing zest.

The United State Military Academy West Point cadets shot pictures of a charismatic figure, just not so sure he's a wartime leader.

Is your hope fortified with his unwavering resolve?

A Classical Lesson

"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." Matthew 25:45

He stepped on at 14th Street and stood silently anticipating the doors to shut out the white noise behind him. I met his meek eyes from across the subway car. He shamefully looked down and clutched the worn wool hat to his chest. I noticed his pale yellow button down was torn in a few places and the arms looked as though they had been dragged through the dirty puddles that gathered at the bottom of the station steps. His dated KSwiss sneakers were soaking wet. He couldn't have been over 20 years old. His unsteady voice was faint...

"Excuse me ladies and gentleman, I am a young opera singer. I am struggling terribly to keep my head above water and am in and out of homeless shelters. Please if you have anything to share, I would be gracious...This is Tchaikovsky."

This time he opened his quivering mouth and out flowed the most magnificent controlled sound you have ever heard. Opera on the 6 Local. Tears immediately rolled down my cheeks as I witnessed a usually stiff lipped jaded crowd reach inside their wallets and a look of complete compassion spread across their faces.

Humbled.

My feeling sorry for myself notes I scribbled on a napkin at work became a moot point. I am blessed beyond measure. I step over the garbage bags riddled with rats, have a coat for all seasons and every night come home to an over heated dry, comfortable bed.

I work six hours in a fortuitous back rubbing industry that thrusts people into wild success not based necessarily on ability, but on sheer luck. This real talent was down on his.

I rode one more stop, dropped a meager dollar in his hat, and again sang my praises of gratitude.

Do you think you have it hard?

Calvary's Tide

"The blood will be a sign for you on the houses where you are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you. No destructive plague will touch you when I strike Egypt." Exodus 12:13

Yeah, I get it. It's not often I quote Old Testament as I understand the initial reaction it incites. But this glorious story in Exodus is the precipice for my faith and underlying proof that from Genesis to Revelation, The Bible tells the story of Jesus Christ. And since I was the butt of many "Jesus Take the Wheel" jokes Thanksgiving night, I thought it was appropriate to tell just exactly how long He has indeed been driving.

Now, every Jesus Christ believing Christian remembers the time they surrendered their life and control to the Lord and the immediate peace that overcame them.

I don't remember hearing the Passover Story for the first time but I will forever remember its impact...as mine is as vivid of a memory as if it happened this morning....

I'm sitting up erect on my Great Muppet Caper sheets in southern Indiana, restlessly looking out at the wind blowing the six acres of deep dark woods behind our house on the hill. I'm seven years old, shaking uncontrollably with doubt and fear. My crippling concern was that the Angel of Death would pass over our stand alone home and the blood of the sacrificial lamb would not be displayed on our wooden door frame.

For a little girl, the terror of dying is incapacitating. I close my wet eyes and tell the Lord I love him and ask Him to please come into my heart and protect me and my family.

With that the wind ceased, my heartbeat slowed, and a beautiful hushed stillness took over...

"For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Revelation 7:17

Sitting in City Light Church service, the pastor only needed to mention the Blood of Jesus and my worries, woes, anger, and angst of today were perfectly pacified.

-There is Power, Power, Wonder Working Power

In the Blood of the Lamb.

There is Power, Power, Wonder Working Power.

In the Precious Blood of the Lamb.- Lewis Jones 1899

Could you live daily His praises to sing?

The Clan

"They are joined fast to one another; they cling together and cannot be parted." Job 41:17

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.” Alex Haley

Feeling the residual pangs of a long weekend and the discontentment of the restless spirit I remain to be...

This afternoon I listened to a lovely story about a 35 year ritual where all of the happy mom's and dad's, rosy cheeked aunts and uncles, anxious sons and daughters, and rambunctious cousins alike all take the pilgrimage to Nana and Poppy's house to gather in harmony for the festive season, embrace with heightened glee, and whistle Zip Pe Dee Doo Dah around the trimmed tree.

Drinking my coffee black due to sour milk, I am still trying to wrap my brain around the concept of Home for the Holidays. For the last twenty- two years I have jockeyed parents, driven miles, and sat at a blended table with steps, half's, exes, and a not so healthy combination of the three and now more than ever, I realize how much I crave one nuclear unit. Yep, a cozy plaid clad hallmark card next to the blazing fire and ice cold spiked turkey nog up to our plastered smiling lips. One where family comes to me, I call the shots, determine the play list, laugh hysterically and fly the freak flag continuously.

I want four walls filled with family that resemble a net of safety.

But a steady rock I do not tread.

In the interim, it's just another next to normal day.

Is family really a haven in a heartless world?

Soaring High

"The meat of his fellowship offering of thanksgiving must be eaten on the day it is offered; he must leave none of it till morning." Leviticus 7:15

A 15 pound turkey and copious amounts of fermented grape juice relished entirely.

The morning after..nursing a head that feels like a Macy's Day balloon...wishing there were leftovers.

Are your blessings over inflated or overlooked?

The Difference a Year Makes?

'Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song". Psalm 95:2

Helium, T-Day playlist, sunset view over Midtown, starches, and the best "We are The World" group karaoke jam Chinatown ever saw. Then of course what holiday wouldn't be complete without the inevitable discombobulated disconnect?

A year ago today I watched the Thanksgiving Macy's Day Parade alone in XL sweatpants and cried....

I packed up the bookshelves of years and memories past, moved onto the guest bedroom linens, and then a few never used Martini glasses in the ole so quaint, gotta hold onto Butler's Pantry cabinet. And told my husband matter fact, I was moving to New York City.

This morning at 5 AM, bundled with a healthy thermos of Irish Whiskey in the mornin, we perched underneath the balloons on Central Park West and viewed it together.....still wondering if our shared dreams of tomorrow have the same soundtrack.

Happy Thanksgiving. And Happy Anniversary to me.

Who says you shouldn't make hasty decisions when you're mad?

Gracious Giver

" Know that the Lord, he is God!

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving,

and his courts with praise!

Give thanks to him; bless his name!

For the Lord is good;

his steadfast love endures forever,

and his faithfulness to all generations."

Psalm 100:3-5

Lord, You have so good to me. In my faithless hour, You've been my strength. And You are a Tower from my enemy. You have so good to me. Thank You. Thank You for my endless blessings.

I am thankful for my long work day as a featured clerk on White Collar and the demographic ratio in my favor (10 men, 3 women). Episode, "The Front Man."

I am thankful my husband braved Union Square Farmer's Market the day before Thanksgiving in the pouring rain and bought everything on the punch list.

I am thankful (despite the squeaking) that we FINALLY captured the mouse in our apartment and I took him out with sweet potato peelings and pumpkin innards.

I am thankful I can sit at my desk and hear live jazz from my open window. Brrr..

I am thankful the Dream I dreamed is coming true and a I've called Manhattan home for 11 months and counting....

I am thankful the Lord Jesus Christ is my Savior. He lives. So I can lead the life I live. And for that, my gratefulness is boundless.

Are you still taking credit for your abundance?

Luna Ticks

"And when you look up to the sky and see the sun, the moon and the stars—all the heavenly array—do not be enticed into bowing down to them and worshiping things the LORD your God has apportioned to all the nations under heaven." Deuteronomy 4:19

I see the moon and the moon sees me, the moon sees somebody I don't see. God Bless the moon and God Bless me. And God bless somebody I don't see.

My sleep walking morning routine was different in two ways this morning. First, my cheap Chanel knock-offs that I wear the entire commute fell of of my face and onto the well tread concrete as I was rushing for the 1st Avenue bus. They were crushed underfoot and I was forced to be exposed to the world.

Secondly, the L Train was suspiciously waiting for me as I skipped the steps down towards the idling sound and just one car passed the first, bodies weren't stacked in the threshold. I got on with ease amongst the other straphangers. Then came the MTA announcement that we won't be moving anytime soon as a train refuses to leave the Union Square station in front of us.

Out, up, and onto another bus I go which takes me to another train and so on...

Once positioned on the express, I open up my AM paper with our hero Captain Sullenberger's face on Tommy Lee's body. The headline reads Rock Star Sex.

On the first page is a disturbing article about how drug dealers are benefiting from New Moon's success and preying on the young girl's adoring addiction. NYPD made a significant heroine bust in the city confiscating the illicit brown sugar in bags with Robert Pattinson's face on the front and the words "Twilight" written underneath.

Starting my reverse commute, I walk next to a mama and her young daughter rushing against the light. The little girl is falling behind as she's looking up at the moon on a clear night in NY. She says frantically, "But, it really is following me, it's there every time I look." Mom tugs her arm harder and gives her a dirty smack on the bottom.

Sigh, I smile at her innocence and pray for her time bomb future.

Why am I not making sense? I've been up before the moon set and the sun rose for 3 days now. I didn't see a midnight showing and I'm not even chasing the dragon.

As you're bowing down to the one YOU serve, are you getting what you deserve?

Steamy Sensation

"I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?" John 3:12

Metrosexual- a young(ish) urban male who is aesthetically sound when it comes to his fashion and physical appearance, spending a great deal of money and time to achieve it, but lacks in the sexy ruggedness or athletic wherewithal of a real man and is equally inept in the bedroom.

Manhattan has a heaping serving....

You know what my main man wants for Christmas...One thing: Big, Black, Steel-toe work boots.

Lord, give me strength.

Oh it's official. In my 33 years of life, I've joyfully discovered I crave a consistent type. The genre that draws me: Working Class rough Irish boys from Massachusetts.

There are three celebrities that don my knees weak list, and today one of them did not let me down. He may be an arousing Southie, but that's got nothing to do with the sweet southern states.

I have been undeniably boy crazy for as long as I can remember. But it has been an eternity since I felt the rapid heartbeat and faint pangs of a school girl crush like the one I felt all over my body today.

Now it wasn't at the moment I caught his broad shoulder lines packed tightly into his snug leather jacket or his chiseled jaw and dimples when he turned to grin broadly at Will Ferrel's ad libs, nor was it when he walked towards me in a slow seductive swagger with his well fit burnt orange tee spread across his hard chest, flashed a toothy smile asked me how I was doing?

No, it was when I received the brutal punch in the abs realizing he had left work for the day. I was stuck without my eye candy and my motivation for being there fizzled out like a once burning hot firecracker and set into a whiny painful mood with nothing to do but call my husband and tell him the Good Vibrations had ceased. And I found myself pining.

I'm not so sure what to do with these emotions but call the casting company and get back on the set as fast as I can shake it there.

Just in case you gals have forgotten....

Do you feel it baby?

Couch Surf and Turf

""Then God said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds of the air and all the creatures that move on the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food." And it was so."" Genesis 1:29-30

Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity. ~Voltaire

Delivery Day.

Decisions, Decisions.

And since I don't compare eating meat to violently forcing oneself sexually onto another person, like New York princess Natalie Portman does, then my Sunday gastro choices are endless.

Oh Menu Pages and bicycles, how I love thee.

I'm kind of worrying less about Manhattan's brown drinking water and more about the over medicated knife carrying Latino D train riders.

Knowing full well I had a Hershey Bar at the bottom of my purse...but alas, the friendly apartment mouse got to it first.

Just wondering...Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Granted Power

"Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit."Psalm 147:5

Not a moment goes by when I don't see my Lord and Creator in all things. But way too often life goes on without the acknowledgement. I lift my hands and say Thank You.

This magical time of year has greatly enhanced an already spectacular landscape of a city. Tourists by the drove line up to lace up their Violet Beauregard blue skates to circle Bryant Lake Pond and view the Lord and Taylor twinkling light windows, the 4:30 setting sun casts a magnificent glow on the Flat Iron Building as overzealous shoppers loaded down with bags,line up outside The Shake Shack for a burger with Al fresco ambiance.

The generator hum gives all the Christmas booths electric heat as the blue shivering lips carry on.

I am so utterly blessed to enter my first holiday season in the northeast. And while I am sorry that it will only be a Holiday Tree in the White House, I am comforted in the fact that no matter how much we try to push Jesus Christ from our lives and control...He remains constant and yes, THE REASON FOR THE SEASON. Glittering Gingerbread Houses aside.

No, I probably should not be writing this a 4:45 in the morning. But this city has a way of sweeping you off your feet and carrying you down a path of creamy cold IPA's, cheesy pizza, and raw NWA at high decibels at the pub below our abode along with friends from Atlanta that pop in for 12 hours because life should be lived.

Good night New York. There goes Spiderman in tights carrying the crew home in a rickshaw and here comes my rather cozy double in time for sunrise.

Who did you thank for your breath of life this morning?

For He is With Me

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." Luke 5:16

In a sea of concrete, it's hard to hide, but oh so easy to be alone.

-Sticking to a Budget

"Be good and you will be lonely." Mark Twain

-Losing Sleep
"People who lead a lonely existence always have something on their minds that they are eager to talk about." Anton Chekov

-Too Responsible

"To be adult is to be alone." Jean Rostand

-Abhor Rejection

“People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.” Joseph F. Newton

-Eight Million People

“When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be

lonely alone.” Tennessee Williams

-Fulfilling a life's calling

“It is never easy to keep reaching for dreams. Strength and courage can sometimes be lonely friends. but those who reach, walk in stardust.” Anonymous

-Just another number

"You lose yourself, No not for pity's sake
There's no real reason to be lonely. Be yourself
Give your free will a chance. You've got to want to succeed..." YES

Do you have somewhere you belong?

Not Your IQ

"I thought, 'Age should speak; advanced years should teach wisdom.' But it is the spirit in a man, the breath of the Almighty, that gives him understanding." Job 32:7-8

Something happened to me as I stared bleary eyed at the 11 hour O'Reilly repeat of Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong giving their honest life experience plug for the legalization of "The Marijuana" (gasp) by prescription use only....(it's a start.)

I flashed back nearly 16 years ago to my senior year of high school and the multitude of afternoons I justifiably spent surrounded by friends, hovered over a glass bong filled with ice cold water and gorgeous hydroponic green bud packed tightly into the bowl. We'd fill our lungs well beyond capacity, throw in some Pharcyde and relish in the comforting and hilarious medicinal effects that smoking too much pot will do.

Sure we did the reckless and harmless ridiculous......We contemplated parallel universes, analyzed Dark Side of the Moon, played trivia pursuit until our sides ached, danced to Cypress Hill , created dialogue games with accents, watched baseball games in the sun, drove my convertible, ate profuse amounts of Los Loros, made out, jumped off high surfaces, and smiled.

Often and fondly, we would contently spread out on a futon, cozy up next to one another and repeatedly watch UP IN SMOKE. And guess what, it never got old.

Today, we seemed to have ceased in regarding our short blessed time here. The simple fact that we are but a tiny speck in the galaxy and a smoking bowl's worth of density in a white dwarf weighs more than a hippopotamus is no longer of relevance. We have decided now to judge each other's character on religious and political beliefs and do our best to attack the other's position of opinion. Gone are the days of blindly watching"Sweet Dreams" which facilitated the origins of our laugh lines...now we scour and frown at the talking heads who don't agree with our already deep rooted biases, rapidly raising our blood pressure and creasing our foreheads at a faster pace then time is already progressing.

Now I'm not saying that just maybe by walking down the marble stairs of my walk up on St. Mark's, entering the plethora of head shops below, and dropping a few bucks on a glass pipe will melt our tensions or bring me the fountain of youth. But what could it hurt?

"Time to go all the way with it
Don't just sit there and stare or play with it
cause were committed to the seeds of the new breeds
the Motha Ship of dreams where fiends breast feeds
step thru reality into reality so surreal you feel you never knew reality
until it stood still now your far from a lie
when the truth tantalizes your eyes see we's
already in the skies or outer space
standing here on the face of this earth
to the state to the grid of my turf
where my mom gave birth
to all that she loves be it small to others but yo, its bigger than Love." The Pharcyde

How far have we really come by getting older?

Firing Squad

"If this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment, while continuing their punishment." 2 Peter 2:9

The average cost of security for the circus trial of five terrorist thugs will cost the city of New York, $75 to $100 million with a possible conviction.

The average price for a 50 box of 9 millimeter ammunition is $10.

Two bullets in each with product to spare and a definite outcome we can all go on living with....

Or we can glorify them , continue to ridiculously spend taxpayers money, and risk a vengeful bloodbath.

--SENATOR LINDSEY GRAHAM, (R-S.C): Can you give me a case in United States history where a enemy combatant caught on a battlefield was tried in civilian court?

ERIC HOLDER, ATTORNEY GENERAL: I don't know. I'd have to look at that. I think that, you know, the determination I've made--

GRAHAM: We're making history here, Mr. Attorney General. I'll answer it for you. The answer is no.--

A 14 hour work day filled with cantankerous contractors, four trains, "portraying a youthful" Beergarden Bar Maid next to good ole' Irish Catholic boy Dennis Leary, and experiencing my opinion continually criticized and misunderstood... so forgive me, blowing sunshine just isn't on the evening's docket.

Are we making a huge mistake?